Chapter 1
The falling out was painful for both parties. No matter how many times she was burned or betrayed by a friend, the sudden lost of warmth in her cold world was always difficult, Lena would admit this much. Kara Danvers was her first friend since moving to National City and Lena had clearly wanted her to be something more, but life didn’t turn out that way. So much spiraled out of control so quickly that it was difficult to pinpoint an exact moment when their friendship was completely totaled, damaged beyond repair. After Lex had revealed the truth about the epitome of sunshine that was Kara Danvers, bitterness became Lena’s only drive. Lena had, in a way, always known Kara and Supergirl were one of the same, deep down. Still, hearing the blunt truth of it all was hard to swallow.
Needless to say, Lena’s friendship with Kara mutated from something borne out of euphoria and dare Lena say, love, into something fractured by cruelty and deceit. Lies were given nearly as often as truths, false smiles painted over a set jaw, hugs shared and happy tears shed, but a broken, resentful Luthor lay under the false bravado.
I guess you really did it this time,
Left yourself in your warpath.
It seemed that her well guarded heart would inevitably fall into the hands of a well intentioned someone until they found something more, something that casted Lena aside, something to prioritize over her. Andrea stealing the medallion for her father’s sake, Eve’s betrayal in the name of love, Kara’s secrecy defended as an act of selfless protection.
Lena was tired of always being someone’s second choice, when they were always her first.
It was only a matter of time before her few friends in National City turned their back to her. Maybe Lena was in part to blame for this, she pushed people away when her heart was on the line, and oh, did Kara have Lena’s heart in the palm of her indestructible hands.
Lena sighed, running a pale hand through a long imperfect bun. She stood alone in a lab, its bare walls echoing a stifling silence all around her. Lex was off who knows where, he wouldn’t tell Lena anything, only to stay in the lab and keep working with the program she’s been developing to control human emotion.
Lex had grown more distant lately, a shorter temper and a colder demeanor. Lena constantly felt as if she was always on thin ice with him. . . or had it always been that way? Lena had only wanted to fix everyone, to save all humans from the pain this harsh world causes them, and Lex had presented the best opportunity to see this dream to reality.
Lena had only ever tired to do good, it’s just that not everyone would go to the same lengths as she would. Why couldn’t people see that she wasn’t the bad guy? Lex’s character is certainly. . . questionable, certainly homicidal, downright insane at times, but Lena was different. She was doing what the world needed, even if they couldn’t understand that yet.
Of course, Lena had known this would create some conflict and tension between her and the rest of the Superfriends Squad. Lex was a horrible man, she’d even shot him to keep the world safe. But then Lex would somehow know just the right things to say to reel her back in and suddenly, Lena would become the child being ushered into Luthor Manor with a new older brother that treated her with kindness and was a welcomed friendly face.
Wasn’t it beautiful when you believed in everything?
And everybody believed in you?
Alas, all good things have to end, and with it, Lex’s pleasant moods. As of late, he was always on edge ever since he had seen Lena give Kara that book and console her over the loss of her adoptive father. Maybe it was another reason to despise Kara. Even the slightest interaction with her could cause her entire relationship with her brother to derail. It could be more beneficial to cut Kara out of her life altogether, to shove her emotions off to the side. Doing this would prevent anymore outbursts from Lex, it would ensure her stability and a predictable environment while she finished her software.
Sure, Lena missed her life before she teamed up with Lex. She remembers every manipulative move she pulled on Kara, how each one pushed her further and further away from the one thing that brought her true happiness. Every exploit felt like another knife to the chest Lena’s conscience wouldn’t allow her to feel sorry about.
Lena gave a slight shake of her head, attempting to shake off this train of thought, wash away the guilt seeping into her pores. She focused her glassy eyes on the computer screen in front of her and began to run through the data for the millionth time.
Did some things you can’t speak of,
But at night you live it all again.
One day, Lex snaps. Lena couldn’t tell you what caused her to have a change of heart. Well, no, that’s not true, she could tell you the exact cause. Kara would possibly hate her for the rest of her life; Lena could live with that if she did everything she could to make her wrongs right again. Sitting countless hours in this lab had allowed Lena to realize that the painful moments in life were necessary for the beautiful ones to have something to overpower. Without pain, beauty wouldn’t be as remarkable as it really is.
So Lena rises to the occasion, she trashes the lab, throws a full blown tantrum, leaves only destruction in her wake. She the little girl being reprimanded by unappeasable Luthors all over again. Yelled at, mistreated, looked down on for having blood purer than any Luthor could hope to have.
Tears streak down Lena’s face as she screams, throwing various pieces equipment and technology across the room. Liquid fire ran through Lena’s veins, a delirious, untamed look in her eyes. An aura of invincibility seemed to enshroud the young Luthor as Lex stood silent, watching the chaos ensue with a deadly stare. Maybe this is how Kara felt when the first time she used her powers after so many years of suppressing them. Hell, you couldn’t convince Lena that she wasn’t Supergirl right now. She felt finally free from her own chains and the taste of freedom was her own yellow sun.
Wasn’t it beautiful runnin’ wild ’til you fell asleep?
Before the monsters caught up to you?
But, with every superhero came a supervillian. A single gunshot fired rang clear enough to cripple any irrepressible power Lena had once held. A monitor held high above her head fell out of startled hands before it could reach its mark on the nearby wall.
Lena turned to the click of slow, deliberate footfalls. Lex stopped a few feet away from Lena, the handgun aimed at her, held true and steady. Staring down a barrel pointed at her face sobered Lena instantly, as guns pointed at faces tend to do.
“What the hell do you think you’re trying to accomplish here?” Lex’s voice was calm, controlled, but Lena could see the anger swirling behind his dark eyes.
Lena opened her mouth to defend herself, define her moral code that had been temporarily forgotten because of lofty dreams of saving the world from itself and childish wishes to please her brother she once had before he became the deranged madman standing beforef her. “I- This software- What we are doing here, it’s not right. To try to blot out misery from the world, it’s impossible. We need to-“
“I needed you to do one thing. It was all I asked, one simple goddamn thing, but you can’t seem to do that.” His voice rose with each word, the lab walls only working to direct the malice toward the defenseless Luthor.
Lena stood rooted to the spot, frozen. Any spark she had before was snuffed out before it could catch. Her shoulders began to tremble, she had lost it all. Kara was gone, her brother was as psychotic as he ever was- how had she not seen it before?
“It’s pathetic, really, dear sister. Seems like you freeze up every time it really matters. Isn’t that how your biological mother died?” Lena’s head snapped up, more tears threatened to spill over onto her cheeks but no one could mistake the unadulterated rage that radiated from her. “Any normal individual, child or not, would have an instinct to save someone in a life threatening situation, especially if it was their own mother, but you. . . you decide to sit on your ass and be deemed utterly useless.”
Something shifted in Lena, that spark of defiance began to flicker. A person could only take so much shit from someone, and Lena had had her fair share of shit from the Luthors to last several lifetimes. Steady feet carried her toward Lex, hands curled into fists at her sides. “You will say anything to control me, Lex. You degrade and belittle my character, but that scare tactic doesn’t work on me anymore. I don’t care if the world hates me, I’d rather be an outcast than standing by your side.”
Lena straightened her back, glancing back down at the gun before meeting Lex’s unreadable eyes. “You’re a monster, but that doesn’t mean I have to be one, too.”
Silence engulfed the two Luthors as they stared each other down. If looks could kill, both would have dropped dead. Lena had actually begun to believe that Lex would break the staring match first and walk out of the room. Then an almost inhumanly distant voice responded.
“I have only made a single mistake in my life, Lena. You know what it was?” A deafening crack sounded off, a thin trail of pale smoke drifted out of the end of the barrel. “Ever seeing potential in a worthless creature like you.”
You wouldn’t be shattered on the floor now,
If only you had seen what you know now then.