Summer 1971
Remus Lupin had been certain that this day would never come.
It was July 31, the air was hot and stuffy and the sun glared down on him like a blanket of heat on his skin. He had been sitting on the ground outside of his house in the shade of a tree while reading. Sharp blades of grass tickled his feet and a soft breeze danced through the air cooling him down momentarily. Remus lay his hand down on the rough page of the book and rubbed his thumb and forefinger together with the corner of the page between them. He had done this ever since he could remember. The feeling of his fingers against the paper always calmed him down and made him feel relaxed and at ease. In fact, he was so concentrated on his reading that he didn’t notice a sleek black owl glide past him and dropping something on the doorstep of his house.
It was only an hour later when he finally set down his book and returned inside that he noticed the letter at all. It was made of thick, yellow parchment with his name, Remus John Lupin written in a dark, green, calligraphy. His heart skipped a beat. Remus picked it up feebly, closed the door behind him, and set down the envelope on the kitchen. Hope Lupin, Remus's mother, was sitting at the table a mug of tea set in front of her, staring down at the parchment, while Lyall Lupin, Remus's father, turned around from where he was washing the dishes and sat down next to his wife. Neither one of them said anything.
“Is that…?” Remus asked quietly his voice dry and raspy. His mother reached forward and picked up the letter, tilting it so that both adults could see it and Remus couldn't. He wondered if she was doing that on purpose. Slowly Hope Lupin took her thumb and tore open the envelope. Out of it fell three separate pieces of paper. Remus desperately wanted to reach out, grab them, and read them but instead, he just sat down silently, setting his book down on the table in front of him and leaning forward subconsciously. If this really was what he thought it was...why weren’t his parents happier? Hope unfolded the first letter and Remus could see from the way her caramel-colored eyes moved that she was reading. After a moment she paused and tilted her head to look at her husband, Lyall.
“Do they know?” Hope asked uncertainly, her eyes still trained on her husband.
“Yes." Lyall answered wearily, pushing up his glasses, "Dumbledore knows. At least I thought...he should…”
“Then why? Why would they send us this?”
Instead of answering Lyall reached out and picked up the other two pieces of parchment. His eyes widening as he sat down slowly next to his wife. Wordlessly he tilted his hand sideways so that she could read the letter. After a minute they both exchanged a look. Lyall opened his mouth as if he was about to say something but before he could, Hope beat him to it.
“How could they-? How could they even suggest this?! How would they possibly be able to ensure that no one gets hurt?!”
With a shock, Remus realized she sounded angry. Though he couldn’t really understand why.
“Hope...they explained it in the letter. Remus would be...safe. Safer than he is here.” Lyall, pushed up his glasses once again, with a quick flick of his fingers. Remus recognized this as a sort of nervous tick his father exhibited.
Hope stared at him like he had just said the most ridiculous thing in the world.
“Remus,” She said quietly, her eyes trained on her husband. “Why don’t you go to your room and read a little bit?” Only it didn’t really sound like a question. Suddenly Remus didn’t want to leave at all. He wanted to hear what they were saying. He wanted to know what was going on.
“Is that my Hogwarts letter?” He asked suddenly.
“Remus.” This time it was Lyall who spoke. “Not now, ok?”
Remus stared at them for a moment longer desperately trying to come up with something to say that will make them let him stay. But then he gave up and got up from his seat glumly, picking up his book. Lyall patted him on the head as he passed. Right as his foot touched the first step of the staircase he could hear the kitchen door close.
Remus was always a boy that did as he was told. He never felt the need to rebel or cause mischief but at that moment he felt a sudden urge of disobedience and instead of continuing up the stairs to his room he paused, set down his book, and sat on the step trying to listen to what his parents were saying.
“Look I understand you’re nervous-” Lyall’s voice started.
“Nervous?!” Hope’s voice shrieked.
“Yes, nervous. But the fact is that we can’t keep homeschooling Remus forever. He has to go to Hogwarts. I mean look at him! All he does is read and write all day. He loves learning new things to the extent where I can’t even teach him anything anymore because he knows as much as I do! Are we really going to take away his only chance at a somewhat normal life because of…” His voice faltered. There was silence for a moment. Then Lyall said in a much quieter voice...so quiet that Remus had to strain to hear it, “Hogwarts was the best time of my life. Those years were full of...adventure, friends, and learning. I wouldn’t want to deny that of even my worst enemy, much less my son.”
“I know…” Hope sighed, and then there was a long pause in which Remus felt an odd tingling in his chest. He wanted to go to Hogwarts like nothing he’d ever wanted before. But deep down he knew he didn’t deserve it. Didn’t deserve these adventures his father talked about. Didn’t deserve to learn more than he already knew. And most of all he did NOT deserve friends. Not that anyone would ever want to be his friend.
Remus was quiet for an eleven-year-old. He was observant, intelligent, soft-spoken and while adults often called him mature for his age, other children he met just called him boring and weird. He couldn’t blame them. If he were normal he wouldn’t want to play with him either. After a few seconds Remus picked up his book and climbed up the stairs to his room. Laying down in his bed he stared up at the ceiling where he and his mother had attached muggle glow-in-the-dark stars.
Looking up into the stars he felt himself relax once more. One time after a particularly bad full moon he had woken up crying and in pain his mind filling with panic as he realized he was conscious. His mum had been sitting next to his bed when he woke up but all he could think about was that the full moon wasn’t over yet and that there might be a chance that any moment the wolf would attack his mother and that it would be his fault. The only thing that could calm him down was when his father came into the room and opened the window letting Remus peak out into the night sky where he could see the stars like sprinkles of light in the dark. The next day his mother came home with the glow-in-the-dark stickers and he had sat on his bed watching as she attached them to his ceiling. “There,” she had said sitting down on the bed next to him. “Now you’ll never have to be in the dark again. The stars will always be there to remind you of who you are.” Remus smiled at the memory but he still felt a cold tugging sensation in the pit of his stomach. I don’t even want to go to Hogwarts, he tried to convince himself. It’s probably boring. Besides, I like being here. I like my parents and my room and my house...
“Remus?” Remus looked up and he saw his parents walking up the stairs towards his room. He sat up and watched them apprehensively.
“Your father and I have been talking about the letter from Hogwarts. We think...well you know how fond your father was of the place…” Hope started to say. This is it, Remus thought. Now they’re going to tell me I can’t go. That it’s too much of a risk.
“And well we thought...we thought we should give it a try."
“What?” Remus blurted, suddenly looking up at his parents. His mother was smiling nervously and his father looked very pleased with himself.
“I can go?! To Hogwarts?” Remus exclaimed not believing his ears.
His parents nodded and smiled.
“But what about...the...wolf?” Remus asked quietly staring down at his hands. The air from the room seemed to suddenly go cold. His father took Remus’s small scarred hands in his own and said softly, “Nothing should ever stand in the way of your happiness, Remus. Nothing. Not even Lycanthropy.” Remus felt his face grow warm.
“What about...the other students?”
Hope pursed her lips, and Lyalls eyes flicked down to the ground for a second.
“The other students will be safe. And so will you. No one will know about your condition except for Dumbledore and your house leader.”
“Professor Flitwick?” Remus asked quietly. He knew Flitwick was the Ravenclaw house leader as he had heard his father talk about him before. He seemed nice enough. Lyall smiled.
“Flitwick is a kind man. But we don’t know what house you’ll be in yet, so don’t worry about that. Your mother and I will be proud of you no matter what.” Remus smiled weakly at that.
“Even if I fail in every class?”
His mother laughed loudly throwing her head back, her brown eyes sparkling. “You couldn’t even if you tried!” She said fondly, ruffling his hair. Remus allowed himself another small smile.
"We'll always be proud of you, Remus."
_ _ _ _
“You better make us proud Sirius.”
Walburga Black always had a way of saying things that could have been comforting under other circumstances but turned out not comforting at all. Sirius had always hated this peculiar habit that his mother seemed to use so relentlessly. But then again he hated most things about his mother.
“Sirius Orion Black are you listening to me?” Sirius cringed at the use of his full name, bowing his head and avoiding his mother's cold steel gaze.
“Yes, yes, make you proud. Represent the Ancient and Most Noble House Of Black, I got it.”
The dark-haired boy had a hint of annoyance in his voice. He usually wasn’t very keen on listening but since his Hogwarts letter had arrived this morning he certainly had better things to do today than listen to his mother’s awful speeches about honor.
Ever since he was a little boy and he had gotten his first signs of magic he hadn't used it in the same way that the others in his family had. While Bellatrix, and Narcissa, his cousins, had used magic to kill insects, and hex each other, he loved to sit in a corner with his younger brother, trying to make him laugh. Turning dust into snow (the Black children weren't allowed outside when it snowed because they weren't allowed get their clothes wet), drawing patterns in the air, and pull pranks on his cousins. His entire family knew that Sirius was different. He had always known that himself. He knew that his parents hated the fact that their precious heir wasn’t at all what they wanted him to be. Sirius bit his lip. He didn't care. He didn't want to be like his family anyway. Why should he? A small part of him wished that he could just be like the rest of his family. Just a little bit. Just enough to get him by without him having to concentrate every minute of every day to say the right words and do the right movements and pretend he was someone he wasn't. Even when he pretended it just wasn't good enough. It never was. Sirius thought about his letter longingly.
He wanted to start school and get out of this awful house his parents called home. Grimmauld Place 12 had never been his home. He had felt more at home during the weekend visits to his uncle Alphard’s small cottage, with his brother Regulus, and the one cousin he could actually stand, Andromeda, than he was certain he would ever do here. He wanted to get on with the preparations for his first year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. He wanted to pack his clothes, and his books and wand. He wanted to run away and never come back. He wanted to be his own person and not the Heir. He wanted to for once act like himself. But then again he's been pretending for so long, Sirius wasn't even sure who he really was underneath it all. September 1st couldn’t come fast enough.
“Sirius I want you to listen very carefully now.” His Mother's voice interrupted his thoughts once again, ripping him back into present time. He turned his head away from the letter that was lying on the table in front of him and tried to focus on the words coming out of his mother's mouth. Just a few more weeks, he thought to himself.
“You will not make Slytherin a laughing stock to the rest of the school. Once you get sorted you will sit with your cousins and you will be silent and you follow their lead. We can't have you going around diminishing the true honor of Slytherin.” Sirius tried to keep in a sigh. Slytherin. Generations of Blacks had been in Salazar's house and there was no surprise in the fact that his parents expected him to join his ancestors. But he always felt uncomfortable when anyone mentioned the sorting to him. Slytherin had just never seemed as inviting to him as it seemed to be to the rest of his family.
“You will not dishonor the Black family name in any way shape or form, and you will be a model student. We have put up with your questionable behavior for long enough but it is time for you to grow up. Is that understood?”
“Yes, Mother,” Sirius replied. It was barely above a whisper, but he couldn’t bring himself to be any more enthusiastic about his mother’s words.
She paused staring at him with her cold, foggy eyes. Sirius felt his throat close up and let his eyes flicker to the ground.
"Look at me when I'm talking to you!" His mother snapped. He winced then forced himself to look up into her eyes. She shook her head, her lips in a thin line.
"You are excused."
He nodded gratefully, got up, and grabbed the letter from the table, practically ran up the stairs to his room where he closed the door and flung himself onto his bed. He swallowed, still feeling the tight knot in his throat. He didn’t want to be a Slytherin. He didn't know what he wanted to be. But not a Slytherin. He didn’t want to be a Heir either. He didn’t want to live in this house with these people and their horrible beliefs. And most of all he didn’t want to be a Black. But somehow he knew that he would never get away from any of this. Not really. He would always have to return to this place after a year at Hogwarts. He would always have to face his parents and his cousins and aunts and uncles. He would no doubt be sorted into Slytherin, and he would always be a Black at heart. Whether he liked it or not. He couldn’t hold the scream of frustration any longer. Shoving his face into his pillow he screamed until his voice cracked and his throat felt raw, leaving him feeling kind of pleased at the lingering pain he felt in his neck. He prayed that his parents wouldn't come in, and his hands felt clammy and cold. After a moment of laying on his bed his face in his pillow, he turned around and faced the ceiling. Hogwarts. One the cold, white, bare canvas of his ceiling he tried to imagine his new home and all of the opportunities that awaited him. He closed his eyes, and tried to calm down. He would be ok. He would be ok.
“Sirius?” Regulus entered Sirius's room, without knocking, as per usual. With his 10 years of age, he was just a year younger than Sirius, but he seemed so much smaller in Sirius’s mind. Although they both looked very similar Sirius had always had the darker hair and the lighter eyes while his brother was still a lot shorter, and his hair in a more brownish color rather than black. Stepping into the room, Regulus made his way over to Sirius's bed and sat down next to his older brother. His pale face seemed even whiter than usual and he looked scared and sad. Sirius knew what was coming before, Regulus even opened his mouth.
“Sirius, are you going to leave me?”
Immediately Sirius felt bad. Of all the things at home, his younger brother was the only thing he would miss. He wished he could just take Regulus with him to Hogwarts yet he knew that wasn't possible. Besides Regulus would follow him there only a year later. And then they could be together all the time without having to deal with their parents. But instead of saying this Sirius just said, “Don’t be silly Reg, I’ll be going to school in September, but I promise to visit every holiday, so you won’t even have the chance to miss me.”
He grinned at his little brother, his voice becoming a soft, reassuring whisper.
His brother didn't grin back at him though. “Please don’t do anything that’ll upset Mother or Father. Just do as they ask, and everything will be so much easier for all of us.”
Sirius felt dumbstruck. Regulus didn’t even wait for a reply. Instead, he got upp and started walking to the door. "I don't want you to get in trouble."
"And I, you," Sirius said quickly.
Regulus gave him a sad smile and closed the door leaving his brother alone with his thoughts.
_ _ _ _
“Oh thank Merlin you’re not a squib!”
Mrs. Pettigrew cried in relief. The morning sun streamed through the window and illuminated the dust that slowly drifted in flowy movements in the air. Peter could see that his mother's hand that was holding the Hogwarts letter was trembling violently, disrupting the magical flow of the particles of dust. “Oh, I can’t believe it! Oh, thank Merlin!” His mother's voice was trembling almost as much as her hand.
Peter could feel his face heat in embarrassment and shame, as he avoided his mother's eyes.
“Mum!” Enid, Peter’s older sister, scolded their mother. “You’re being very rude! Of course, we knew Peter isn’t a squib.” She put her hand on his shoulder reassuringly. “We always believed in you.”
“Thanks, Enid.” He said as they watched their mother run out of the room to floo all of their relatives. Peter knew that Enid had always had a knack to protect her brother. She was probably his favorite person in the whole world. Although she was smart and pretty and had many friends she never made Peter feel stupid, like so many other people did. Often when they went outside or when she hung out with her friends she would let him stand beside her and listen to what she was saying. He didn't want to admit it but he liked hiding behind her strong presence. Her accomplishments. It made him feel like he was somewhat worthy too.
“She’s just excited,” Enid continued, sitting down at the kitchen table. Like always, she could sense Peter’s rotting mood.
“She wasn’t this excited when you got your letter.” He grumbled sitting down too.
“Oh come on, Peter. That was four years ago, you can’t possibly remember.” Peter glared at his sister and raised his eyebrows. (He would've raised only one for dramatic effect but he couldn't actually do that.)
"I may be an idiot but at least that’s one thing I’ll always remember.” Enid just rolled her eyes and got up from the chair as if she couldn’t believe they were having this conversation again. “You are NOT an idiot Peter Pettigrew." He felt his face heat again as she focused her green eyes on him. "Don’t let anyone ever convince you that you are."
Enid got up and started walking towards the stairs. He could tell she wasn't really in the mood to console him, but he couldn't blame her since his low self-esteem practically needed consoling every few minutes. Once she reached the stairs she paused and offhandedly said, “Get ready and meet me outside in ten minutes. And floo James. I'll take you two to Diagon Alley to celebrate.” And before Peter could answer she was already at the top of the stairs, her long blonde hair swinging out of view.