Sana didn't know how she got here, she was getting ready for bed when she heard a loud pounding on her door at 2 am and now she was taking makeup off a very drunk Jihyo who couldn't even keep her head straight and her eyes open.
"You look so gorgeous like this-" Jihyo muttered almost incoherently, looking up at her girlfriend with her half-lidded eyes, and Sana couldn't help the blush that grew on her cheeks.
Jihyo smelled of rum mixed with coke and cigarettes, but also of the berry scented candles she kept in her room at the same time, intoxicating and sweet. Sana couldn't do anything but fall more for the girl she had been loving since she was fifteen, taking her time to admire her girlfriend who looked so soft and just so pure as if she had no disturbances and no difficulties. Her rosy cheeks and her button nose, her long faded pink hair that framed her face, gentle eyelashes and the mole beneath her right eye. Jihyo reminded Sana of warm blankets and chocolate cakes, Christmas lights, and fairytales. She reminded Sana of hot baths and long walks on the beach, sunsets, and coffee dates. Jihyo reminded Sana of good, of everything she ever loved in this world.
Sana tenderly helped Jihyo on her feet, a strong arm wrapped around her shoulders to steady her as she guided the smaller of the two to her bed. Sana tucked her girlfriend under the heavy duvets, climbing in the spot next to her. And almost instantly, Jihyo had her face tucked in the crook of her neck, the cold tip of her nose tickling her skin, and Sana just pulled her flush against her chest to provide her lover some of her warmth.
"do you remember the day you asked me out?" Jihyo asked quietly, looking up at the older girl, eyes twinkling as the moonlight shone on her face from the opened curtains in the room. Sana let out a small hum, nudging her nose with Jihyo's with a small smile "May 15th. how can I forget?"
"you were wearing a grey t-shirt with a flower on the back of it. you were nervous, I could tell. You kept biting on your lip and you were rubbing circles on your arm. You looked lovely though. you always do. I think you're the loveliest girl ever. you're so pretty. I like everything about you, you know?" Jihyo started in a melodious voice, small warm hands cupping her lover's cheeks, and Sana couldn't help but beam at the girl's drunken confessions.
"do you remember, the time you saved me? you came like a knight in shining armor and saved me from everything, I had failed my physics test even after studying so hard for it. I was so down and you were getting late for class but you took me out for hot chocolate, you made everything alright in just a few minutes. you held my hand and you calmed me down. i remember- you saved me like you always do. It wasn't much of a big deal for you, but it meant the world to me. You always waited for me after my tests, even if you hate waiting. You save me all the time. I want to save you too. one day I will be your hero too. wait ok?" Jihyo's voice was starting to get heavy from sleep and her eyes were closing, but her grasp on Sana's shirt was just as tight as it was before.
"go to sleep, you dumbo. you need to rest" Sana murmured, threading her fingers through her girlfriend's silky locks but Jihyo shook her head, voice just above a whisper and maybe if Sana wasn't so close, she wouldnt be able to catch it. "im not done tho. i want you to listen, I haven't even talked about you yet. have I talked about your hair yet? no?"
Sana giggled quietly, shaking her head as she wrapped her arms tighter around Jihyo. looking outside the window while she waited for the younger to continue talking "You havent. what do you like about my hair?"
"i like- no love. i love everything about it. your hair? god, your hair. i loved it before but you recently cut it a-and also dyed it. it looks even prettier now," Jihyo stated, a timid smile dancing on her lips "it looks very pretty, and it's very soft. like if i roll them with my fingers you know what happens? they curl! like literally, its so cool. i saw your story on Instagram and i like- i remember thinking that how did the most prefect and the beautiful girl in the world pick me. out of all other girls, you picked me. you fell in love with me. me, angel. you loved me" Jihyo turned to look at Sana with wide eyes.
there was a long silence between the two lovers, who were just staring up at each other with nothing but pure love and adoration. it felt like a scene out a rom-com and Sana could swear that she saw the sun light up behind Jihyo even if it was three in the morning.
"you know i will always pick you, over and over again. forever and always. till i breathe my last breath. i told you that" Sana hushed in the cold night, her ears getting hotter and hotter every passing second though the smile on her face didnt flatter even a single bit.
"i know, i know-" Jihyo sighed, waving her hand at the older girl before starting once more in a slurred tone, as if she was processing the words in her mouth. "i love you too but. like- do you know what makes you the cutest person alive? its the mole under your eye- angel that. mole."
"well, its not directly under my eye-" Sana dead-panned but was instantly hushed when Jihyo pressed her index finger on her lips.
"it's still there and- and thats what matters. i looked at it and fell in love. anyways, my heart like- like it starts to hurt but in a good way!! whenever i see you or think of you. uh - i dont know its like, you know- when. for example when- uh. like- like when a cat sits in your lap out of all the people in the room and you feel so honoured and stuff- do you get it?" Jihyo tried to explain, her hands shuffling around as she gazed up at her soulmate.
It was almost Christmas, mid-December, the coldest night Sana had experienced in a long time. but Jihyos slurred and delicate words were making her heart race, the butterflies dancing in her stomach. the warmth and mellowness Sana felt from her lover's words was unexplainable. she felt like she was over the moon. Jihyo's lopsided grin making her feel helplessly in love and protected, safe from the world.
"and your eyes tho. green or brown. it doesnt matter because theyre the most beautiful. and no one can compare to you cause youre perfect. more perfect than anyone else and whenever i look in your eyes, i see the stars. you- you have like stars in your eyes- no ! the milky way. the milky way in your eyes. or galaxies. whatever you want in your eyes. theyre so pretty and they sparkle when you see a cute duckling or a tiktok or a funny meme and-"
Jihyo suddenly stopped, a deep frown settling on her face as her big doe eyes that were so full of love were now glossed by tears, her bottom lip wobbly. "and i- uh- i dont know how much tears they cried because of me."
Sana could feel her heart break as she cupped Jihyo's face cautiously, as if she was made out of the finest of glass and could break at the smallest of touch. She pulled her even close to her chest when Jihyo started to let out small sniffles, rubbing her back as she looked down at her soulmate who seemed to be dipped in guilt and sorrow. She wanted to speak, tell Jihyo it was not her fault but she cut her off.
"im sorry, Sana. im s-so fucking sorry. please forgive me- im trying, i promise angel im trying" Jihyo's voice broke, shaking her head as if to clear the fog in her head. "i promise, believe me. im trying so hard. im trying so hard for you- i-i am trying hard! im trying to be more understanding! i promise just dont leave me again"
Sana knew what the younger was talking about, but she had forgiven Jihyo a long time ago, even if it wasnt her fault. Jihyo was going through a lot of stress, she had to prepare for her college exams and at the same time, things had started to get bad at her home. They had gotten into a huge argument and they had might said a few harsh things to each other but the who spoke the most was Jihyo. They had gotten over it quickly, Jihyo apologizing over and over again and Sana just trying to calm her girlfriend down. but Jihyo, time to time beat herself silently because she remembered how shaken up Sana was that she didnt even text her. Sana knew there were times Jihyo was too guilty to even look at her, shed break down in tears but Jihyo was trying to get better and Sana could clearly see that.
"i was so fucking selfish- i just wanted more but i didnt even notice that you needed it too- you needed love too- i was just- i felt so unloved and i took it out on you when it was you giving your all. i was so greedy" Jihyo's voice grew more and more lighter, meaning that she had cried herself to exhaustion despite being drunk off her ass "and i didnt even notice you were suffering! you werent happy because of me! i lost you. you were gone and i was so scared, angel. i was so so so scared! i-"
Sana looked down at Jihyo and pulled her away from her chest, cutting her off quickly as she hated Jihyo being sad, wiping her tears with her sleeve before showing her girlfriend her hands "what do you think of my hands, dumbo? i think theyre too small so i dont like them"
Jihyo snuffled, wiping her nose with the back of her sleeve before holding Sana's hands, immediately getting distracted as she shook her head "no! no theyre the prettiest hands ive ever seen. like theyre perfect. like they were made for me to hold. made for me to place kisses on. trust me i will put a pretty ring on it one day. i promise you i will make you my wife, i promise angel" Jihyo mumbled, eyes drooping once more, weariness clear in her tone.
Sana chuckled, shaking her head as she pulled Jihyo close to her chest once again, stroking her hair softly with a hum, pressing a kiss on her forehead. she didnt even need to say anything and Jihyo was already out like a light. her breathing steady against her shoulder.
Sana knew her and Jihyo fought a lot, even over the pettiest of things. Like how one time, Jihyo wanted to watch a Star Wars movie but Sana absolutely hated it. They both were too stubborn but at the end of the day, they both were too in love as well. So Sana gave in. And how Jihyo despite hating dogs, got Sana a puppy. They were soulmates, they were made for each other and it was Sana who made Jihyo realise that. So many promises and love was shared between them. And Sana knew that no way in hell, Jihyo would let that go.
Jihyo was clearly trying hard to get better, she talked to Sana about her problems and Sana helped her out the best way she could. and vice versa. The girl was trying to find more and more ways they could spend time together like going to see the flowers or just a small dinner at the local restaurant.
Sana knew that Jihyo would definitely wake up grumpy tomorrow and she was ready to pamper her with all the love and care she could offer her and just keep up with her tantrums for a few hours. After all, the way Jihyo melted her heart like butter with her soft words and adorable little actions, that was the least she could do.
"not if i put one on yours first" Christmas was just in two days and Sana really couldnt wait to make Jihyo, her dumbo, really hers until forever and always.