The Beginning (year 1)
As Professor McGonagall led him down the halls of Hogwarts Remus let his eyes wander around the walls of the castle. The entire castle was so much more than Remus had ever dreamed to expect from his future. He wasn’t stupid. He knew that Hogwarts wasn’t going to be the same for him as it would be for the boys he had met on the train. He would have to keep his huge secret from everyone. He would have to miss classes and schoolwork. He was absolutely not the same. But as he was walking the long way up to the Headmasters office he let go of all of those thoughts and gave himself a second to enjoy. To enjoy the beautiful view onto the lake that he could catch a glimpse of any time they would pass a window. To enjoy the distant sounds of laughter and conversation coming from the great hall. To enjoy the smell of the delicious feast. A distant voice reminded him of the awkward conversation he had left behind. Had he made it too obvious? Did they already think he was weird? Before he could spiral any further Professor McGonagall came to a halt in front of what Remus assumed to be Dumbledore's office.
“Go on, Mr Lupin. I will be back in a few minutes.”
“Oh...ok.” Remus wasn’t sure how he felt about being left alone with Dumbledore. He didn’t necessarily not trust the man but he didn’t really feel comfortable all alone with him either. Professor McGonagall softened a little at the sight of his face and suggested that she come in with him.
“No, no it’s ok. Sorry,” Remus felt his face heat and before either one of them could say anything else he entered Dumbledore's office.
Entering the headmaster's office was like entering a new realm. The light was a lot brighter than it had been in the hallway and the room was a lot bigger and definitely a lot more packed than he had imagined.
“Ah Mr. Lupin, It’s nice to finally meet you.” Dumbledore smiled warmly as he saw the door to his office open and Remus walk in, stumbling a little as he observed Dumbledores office curiously, focusing his eyes on the telescopes, globes, books, and drawers filled with strange instruments none of which Remus could recognize. Sitting down on the chair opposite the headmaster Remus tore his gaze away from the room and back onto the person in front of him.
“It’s nice to meet you too, Sir. I wanted to say...I mean I wanted to thank you...For you know...thank you for letting me be here. At...uh...at Hogwarts, of course. Not that...not that we're anywhere else....Uhh...” Remus took a deep breath and focused his attention down on the ground, "I'm just gonna stop talking now."
Dumbledore smiled kindly as he watched Remus trip over his words, the young boys face still flushing furiously.
“Well I couldn’t possibly miss out on such a young and intelligent student now could I?” Dumbledore said, the blue eyes behind his glasses twinkling.
Remus continued to blush and looked at a grand map that hung on the wall to his left. “I just...I mean...I know it’s probably not...easy because of who I...because I am a…”
Professor Dumbledore continued to smile, “My dear Remus Lupin, I knew your father for eight years while he was at this school and he was one of the most intelligent people I have ever met. I only ever met your mother once, but I could tell that she was stunningly creative and kind. Knowing your family I know that you, Remus, are perfect the way you are and just because you happen to have a difficult condition it does not mean that you don’t deserve the rights everyone else has. Nothing you can do can make the wolf go away, Remus. But nothing it can do can make you go away either.”
With that Dumbledore leaned back smiling, satisfied at the confused look on Remus’s face.
“Sherbet Lemon?” He asked holding up a small basket filled with sweets in a bright yellow wrapper.
“Oh...um, no thanks. I- I mean ok. If you want me to. Thanks.”
Taking one timidly Remus unwrapped it and popped it into his mouth, before he could say anything stupid again, and watched the headmaster unwrap three pieces all at once.
“Now, onto more serious matters Mr. Lupin.” Dumbledore started, keeping his tone light, “I am aware, and I assume you are too, that the full moon will be taking place in four days.
Remus nodded trying to keep his expression neutral.
“I know this must be a frightening new experience for you but I am happy to inform you that everything is completely safe. During the full moons, you will be accompanied to an abandoned shack, where you will stay during your transformations. No one will be able to enter the shack other than you, Madam Pomfrey and I myself. Madam Pomfrey will explain everything in further detail on the day of the full moon. You shall meet her in the hospital wing at sundown on the fifth of September. Do you have any questions?”
Remus shook his head numbly. There was a slight pause in which Dumbledore waited for Remus to say something.
“Alright then. Professor McGonagall will escort you back to Gryffindor tower, and if you have any questions don’t hesitate to ask her or me.”
Remus nodded and got up taking that as his queue to leave.
“Oh, and Remus. Enjoy your time here.”
“Yes, Professor,” Remus muttered and opened the door, exiting Dumbledore's office.
On his way to the Gryffindor tower, Remus could hear the sound of students laughing and could feel the vibrations of their feet trampling on the ground. A part of him longed to be there with them laughing and talking but another part knew that even though he was at Hogwarts now he would never truly be able to be happy.
“Here we are.” Professor McGonagall declared a few minutes later coming to a stop in front of a round door with the portrait of a fat lady decorating. The woman looked them up and down her face expression bored, “Password?” She drawled.
“Gabberstone” Professor McGonagall answered curtly and the door swung open permitting them to enter the common room.
Hearing the door swing shut behind him and feeling a soft breeze of wind as it did Remus stared in awe at the common room. On the right side a fire crackled in a fireplace, illuminating the couches that surrounded it, facing the orange flames. On the walls hung paintings that covered the old but extremely detailed red tapestry. The ground was littered in different rugs and all around the room clusters of chairs and sofas stood together facing each other as if they were all having secret conversations. Along with the comfortable couches, there were also a few desks and wooden chairs which Remus guessed were for completing homework.
“Alright, Mr. Lupin. This is the Gryffindor Common room. To your right are the girls’ dormitories,” Professor McGonagall pointed to a narrow staircase to his right, “and to your left are the boys’ dormitories.” This time she pointed to the left, which looked symmetrical to the first staircase. “You are not permitted to enter the girls’ dormitories at any time. Breakfast begins at 8:00 am in the great hall tomorrow morning. I suggest you try to get a good night’s sleep.”
Remus nodded wearily and watched McGonagall leave the room.
Slowly he walked through the empty common room to the left where a few stairs led up into a small sort of hallway with more stairs spiraling straight upwards. Dreading what was about to happen Remus plodded towards the door that was marked with his and three other boys' names. The door opened with a slight creak and Remus entered the room. The dormitory was just as cozy as the common room had been. It had four bunks all in somewhat of a semicircle outlining the room.
The one closest to the door was occupied by Peter Pettigrew, the short, pudgy blonde Remus had met on the train and sat across from during supper. He was sitting on the bed with his legs crossed and his hands playing with something he was holding. On Peters right side there was a window with bright red curtains blocking any natural light from coming into the room. Next to the window sat James Potter on the second bed. He seemed to be unpacking two trunks. His and Peters. And finally next to James lay Sirius Black on his bed staring up at the ceiling. The last bed that was next to Sirius was unoccupied so Remus guessed it was probably meant for him. In between Sirius and Remus’s bed, there was another window with the same red curtains covering it. All four beds had the headboard pushed against a wall, with small bedside tables on either side. Each bed also had the same white bedsheets and red blankets. On the other side of the room across from James’s bed was a door that presumably lead to the bathroom.
“Hey, Lupin!” James called turning around from where he was folding some clothes, “Come in good sir.”
“Oh uh. Er, ok?” Remus started awkwardly making his way to the empty bed, trying to keep his head down low.
“We left you the bunk next to Black but if you wanna switch with someone we can-?”
“Oh no, it’s fine. Thanks.” Remus assured them quickly, sitting down on his bed.
“Yeah, you say that now,” James laughed, “but if there's anything I found out in my one long day of knowing him it’s that Black is a piece of work.”
“Oh shut up!” Sirius said, throwing his pillow at James who just caught it, and laughed.
“So what‘ve you been up to, Lupin?” Sirius asked sitting up and staring at him expectantly like a puppy awaiting a treat.
“Um...nothing?”
“Nothing? I find that hard to believe. Weren’t you JUST talking to Dumbledore?” James scoffed.
“Well, yeah. I guess.” Remus answered rubbing the back of his head.
“Well, what’d you do? ” Sirius asked excitedly.
“Yeah,” Peter squeaked scooching to the edge of his bed as if to be closer to Remus, “are you some sort of evil mastermind? ”
“No! Of course not.”
“So you didn’t do anything?” James asked disbelievingly.
“Nothing,” Remus assured them shrugging.
“Well then why did you have to talk to Dumbledore on the first day?” Sirius asked crossing his arms. Remus took a deep breath. He had practised this sentence many times in front of the mirror at home. Where do you go every month, Remus? Why do you disappear all the time, Remus? Why are you always so tired and sick, Remus?
“I...my mom. She’s sick and...I was just discussing the visiting Schedule with Dumbledore. You know, like when I’ll be able to see her and stuff.” Remus focuses his eyes down at the ground not wanting to see the other guys’ reactions to his fake confession. He didn’t want to see them feel bad for him when all he was telling them was a lie.
There was silence for a second before James said, “I’m really sorry, Lupin. We didn’t know...”
“It’s ok,” Remus said quickly, feeling his face go red.
“At least you’ll be able to visit her, eh?” James asked in a lighter tone.
“Yeah sure,” Remus said.
There was another silence before Sirius said, “well I hope she gets better...”
“Me too!” Peter squawked giving Remus a big smile. Remus smiled back a little bit.
“Is she a witch?” Sirius asked suddenly.
“Not that it matters!” James interrupted quickly. Sirius gave him a pointed look as if saying obviously it doesn’t.
Remus hesitated but then shook his head. “No, she’s a muggle. My dad’s a wizard though.”
Sirius nodded thoughtfully.
“Hey, I’m like that too!” Peter yelled excitedly, “except that my mom is a witch and my dad was a muggle!”
Remus smiled slightly before realizing what Peter had said, “was?”
James and Sirius turned towards Peter to watch his reaction. But he didn’t seem to mind.
“Yeah. He died when I was eight. Cancer.”
“I’m sorry.” Remus supplied.
“‘‘tis fine. I don’t really...I wasn't super close to him.”
“What’s Cancer?” Sirius asked, looking confused.
“Oh right,” Remus started, feeling comfort in explaining new concepts to people, “it’s a muggle disease. People don’t always die from it but....there isn’t an actual cure yet.”
“Oh.” Sirius knit his eyebrows together.
“Why not?” James asked looking alarmed.
“What do you mean why not?” Remus looked at him.
“Well, why don’t they have a cure yet? That’s weird.”
“I mean...sure I guess....but without magic, it’s difficult finding a cure.”
"It must be hard being a muggle..." James said thoughtfully as if he's never even considered it before, and as if now that he had he couldn't fully wrap his mind around it.
This time Sirius answered, “Yeah but still. It’s just a muggle disease. There are much worse diseases in the wizarding world.”
“Yep.” Remus sighed to himself resting his head in his hands. They’re certainly were...subconsciously his eyes drifted to the window where a small crack through the curtains allowed him to see into the night sky. Stars. He still had four days. Four days weren’t nearly as much time as he wished he had though.
“Ugh yeah! Have you heard of spattergroit? The one with the weird boils on your skin?” James cried looking horrified, “My dad once had a friend who suffered from that. It was awful.”
Sirius gagged, and Remus felt himself almost laughing at the sight of the two of them. It was certainly hard to believe that James and Sirius had only met each other a few hours ago when Remus felt like they could read each other's minds.
James sighed loudly, “well lads, I’m knackered. Off to bed, I say, eh?” Petter yawned in agreement and Sirius nodded.
“There ya go,” James said as he opened one of the trunks he was unpacking and threw Peter a pair of pyjamas.
“Is that Peters trunk?” Remus asked before he could stop himself.
“Yup. I’m unpacking it because I know that If I leave that up to him it'll never get done. Eleven years of friendship with this lad will make that clear.”
Peter shrugged, “well you’re not wrong.”
“Yeah, I never am.“
Sirius coughed loudly.
“Shut it, Black!” James returned Sirius’s pillow by flinging it back at him expect this time it hit the boy straight across the face as his reflexes definitely were not as strong as James’s.
“I didn’t say anything!”
“You and I both know that means nothing!”
Smiling once again Remus closed the drapes around his four-poster bed, slipped on his pyjamas and laid down listening to the two black haired boys from the train bicker while he closed his eyes and thought about how lucky he was to have met these three boys.
_ _ _ _
Other than Lily there were only two other Gryffindor first-year girls.
Marlene McKinnon and Dorcas Meadows.
One nice thing that came from this was that the dorm had been made to hold four people so it was roomy and big and had an extra bed which they used to dump all their belongings on. Another pleasant thing was that in the morning they didn’t have to wait a very long time to use the shower because even if you were the last to use it there were only two other people before you.
One thing that wasn’t so nice though was that Lily not only missed Severus a lot but also felt that she couldn’t really imagine herself becoming very close friends with either of the two Gryffindor girls.
They were both very kind but neither really seemed like the type of person Lily would choose to spend time with.
Marlene was a half-blood like Severus. Her father was a wizard and her mother was a muggle. Along with her parents she apparently also had three older brothers who had all gone to Hogwarts before her. On the first night in the dorm room together Marlene had shown Lily and Dorcas pictures of her brothers. The resemblance was uncanny and slightly scary as if someone had just copied and pasted the same features on her and every single one of her brothers. She and all three of her brothers all had the same rich chocolate brown skin and shiny, thick, black, hair that bounced past her shoulders in beautiful curls, that Lily was instantly jealous of. Marlene obviously valued humor. She spoke loudly, joked around a lot, and had a wide grin that she did not use sparingly.
Dorcas on the other hand was a lot quieter but also seemed very sweet. While she often told jokes too, they were less obvious and a little more on the witty side. She had straight blonde hair that was cropped short and huge, dark brown eyes blinked up at the other two girls.
“Swedish.” She explained once she realized the others were staring. “My mum is Swedish my dad is Vietnamese. That explains this,” she pointed at her blonde hair. Lily could feel her face go red as she stumbled through some lame apologies. Marlene just smiled confidently eyeing Dorcas with her eyes sparkling. Unlike Marlene and Lily, Dorcas didn’t have any siblings whatsoever. She did live very close to her cousins though, whom, according to her, she spent a lot of time with. One thing that Marlene and Dorcas did share in common though was that they were both very giggly, excited, and somewhat annoying in Lily’s mind.
On the morning of September second Lily woke up early to make sure she was first in the shower, which the other two didn't seem to mind. By the time all three girls had showered and dressed it was time to get to breakfast. On their way down they bumped into Frank the second year boy from the day before who was walking with a short second-year girl, with long dark blonde hair, and bangs. They seemed to have met in the common room and waited for each other specifically so they could walk down to breakfast together. The thought made Lily happy but it also made her feel a twinge of sadness as it reminded her of how she would’ve loved to be able to have breakfast with Severus instead of having to sit at the Gryffindor table.
“Hey, Frank.” Lily greeted, smiling, ignoring her thoughts of Severus.
“Oh hey, Lily. This is my friend, Alice.”
“Hey,” The dark blonde hair girl said, shaking Lily’s hand while they walked. “How was your first night here?”
“It was good, thanks. I’m really excited for classes to start!”
Alice smiled, “really? What classes are you looking forward to most?”
“I honestly don’t know. Maybe charms? They all sound really interesting. I just hope I’ll do ok.”
“Of course! Why wouldn’t you?”
“Well...I am a Muggleborn after all.” Lily said, feeling her face go warm.
Alice rolled her eyes, “Whatever. That doesn’t matter at all. Most first-years have no idea what they’re doing, even if they come from long bloodlines of wizards and witches.” Lily could feel herself relax a little bit.
“You’ll do great!”
As they arrived in the great hall, Lily stumbled for a moment not knowing where to sit.
“Wanna sit with Frank and me?” Alice asked, moving to sit down at the table.
“Sure,” Lily said gratefully, deciding that she liked Alice.
Alice sat down next to Frank and Lily sat down opposite them next to a small brown-haired boy.
“Oh hey, Remus,” Lily said, realizing who it was. The boy turned his head and gave her a small smile.
“Hey, Lily. Hey Frank, and…?”
“Alice.” Alice reached over and shook his hand almost causing a Franks glass of pumpkin juice to fall over.
She laughed and leaned back again.
“How are you? Are you all excited for classes to start?”
Alice and Frank laughed, “not really.”
Frank said, “the only thing I’m really good at is Herbology.”
“Yeah,” Alice agreed. “If I could just hang out at Hogwarts forever without having to go to classes that would be great.”
“How come?” Remus asked knitting his eyebrows together as if not wanting to learn was a foreign concept to him. Lily laughed at that.
Alice just shrugged, “I dunno. I just don’t like the actual school aspects of school. They’re boring and really difficult. Besides I’m not really good at anything.”
“What are you talking about?” Frank cried setting down his fork as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing, “you’re amazing at defense against the dark arts!”
“Well I’m just as good as you are and I don’t see you praising yourself .” Alice retorted grabbing a piece of toast.
“You’re better than me!”
“No, I’m not.”
“Yes, you are! You really are!”
“Alright, Longbottom whatever you say,” Alice said smiling at her food while now smearing some strawberry jam on the piece of toast. Lily couldn’t help but laugh at how pleased Alice looked with herself.
Frank huffed and grabbed some toast for himself too. The way they interacted reminded her a little bit of how her parents acted around each other.
“Are you two...together?” She asked politely now also spreading some jam on her own toast.
There was a quick moment of silence in which the pair blinked at each as if waiting for the other person to answer first before Alice said, “ Oh, no! No, we’re just friends.”
Frank turned away from Alice his face red, “ Yeah, yeah of course. Yeah, we’re just friends.”
“Oh! Sorry.” Lily said sheepishly, sensing that the mood at the table had suddenly changed completely.
“Oh yeah, no problem. No problem.” Frank assured her.
“Yes!” Alice agreed, “I mean it’s an easy mistake to make since we’re so close...But haha yeah. I mean imagine us dating! Now that would be….-”
She faltered for a moment before Frank finished her sentence, “-Mad! That would be so mad.” He said.
“Yes! Mhm .” Alice nodded, quickly stuffing the rest of her toast in her mouth.
Lily turned to her right where Remus was sitting and raised her eyebrows at him.
Remus looked like a disappointed parent, shaking his head, solemnly, and suddenly Lily had to try really hard to keep herself from laughing, feeling her face grow warm with the difficulty.
For a moment she completely forgot about Severus and didn't even notice when a particular black-haired boy at the opposite end of the great hall waved at her...