They Were up to No Good

McGongall was watching James far too closely for his liking. 

He knew that she was aware of his plans to help Remus but he also knew that she wasn’t sure how he was going to do that. Unfortunately that was because he also had no idea how he was going to help his friend. 

He had written a letter to his mother in which he had very discreetly asked for advice without actually giving away that his friend was a werewolf, and the only thing she had told him was to tell his friend he was there for him and perhaps give him a hug or two. For some reason James felt that giving Remus a hug wasn’t going to solve their problems though. 

Then there was also the issue with Sirius and Remus, as they were now talking again. Of course James was happy that his two friends were once again friendly with one another but he didn’t understand why whenever the Prewett twins showed up the atmosphere was suddenly completely different, and the two of them got all stiff around each other. He just didn’t have time for that.  

James’s best guess was that Sirius had figured out Remus’s crush on Gideon and wasn’t too happy about it, but since he wasn't too sure yet he still hadn’t talked to Sirius about it since he didn’t want to accidentally “out” Remus. 

According to Pippa (a girl in Remus’s study group) that’s what you called it when you told people about someone’s sexuality without their permission.

James was quite proud of himself in that regard- in his opinion he was quite a good ally. (That’s what it’s called when you support homosexuals.)

But then again even if none of this was happening he was still under McGonagall's close scrutiny. 

He could especially tell because the Professor kept giving him detentions for things he would’ve easily gotten away with a couple weeks ago. 

Just this morning she had given him a detention for making an inappropriate joke about the shape of the fruit she had just transfigured, and that even without even any warnings beforehand. It used to take about three growls of “Mr Potter!” before a detention and on worse days she would at least give him a warning glance. But nowadays it was like she was looking for reasons to get him in trouble. 

So yeah, it was pretty obvious she had it out for him. 

“I’m done!” James flipped through the worksheet making sure he had gone over every question with his red ink, before setting down his quill and looking up at Minnie expectantly. 

His detention today had been the worst one so far- he was forced to sit in McGonagall's office with her and grade the papers of the last transfiguration homework they had, as it was apparently, “putting his good brain to use” even when it was against his will. 

McGonogall looked down at him over her spectacles and gave him the tiniest curt smile. “Good. Why don’t you start making your way to your common room then?”

He nodded, getting up, pushing in his chair, and starting towards the door. He certainly had more respect for the Professors now, knowing how long it took to grade their homework on any given day, and although it was only nine oclock he was completely knackered. 

“Minnie?”

There was a sigh, not nearly as prominent as it used to be when he started with the nickname but it was still there nevertheless, “Yes, Potter?”

“I know what you’re doing.” He rested his hand on the doorknob, “And it won’t work.”

A pause filled the air. 

“I’m tired,” James continued, “But I’m still going to find a way to help Remus. It might be late, but I still have time. I will always have more time.” He turned around to face her at that, “I know you’re just trying to protect me, and Remus. But I don’t care.” 

His teacher's face held no emotion yet somehow James still knew exactly what she was thinking. He could see the determination in her eyes, and maybe just maybe he could see some of his own reflected in hers. 

“Goodnight, James.” She said finally, “Don’t overwork yourself.” 

James grinned and opened the door, “Never. Sleep tight, Professor.”

By the time James finally reached the common room it felt like an eternity had passed. His limbs dragged along the ground, and a part of him wished that McGonagall's detention had forced him to miss quidditch practice, as the bruises on his arms and legs were getting more prominent these days and the aching he felt after each practice was starting to get harder and harder to ignore. Maybe he was pushing himself too hard. 

The portrait slammed shut against him and James slumped onto the couch closest to the fire which was undisturbed as usual, everybody having already accepted that it was marauder territory. 

The common room was empty except for one seventh year sitting in the dark corner of the room by himself, Frank Longbottom, who was reading a book (or attempting to by the confused look on his face) and Marlene and Dorcas who were sitting by one of the other couches near the fire. 

“What crawled up your ass and died?” Marlene asked in a teasing voice, as she saw him approaching them. 

James simply took off his glasses in response and started cleaning the lenses on shirt.
God he was tired. Maybe he really should’ve gone easier on himself during quidditch. Or maybe he should’ve just rushed through grading the papers for Minnie instead of writing supportive comments every three questions.

He even drew a couple of smiley faces. 

It wasn’t his fault his class was filled with twats. 

“You ok?” Dorcas asked after a moment, and although Marlene didn’t say anything her smile was also starting to fade. 

James coughed, “Course. Why wouldn’t I be?”

The hand that was holding his shirt shook slightly and he clenched and unclenched it a few times trying to ease the tremors. He still needed to help Remus today. He needed to research some sort of potion he could make. Or maybe he could learn how to tend to wounds? Madam Pomfrey probably already did enough of that though. Unless there was something she was missing? 

“Oi, Potter.” Marlene snapped, and his hand spasmed so hard that he dropped his glasses. “What are you doing?”

“I-” His voice cracked and he stopped abruptly, picking up his glasses and setting them on his nose. A laugh bubbled up his throat- he was acting silly. It was only nine pm and he was acting like he’d been up all night.

He had time. He could figure out something. Anything. All he needed was a first step, and then it would be fine. Then Remus would get better soon. 

But then why was he so tired?

“Do you wanna go upstairs?” Dorcas asked timidly, “The marauders are all in your dorm. Probably...coming up with pranks or something, eh?” 

James must’ve looked pretty bad for them to try to console him like this- especially Dorcas who was still a little shy around anyone that wasn’t a Gryffindor girl whose name started with the letter “L” or “M”. 

“I...I'm just a little tired.” James muttered, his voice sounding a lot more timid than he remembered it to be, “I still have things to do.” 

With that he stood up, one hand clenching the edge of the sofa, his feet somehow feeling rooted to the ground. What now? Library? 

“Oi, potter. Quit it.” Marelne said, also getting up, “You look like you’ve lost your mind.”

James wanted to laugh again but he was scared that would prove her point. 

Why did it feel so difficult to move?

“Frank?” The girls had gone to bed an hour prior, and James has positioned himself perhaps a tad to closely to the older student, who had finally put down the Charms book he was wrestling with. “Higher level.” He had explained a half hour ago, weakly, after noticing James staring. Now the two of them had been sitting a slightly awkward silence for just a tad too long. 

“Potter?”

James breathed out, not sure how to phrase the next thing he wanted to say, but knowing that he would say it anyway. “Do you ever want to help someone so badly...that it hurts?”

Frank looked at him for a moment, his eyebrows drawn up and his lips pursed in somewhat of a pout, “I...don’t know.”

James didn’t think this answer was quite sufficient, “I feel this heaviness...It doesn’t matter what I do...it doesn’t matter if I’m happy or sad, it’s just always there. Because I know that...these people I care about are suffering, and I can’t do anything about it. It’s physically…exhausting.”

Frank didn’t say anything but after a short hesitation a warm hand rested on James’s shoulder. 

“Listen Potter…when I was your age, yeah? I put a lot of pressure on myself too. You don’t always need to be the best at everything yeah? D’know what I mean? It’s ok if-”

“Is there something wrong with me, Frank?” James whispered, pitifully. And maybe he just wanted to hear someone older and wiser tell him that he was doing completely fine. 

There was a short pause, too long for James’s liking, and then a snicker, before Frank said, “James Potter there are about two hundred and thirty-four things wrong with you that I could list right now.”

James laughed, a bit of the tension in his shoulders easing unexpectedly, “Only?”

The hand on his shoulder tightened before letting go, “There’s nothing wrong with you James.” Frank said, softly this time. “Really.”

_ _ _ _ 

Remus felt he should have been more shocked when he spotted Pippa and Viv kissing in the empty History of Magic classroom but for some reason all he felt was a sort of nervous pride.

The only part that did surprise him was that when they saw him they merely parted slowly giving him an embarrassed smile and went on with studying as if nothing had happened. As if seeing two girls kissing was the most normal thing in the world. 

So as any non assertive person would, he went on thinking that maybe it was normal, and he was just an idiot for thinking that there was anything unusual about it at all.  

Lily and Marlene seemed to think differently though. 

“Who? Who? Who?” Marlene immediately started chanting when he told them about it. “Do I know them? Are they Gryffindors?”

Remus ignored her. 

“I mean...It’s not a bad thing.” Lily said cautiously, “But it’s not really...normal.”

“Oh.” Remus thought about this for a moment. How come Pippa and Viv didn’t mind him seeing? Weren’t they scared that he would tell someone? He wasn’t going to obviously, but he could. Did they really trust him that much? 

“I guess they just trusted that you wouldn’t tell anyone.” Lily concluded, smiling as if she could read his thoughts, “That’s nice, right?”

“Yeah sure,” Marlene laughed, “Except that he did tell someone.”

“Wait-?” Panicked Remus brought a hand up to his face, “I didn’t-!”

“It doesn’t count.” Lily assured them, “He didn’t tell us their names.”

Remus nodded, feeling relief flood his chest, “Yes exactly. That’s fine right?”

Marlene shrugged, “Sure. It’s not like I’m against lesbians or anything.”

“Lesbians.” Remus echoed, not being able to stop himself. 

“Yes, lesbians.” Marlene agreed, grinning, “It’s when a girl feels attraction to other girls-”

“I know that!” Remus frowned, feeling his face grow warm. Lily started giggling. 

“Anyway…” Remus looked away, “Thanks for the...advice. I’m going to go find the marauders.”

“Do that.” Lily said. 

“For sure,” Marlene leaned back in her chair, twirling one long strand of curly hair in between the tips of her fingers, “If you see Peter ask him what day it is. Or what the charm's homework was. He and Sirius are doing a contest to see who can stay silent longer, and my money is stupidly on Sirius.”

“On Sirius?” Remus and Lily cried at the same time, “Sirius Black?”

Marlene groaned, “I know, I know. He’s not exactly known for being quiet. Nevertheless I need him to win or else I’m losing five sikles to James. And I hate losing to James.”

“James.” Lily said thoughtfully, “You two have a bet going on?”

“Unfortunately. Not like I want to give that rich bastard more money.”

“I thought…” Lily started, her eyes scanning the ground before she straightened up again, “Nevermind. I just didn’t know James was the competitive type.”

Marlene laughed, “James? Competitive type? Course he is! I bet he came out of his mum's uterus and immediately challenged the first doctor he saw to a duel!”

“Right.” Lily said, still seeming deep in thought and oddly...hurt?

“Er...See you later.” Remus muttered starting to leave before he could get dragged into whatever it was these two were starting. 

“Bye bye Remus.”

“I...I didn’t tell anyone.” Remus told Pippa and Viv when he saw them in the hall the following day. Although they weren’t holding hands, their pinkies were entwined in a way that would probably not be noticed by most people. 

The two girls exchanged a look, before focusing on him again. 

“Right.” Viv said slowly, “So…?”

Remus immediately felt his face grow warm, “I just wanted you to know! In case you were worried or something…” 

Again the two girls looked at each other.

“Well...we trust you.” Pippa said cheerfully. “Our kind gotta stick together right?”

“Right- er, wait.” Remus’s eyes flicked to the ground before he forced himself to look at them, “Our kind?”

Viv spun on Pippa, who’s eyes widened, “Oh my god, are you in the closet?”

“T-the closet?” Remus brought a hand up to his neck, “Where? What?”

This wasn’t good- his stutter was returning full force. 

“Oh shit...you were right.” Pippa whispered to Viv. 

“I told you! I fucking told you!”

“Um, right? About what? Also what closet?” Remus interrupted the two of them. 

“Forget it. I’m sorry.” Pippa said bashfully, “You’re good. Thanks for not telling anyone.”

The two girls were about to scurry off but before they could leave Remus called out to them. 

“With our kind...do you mean…”

Pippa looked uncomfortable, her face scrunched up as if she were in pain. 

“...um…” Remus took a deep breath, “Queer….people?”

The two girls didn’t say anything for a moment, but they didn’t have to. He knew he was right. He straightened, “Well I’m not- I just wanted to say- I mean- I’m not like...gay.” 

Pippa’s face was also starting to turn a light pink, which was somewhat relieving as he knew his was probably a bright cherry red by now. 

Although he was taller than both of the girls he felt like he was cowering in their shadows. 

“You’re not gay.” Viv repeated.

When she said it, it sounded like she was repeating something that couldn’t possibly be true. As if he had just told them he was born on the moon or something. 

“I mean…” Suddenly he felt like he needed to explain himself. The only person he had ever talked to about this before had been James and even that hadn’t been easy. Did he really want to tell these two random girls who he barely even knew? Sure they studied together but were they really friends? Although...they had been kissing. Maybe...they understood how it felt. “I’m not….I like girls. I think they’re great! Really pretty and stuff...but sometimes...I think guys are pretty too. It’s not like...It’s not...a big deal or anything.” He murmured, his voice growing quieter as he went on. It felt like a huge deal. 

“Right.” Viv said, “No judgment.” She looked at Pippa before turning to him again, biting her bottom lip in a way that made him scared that her teeth would stain from her black lipstick. “I think you should talk to Gid about this.”

Pippa nodded, “They’ll understand.”

Remus was about to nod too before it fully registered what they were saying. “They’ll? Gid and who else?”

Viv turned towards Pippa, her eyes wide, and her lips in a thin straight line. 

“Shit.” Pippa blushed even harder, “I- Didn’t- Just go talk to Gid!”

And with that the two girls were gone and Remus was left alone. 

It was only a week later when Remus finally did talk to Gideon about it. Though he wasn’t really sure what “it” was and how to really start the conversation. So he did precisely the thing he promised not to do. 

“I saw Viv and Pippa kissing.”

Once again, he hadn’t really been sure what reaction he was expecting but it wasn’t the slow nod Gid gave him, nor was it the casual, “Ok,” he spoke. 

“So,” Remus started not wanting to let the conversation end without a bit of clarity on his part, “They’re like...lesbians?”

Gideon looked at him in surprise before nodding, “I mean...yeah. It’s Viv and Pippa.”

“Right.” Remus said not really sure what to do with that. “So was it like…?”

“You didn’t…?” 

“-Know?” Remus shook his head grimly, “Uh...nope. Not really. I was sort of...surprised.”

“Surprised?” 

“Yes.”

“Oh.” Gideon looked down into his lap, where his astronomy book lay between his legs. “Do you know about-”

“Is there anyone else who-”

They blinked at each other. 

“You go first.” Gideon prompted, nervously. 

“No you!” Remus replied, equally nervously. 

This wasn’t really making him any less confused. 

“Well uh…” Gideon closed his book, and lay it to the side, bringing his knees up to his chest. “There’s actually been something I wanted to talk to you about.”

Remus immediately felt his heart rate accelerate. 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Gideon whispered, “You know how I asked you to call me Gid?”

Remus nodded- to be honest he hadn’t really thought much about it.

“I don’t really like my full name,” Gideon admitted after that, “I always thought it sounded sort of...masculine. And Gid well...I guess I thought it sounded more gender neutral?”

“Right.” Remus said, not really sure where this was going. 

“Remus-” Gideon drew in a large breath, “I’m not a guy.”

“Oh.” 

They blinked at each other. 

“Are you...a girl then?” Remus asked his eyes immediately drifting downward. He pulled them up again, wanting to bash his head against a wall. 

“No.” Gid said without hesitation, “I’m not...I’m not a guy or a girl.”

Remus didn’t know what to say, “How...were you born with…?”

Gid blushed, and Remus was forced to look away.

“It’s not like that.” He explained quickly, “I recently learned that gender and sex are two different things. And it made me realise...even though my sex is...male....my gender can be neither a boy nor a girl. I don’t have to be conformed to guy things or to girl things. I can simply be without having to be particularly masculine or particularly feminine, and I can let both of those parts of me coexist.”

When he was done a pleasant sort of silence filled the air, and Remus got the feeling Gid had been practicing that speech for quite some time. 

“Oh.” Remus slowly felt the world around him shift. This made sense. “Is that why you’re letting your hair grow out?”

Gideon self consciously took one of the longer strands of hair in his fingers and twirled them around. His hair was almost as long as Lily’s and went to his shoulder blades. “Partly.”

“Is this why you sometimes wear make up?”

This time Gideon blushed a bright red, “You notice?”

“Of course I notice,” Remus answered before he could think, “It makes your eyes look so bright, it feels like I’m looking into an ocean-”

He stopped himself abruptly. 

“Remus?” Gid asked hesitantly, “Can I ask you a favour?”

Remus nodded. 

“Is it ok...if it’s not too much trouble...if you could maybe...sometimes use ‘they’ pronouns instead of ‘he’?”

Remus thought for a moment, “They. Because you’re neither a guy nor a girl.”

“Right.”

He smiled, “Yeah. Of course I can do that.”

Gid grinned, “I knew I could count on you Rem.”

“Oh.” Remus muttered, before he could help himself. It had sounded like the type of thing Sirius would say. Not that it mattered really… “Right.”