Sitting at her desk, papers lay strewn across the surface. Bold headlines, dozens of articles from paper after paper. The Daily Planet. Cat-Co. A recently created online blog. Source after source, all from different places, but all screaming the same thing. No matter how hard she worked. How hard she tried. How many times she saved people; her name would always erase it.
It stains her life. Everything she does, people see it as part of a scheme. A long term plot to gain society's trust, just to stab them in the back. Ignoring all the times she’s been stabbed, shot, poisoned, nearly drowned. It didn’t matter to them. What’s the life of another Luthor?
So here she sits, at her desk. The second bottle of dark liquid sat beside her laptop, papers be damned. She hadn’t bothered bringing a glass. What’s a little alcohol poisoning? A small part of her hoped for it. Maybe she’d feel something other than disappointment towards herself. Maybe the overwhelming feeling of failure would finally back off. The lights in her office were off, pale moonlight casting long shadows through the windows, counteracted only by the dim light of her dying laptop. Finding the time in the corner of the screen, she sighed. A little past midnight.
Grabbing the nearly empty bottle, she drained the little bit left. Dropping it into the trashcan next to her desk, she winced at the loud clink as it hit the first bottle. Grabbing her phone, she stuffed it into her purse, draping it and her coat over her arm. At a quarter to one, she left her building
Would anyone notice?
If tonight, I disappeared.
Would anyone chase me?
And say the words that I need to hear.
That I’m no burden,
Not so worthless.
Bent so much that I just might break.
All-consuming, so confusing,
The questions that keep me awake.
She couldn’t sleep. She tried reading. Scrolling through Netflix, nothing jumped out at her. Pulling out her laptop, she scrolled through her documents to find the article due in the morning. Opening all the documents with information for sources and the article, she started writing.
She couldn’t help but think about the things she’s seen throughout the day. All the things she heard. She was started to get tired of society’s view of Lena. Typing away at her laptop, she thought about the events that unfolded at lunch.
Walking out of Cat-Co, Kara checked her phone for any messages as she made her way down the sidewalk towards Noonan’s.
Lena (13:04) – I’m on my way.
Smiling, Kara typed a quick reply, walking a little bit faster.
Kara (13:10) – See you there!
Walking down the bustling streets of National City, Kara straightened her glasses, sighing when her hearing tuned into the conversations around her. She could hear children laughing in the park, a dog barking with them. She could hear a woman proposing across the city, another woman crying yes before they both laughed. A man talking into a phone, a teenager buying ice cream, a food cart vendor making another lunch rush sale.
“I told you we could never trust them Luthor’s,” She heard a deep voice say, somewhere down the street.
“Do you really think she’ll psycho like her brother?” a lighter voice asked. Picking up her pace again, she made her way towards the voices, finding the duo standing next to a newspaper stand. Getting close enough, she could hear more of their conversation without using her enhanced hearing.
“I think she’s playing Supergirl for a fool. Playing on her faith in people, just to stab her when her back is turned.” The deeper voiced man said, dropping the paper down on top of the stack.
“Who knows,” The lighter, younger boy said, his hands pushing deeper into his pockets.
“I think you two need to learn to look at everything before making judgments,” Kara said, leaning against a metal lamppost, her back turned to the two men.
“Excuse me?” The older man said, looking around the sidewalk. Tilting her head, Kara glanced over her shoulder, crossing her arms over her chest.
“I said, read more than one source. You don’t know her.”
“And you do?” the younger boy asked, an unreadable expression on his face.
“I do actually,” Kara said, turning around fully.
“Yeah right,” the younger boy scoffed.
“You’re lying,” The older one said, standing taller in an attempt to look intimidating.
“Her favorite colors are green and blue, she’s always wanted a cat, and she’s never seen a Disney movie, well, until she met me,” Kara said.
“Those could be made up. Besides, what does that matter, she’s a Luthor.”
“It matters sir,” Kara started, pushing herself off the post, “because your last name doesn’t make up everything about you. Do you have siblings?” She asked.
“Why?” the older man asked.
“Do you have any siblings?” she asked again.
“Yeah, a sister, so what?”
“What does she do?”
“She sells flowers in Metropolis. Why does that matter?” The man asked, more annoyed than before.
“Then you must be a florist as well. That’s a nice profession.” Kara said, pushing her hands into her coat pockets, smiling at the look of anger flashing across the man’s face. “What’s wrong?” She asked.
“She’s the florist, not me,” He seethed.
“Oh, but that’s what she does, so you must as well,” Kara said, a look of deep thought crossing her face. “At least, that’s what you said about Lena. Her brother’s a terrorist, so she must be one too. Isn’t that right?”
“That’s not the same!”
“Isn’t it?” Kara asked angrily, stepping forward.
“Hey man, she’s right,” the smaller guy said.
“Lena is not like her brother. Or her Mother. And the next time someone says otherwise around me will get more than what you just got,” Kara said, releasing the hold she had on the man’s shirt.
“Sorry,” the man said, turning away.
“I’m really sorry ma’am,” the younger guy said. “Could you maybe… um. Never mind, it’s stupid,” he said, moving to walk away.
“What?” Kara asked, “what did you want to ask me?”
“Could you apologize to Miss. Luthor for me? I would do it myself, but I don’t know how to meet with her, knowing she doesn’t meet with just anybody.”
“Come with me,” Kara said, turning back towards Noonan’s, smiling when she heard quick shuffling footsteps behind her.
“What’s your name by the way?” she asked.
“Connor,” he said. “Yours?”
“Kara.”
“Where are we going, Kara?”
“You’ll see.”
The two-block walk went quickly, Connor staying quiet beside Kara. Stopping in front of the glass double doors, she turned to him.
“I hope you’ve got that apology ready,” Kara said, stifling her laughter at the look of confusion on his face.
“What? Uh, yeah. I mean, I have an idea.”
“Here goes then,” Kara smiled, pushing open the doors. Scanning the room, she spotted Lena sitting in a dark booth in the corner. The raven-haired girl scrolling through something on her phone.
“After you,” Kara said, gesturing to the booth her friend occupied. Nervously, Connor walked in front of Kara, leading them to the sparsely lit corner, his breath getting caught when green eyes looked up at him.
“Hello,” Lena said, setting her phone face down on the table.
“uh, um, hello Miss Luthor,” Connor said, wiping his hands on his jeans.
“May I help you?” Lena asked, finally spotting Kara behind the man.
“Hey, Lena!” Kara said, moving to stand beside the CEO.
“Hi Kara,” Lena said, keeping her attention on the man.
“Um, I’m Connor. We’ve never met but um,” he trailed off. Kara watched as he stuffed his shaky hands into his pockets before pulling the back out, wrapping them around his midsection.
“You can do it, Connor,” Kara said, “She won’t bite,” she added with a laugh.
“Why would I want to bite someone?” Lena asked. “That’s not very nice.”
At that, Connor laughed, taking a deep breath before starting again.
“My name is Connor, and I am very sorry. Earlier today, one of my friends and I were walking down the street, and we found a newspaper, so we stopped to read it. My friend started saying bad things about the Luthor family, and I did too. I let my fear of what happened in Metropolis cloud me. I lost my little brother in the attack, and I let myself fall in with everyone else. You don’t deserve to be mistreated by people who don’t even know you, and I will do my best to be better, and get others to be better as well.” Closing his eyes, he fought the tears building at the memory of his brother, opening them when Lena started to speak.
“That means a lot. I’m very sorry about your brother,“ the CEO said, passing a napkin to the boy.
“It’s not your fault,” Connor said, thanking her for the tissue. “You are very lucky to have a friend like Kara,” he smiled, watching the blonde perk up at the mention of her name.
“That I am Connor,” Lena smiled.
“I’ll get out of your hair now, have a wonderful lunch,” he said, ducking his head before leaving the restaurant.
Smiling at the memory, she looked at the time. Half-past one in the morning. She wondered if Lena made it home yet, frowning at the thought of the brunette burying herself in her work, fighting tooth and nail to change how people saw her.
Closing her eyes, she shoved away the sounds of the city, pushing her hearing across the city. Finding Lena’s heartbeat, she frowned at the irregular, quickened pace. Tuning in to the sounds around the CEO, she could hear rushing water, quiet curses muffled by what Kara assumed to be her scarf. What’s the point? She heard, her frown deepening at the resignation coating the words. She could hear the water getting louder, Lena’s heartbeat getting closer to it.
Throwing a sweatshirt on over her tank top, she pulled her sneakers on before rushing out the door, keys deep in the pocket of her sweatpants. Jumping into the night sky, she flew across the city, dropping onto the sidewalk a street away from the brunette. From where she stood, she could see Lena on a bridge overlooking one of National City’s rivers. She watched as the CEO clumsily pushed herself onto the railing, falling to a seated position on the cold concrete, pale legs hanging over the side.
Would anyone care? Would anyone cry?
If I finally stepped off of this ledge tonight.
Would anything change? Would you all be just fine?
Cause I need a reason to not throw the fight.
It just might save my life.
Would anyone want me?
If they knew what was inside my head.
Would anyone see me?
For the person that I really am
I won’t lie, so hard to hide,
I’ve never felt worthy of love.
I would give up everything I have
Just to feel good enough
She could feel the cold seeping through her skirt. Gravel digging into her palms as she watched the river flow by. Leaning forward, she wondered what it felt like. Would the water be cold? Are the rocks at the bottom slippery? Could she even reach the bottom?
Closing her eyes, she wondered what it would feel like to free fall. Then she remembered the trip she took over the edge of her balcony at the hands of the people her mother sent. The seconds that felt like years as her heart leapt into her throat, her stomach somewhere on the balcony as the weightlessness tugged at her. She remembers asking herself if that’s what it felt like to fly. Minus the splat of course. Then she remembers the strong arms wrapping around her, the scent of vanilla and fresh air encircling her, and all too quickly her feet were touching down on the balcony.
She wondered what would happen if she fell now. Would anyone notice? The streets were deserted, the last person she saw walking passed her half an hour ago. Then she wondered who would find her, and how. Would Kara look for her?
“Lena?!”
Shaking her head, she pushed the voices away. The voices screaming that nobody wanted her around. That everyone would rejoice in the death of a Luthor. She pushed her thoughts towards her blonde friend. The reporter she pulled close to her heart despite everything she told herself. Kara isn’t like everyone else. Eve. Andrea. Jack. Kara won’t leave her. Not like they did. Kara wouldn’t lie to her, betray her. She remembers the conversation they had one night over pot stickers. The fear and sadness shining in Kara’s eyes as she revealed her origins to the CEO. She remembers the hug, the warmth enveloping her as two strong arms wrapped around her, tears falling on her shoulder as Lena reassured the blonde that it was okay.
“Lena!” she heard behind her. Turning, she found Kara standing on the sidewalk, confusion in her blue eyes.
“What’re you doing?” the blonde asked, tilting her head like a puppy.
“Thinking,” Lena said, turning back to the water.
Glancing around, Kara moved to Lena’s side, floating until she was sitting beside the brunette. “What about,” She asked, curling her hands in her lap.
“Lots of things,” Lena said, pulling at the end of her black scarf gifted to her by Kara.
“What’s one of them?” Kara asked
“What I have to do tomorrow.”
Laughing, Kara swung her legs over the edge of the bridge.
“What’re you thinking about that doesn’t involve work.”
“Why are you my friend?” Lena asked, green eyes trained on the rushing water.
“What?”
“Why are you my friend Kara?” the brunette asked, green eyes raising to meet Kara’s blue ones. Unshed tears lined red eyes. Her slightly red nose mostly covered by the scarf.
“Because you’re you.” Kara said. “You keep moving forward.”
“What if I don’t want to anymore?” Lena asked quietly, almost whispering.
Would anyone care? Would anyone cry?
If I finally stepped off of this ledge tonight.
Would anything change? Would you all be just fine?
Cause I need a reason to not throw the fight.
It just might save my life.
If you’re dying inside, sick of being alive,
Let me in, let me share in your pain.
From my lungs through the dark
Spoken straight from the heart
Let me give you a reason to stay
“What do you mean?” Kara asked
“I don’t know.” Lena sighed. “I just wonder if what I’m doing is really worth what I think I can achieve in the end. Is all the fighting back and distancing myself from the Luthor’s really going to get me anywhere? Sometimes I just want it all to end.”
Kara stared into the night sky, Lena beside her, watching the water rush past, silence enveloping them like a blanket.
“I felt alone,” Kara said, her gaze locked on a point in the sky, far from Earth. Turning, Lena looked at the blonde.
“I hated my parents for sending me away. Making me the last one. The last Kryptonian.”
“What about Clark?” Lena asked, frowning when Kara dropped her head into her hands.
“He doesn’t remember Krypton as I do. He doesn’t know the language. The culture. The prayers. The plants and animals we had. The… doglike pet his mom had.”
“Dog like?”
“Krypton didn’t have dogs like the ones on Earth. They were more like… remember stitch? They were kind of like him, just without the back spikes.”
“Cute,” Lena smiled.
“Not really. He didn’t like me very much.” Kara laughed.
“Why not?”
“I wouldn’t give him my food.”
“Sounds about right,” Lena laughed, leaning to rest her head on Kara’s shoulder.
“Anyway, I hated that my parents sent me here and that when I got here Kal was already grown up. I felt like I didn’t have a purpose anymore. Like there was no reason for me to be here. I grew out of it after a while, but it was still in the back of my mind until recently.”
“What changed?” Lena asked quietly.
“You did.”
“What?” Lena asked, sitting up to face the blonde.
“You came into my life. You helped me in so many ways, Lena. I have something to fight for now, and I think, without you, I wouldn’t be half the person I am now.”
“How did I do that?”
“By being you. Not CEO you. Not Lena Luthor. Just Lena. My best friend who watches children’s movies with me. Who steals my sweaters – yes, I know you have my blue dinosaur sweater. You who doesn’t judge me when I eat more than enough for an entire family because of my Kryptonian biology. You, Lena.”
Burrowing into Kara’s side, she tried and failed, to blink away the tears. Feeling Kara wrap an arm around her waist, she let the first fall, a hiccupping sob escaping when Kara’s other arm wrapped around her.
If you’re out there still lying awake.
If you’re out there, still wondering.
Would anyone care? Would anyone cry?
If you finally gave up and turned out the light.
The world would be changed if you left it behind.
You can’t be replaced, no, tonight is the night,
You take back your life.
She lost track of how long she sat there wrapped in Kara’s arms, the blonde’s NCU sweater dampening with tears. Kara had pulled the CEO into her lap floating enough to keep them from falling. She could feel Lena’s hands gripping her sweater, her head tucked under her chin, dampening the material by her collar. She held the brunette, pressing kisses to her hair, her temple, one hand running through her hair, the other moving in calming circles on her back. After a few minutes, Kara slowly pulled her phone out of her phone.
Nearly 6 a.m.
The sun would be coming up soon, and she knew Lena would be tired. Opening her messages, she tapped Jess’ contact, slowly typing a quick message to the assistant.
Kara (5:48) – Hey Jess, I’m sorry to text so early, but Lena won’t be there today. Could you send any pressing work she has to do to my apartment or let me know so I can come pick it up?
Jess (5:55) – Of course Kara. Sending my best to Miss. Luthor.
Kara (5:59) – Thank you so much.
A few minutes later, she felt Lena’s shaking stop, her breaths coming out more steadily. Her grip loosened, but the brunette hadn’t let go.
“Ready to go home?” Kara asked, smiling when the CEO nodded against her neck.
“Want me to carry you?” hearing a muffled please from Lena, Kara floated off the bridge railing. Glancing around, she made sure nobody was around that could see them. When she was sure the coast was clear, she took off into the sky.
Landing on her balcony, Kara carried the young Luthor into her room, setting her on the edge of the bed. Ruffling through her dresser, she found a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt from Alex’s college she got to support her sister. Passing them to Lena, she giggled when the brunette sleepily shuffled into the bathroom to change. Going to the kitchen, she filled two glasses with water, putting them on the nightstand for when they woke up.
Pulling back the covers, she sat on the edge of the bed, waiting for Lena. Looking out the window, she could see the first rays of sun, a few lights clicking on as the city woke up. A noise behind her had her turning to find Lena nearly sleepwalking out of the bathroom. Dropping her folded clothes on a chair, the brunette blindly stumbled towards the bed. Falling onto it, she buried her head in the pillows.
“Good morning, sleepyhead,” Kara said, laying down and pulling the blankets over the two of them.
“Nigh’ Kara,” Lena mumbled. “Love you,” she yawned, her eyes falling shut, her breathing and heartbeat falling into a steady rhythm.
“Love you too, Lena,” Kara smiled, pressing a kiss to Lena’s temple before closing her own eyes, falling into sleep.
Take back your life.