Not expected (year 2)
Remus wrung his hands nervously.
He didn’t like being in a Professor's classroom when the Professor wasn’t there.
Especially when that Professor was McGonagall.
Especially when Remus was not alone but there with two of her most troublesome students: Sirius and Peter.
“Guys just let me do the talking ok?” Remus whispered fr the third time.
“We know, we know,” Sirius said, offhandedly.
"No, I mean-"
Just then they could hear the echo of footsteps and Professor McGonagall stopped in front of her classroom, holding a few scrolls of paper. She looked at the three of them in surprise then narrowed her eyes in suspicion, “What are you three doing here? You don’t have detention.”
Remus blushed, “Oh yeah I know...Um...I was just doing my Transfiguration homework and I-I remembered I never really um m-mastered turning the beetle into a b-button during class and I didn’t have any beetles to practice with so I was wondering if I could practice in here.” He could feel his face grow warm. Stupid stutter.
McGonagall looked at him for a moment then at Sirius and Peter, raising her eyebrows expectantly.
“Oh...right. Sirius is here because I told him not to come and he wanted to spite me, and Peter is here because we don’t know where James is and he didn’t want to be alone in the common room.”
Remus looked down at the ground but gave her an apologetic smile. McGonagall sighed then, entered her classroom. She waved her hand at the cupboard in the corner which opened with a slight rattle, “Fine. I wouldn’t want to hinder my students from practising their spells. But you’re responsible for the two of them.”
“Thank you, Professor,” Remus said gratefully and hurried over to the cupboard snatching up a tiny glass container that was filled with five or so beetles. Sirius and Peter followed him and copied his movement.
“Did you hear that?” Remus whispered hurriedly, “I’m responsible for you two!”
“Don’t stress Remu, we won’t do anything.”
“I don’t believe that for one minute!” Remus responded shakily, opening his container and spilling the beetles on the table. He quickly stunned them, so that they wouldn’t crawl away from him.
“Do I really have to practice now?” Peter moaned.
“Yes.” Remus exasperatedly whispered, “that’s why I told you to stay in the common room- Sirius don’t touch that!” He slapped Sirius’s hand with his wand. “But no, you really couldn’t be alone for twenty minutes! Sirius, I told you not to touch that!" He took a deep breath. Count to five.
"Are you alright?" Sirius asked, "You seem...anxious."
"I'm fine." Remus looked up and around the classroom as if James would just appear out of nowhere. "Where is Potter anyway?” Sirius and Peter shrugged. Remus took another deep breath and tried his spell on one of the fattest beetles but once again, just like it had in class, instead of turning into a button it just lost it’s legs and sat pitifully. Remus sighed and flicked his wand to reverse the spell.
He then turned to Peter, “Couldn’t you have spent some time with Lily?”
“She doesn’t like me.” Peter said shyly.
“What about Marlene?” Remus persisted, once again slapping Sirius’s hand away from the beetles.
“She scares me.”
“I scare you too, and you still hangout with me.” Sirius supplied.
Peter rolled his eyes, “You don’t scare me.”
“Are you saying that a girl is scarier than me?”
Remus groaned ignoring their side conversation, “Well, what about Dorcas then? She’s not scary, and she likes you.”
“Well you’re not scary and you like me too,” Peter said.
“Not for much longer,” Remus grumbled.
“Did you hear that?” Sirius asked, suddenly grabbing Remus’s arm.
“Sirius, please, I just want to-”
“No, really.” Sirius sat up straighter in his seat. Professor McGonagall looked up from her desk at the front of the classroom.
Suddenly a hand appeared out of nowhere and snatched up a beetle that was sitting right in front of Remus. Remus jumped back and almost fell into Sirius. Professor McGonagall jumped up in her seat.
“Boooooooo, boooooooo, I’m a ghosssstttttt…..” A voice whispered.
Remus recognized that voice, he looked back at Sirius and they exchanged a look.
“Mr. Potter?” Professor McGonagall said, exasperatedly.
“Rawr!” Suddenly James’s head appeared right next to Peter, who jumped up and fell into the chair next to him.
“Look, i’m a floating headdddd….”
James wasn’t exactly wrong. His head seemed to be floating right in there in the middle of the classroom, and the rest of his body was nowhere else to be seen. Remus wondered what kind of spell had managed that before Professor McGonagall commanded, “James Potter take off that invisibility cloak right this moment.”
There was a second of hesitation before James’s head muttered, “Aw man…”
And the air around him flickered for a moment before revealing the rest of his body.
The four of him stared for a moment.
Sirius said, “What the fuck, James? Without me?”
Professor McGonagall stared at him for a moment, in complete awe and disappointment, “What were you thinking?” She finally asked, and Remus almost wanted to laugh at how tired she sounded.
James shrugged unapologetically, “I thought it would be funny.”
Professor McGonagall rubbed her hands on her face and asked, “Did you three know about this?”
“No,” Sirius said accusingly, though it sounded like he was talking to James and not their teacher.
Remus and Peter just shook their heads.
“Potter detention….and you three?” She looked at them for a moment, “I don’t even know….just go.”
Remus groaned, trying and failing to keep his cool. “Can I at least take a beetle with me?”
“One beetle Mr Lupin.”
“Thanks.” He muttered.
James tucked his cloak under his arm but before they could go McGonagall stopped him, “Potter, give me the cloak. I’m confiscating it for….just....I just am.”
“What?” James defensively shoved it behind his back, putting a hand on his chest.
“Potter I won’t say it again.”
“But…” He sighed deeply and handed her the cloak, “I thought we were friends, Minnie I really did.”
“Don’t make me give you another detention, Mr Potter.”
“Fine I won’t, but only because you asked so nicely-”
"Out."
Once they were out of the classroom Sirius wrestled James to the ground.
Remus and Peter jumped back.
“I thought we were friends, you wanker!” Sirius yelled.
“Ow! I just- wanted- to- OW- prank you!”
“We’re not supposed to prank each other! We’re supposed to prank other people together!” Sirius bellowed.
Remus flung himself on top of James too trying to pull Sirius away but just adding to the chaos, “BECAUSE OF YOU I STILL CAN’T TURN A BEETLE INTO A BUTTON!”
“GAH, REMUS!”
“I would highly appreciate it if you boys found another place to wrestle,” McGonagall called from her room.
“Sorry, Minnie!” James and Sirius called at the same time.
“Come on,” James pushed himself up and helped Remus up. “You can yell at me on our way to the common room.”
Sirius started to get up too, and James kicked his shins making him fall down again.
“Oi!”
“HA!” James yelled and started sprinting down the hall towards the Gryffindor common room. Sirius sprinted after him, their footsteps loudly banging on the concrete floor.
“I’m getting you, you bespectacled bitch!”
“Hey, Remus?” Peter said quietly. Remus turned to look at the smaller boy. “I don’t know if this is a good time but...your beetle got squashed.”
Remus looked to where Peter was pointing at a red spot on the floor.
“Merlin’s beard,” Remus muttered under his breath. “what did I do to deserve this?”
_ _ _ _
Over the next few days, Lily tried to take the other girls’ advice as much as she could, if you could even call it advice. She didn’t want to admit it but being friends with her roommates had really changed her life for the better. Although she had always liked them and thought of them as acquaintances she had never seen the possibility of growing closer to them. At first, she thought it was their fault, but now Lily finally realised how she had always tried to block them out even if it might have been somewhat subconsciously. Lily still often spoke to Remus, and when she did she felt a flutter in the pit of her stomach and warmth spread all throughout her body. She also continued to avidly avoid his three friends which seemed to somehow have grown even more immature over the summer. Lily also still talked to Severus, which Marlene and Dorcas deeply disagreed with.
“It’s his aura,” Marlene explained simply one Saturday afternoon while the three of them were sitting in the common room.
“No,” Dorcas shook her head thoughtfully, “It’s not just his aura...that wouldn’t make sense. It’s….it’s the way he holds himself. Like um….like….like he can’t be trusted.”
“Well, that’s the same as his aura then,” Marlene said.
“No.” Dorcas continued to shake her head, “that’s different.”
Lily bit her lip. She felt like she was betraying him by discussing him like this. A year ago she would’ve never done this. But on the other hand, a year ago she didn’t have any other friends she could have done it with anyway.
“Lily you need to tell him,” Marlene said seriously. Then, “Come here Meadows I wanna braid your hair.”
Marlene, who was sat on the battered couch in the corner of the common room, swung her legs up and crossed them to provide space for Dorcas who sat by her legs, letting Marlene gather all her hair.
“Don’t pull so hard!” Dorcas twitched. “All my hair is going to fall out one day and it will be your fault.”
“You can have some of mine.” Marlene volunteered, showing off her huge afro of shiny black hair. “I have enough for the whole of Gryffindor.”
“Both of you have wonderful hair.” Lily sighed leaning back against the couch.
“Anyway,” Marlene said ignoring her, “If you don’t tell him how you feel it will just be bad for both of you.”
“What am I supposed to tell him?” Lily asked exasperatedly, “That I feel like he’s ignoring me? That I feel like I don’t know what kind of person he’s turning into? That I feel like I can’t trust him anymore? That-”
“Yes!” Marlene cried. “That’s exactly what you should tell him!”
“Ugh!” Lily groaned, putting her face in her hands.
“Oh look,” Dorcas, who had been somewhat quiet spoke up, “Your favourite person, Lily.”
“What?” Lily looked up and saw that James, the person Dorcas was most definitely referring to, Peter, Sirius and Remus had just entered the common room. James in the lead with Sirius jumping around him in circles, Peter trailing after them and Remus walking behind them all somehow looking impressed, exasperated, surprised, confused, and disappointed all at the same time.
“I’m sorry that I wanted to surprise my mates ,” James said slamming the portrait hole behind him.
“How-could-you-keep-this-from-me?” Sirius yelled in a voice at least two octaves higher than his usual speaking voice. “I thought we were friends!”
“Quit being dramatic, Black.”
“I can’t believe it,” Remus said, shaking his head. “I can’t believe you James.”
“You said you couldn’t get it!” Peter cried, “You said so yourself!
“Well, I lied didn’t I Pete?” James dropped down in a seat near the fireplace.
“Well, how did you manage?” Remus persisted, “Didn’t your father notice?”
James shrugged, “Ah, details, details, Remy. Remember that room I told you about?”
"Yes?"
There was a pause.
"That played a role in it."
"What, you aren't going to tell us what role it played? You're just going to say it played one? That's just-"
“I don’t know if I’ll ever recover from this,” Sirius muttered.
“Well, we still got those dungbombs coming in from the Prewett twins.” James offered, “Or we should . They better have them.”
“So in third year you can just go to Hogsmede and buy dungbombs?” Peter said, looking astounded. “The power…”
“Yeah, well don’t get too excited mate. I know counting is hard for you but we’re only in second year so no Hogsmeade for us. For now we’re going to have to rely on our elders to get us our supply.”
“We’re supposed to meet them tonight at nine o'clock right here in the common room. Remu, you and me?” Sirius asked, sitting down next to James. Remus suddenly got a faraway look on his face.
“I….I don’t know...I don’t think the Prewett twins really like me.”
The three others all groaned in unison.
“Lupin, you think that about everyone.” James reminded him.
“Yeah, but...this time it’s true.”
“Alright, alright, you don’t have to come.” Sirius said, “Peter you're up then.”
“Why not James?” Remus asked.
“Well, I have my detention, tonight,” James said.
“Oh right.” Remus rolled his eyes, “How could I forget?”
“So, why do you think the Prewett twins don’t like you?” Peter asked leaning forward in his seat. “Aren’t they cool? They’re like us but old .”
“They’re a year older dimwit.” Sirius said.
“They just…” Remus suddenly looked pale. “You know what...I should...I have something I need to do.”
And with that, he jumped up from his seat, looked around for a moment and then frantically hurried over to where Lily was sitting, or rather spying on him. She turned toward Marlene and Dorcas who had also been eavesdropping the whole time and frantically mouthed, “He’s coming over here! ”
They just widened their eyes and shrugged at her equally as frantically.
“Hey, Lily.” Remus greeted them seemingly unaware of their position.
“Hey.” Lily said, back, noticing how in the corner of her eye Marlene had stopped braiding Dorcas’s hair, as they were both watching Lily and Remus now.
“I um...I...can I talk to you in...uh in private...actually?” Remus stammered nervously avoiding her eye contact. Lily realised how anxious he looked suddenly. Just a few seconds ago he had been talking normally with the other boys but now he was back to Beginning-Of-First-Year Remus who was so jittery and nervous he could barely hold a conversation.
“Sure,” Lily said looking at Marlene and Dorcas who each gave her a thumbs up, and then leading Remus away from them to a smaller secluded area of the common room. “What is it?” She asked breathily feeling the familiar feeling of butterflies swirling around in her gut. If Remus was this nervous to talk to her...then maybe it meant that he was about to confess his feelings for her. Or even try to ask her out. Lily wondered what they would do. Second years couldn’t go to Hogsmede yet, and there wasn’t much couples could do at Hogwarts. Maybe they could just study together? They did that alot already anyway-
“I uh...I well….so there’s um...this thing...I wanted to talk to you about. Or no...no there's something I wanted to...ask….um…” Remus mumbled. “This...this is uh awkward.” He laughed a little. She laughed too, if not only to try and make him feel more confident.
“This will be kind of a weird….question….” He continued.
Just say it! She thought desperately.
“Ok...um….I was wondering...why...uh….why do girls wear makeup?”
“....What?”
“What? Oh! No! I! Sorry! Sorry no...I don’t….I didn’t….sorry that was a really dumb question….wow i’m dumb...ok it’s fine...i’ll go…”
“No wait,” Lily grabbed his arm. “I was just...surprised.” Lily felt her face grow warm as she tried to mask her disappointment. That was an...odd question. “Well….um...I suppose girls wear makeup to look pretty.”
“But…” Remus knit his eyebrows together, “girls are already pretty without makeup.”
Lily blushed even more, “Well I guess they do it to feel pretty then.”
Remus continued to look confused, “Then….” He swallowed, “then why don’t boys wear makeup too?”
Lily held his gaze for a second before letting his eyes wander back to the ground.
“Do you want to wear makeup?” She asked carefully.
“No!” Remus looked up, “No. Not... me , anyway.”
“Does someone else?” Lily asked.
“No, well yes, well maybe. I don’t know. I was just wondering.”
“I guess….I mean boys could wear makeup...but I guess it’s always looked at as a girly thing.”
“So that’s why…” Remus muttered to himself, “And that’s why he said the girl thing...but why was he so sad about it….”
"You know Remus it's not a big deal-"
Remus looked up and apparently noticed that she was still there, apparently not having heard what she'd just said. “Have you…” He took a deep breath, “Have you ever known anyone who….who wanted to be someone they weren’t?”
“Yeah of course-”
“No, no I mean….I mean someone who wanted to be...the gender that they weren’t.”
Lily hesisted again. Where was he going with this? “I mean….when I was younger I really wanted to be a boy. I never really got along with any of the girls my age and I always played with the boys and Sev and....I guess I thought it would be easier if I was one of them.”
Remus nodded thoughtfully, “I don’t think….ok. Thanks.”
He started to walk away before turning around again. “I’m sorry if that was weird….or awkward or….yeah. I’m sorry.” Then he blushed and hurried off again. Lily walked over to Marlene and Dorcas.
“What happened?” Marlene asked.
“That was….strange.” Lily decided.
Marlene and Dorcas both turned and looked at the marauders sitting together. Remus was now sitting with the others again, his eyebrows still knitted in deep concentration.
Marlene raised her eyebrows. "I'm guessing he didn't confess his undying love to you, then?"
"No." Lily said, "Not really."