1.75
Todoroki Shouto is an enigma, in simple words.
His priorities root from something so deep and complex from inside of him that even he chooses to brush them off as simple and straightforward. One such priority is being present, aware, and breathing for a singular moment and at that moment only. One beaten into him at the tender age of 4 by his failure of a father;
eyes on the enemy- always be aware of where they are, shouto.
His fragile innocent beaten into a constant state of suspicion, his easy and light smile reduced into hardened and apathetic eyes.
you don't know where they are gonna come from, how can you be the number one hero if you cannot keep up?
So he does, takes the advice whispered to him amidst the rain of attacks from his father and lives for the moment solely. Silently observing, watching, and predicting what could go wrong where. Storing emotions and feeling somewhere deep in the neurons which race to note down every movement of those around him, noticing subtle pangs of emotional and physical pain and pressure blurring into each other. He remembers the sudden numbing feeling of boiling water around his right eye when he caught his mother in a state of psychosis and remembers how sharp prickly pain of frostbite slowly crawl up before engulfing him completely as his mother desperately tried to amend her mistake. He remembers the ache in his chest echoing as he lay on his bed, eye bandaged up, his mother snatched away from him.
your right side is unsightly
He remembers the chilling cold he always felt from the man who had his face framed by fire, Enji had never really been a father to him, just a figure he was forced to obey. He remembers not understanding why his siblings could play around and laugh yet Shouto would be entrapped in the training room for hours on end. He remembers the first time he understood the implications of a shattered family when his elder brother Touya died and remembers questioning why he couldn't have a family like those other kids in elementary and middle school. He remembers a hallow laugh leaving him the first time he realizes the burden of being Endeavour's son is seen as a blessing by others.
you are a todoroki, right?
And yet, he finds himself faltering the moment he believes he has understood everyone around him. Midoriya Izuku, a plain-looking kid with curly green hair and a quirk he could not control (previously); what drew Shouto to even approach him during the sports festival is one of the things he doesn't really understand so he chooses not to dwell upon it. He remembers the conversation before the fight, remembers being more open to the practical stranger in front of him than he had been in almost a decade. He remembers the fight and the words thrown his way, words which fragmented the layers of icy walls he had built around himself. Remembers how they slowly splintered and before he knew it, his defenses were disintegrated and Izuku's words were haunting him, floating around him like a message from heaven.
it's your power, todoroki!
The stain fight, the unexplained location drop, and the thrill of adrenalin he felt pulsing through him as his fire burned so vigorously and blindingly. He remembers pain grounding him and reminding him of the lesson etched in his head. He remembers, he remembers because he registers and lives in the moment, purely for that moment.
But the burn of where the glass tore him open is but a distant remnant. He sees everything, sees the rushed movement of Shinsou's mouth as he commands him to use his fire but he doesn't hear the words tumbling out. He sees as Aizawa-sensei pulling out suitcases that survived the fall and trying to salvage of all the bandages and pain killers which have spilled across the bus floor, he sees Midoriya and Kaminari both talking in hushed whispers and crumpled into themselves. He sees it all, but it doesn't register in his head. A dizzy haze clouding his mind and he is vaguely aware its the brainwashing quirk and he knows it may be a little mercy that he does not have to face the pain, yet. But Todoroki has never been a coward, no matter what life has thrown him, he has faced it all and he isn't gonna stop now.
Out of sheer willpower, his fire burns through his haze, and the sharp pain drowns him immediately.
Shinso watches with wide eyes as Todoroki doubles over from where he was kneeling. Panting desperately in an attempt to process the pain pulsing through his brain as ice slowly begins to form around where his hand digs against the ground, the other hand holding his chest. It doesn't take long for him to overcome his shock, washed over by waves of concern for the dual-haired boy, and shame for his quirk isn't even powerful enough to fully control a bleeding hurting boy.
"Shouto, Shouto, breathe- slowly. Come, come try to match mine, 1...2...3...4... yes, that's it, c'mon I know it hurts, but breathe, that will help, c'mon."
Shouto barely even registers the hand rubbing his back in comforting circles that have been replaced from Shinso's soft, smooth ones to Midoriya's coarse, scarred ones. Todoroki knows pain, a constant companion in his childhood, yet it does not make it any easier to blindside. So Todoroki does what any scared, startled child does in their moment of need, he seeks comfort. And comfort comes, against Midoriya's strong chest and secure arms which engulf him. Regardless of the awkward angle of the hug and the way Midoriya's arm bends unnaturally, he focuses on the sweet, earthly scent of the other boy. Focuses on the steady, beating heart against his ear as something slowly massages his scalp, focuses on his mother used to do that after a particularly long training session.
For a moment, Todoroki forgets, forgets the pain and the uncertainty, and allows his broken pieces to be put together by bright green eyes and untameable hair and a bright smile which chose to help him at his own expense. For a moment, Todoroki lets himself soak everything he was denied and basks in the soft glow of pure compassion and kindness.
And in that moment, entire universes collapse just to start again and yet, Todoroki has never felt time move faster ever before.
"Todoroki-kun, I know it hurts but just hang on a little bit, yeah? Just a bit more, then we'll go to a hospital and get it checked out, everything is gonna be alright, okay?"
Shouto just nods, not trusting his voice, his head slowly rising up to meet Midoriya's eyes.
Only then does he notice the pitiful glances filled with curiosity thrown his way. Shinso, Uraraka, Iida- heck even Aizawa-sensei has a softness in his expression.
Pity
He had always hated pity, pitiful glances of neighbors whenever he had a new bruise, pitiful glances of his teachers when he came to school with an eye wrapped in bandage, pity filled eyes which never did anything to make things better. Pity meant looking down, pity meant weakness, and if there was anything else his father taught him- it was always being strong.
"I'm-I'm fine. Just startled from the pain. Thanks Midoriya and Shinso-kun."
He didn't want their pity, he didn't want them to look down on him and treat him like he was a porcelain doll on the verge of being broken. He didn't need it.
All he ever wanted was kindness and if all he was going to receive was the poisonous pitiful stares, he was fine with pretending the burning pain wasn't tearing his insides out and the white spots taking over his vision weren't anything to be concerned about. If it spared him the emotional turmoil of pity and inequality, ignoring the voice screaming for help in his head was a game he would always play.
Slowly shifting to lie on his back, a sharp inhale filled his lungs with air and as he released it, he allowed his signature poker face to slip on.
Todoroki was fine, he always was.