(love thy) neighbour
(love thy) Neighbour AU
Marvin, holding bags of groceries in his slippery fingers, had to open the door with his shoulder.
It was one of those days where the heat causes you to snap at the tiniest things and everything just so happens to go wrong.
His hair seemed to be slicked to his forehead and uncomfortable, the sweat patches growing on his back and under his arms extremely unattractive. In summary, he needed a cold shower and then to lay naked on his bed with his fan on high and forget about the shocking day he had endured.
But sadly that was not the plan of his neighbours, Charlotte and Cordelia, who had forced him to go out on a double date with them, and once he revealed he didn’t have anyone to go with, insisted they set him up with someone.
Thus came the day when it was so hot, he didn’t think he could make it outside again without collapsing.
The door swung open and he almost fell into the small apartment, quickly pacing to the fridge. He opened it, panting as a wave of cool air cascaded from the bottom, sticking his head into it as he savoured the cool breeze.
He was midway through stocking it up, when his phone rang and he picked it up, trying to hold it between his shoulder and ear until the sweat caused it to slip to the floor.
He cursed, picking it up and checked that it wasn’t cracked, “hey bitch what’s up?”
“hey Marv, remember, date at seven! the guy is really particular, you cannot be late, ‘kay?”
“’kay.” He replied, sticking his head in the fridge.
“also, don’t wear that fucking chequered shirt, it’s ugly as shit.”
There was a long pause as he looked down at the very shirt he had on “fine Lottie.”
“maybe something that shows your biceps, they’re your only good feature.”
“um… thanks?” she hung up without replying and Marvin checked the time, about an hour not factoring traffic.
He quickly put the rest of his food into the fridge, wiping his face free of sweat as he walked through the bedroom to his bathroom. He didn’t even bother to get a towel, instead just turned on the shower, as cold as he could muscle, and got in, feeling the sweet relief for a moment.
He instantly grabbed his shampoo, lathering it up into his hair.
The moment of ice-cold satisfaction only lasted for a second as he suddenly heard the grating of the pipes and the water heat for a a fraction of a second before grinding to a stop.
“you have got to be fucking kidding me.” He said to himself, looking up at the shower head that was dripping pathetically. Then the lights flickered out.
He stumbled out of the shower, waddling naked and soaking through the rooms as he grabbed his phone, tapping his foot on the slippery wooden floor impatiently as he waited for the woman to pick up.
“what?!” she snapped.
Marvin adopted a sweet tone, “ Hey Trina, I’m so sorry to call…”
“what?” she repeated, this time her voice sounding more resigned as though she had given up.
“my water and power just went out.” He said sheepishly.
She sighed loudly and he could picture her massaging her temples, “Marvin, rent was due today.”
“oh fuck.”
“if you don’t have the money we can go over some—”
“no no, I have it!” Marvin interrupted. “I just, shit I just forgot to pay it. I literally have the cash in an envelope on my counter right now, can you come pick it up?”
“drop it off with Mendel--”
“thank you so much!”
“--but it will take a couple of days to turn it on again.”
Marvin sighed, knowing he’d have to find another fridge to store his food, but realising he had no other choice, accepted it, “thank you Trina, you’ll have your money.”
He put the phone on the counter next to the envelope and sighed. He went to ruffle his hair, but feeling the shampoo still condensed in it, suddenly figured out that he’d had to find another shower. He went to his bedroom, only able to find the skimpiest towel ever invented, barely covering his upper thighs with it as he slipped out of his apartment, knocking on the neighbours door.
“go away Marvin.” He heard Cordelia yell out.
“how did you know it was me?” he replied through the door.
“I don’t know, women’s intuition. Charlotte and I are… busy, then we’re leaving so fuck off!”
He stared at the door for a moment, debating his options, then went to go back to his apartment. As he went to push open the door with his foot, his eyes drifted to the door opposite his. He’d seen the man around, he looked young, and always said hello whenever they crossed paths in the hallway. For someone so attractive, he did seem to have a nervous almost nerdy disposition about him, and was most definitely gay, maybe he could persuade him with a blowjob or something.
He knocked, shifting nervously on the spot.
Hoping it wouldn’t come to a blow job.
“look if you’re telling me that my hair is my best feature again, I already know lot-“ he trailed off as he saw Marvin, his mouth making a fish gape that he couldn’t seem to close.
“um… hi?” Marvin said, a strange look on his face as he watched the man in front of him.
“hi.” He said softly.
There was a pause.
“I’m sorry, we’ve never properly met, I’m Marvin and I was—”
“I know.” The man said, his face blushing a crimson all of a sudden.
“er… okay, well-“
“I’m Whizzer, but you can call me whatever you want.” He was almost drooling at the sight Infront of him. Marvin with a towel barely covering his crotch. Upon realising what he said, he tried to figure out how he could melt in the dreadful heat to get rid of the awkwardness.
Marvin blinked twice. “whizzer’s fine.” He said, wondering if asking this slightly creepy man to use his shower was the best choice. “I was actually wondering if I could—”
“use my shower, of course.”
“how did you-“
“you’ve got shampoo in your hair and you’re only wearing a towel.” Whizzer said, flashing the straight white rows of teeth in a warm and charming way. “and it looks kinda low quality, you can use my stuff.” Whizzer opened his door and Marvin followed him through the rooms that were the exact mirror image of his. He looked around curiously, seeing the canvases and pallets scattered across the floors and surfaces. “sorry about the…” Whizzer trailed off, making a random hand gesture towards the mess. Large canvases with bright colours and paintings mid-way through completion with green plants hanging from the shining copper pipes on the ceiling.
It was a somehow organised mess, beautiful and bright, unnatural shadows casting across the room.
The bedroom was different, a huge hand painted mural of a naked woman on the wall over the bed, candles burning, a cacophony of scents different to the strength of the turpentine in the previous one.
“did you do that?” Marvin grunted.
Whizzer nodded, stopping and tilting his head as he stared. “during the renaissance women were considered beautiful whatever body shape they had. They didn’t need to starve themselves to have a social construct men make up to make them feel less worthy.”
“it’s beautiful”
Whizzer turned to him, beaming “thank you.” He replied, “er… bathroom’s in there, but I don’t have a shower curtain and I need to style my hair.”
“oooh, got a date?” Marvin teased, not sure why he wanted to tease a man he had only just met.
“actually, I do.” Whizzer smiled.
“yeah, so do I.” Marvin replied, deep in the ‘straight voice’ he’d sometimes put on. There was a moment of awkward silence. “urm… I went to boarding school so I’m chill with showering in front of strangers.”
“huh.” Whizzer stated. There was another second of silence. “you can use whatever you want” he said, gesturing to the shelves upon shelves filled with bottles and tubs of different coloured lotions and conditioners and putty’s.
“er… that’s… okay?” he asked, his eyes wide as he wasn’t even sure what half of the words on the products meant.
Whizzer rolled his eyes, “no, I insist.” He said, leaning in to the shower and picking out several different shaped containers, “shampoo, conditioner, leave this in for a couple minutes, and some curl cream. rake and scrunch with this at the end.”
“I don’t have curly hair.”
“you do, you just don’t treat it right. You need to look your best for your date.” Whizzer said almost sarcastically, dropping them into Marvin’s arms. He turned around, getting the round brush and hairdryer and began surgery on his hair as Marvin just stared for a moment.
He shrugged, dropping the towel and got into the shower, humming gently as he was satisfied by the icy water.
He noticed the glances Whizzer took at him, but pretended he didn’t, flaunting his biceps as he took charlottes advice for once.
Whizzer’s eyes would flitter curiously at him through the glass pane, his face heating up every time he saw something he knew he probably wasn’t meant to see. “oh, I um…” Whizzer trailed off as he tried to explain their eye contact in the large mirror that was beginning to fog up, “nothing… I gotta call someone.”
He ran quickly from the room, thinking he had closed the door, and Marvin heard him jump on his bed as he subdued his hums.
Marvin hadn’t wanted to listen in, it just sorta happened.
“I don’t care if I’m interrupting sex Lottie, you interrupt mine all the time… yeah well someone fucking me is the same as Delia giving you head so shut up and listen… the cute guy, the one I’m literally in love with who lives across the hall… yeah Marvin, he’s naked and in my apartment right now… he’s actually stunning oh my god, his freaking jawline and his hair and…” Whizzer trailed off as he heard the squeak of the tap being turned off before continuing, his voice much quieter than before “he has a really nice dick… yes there is such a thing as a bad dick... you’re a fucking lesbian, how would you knOW HEY MARVIN.”
He threw his phone across the room. Not conspicuous at all.
Even less conspicuous was the sound of Charlotte still talking on the other end, but Marvin pretended not to notice, wrapping the towel around his waist. “thanks Whizzer, do you want me to do anything for you—” he sighed, “blow you, I don’t know, reimburse you?” he said reluctantly.
Whizzer’s jaw dropped wide open and his mouth suddenly became extremely dry.
Marvin rolled his eyes, dropping to his knees and scooted over to Whizzer, undoing his pants quickly. The sooner this would be over, the better… or maybe not. He was sweet and attractive, but Marvin did not like to be the one with the dick in his mouth. He pushed Whizzer back, so he was seated on his bed, and tried working his boxers.
“woah woah woah there sailor.” Whizzer said, pushing Marvin away. His body popped back as though he were a giant blow up doll, “hey, I’m cool. Get up.”
A look of confusion crossed his face, “sorry but I thought… you said on the phone… I…”
Whizzer flushed bright red, “you… you heard that?” he asked. Marvin nodded, his face matching the same colour as Whizzer’s as they stared at each other.
Marvin staring at the man he had almost blown but who had declined him, leaving him feeling very embarrassed and on his knees, and whizzer staring at the man who had overheard him describing his dick, that he shouldn’t have been looking at, on the phone to a friend.
And that he had been crushing on him for years.
“so I’m going to go…” Marvin said.
As he went to get up, Whizzer also stood and their heads met in the middle, a loud thunk causing them to stagger back.
“umm… see you around.” Whizzer said, an awkward wave slipping from his hand along with his remaining dignity.
-
“oh my god.” Cordelia was almost in tears as Marvin recounted the story outside of the restaurant, “that is some fanfic shit, oh my god Charlotte remember when I caught you reading greys anatomy fanfiction?” She asked, giggling as she nudged Charlotte.
“ha ha ha.” Charlotte said sarcastically, but she couldn’t help but feel the smile creeping on to her lips. “oh look, there he is.” She exclaimed, suddenly waving behind Marvin.
Marvin turned, a large smile on his face suddenly trapping, as almost in slow motion, he saw Whizzer jogging up to the trio.
“oh fuck.” They said at the same time as their eyes met, Charlotte and Cordelia laughing even more as an almost evil smile was shared between the pair.
“so, we lied, this isn’t a double date, we’ll see you later.” Cordelia said, blowing Marvin and Whizzer a kiss as she dragged a giggling Charlotte behind her down the street.
They began to protest after them, but Cordelia suddenly started singing very high and very loud as Charlotte kissed her to shut her up.
Whizzer turned to Marvin, “so…” they stood awkwardly in the silence as he trailed off “…I preferred you without clothes.”