Secrets

       Emily could tell by the way JJ spoke that something was wrong. Maybe she found something. Emily thinks while walking over to Garcia’s office. Emily goes to open the door but finds it locked. That’s odd, she never locks it. Emily knocks on the door instead of waiting for JJ to answer it. Instead she is met by a frightened Garcia. 

      “Is everything alright?” Emily asks. 

      “Come over here.” JJ says. Emily notes that JJ is using her interrogation voice. Here we go. 

      “Okay?” Emily says heading over to sit down in front of JJ. 

       “Why does the first victim have surveillance photos of you?” JJ asks, trying to stay calm. 

       “What are you talking about?” Emily asks, confused. 

       JJ turns the monitor so Emily can see and scrolls through hundreds of photos of Emily. “The file is called blackbird.” JJ says, giving Emily a knowing look. JJ knew that it was Emily’s codeword. 

      “Tell me what really happened or I’m bringing this to Hotch.” JJ says looking at her. She knew she would never actually bring it to him but hoped Emily doesn’t call her bluff. 

       “Alright, you can’t tell a soul.” Emily says looking between JJ and Garcia who is sitting in the corner. They both nod before she continues. “I was working undercover at the time trying to take down a sex trafficking ring. One night at a bar this woman, victim one, approached me and flirted with me. I didn’t even know if I liked women yet but something about her just excited me. We started seeing each other and after a couple months she asked me what I did. Being young and dumb I told her I was an undercover agent, for some reason I thought I could trust her.” Emily says looking away. JJ looks at Emily shaking her head. “Yeah so it went fine for a couple more weeks until one day I was just out doing my day job and I was taken. At first I was so confused and then I saw her. She just stood in front of me laughing. I had given myself away to her, I straight up told her who I was. I was beat and abused for a couple weeks, they were going to either kill me or sell me. One day I pretended to be passed out. She took the restraints off to move me and I attacked her, I wouldn’t have killed her if I didn’t have to. I was alone on that mission, I didn’t have any support or backup. I couldn’t just wait for a rescue because one wasn’t coming. It was kill or be killed. Everyone else who died was a part of that ring.”  Emily stops and looks down at her hands. 

     “Emily I’m sorry.” JJ says walking over to sit next to her.  “Why didn’t you tell me this?” JJ asks honestly. 

     “I don’t know. I thought everyone would think of me

different if you knew how bad I fucked up.” Emily says honestly. 

     “Why wasn’t it covered up more by the cia? Like shouldn’t we not have gotten this case at all?” Garcia asks, still confused. 

      “It wasn’t with the CIA . But I didn’t have a choice so I did what I had too.” Emily says. Garcia looks surprised but JJ just looks over at her and smiles. JJ knows what it's like in the field and if Emily said she didn’t have a choice then she didn’t.  

      “We deleted the file of you and Garcia made sure it looks like it was never there.” JJ says looking at Emily. 

      “Thank you.” She says, grabbing JJs hand. “I’m going to go back to my desk if that’s okay.” Emily says standing up. JJ and Garcia nod as she heads out of the room. 

     “So she just admitted to going rouge with some unknown association and killing all those people and we are just going to let it slide? Come on we have to tell Hotch.” Garcia says, still shocked. 

     “No we don’t. It is a classified case out of his jurisdiction, and you must treat it as such. We can’t tell anyone.” JJ gave Garcia the look. 

     “Fine. But are you really okay with this?” Garcia asks looking at JJ. “Like she went full on rogue.” 

     “You heard her say it was kill or be killed, she didn’t have a choice. Plus I trust her.” JJ says honestly taking a last look before deleting the file. 

      “It’s official! The more I know about Prentiss the crazier she gets.” Garcia says shaking her head. 

      “You’re not wrong.” JJ says shaking her head. 

      “If anything else pops up with any connection to blackbird or Emily you call me. Understood?” JJ says looking at Garcia. 

      “Yes ma’am” Garcia says, giving her a fake salute as JJ heads out the door trying to collect her thoughts. But one question still remained. Who did Emily work for? 

       The rest of the day went by smoothly but with everyone just continuing to go over the cases. The team reconvened in the afternoon to talk about what they had discovered. Hotch didn’t get a word in before Reid started. 

      “All of the victims have a single gunshot wound to the head.” He starts. 

      “Yeah? We already discussed that?” Morgan says confused.  

      “Yeah but they are all off center a bit and lower. A few even hit the victims in the eye socket.” 

      “Haven’t we seen something similar to this before? It’s sounding familiar?” Rossi says eyeing Hotch. 

      “Yeah when was that.” JJ says remembering it as well. 

     “It’s when you were looking at Ian Doyle.” Emily said looking directly at JJ. She looks around the room and sees the rest of the team staring at her. “That’s how he trained his people. Most men would go for the forehead and end up missing their head. So he taught to shot at the right eye.” Emily says looking around the room. Skipping over JJ who is clearly putting the piece together. 

      “Do you know if Doyle has any connections in the U.S. at the time?” Hotch asks. 

       Yes. She thinks. “No I’ll have to go back and check into it.” 

      “Do that. Everyone back to work.” Hotch says leaving the room. Emily quickly follows, leaving JJ and Garcia looking at each other in shock. 

      “So it was Doyle she was working for.” Garcia says looking at JJ. 

      “That’s what it sounds like.” JJ says, trying to wrap her mind around it. 

       JJ walks over to her desk stopping at Emily’s. “Do you want to get dinner tonight? I’ll treat.” JJ adds smiling. 

       “Sure, sounds good.” Emily says lying. She knew that JJ was just going to grill her for information and details about the case, being a profiler herself she had been able to put the pieces together. She will hate me. Emily thinks hoping she is wrong. The team finishes up for the day and heads out to their cars.

    “Meet your place around 6:30?” JJ looking down at her watch. 

     “Sounds perfect.” Emily says heading to her car, dreading tonight. 

      Once Emily gets home she gets a text from JJ

JJ: Garcia is coming tonight, sorry she invited herself. 

    Great just fucking great . 

     Emily decides to take a shower before they come over. She needed to try to relax after how stressful the day had turned out to be. She hopped into the shower closing her eyes and letting her mind wonder. For some reason she felt the need to do something she hadn’t done in years, since she was undercover even. She tried to put it to the back of her mind but she couldn’t shake it. Finally she picked up a razor and took one of the blades out. She looked at it for a second before bringing it up to her arm. Right as she was about to start she shook her head. That would be too noticeable especially for the team. She thought as she lowered the blade down to her thigh leaving three small lines there. She stood there watching the marks she left before turning off the shower and going over to grab her first aid kit. Emily quickly bandaged up the area and got dressed. 

    She heads out her bedroom to see JJ already on the couch with some food. Confused Emily looks down at her watch. Damn how is it already 6:30. 

     “Hey sorry, I tried to call but you wouldn’t answer so I just let myself in.” JJ says shyly. 

      “No it’s fine, that’s why I gave you a key. Sorry I was in the shower.” Emily says walking over. Sitting down next to the blonde. The younger women quickly cuddled into her side. Emily smiles, wrapping her arm around JJ and kissing her on the top of the head. The two stayed like that for a few minutes until they were interrupted by a loud knocking on the door that made Emily flinch. JJ sat up and put her hands on Emily’s which were in fists. 

     “Hey it’s okay it’s just Garcia. I’ll go grab it.” JJ says standing to go answer it. 

     “What took you guys so long? Were you fucking already?” Garcia says, smiling and walking into the apartment. 

     “Wouldn’t you like to know?” Emily says heading over to the kitchen to grab everyone some drinks. She heads back to the living room with beer for JJ, a white claw for Garcia and wine for herself. 

     “You profilers always know what to get me.” Garcia says smiling. 

     “Perk of the job.” Emily says smiling. 

     “So eat first or interrogation first?”Garcia says looking at JJ. 

     “Pen, we aren’t going to..” JJ starts but is cut off by Emily putting up her hand. 

     “It’s okay I know you guys probably have a lot of questions. Plus I have been through some training for this.” Emily smiling says winking at JJ. 

     “Interrogation it is.” Garcia says smiling trying to look intimidating. “Why were you working with Doyle years before you went undercover with him?” Garcia says making eye contact with Emily. 

     “Jumping right into it I see.” Emily says taking a sip of her wine. 

     “Whoa Garcia that’s not how we do this. Em you don’t have to answer.” JJ says looking at Emily. 

     “No it’s a valid question.” Emily takes another sip before setting down her wine. “I was working for Doyle for a couple years before I got asked by the CIA to work for them.” Emily said honestly. 

     “Why wasn’t that in our old file we looked at a couple years ago?” Garcia quickly asks. 

     “They made up the back story. They couldn’t include that I was defected or swayed by them because no one wants that person on their team.” Emily says honestly. 

      Garcia looks over to JJ who is also nodding. “It’s true. You probably wouldn’t be on the bau team if it was in there.” 

      Garcia looks back to Emily. “Wow, okay. So what did you do for Doyle?” 

      “A simple mercenary.” 

      “Like a hit man? I mean it makes sense with your skills but damn. That’s cool. Scary but cool.” Garcia says noticing the two eyeing each other. 

       “Why did you turn?” JJ asks. 

       “Bad or good?” Emily questions.

       “Both.” JJ says simply. Emily could tell she was trying to piece it together in her mind. 

       “Well at the time I wasn’t allowed to be in the field at the FBI. So I was just tied to a desk, Doyle approached me at a shooting range and I was intrigued. At first I said no but I wanted to see if I could so I gave in. When the CIA approached me I was so lost, barely even a person. I needed to get out, so I took it. I understand if this changes things between us.” Emily says looking down at her feet. 

       “It doesn’t change anything, I’m glad you got out.” JJ says coming over to kiss Emily, which she quickly accepts.

       “Me too, now let's eat.” Garcia said.