Face
It's been almost a month since Taeyeon first got to hear J's voice. Every night, she would go to the rooftop, and even though she still doesn't know what J looks like, it was enough for Taeyeon that she was finally open talking with her in person.
"Hello?"
Taeyeon walked towards the center of the rooftop carefully. She spent the next minute in silence, contemplating whether she's ready to do what she's thinking of doing. After several attempts of opening and closing her mouth, she took a deep breath and mustered up enough courage to continue.
"J!!!"
She took several deep breaths after what she had done, but it was nothing compared to the silence that followed. Taeyeon was about to shout again, if not for the voice which broke the silence of the night.
"Why are you shouting?"
Taeyeon's head snapped towards the direction of the next rooftop. A grin appeared on her face when she spotted a familiar hooded figure.
"I was worried you wouldn't be showing yourself to me again after last time. I was about to shout again."
"I figured. I thought I had to say something or you'll wake the entire neighborhood up."
Taeyeon laughed. She was standing near the edge of the rooftop and couldn't help but blurt out what she was currently thinking about.
"I wish we could be closer while talking. I mean like... you know... sitting side by side or something." Although she was already thankful for being able to talk with J like this, she couldn't help but wish they could be closer, literally.
"Why?"
" 'cause... I just really want to be closer to you. I'm sorry. If... you're uncomfortable with that, it's okay." She looked up towards the hooded girl. "But could I perhaps visit you in your home sometime?
"No."
The reply was cold. Taeyeon was shocked at the change of tone, and was a bit hurt.
"Why not?" She frowned.
"I'm... not home most of the time."
"Oh." She then suddenly thought that the other girl of course had to go to school so she wouldn't be home most of the time. She is too. Taeyeon suppressed a laugh. "Looks like we only really have the night, huh?" Taeyeon suddenly had an idea. "How about now?"
"Huh?"
"What if I go over there now?"
There was a deafening silence that followed, and before the other girl could say anything, Taeyeon immediately added, "I mean, I'd go over to your rooftop."
She couldn't see the other girl's face, but if she could, she was sure that the latter had a really shocked expression on.
Her eyes scanned the surroundings to see if she could perhaps find a way to get to the other rooftop safely. They had a tree and the branches looked sturdy enough for her to step on, until she could safely cross to the other side. It looked dangerous to her, though. She wasn't one who was good in sports. She was more of a clumsy one. She gulped. "Or I could just head over to your place right now, you're home anyway."
Taeyeon traced the steps with her eyes.
Step on the edge, hop, 3 side steps, step on the branch...
"Close your eyes. I'll think about it."
"Huh? What for? I mean, why do I have to close my eyes?"
"I have to ask the stars about their opinion." Taeyeon stared at the side of the other girl's hood and could hear her smile. "Count to ten then I'll give you my answer."
"Okay, then." She tried her best not to break into a smile, although she failed miserably. While mentally counting one to ten, she was already thinking of the possibility of heading over to the next rooftop, and being able to talk to her up close. She even pleaded for the stars to help her. When she reached ten, she slowly opened her eyes.
"So, what do you say? Is it o-" The rest of the words got stuck in her throat when she caught something from her peripheral vision, which made her jump a couple of steps back. "Holy-!" J was suddenly beside her. She noticed that the hooded girl's shoulders were shaking up and down, giving her the impression that she was laughing.
"Yah! Don't scare me like that!" She glared at the other girl who was leaning on the edge of the rooftop. "A-and I thought I was supposed to be the one going over to your rooftop? Hey that was dangerous! How the heck did you even get here?! What if you fell?!"
J giggled once more, and this time, Taeyeon started to relax a bit, especially when she heard J's laugh. When the latter stopped laughing, she finally spoke.
"Taeyeon, have you forgotten how I was able to send you those notes before?" Taeyeon looked down and tried to think about what the other girl meant. Probably sensing the confusion, J continued, "Of course I had to come here myself to post those notes on the wall, so don't worry about me. I'm more worried that you'll be the one who'd get hurt if you attempt to go over to the other rooftop."
"So you think you've already mastered the art of breaking into our house, huh?" Taeyeon chuckled. She meant it as a joke but when she noticed that J's shoulders tensed, she decided to stop. "Hey, I'm just joking." She saw a small nod from the other girl.
"It's okay."
"I'm really thankful you're here. Thank you." Taeyeon extended her hand towards the other girl. "Come, let's sit there in the middle." A few agonizing seconds passed, and J didn't even move a muscle. Taeyeon thought of retrieving her hand back, when the other girl suddenly moved, with her hand slowly being placed on hers. A smile formed on her face as she slowly led the other girl towards the middle of the rooftop to sit.
Taeyeon talked about how her day went, and she would sometimes be looking to her side, towards J, and would inevitably frown when all she could see was a hood, not even a side profile. She was already grateful that the other girl came over from the other rooftop, but her curiosity just couldn't leave her alone. So after a while of thinking and contemplating, Taeyeon finally let out the question that was bugging her.
"Until when are you planning to hide your face from me?"
J wasn't looking at Taeyeon, but she could tell by the way she asked that she was sad.
"I don't get it. I mean, yeah, maybe I get that you don't really trust me yet but it's been months since we've been talking, although only through notes, and now you're already here... I just would like to see you while we're talking,you know, just like how normal people would." Taeyeon had her head down the whole time. She didn't want to sound too demanding, nor pushy.
"Must you really see my face to talk to me? Can't we just... stay like this?" Her voice was soft, and Taeyeon could sense the insecurity in the other girl's voice.
"I just would like to see your pretty face." Taeyeon tried to lighten the mood up.
"But I'm... not pretty."
"Then let me be the judge of that."
"You won't like what you'll see."
"Come on, it can't be that bad."
"But I'm really not pretty." Taeyeon frowned at J's responses. It seemed like she had a really low self esteem. Is that why she's hiding her face?
"Look, I won't stop being your friend no matter how you look like, okay? I just really wanna see you. I want you to be comfortable with me. I'm not pressuring you to be comfortable at a snap of a finger, but for you to do that, you got to at least stop hiding your face from me. I won't laugh at you or anything like that. I won't run away."
There was a long pause. Taeyeon knew that the other girl was thinking hard and was contemplating, so she gave her the time.
"You promise?"
"I promise."
Taeyeon saw J ball her fists which were on her knees, seemingly contemplating. The latter's hands reached up and slowly pulled her hood off. She then slowly turned to face Taeyeon, before her eyes slowly made their way up to meet hers.
Taeyeon's eyes widened, and her jaw hung low.
She's...
Taeyeon allowed her eyes to scan J's face. It was dark, but with the help of the moonlight, she was able to make out how pretty she was. She didn't understand why she's been hiding in her hoodie all this time when she had such a face.
Several seconds passed in silence and J's fingers started to fidget while clutching her hood. She wasn't sure what to make of the other girl's silence. Was it good? or was it bad? Perhaps, it was a wrong move to show her face. She felt exposed and naked under her stare, even if the only thing she showed to Taeyeon was her face. She had the sudden urge to bring her hood up again and hide.
"No, no, no.." Taeyeon grabbed her wrist in reflex, then slowly pulled it down. She allowed herself a few more seconds to take in the sight before her, before she was able to speak. Taeyeon realized that the other girl might've thought that her silence was a bad thing, when in fact, it was the exact opposite. She just really couldn't speak. To be honest, she tried not to expect much. After sensing how insecure the other girl was in showing her face, she thought she just looked like an average girl, but she surely didn't expect.... this.
Taeyeon didn't know that her gaze was making the other girl melt. But sensing that the other girl was getting uncomfortable with her stare, she was finally able to say something.
"You're beautiful."
J was thankful that it was dark outside, and that it was able to hide the blush creeping up her cheeks. Taeyeon was oblivious to it, and was more concerned with the blush forming on her own face, she immediately thought of something to deviate the current topic.
"S-so... are we of the same age?"
"I dunno, how old are you?"
"I'm seventeen."
"Then I'm older."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
Taeyeon was happy that she finally got to talk to J up close, although it was mostly her who was doing the talking. But she didn't care. They talked for hours, until she failed to stifle a mini yawn, which she immediately regretted because the other girl caught it.
"Are you tired?"
"Umm no, not really." Taeyeon replied, desperate to keep the conversation going. It wasn't like she was bored talking to J, it was because school tired her out.
"I should head back. I shouldn't hold you up any longer." Taeyeon frowned, mentally pleading for the other girl to change her mind. The other girl stood up and dusted herself off. Taeyeon followed soon after and did the same.
"Thank you." That made the hooded girl turn her head towards her.
"For what?"
"For coming here, and for showing yourself to me. I know it must've been hard for you."
J merely blinked. She didn't know what to say.
"By the way, I've been wanting to ask you this from the start... C-can we be friends?" Taeyeon nervously shifted her weight on her other foot, waiting for her response. J then had a small smile on her face as she replied,
"I was already your friend since I sent you my first note."
Taeyeon couldn't help but smile back at that.
"Good night, J." Taeyeon waved a bit.
"Good night."
"Be careful, okay?"
"I will." With that she watched as J turned around and skillfully made her way back. Her eyes never left the other girl as she carefully stepped on the tree's branch, then carefully hopped back to the other rooftop.
-
"Taeyeon."
"..."
"Yah, Taeyeon!"
"W-what? Sorry."
"Seriously, what's going through your mind, huh?" Sunny threw a fry at Taeyeon. The three of them, including Sooyoung, became closer as the months passed by, and they were finally comfortable enough to tease each other and scold each other. Sunny was doing the latter to Taeyeon because she caught her spacing out again. "You're crushing on someone, aren't you?"
"What? No!"
"Then what is it?"
"Nothing. I was just thinking of the assignment Mr. Wang gave us earlier. It's so damn hard." Taeyeon bowed and tried to hide her blushing face by stuffing her mouth with pasta, but the short girl across her only squinted at her.
"You are crushing on someone!" Sunny slammed her palms on the table. "Sooyoung's so gonna love this tea later." She clasped her hands together while wearing a huge smile on her face.
"Hey, I'm not!"
"So, who is it?" She smirked and ignored her friend's claim. "Don't tell me it's the guy Mr. Wang partnered you with for the previous activity!"
"What? No! We barely even talked."
"Or was it the girl who you helped pick the books up?"
"Nope. I don't even know her name." Taeyeon took her cup and took a sip. Just then, Sunny's expression darkened.
"Don't tell me it's Siwon."
The other girl choked on her drink.
"What the freakin' hell?! I'd take the other two you just mentioned over Mr. Egoistic." Taeyeon shivered at the thought. "Ugh. You're making me lose my appetite.
"Then who is it?"
"I told you there's no one."
"Oookay then. I'm just gonna probe next time when Sooyoung's here." Sunny muttered the last sentence to herself, but Taeyeon caught it and rolled her eyes.
The truth is, she was afraid that Sunny might be right. It's been days since J finally revealed her face to her, and she'd be lying if she was to say that her heart didn't beat erratically, and that she couldn't get the other girl's face off her mind, but Sunny didn't need to know that. Not yet, at least. Taeyeon's brows furrowed. She forgot to ask the school where J went. She made a mental note to ask her next time they meet, hopefully later.
"Hey, Sunny."
"What?"
"Do you happen to know anyone named J in this school?"
"J? Hmm... do you happen to know the family name? And wait, is J even a boy or a girl?"
"No, I don't know. And she's a girl."
"J, huh... don't you really know her full name? Her first name, at least?" Taeyeon thought for a while. She has been asking J about her first name before, and she even tried to urge her to tell her her real name, but when the other girl still answered J, she stopped asking and took J as her real name.
"I don't."
"How about her grade? or her age?"
"All I know is that she told me she's older than me."
"Oh. She must be a senior, then."
"Yeah."
"Are you sure she goes to this school, though?"
Taeyeon sighed for the nth time that day. "No." Sunny noticed the sad look on her friend's face.
"Don't worry, though. I'll ask around and I'll let you know if I find anything." That got her friend's smile back.
"Thanks, Sunny!"
"Who is this J, by the way?" She couldn't help but ask.
"She's my friend." Taeyeon smiled, recalling their last conversation. J's 'I was already your friend since I sent you my first note' replayed in her head. Sunny didn't miss the smile on her friend's face, and made a mental note to tell Sooyoung about Taeyeon's weird behavior, especially towards this J person she just asked about.
-
She stared. She stared hard. She didn't know why she did it, and where she even got her confidence from. She wasn't supposed to show Taeyeon her face. She couldn't believe she did it, either.
'You're beautiful.'
Taeyeon's voice replayed in her mind as she stared at her own reflection in the mirror. She smiled at what the other girl told her, but the smile was immediately replaced by a frown.
She probably missed it.
I'm not beautiful.
Just then, she heard a familiar sound again, which made her clench her fists on the sink.
Definitely not beautiful.
She harshly washed her face, then her hands, before heading out.