Resurrection
Chapter One: Resurrection
"I don't want the next Commander, I want you."
The words echoed in Lexa's mind as she faded from consciousness, and ultimately, the living world. She felt her blood slipping from her body, warm and sticky, sliding down her sides and spreading across her stomach. She bit her tongue, afraid to let any groans of pain escape her lips. Her eyes danced wildly around the room, afraid to look at Clarke but too scared to focus on anything else.
"Stay with me, Lexa!" Clarke's voice was growing farther and farther away.
"My fight is over."
Then, Lexa died.
Clarke had Titus apply pressure to the wounds as she frantically tried to bring Lexa back from the arms of death. She began emergency surgery with the tools that were brought to her while also keeping her heart beating manually. She had others continue the beating while she opened Lexa up in search of the bullet.
It never should have come to this, Clarke's mind betrayed her. You've killed her and her blood is on your hands.
"Shut up," Clarke hissed at herself, blinking away the tears in front of her eyes. She couldn't lose focus now, but it was becoming increasingly difficult with her mind working against her.
You should be dead, not Lexa.
Clarke couldn't argue with that one.
Suddenly, she exclaimed, "I have it!" Pulling the bullet from Lexa's body, she began the process of fixing her internally. The bullet barely missed important organs, but there was a mess of internal bleeding. Her breathing was ragged with fear, but she was doing it. If she succeeded, Lexa could survive this. She just needed to bring her back from the brink of death.
The operation took longer than Clarke wanted, but when she sewed her up, Clarke felt a touch of relief. Just a touch. She focused on breathing air into Lexa's lungs and working on her heart.
"Please," Clarke whispered, "Please, Lexa. Come back. Please."
Just as she was ready to give up, Lexa took a shaking breath, her heartbeat returning to beat on its own. Her eyes met Clarke's, wild with the pain while Clarke's were full of relief. Clarke sobbed, pressing her forehead to Lexa's.
"I...Clarke..." Lexa rasped, before losing consciousness.
Worried, Clarke checked her pulse and her breathing. Everything was fine. She must've passed out from the pain. She'll regain consciousness in a few minutes, most likely. Until then, she needed to give her something for the pain. Anything.
Turning to the healer that was brought in, Clarke barked at him, "I need a painkiller. Anything you have. We have to take the strain off her, immediately." The man nodded, rummaging around before producing a vial. Clarke let the man uncork it and drip a few drops into Lexa's slightly parted lips. Clarke watched over him, extremely protective of Lexa.
The healer stepped back with a bow, corking the vial back up and putting it away. "It should help her. For now."
Clarke nodded in acknowledgment, taking a breath. She turned around to face Titus with a murderous expression written all over her face. "Get. Out," she snarled at him, shaking with fury. Titus looked as if he were ready to retort, but his eyes landed on Lexa and his face began to constrict with guilt. He left without a word.
Clarke moved to gently sit beside Lexa on the bed, her brows furrowed with worry. She raised a shaking hand to push away some of Lexa's brown hair from her forehead, slick with sweat. Her hand rested there and she gently moved her thumb around Lexa's temple.
"I'm so sorry," she whispered to Lexa. "The bullet was meant for me. I should be in your position. It should be me."Her voice cracked with emotion and instead of keeping it at bay, she gave in to the sobs. She let them overtake her until she was struggling to breathe normally, then she began to calm herself down. Locking the door to the bedroom, Clarke came to sit on one of the couches in the room, her eyes trained on Lexa's body in a watchful, protective gaze.
Every few minutes, Clarke would rise to check Lexa's breathing and pulse, as well as to check for a fever. She changed Lexa's dressings as often as she dared, hesitant to move her too much.
Lexa drifted in and out of consciousness for a few hours, before settling into sleep. With every passing hour that Lexa was still alive, Clarke felt herself beginning to relax. It wasn't complete relaxation, that was for sure, but it was a lot better than her intense stature and state of mind.
She spent most of her time seated by Lexa's side, listening to her breathing and cleaning the blood away from as much as she could with a wet towel.
Clarke had her back turned from Lexa, setting the blood-soaked towel down when she heard a low groan. She spun quickly, her eyes wide. Lexa was awake, her eyes trained on Clarke.
"Lexa," she whispered, quickly sitting at Lexa's side. Her hand was resting against her face, gentle. "How do you feel?"
Lexa had a dry smile. "Good," she spoke, trying to convince Clarke. The blond just shook her head, not buying it. "Titus?" Lexa rasped, glancing around with tired eyes.
Clarke shook her head. "I sent him out. He's probably standing somewhere nearby, waiting to be let back in," she told her. "He nearly killed you," Clarke frowned, anger rising in her voice.
"He tried to kill you," Lexa responded, trying to make her voice sound powerful. It didn't work but instead caused her to grimace. "He must be dealt with," Lexa said, her eyes sad. Clarke couldn't understand how she could feel sorry for the man after all he did.
She only nodded in agreement with Lexa.
The Commander studied her with hesitant eyes. "The blockade," she croaked. "Octavia--"
"--can leave without me," Clarke decided, firm. "I'm not leaving you. Not now."
Clarke felt Lexa's pulse quicken underneath her fingertips, but the Commander didn't say another word. Clarke was grateful for it. She wasn't sure how long she'd stay in Polis, or if she planned to stay permanently. She didn't want to give Lexa false hope.
"Get some rest, Lexa," Clarke said with a smile. "I'll be here when you wake up again."
Lexa looked doubtful but did just as Clarke asked nonetheless. She closed her eyes and soon her breathing became even again.
When Lexa woke sometime later, she was met with the impossible pain inside of her stomach. It made her nauseous and threatened to cause her to moan and groan, but she bit her tongue. Practice with pain gave her experience of staying silent.
Clarke was at her window, staring out at her city. She watched her with a soft gaze, the feeling of love prevalent in her body, spreading everywhere. Clarke noticed her gaze and moved to her, a questioning expression written over her.
"Are you okay?" Clarke asked her but winced as she realized what a silly question it was. Of course, Lexa wasn't okay. She was brought back from death, her heart made to beat again from Clarke's hands. Her life brought back because of Clarke.
"Yes," Lexa whispered, not trusting her voice to be any louder than that. Clarke turned to a table and produced a cup, filling it with water from a pitcher. Lexa's throat ached as she suddenly felt the need to drink water. The adrenaline had officially worn off.
Clarke helped lift Lexa's head up and pushed her hands away when Lexa moved them toward the cup. "Let me," she whispered to her.
Lexa felt a protest in her throat but bit it down. She could let Clarke care for her, though it was a strange feeling. She never let anyone care for her like this, not even when she was injured. But then again, she had never been resurrected before. Lexa supposed her resurrection was enough of a reason to warrant Clarke's care.
Her thirst quenched, Lexa let her head drop with a grunt. Lexa noted the way Clarke looked at her, with an expression she was all too familiar with. One she saw in the mirror when she looked at herself, sometimes.
"It wasn't your fault," Lexa told her softly.
Clarke scoffed, folding her arms tight over her chest. "You know that's a lie, Lexa. Titus wanted me dead and he tried to kill me. If you hadn't walked in when you did, it would've been me. It should've been me." Clarke's eyes welled with tears.
"No." Lexa's voice was firm. "Clarke, if you had gotten hit, who would've saved you? Titus? Me?" Lexa shook her head weakly. "None of us are the accomplished healer you are. If it was you, you'd be dead."
"Lexa, you were dead," Clarke's voice was raw with emotion, her lower lip wobbling uncontrollably. Lexa looked at her, stunned by the emotion Clarke showed.
Taking a calming breath, Lexa said, "Yes, I was. But you brought me back. You're the only reason I'm alive."
Clarke was frustrated but sat down beside Lexa all the same. Lexa slowly reached for her hand and after a moment of surprise, Clarke let her take it. Lexa let out a breath of relief that Clarke hadn't pulled her hand away, and she carefully ran her thumb over Clarke's knuckles.
"You saved me, Clarke. That's something I'll never be able to repay you for," Lexa whispered, her hand shaking over Clarke's.
The blond turned their hands over and took Lexa's in both of hers, watching her face intensely. "Repay me by staying alive and helping me with my people." She paused for a moment. "Our people."
Lexa's eyebrows raised in surprise, but she said nothing. She only nodded her agreement. "Very well. I'll give your people one last chance. They can join my Coalition, or they can suffer. The blockade will be enforced until they submit."
Knowing that's the best she'll get, Clarke nodded her head in understanding. "Thank you, Lexa," she whispered, gently squeezing her hand.
The Commander gave Clarke a single nod before wincing once more from the pain in her abdomen. Clarke dutifully got to her feet and produced a vial of some sort, dripping a few drops into Lexa's mouth. Within a few minutes, the pain began to dull a bit.
"I need to speak with Titus," Lexa decided, starting to sit up. To her annoyance, Clarke pressed her hands on both of Lexa's shoulders, forcing her back down.
"No way," Clarke raised her voice with worry. "You're resting. I'm not letting you up for at least twenty-four hours and there is absolutely no arguing with me on this."
Lexa stared Clarke down, but the blond didn't wither away. Instead, her gaze became more intense with every second. This amused Lexa, despite her annoyance. With some reluctance, Lexa relaxed her body, letting Clarke win this. For now.
"Good," Clarke spoke with relief. "Now let's get you out of these clothes and let me clean up some of the blood." Lexa raised an eyebrow but said nothing. Clarke noticed her eyebrow and rolled her eyes, saying, "you know what I meant." That elicited a smile from Lexa.
The smile soon faded when Clarke began to pull away some of her clothing. It was increasingly difficult and caused her pain, so Clarke resorted to cutting it all away. Disappearing for a few moments, Clarke returned with some new clothes.
"Do you think you can sit up?" Clarke asked her.
Lexa nodded, and Clarke sat her up against the bedpost as she helped her get dressed into new, clean clothes. Clarke then took the bed coverings and threw them to the side, replacing the cloth and furs with new ones. Then, she eased Lexa back into the bed. Lexa noticed that the absence of the blood eased Clarke significantly.
"I'm okay," she assured her, trying to have her voice sound as convincing as possible.
Clarke took a breath, trying to seem relaxed. "You will be," she nodded. "You will be."