What if you change your mind?

“What have I done? Fuck fuck fuck, what did I do?” Eve thinks as she begins to walk away. The further she walks the harder it is to make her feet move. She knows she won’t make it far, stopping only ten paces from where she started. She can’t believe she asked for this, well not exactly this but you get the point.

It wasn’t until she felt Villanelle move from her back when she realized she didn’t want this. She couldn’t let her go. She couldn’t imagine her life without her, and she didn’t want to. She turns around and almost faints at the sight of Villanelle standing twenty paces away. She prays to a god she doesn’t believe in that the woman turns around. Did she feel the pull? Could she see this was a mistake too?

After waiting what feels like an eternity, Villanelle turns. Eve can see her break into a small smile. And she lets out a breath she didn’t realize she had been holding. She can tell the other woman wants to say something but Eve knows she has to act fast before she loses her newfound confidence. Maybe subconsciously she’s worried the blond will change her mind and keep walking.

“V… please” is all Eve can get out. It’s small and barely audible. She sees a look of confusion cross the other woman’s face like she’s not sure if Eve wants her to stay or go. She’s hesitant. Eve can tell she’s off to a shit start. She reaches towards Villanelle and takes a small step, as though she might disappear if she moves too quickly. The two slowly make their way back to where they started, meeting in the middle. They stand face to face, both afraid if they look away the other will be gone.

Villanelle is the one to break the silence. “Eve, I-“

“No Villanelle, it’s my turn.” Villanelle stops and waits for Eve to continue. Eve isn’t sure she’s ever seen the woman look this soft but she’ll come back to that later.

“I can’t… I can’t just walk away from you, V. I don’t want to go back to how things were before you came into my life. And I know deep down you think you’ve ruined it for me. But you’re all I have left and I know I asked you to make it stop but I don’t want to live in a world without you in it. I need you.” Villanelle starts to interrupt but Eve puts a hand on her chest as to stop her. “I’m almost done just-“ Eve says. It’s almost an entire minute before she starts again, wanting to get this right and praying Villanelle stays.

“I wake up and I think about you. I told you in Paris how I thought about you all the time. But this- I…” Hesitant to continue she looks up and sees tears in those hazel eyes she adores so much, the reassurance she needed to continue. “I wake up and my first thought is that I hope you’re okay. I see your face and I pray I’ll see it again and again. I don’t ever want to lose sight of you. I think of what it would be like to wake up and see you beside me. To brush your hair behind your ear and whisper good morning.”

Eve reaches up and brushes a tear off Villanelle’s cheek. V leans her head into Eve’s hand and something breaks inside of her. The woman looks so small and Eve knows she has to continue before she doesn’t have the strength. Seeing her so vulnerable and accepting lights a fire under Eve she hadn’t expected. They’re both crying now but Eve doesn’t stop.

“I realized somewhere along the way that I love you. God, I’m so fucking sorry it took me this long to say it. I love you Villanelle. I know I told you in Rome you didn’t know what that means. But I was wrong. I think I was just too scared to admit that I love you too. You love in the way you know how and I didn’t realize until you told me to walk that it’s all I need. I’ll go anywhere with you Villanelle, if you’ll let me.” Eve looks up again to see the tears still spilling from Villanelle. She sees a look of hesitation and nods to let the other woman know it’s her turn to speak.

“I’m not sure what to say Eve, I umm” Villanelle starts.

Eve starts to internally panic. She reaches for Villanelle’s hand, just needing to feel the other woman’s touch one more time in case this is the end. God what if this is the end? Eve isn’t sure how she’ll cope. If she’s honest with herself, she knows she won’t.

“Do you mean it?” Villanelle asks.

“What?”

“You said you love me?”

“I do, with everything in me I do. I love you Villanelle, and I, I hope you haven’t stopped loving me too.” Eve looks up at her with conviction and feels Villanelle’s hands shaking slightly.

“I love you too Eve, in the only way I know how.”

Villanelle leans her head against Eve’s letting her decide what happens next. Her tears slow and Villanelle knows she would still walk away from Eve if that’s what the woman wanted. It would hurt worse than anything she’s ever felt in her life. But she would do it for Eve. She understands now that loving someone isn’t possessing them. It’s loving them enough to let them go.

As Eve starts to lean in to kiss her Villanelle whispers “Eve, are you sure this is what you-“ She’s cut off by Eve’s lips on hers. This kiss is nothing like the one they shared on the bus. It’s slow and tentative. It has Villanelle’s heart beating faster than she thinks it ever has before. She knows now what it is like to have actually kissed Eve and she thinks she could stand here like this forever. Villanelle is the first to pull away, looking down at Eve with so much love and vulnerability. She hopes her eyes tell Eve what she really wants to say- come with me.

It’s as though Eve can read her mind when she says “Where are you staying?”

Villanelle takes her hand and the two start to walk the way Villanelle was headed by herself not twenty minutes prior. Neither of them say a word, both too caught up in their own thoughts. Squeezing the other’s hand occasionally to let them know they’re thinking about each other. They’ve almost made it to the hotel when Villanelle stops. A distracted Eve hadn’t realized until she felt a tug on her hand. Eve turns to witness tears streaming down Villanelle’s face.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” Eve asks slightly panicked. Did Villanelle think turning around was a mistake? Villanelle lets go of Eve’s hand and crosses her arms, avoiding eye contact. It’s the smallest she has ever seen the other woman look and it breaks Eve’s heart. She reaches forward and places an uncertain hand on Villanelle’s arm as to let her know she’s there when she’s ready.

Barely audible Villanelle says “What if you change your mind?”