A Conundrum
Chapter 4
It’d been a week since Eve had been to that bar. A week since she’d been in Villanelle’s gym. A week since she’d seen the blonde. However, it’d only been a few hours since she’d thought of the other woman. She was with Elena after their Wednesday class when they started talking about her. The professor knew her assistant had continued to go to Villanelle’s gym and she didn’t mind, as long as she didn’t talk about the blonde. Eve was trying not to think about her, and while it wasn’t working, she knew that talking about it with anyone would really not help.
“Eve I have some news…” Elena grinned as they walked out of Imperial and to the sandwich shop across the street.
“Oh yeah? What is it?” The brunette was checking her emails as she listened.
“You remember V’s gym?” She nudged the professor, Eve now snapped up at her, suddenly intrigued, “Just kidding, I know you do. Well, I kinda met someone there...”
“Oh.” Eve didn’t really know what to think. Obviously, she was happy for her best friend but a thought did cross her mind. Villanelle. Elena mentioned she was hot, which yes Eve had to agree, but that wasn’t the point. She told herself she wouldn’t be jealous but… she knows if her assistant were dating Villanelle, she would feel something about it.
“His name is Kenny. He works part-time at the gym, not as a personal trainer or anything,” The teaching assistant laughs thinking about Kenny as a trainer of anything, “You remember Hugo? He also does that job. Technology stuff.”
Eve nods, remembering Hugo more vividly than she’d like. She remembers that whole day more vividly than she’d like.
Elena felt bad for her friend. She knew the professor was struggling with this whole Villanelle-Oksana thing and she knew continuing to go to the gym wasn’t helping. Honestly, she just enjoyed the place’s atmosphere. She found Hugo annoying but occasionally funny, she found Kenny sweet and caring, obviously, and she couldn’t admit this to Eve, but she really liked Villanelle. Not in that way, don’t worry. She knew when women were hot, but she was interested in guys. She was interested in Kenny. Elena and him were so different but as they got to talking when she went to a class the other day, they just got on.
Villanelle and her also got on. Elena enjoyed how much she didn’t care about pretty much anything. She also appreciated her determination, when it came to the gym and her own fitness routine. It was admirable. Elena couldn’t imagine working out every day for hours since she could barely do a class four or five times a week. Villanelle also knew how to have fun. They’d been to the bar together the other night and started talking. They didn’t discuss Eve as the blonde found it very easy to avoid that topic and the assistant knew not to push. She saw how Eve had reacted when she asked about Villanelle, so who knows how the blonde would react when asked about Eve. They talked about their backgrounds, where they grew up, their education, and even past relationships. Again, the blonde avoided Eve. The professor made it clear to Elena that they’d never dated, but the assistant knew that Villanelle would avoid talking about her regardless.
The blonde was funny, Elena found out. Her brash nature confused people, but Elena admired it. She hadn’t told Eve any of this, of course. She knew the blonde had hurt Eve all that time ago, but she could see that Villanelle was just as hurt. Regardless, she’d always choose Eve, if she had to. She just wished the two could make up from whatever happened between them so it would be less awkward.
“Is he nice?” Eve asked as they sat down with their food.
“Yeah, he’s quite cute. Vill even said that he-” The assistant stopped herself when she looked up and saw Eve pause. A genuine mistake.
“Sorry, I shouldn’t have…” Elena gestured with her hands, not really knowing what she did wrong exactly but she did know mentioning Villanelle to Eve wasn’t the best idea. The professor had avoided the topic for a reason, and Elena knew the reason. Eve had gotten drunk and told her what happened after all. They didn’t need to rehash any of it.
“It’s okay, you go to the gym so you see her and,” She sighed, she couldn’t be mad at her friend for just going to that gym. It wasn’t her fault that it was the blonde’s gym. “And that’s fine.” She tried to give a smile.
“I know, it’s just a bit… odd, right? That you guys knew each other so long ago and now she's just down the road.”
“Yeah, it’s,” Eve didn’t know the word, weird? Coincidence? Terrible? Annoying? Amazing? Fate? Destiny? Karma? All of the above? She thought if she ever saw Oksana again, she’d be ecstatic to get her back, after all this time but she had felt the opposite. She saw the blonde and all she felt was hurt. She felt the hurt that she’d felt when Oksana left 8 years ago. “It is odd.”
“Do you…. Do you want to talk to her again?” The teaching assistant mumbled, somewhat scared of Eve’s answer. Not scared of Eve because well, she wasn’t that scary. She loved the girl, but she wasn’t very intimidating, however, she knew how much Villanelle-Oksana hurt her and well, she had no idea what the professor was thinking. Eve, as you can tell, didn’t want to talk about it at all.
This question took the brunette by surprise. She hadn’t spoken about Villanelle to Elena. Obviously, other than when she was drunk and spilled what had happened to her, but other than that, she didn’t mention her again. She’d been on her mind, of course, especially when Elena mentioned her classes at the gym or even when she just mentioned Kenny. The professor’s mind immediately went to Villanelle. What was she doing? How was she doing after seeing her? Had she thought about her too? Was she thinking about her right now? Eve wanted to know everything she’d missed in the other woman’s life but she didn’t want to see her. Every time she saw those eyes, those lips, that confident but adorable smile… she saw everything that happened all those years ago.
A bit of a conundrum.
“No, I don’t.”
----------------
Villanelle was on a run, obviously. She was taking her lunch break so she let Hugo or Kenny run the front of the gym. They didn’t really need her there most of the time and she trusted them enough. Hugo flirted with the girls that came in, hopefully enticing some of them to come back, and Kenny actually knew how to keep the gym going so she was kind of glad they were both there. Also, it was her gym, so she could do what she wanted.
She’d been in a shitty mood all week. Ever since Eve waltzed into her gym, she’d been off. It wasn't fair that the brunette could influence her emotions like this and it was very annoying to the blonde. She liked to be in control and Eve coming back into her life, even for a few minutes, definitely made her feel out of control, so, she did the only thing that made her feel truly in control. Exercise. Well, she was almost always in control in the bedroom, but exercise was a 100% guarantee.
She had been running for almost two hours (yes, two hours) when she realized she wasn’t in her neighborhood anymore. But, unfortunately, she did actually recognize her surroundings. Obviously, she’d lived in London before. She’d gone to school in London, so she knew her way around but, there were certain areas she’d been trying to avoid. Like Imperial College of London and its close surroundings. Her gym was close to it but far enough where she never had to go near the University.
She must’ve been so unaware of where she was going that she actually ended up in front of the building where she lived while attending Imperial. It wasn’t a dorm, but a building filled with small apartments for undergraduate students. It was an ugly building, to Villanelle, it was old, gray, and dark. She never liked it. But, Eve visited her there, quite often. Usually, it was when she had been in a fight with her husband. Yes, husband. It hadn’t stopped Villanelle when she was with Anna, so she didn’t think it would be a big problem with Eve. However, she learned the hard way that Niko was a problem. Still, the blonde was so happy during the times she spent with Eve in that small-ass apartment. One time, she remembered a bit too vividly.
Eve had just gotten in a fight with Niko. Not a physical fight, but a passive-aggressive one that had lasted for weeks that finally blew over with a yelling match. The brunette wasn’t really sure who won, but she knew she couldn’t stay with Niko that night. She only had one other place to go. The brunette knocked and immediately Oksana answered, smiling when she saw it was Eve. But her smile quickly faded when she noticed that the brunette was crying.
“Eve, come in, what’s wrong?” Oksana ushered her in quickly, closing the door behind her.
The apartment was very tiny. There was a small entryway then a small living room with a tiny loveseat and TV. An adjoining kitchen which, luckily, did have a microwave and an oven. A cramped bedroom that barely had enough space for the nightstand. The brunette walked in and Oksana helped her take off her coat as the brunette headed for the loveseat in the middle of the room. Eve sat on it, sniffling, while the younger woman stood in front of her, confused.
“Eve?” Oksana kneeled in front of her, trying to make contact with brown eyes, as she put a hand on her knee.
“I- Niko just- He just-” She bursted out sobbing. She’d never cried in front of the other woman. A few tears here and there. But full-on balling. Never.
“Shhh, it’s okay, I’m here.” Oksana sat next to her, pulling her close, rubbing the brunette’s back as she cried.
Eve calmed after a few minutes, resting her head on the student’s shoulder. The loveseat wasn’t that big, obviously. They’re not meant to be. Still, Eve wasn’t bothered by their closeness, she enjoyed it, in all honesty. Niko never gave her any kind of intimacy or affection anymore.
“Better?”
Eve nodded and sat up to look up at her.
“Thank you.”
“You don’t need to thank me, it’s what friends are for.” She shrugged, knowing she wanted to be more than friends, but Eve felt comfortable around her, and that’s all she could ask for.
“I do, though,” The brunette set her hand on top of Oksana’s, on her lower thigh, “You’re way too nice to me.”
“I just care about you.” She shrugged again. Villanelle, looking back, can’t believe she said that and meant it. She’d never said those words, not even to Anna.
“Wait, your hair.” Eve ran her other hand through the younger woman’s hair, it was honey-blonde now. Oksana, up until that moment, had dark brown hair, with bangs. It was different now. Completely. It suited her much more, Eve thought. She wondered how she missed such a large difference until now but she must’ve been too focused on crying.
“Oh yeah, I got it colored. You said the other day how I would look good as a blonde.”
“So you just got it done?” Eve laughed, finding the now-blonde’s impulsivity hilarious, “Just because I said it would look nice?”
Oksana hated her haircut anyway. It only reminded her of her childhood and Anna. Neither of which she wanted to remember. So, when Eve said she could picture her as a blonde, she knew that’s what she had to do.
“Well, yeah. I trust you.” She grinned, again surprised at herself for the honest confession.
Their faces were close now, and the eye contact was very tense, but neither of them dared look away. Except, after a moment, Eve made the mistake of dipping her eyesight to the blonde’s lips. Villanelle vividly remembered the excitement she felt at that moment. It was the moment she’d been waiting for all those months of being friends with Eve. She mimicked the brunette’s movement and very slowly leaned in until they were sharing the same air, then she stopped.
“I don’t know if you should…” Eve whispered, barely able to get the words out. She had no idea what had come over her. Was it just the fact someone wanted her? Made her feel beautiful? Or was it Oksana? Her charm, beauty, kindness…
“Do you want me to stop?” She purred, still staring at the brunette’s lips.
“I…” If Eve said no, she knew she would be lying but she couldn’t say yes, she was married. And Oksana was so much younger than her. She’d just celebrated her 18th birthday. With Eve, funnily enough.
Oksana continued to lean in until their lips were touching. Then Eve closed her eyes and closed the distance. She couldn’t say ‘yes’ with words but she could do it with an action.
It felt like…. Okay, cheesy yes, but completely true… it felt like fireworks. Eve’s sure her heart skipped a beat or it was beating faster than it ever had before. There was no in-between. And Oksana felt the same. The soft feeling of Eve’s lips against her own was all she’d been wanting since she met the brunette and it was even better than she had imagined. Is this what heaven felt like? Because if it was, she was ready to go.
It was soft and sweet for a few minutes, their bodies turned to each other on the small chair, Eve’s hand on the back of the blonde’s neck, with both of Oksana’s hands in dark curls. She told Eve how much she loved her hair every day, and now she was going to tell her with actions. Their tongues touched softly, only delicate touches but after a little bit of time, the blonde got more aggressive. She quickly wrapped her leg around Eve’s waist, straddling her on the small seat. The blonde slipped her tongue with firm strokes into Eve’s mouth, inciting a moan from the brunette that almost made Oksana come right there. But the brunette pushed her away and stood up, leaving the blonde breathless.
“I can’t- I shouldn’t have..” She started to back away.
“Eve, it’s okay, you don’t have to be scared,” Oksana stood up and tried to put her arms around the brunette to reassure her but she continued to step back, “I know what I’m doing.”
“It’s not that,” She sighed, turning away from the younger woman, “I’m married, Oksana.”
“I know that.”
“And you’re a child, you-”
“I’m not a child, Eve.” She hated being called that.
“I just meant that you’re 18 and I’m….” She sighed, there were so many reasons she couldn’t kiss Oksana and one reason she could. She wanted to.
“That’s why I can’t do… that.” Eve turned, gesturing to the loveseat.
Oksana didn’t want the brunette to run away. She relied on her. She made her feel safe. That was the only way Villanelle could rationalize her next words.
“We can just,” She tried to put on a comforting smile but she really couldn’t make herself do it, “Pretend it never happened?” Even now, she hated that she said that. She wished she could go back. The brunette took a moment, looking into hazel eyes. She couldn’t pretend this never happened but she had to try. For herself. For Niko. For Oksana’s future.
“Okay.”
It hadn’t been the best night of young Oksana’s life, but Villanelle never forgot it. She liked to think of it as the beginning of the end. She continued down the street until she saw the building she used to go in every day. Imperial College London.
There was the lecture hall in there, where she’d see Eve. She only had that class once a week, she even remembered the time like the back of her hand. Thursdays at 1:00 pm. She remembered looking forward to it every week. Eve wasn’t even the professor, but the blonde would stare at her throughout the whole class. She already knew everything the professor was saying, anyway.
She didn’t know how long she was standing there, in her white Nike t-shirt and plain black leggings, her sweat evaporating off her arms with the London breeze. She had her rose-gold Beats on, but she wasn’t paying attention to the music that was playing. She examined the building and it looked pretty much the same. A sleek white modern exterior, contrasting the other more ancient buildings. She wondered if the interior was still the same… Maybe the lecture hall where she had Eve’s class was the same…
She took a step toward the building and stopped, looking at the front entrance. It’s as if she summoned her or something because right there, leaving the building, was Eve (and Elena). Villanelle froze, blinking furiously, insisting that her mind was playing tricks on her. But, it wasn’t. There was Eve, in an ugly grey raincoat and black trousers, holding a coffee. Her hair was in a bun, and Villanelle secretly wished she kept it down. She used to tell her to wear it down all the time. Sometimes she listened, sometimes she didn’t.
The blonde snapped back into reality when she realized the two women were walking in her direction. She turned and ran away past the building and back to her apartment, suddenly filled with too much adrenaline to handle. She really hated the effect that this woman still had on her. She needed to find a way to stop it.