Callie walks into the hospital, determined to get in and out quickly. The lights are reflecting off of the shining floor. She slows her stride as she remembers the moments in these halls. The good, the bad and the ugly.
Well more of the ugly lately.
The walk to the conference room is rushed yet slow. Stares are constant and only some of them are on the better side of things. She passes those she knows and those she doesn’t. There is a father yelling to her right as a doctor tells him the news.
Despite our best efforts your son…I’m so sorry… we did all we could.
An older woman with wrinkles around her eyes that showed a life of laughter desperately tries to placate him. But Callie knows that he won’t be. No one who gets told that their child died does. The air around the women holds a certain disconnectedness now and Callie knows she will never be the same again.
Callie arrives at the door to the conference room. Its closed but she can see Bailey through the window. She’s sitting on one of the chairs looking across the room. The look on her face is one Callie can’t place and right now she is no hurry to, despite wanting this to be over quickly.
Walking in the door took more strength then Callie wanted to admit, to both Bailey and herself. Going to the table and sitting down, the first words out of her mouth were abrupt.
What am I doing here Bailey?
Jumping slightly Bailey quickly focused her gaze on Callie, surprised by the words. Pulling her self together her response was to the point.
You’re here to take back your position on the board.
Sitting up straighter Callie said a quick and firm no.
Why not? It’s been months, we need you back.
No, is the only word out of Callie’s mouth. Giving Bailey a glare, Callie goes to stand up. The chair rolling away from her slightly and the sound loud in the otherwise silent room. Standing at her full height she pauses. Her eyes landing on Baileys for a few seconds before going to the table. Bailey takes this as her chance to continue.
Torres, we need you. You belong here. You can’t give up your share of the hospital just because of the hearing.
Callie’s eyes tighten and her face scrunches up as she gets frustrated with the inquisition.
You know I don’t like to get into people’s personal lives but against my best efforts it seems I’m always in the middle of it. We miss you Torres, I can’t stand the interns without you here to run interference and torture them with me.
The taller women’s mouth twitches slightly into a smile but it’s gone in a second. She leans forward, putting her hands on the table leaning on it as she takes a small step back to accommodate this position.
Bailey looks over the women across the table. Her shoulders are slumped and body turned slightly inwards as if a weight is on her shoulders. Her dark hair falls limply over her face yet she can see that there are faint dark circles under the makeup that Callie wears. She looks tired, almost…, the shorter women can’t find the right word for a moment, lifeless. Callie says nothing and keeps looking at the table as if it is the most interesting thing in the world.
Bailey sighs and continues.
Sofia misses you. Robbins does too, no matter how much she tries to hide it. Hell, I think even Karev misses you.
Callie doesn’t react other than slipping back into her chair. For a few minutes there was silence and with only the breathing of the occupants to be heard. The Latina puts her elbows on the table and holds her head in her hands breathing deeply.
Internally saying breathe, just breathe. In 1 2, out 1 2.
She slowly looks across the table and chokes out I can’t.
The shorter women stares at her for a moment and nods.
Ok. But you have to tell her that.
As she says this Bailey turns her head toward the blonde women at the door. Callie stares at her as Bailey quietly stands from her seat, gathers the documents on the table and goes to the door.
When she goes to walk out Bailey nods at the blonde, exits the room and quietly shuts the door after her. The blonde stands at the end of the table staring at the women to her right as Callie does the same. Stepping closer, the blonde watches as Callie tenses at her closeness.
Callie breathes out a word and only after did her body relax, though her mind did not.
Arizona.
The light-haired women takes frantic steps forward, stopping just in front of Callie. Their eyes lock and suddenly the world is bright and just for a moment all that’s happened melts away. There’s only two people that have no shortage of love for one another. Then that moment dissipates and everything is rushing back into their minds. The silence that follows is sharp but what comes next cuts deeper than the sharpest of knifes.
You promised you’d stay.
The words are whispered, soft and broken. They seem so loud in the silence.
They say sticks and stones may break bones but words will never hurt. They’re wrong. Because words, they are like the last swing of a hammer. They make sure that the nail is firmly in place tearing the wood apart.
Callie closes her eyes for a second, trying to keep the tears at bay. She sucks in a breath and replies.
I did. I stayed.
Those were the wrong words to say as Arizona’s eyes go wide, the anger clear to see.
No, you didn’t. You didn’t stay, you left. You broke another promise.
Tears role down Arizona’s face and hands clenched in rage. She took steps back, hurt cleat in her eyes.
You stood up in court and gave me custody and then you left. You didn’t contact anyone and I wouldn’t have known you were even in the city if it wasn’t for Bailey telling me you were going to be here.
The last words come out as a yell. Arizona pauses for a moment and takes a breath.
Sofia cries for you, she’s worried that her mama won’t come home. Meredith is worried, I'm worried.
Arizona looks at the other women, then she averts her gaze and brings her hand up to wipe the continuous tears on her face. Callie sits there as Arizona expresses what has been going through her mind since the custody hearing. She then leans her elbow on the side of the chair and rest her hand on her head for a moment. She can see that the blonde is getting angrier the more time passes without her answering. This despite there not being a question. The dark-haired women then leaned back into the chair and replies.
But I did, I stayed. I did what I promised.
NO, YOU DIDN’T.
Callie immediately jumps up from her chair, it rolls forcefully to the back of the room. The loud bang is overpowered by Callie’s voice.
YES, I DID. I stayed when you said you didn’t do long distance and demanded I had to get my job back. I stayed when you wanted to go to Africa for three years. I stayed when you and Mark would argue over a child that was conceived when you and I weren’t even together. I stayed after we rammed into the back of a truck. I stayed when you choose to get on that plane without talking to me first and we had an infant at home. I stayed when your leg got amputated. I stayed when you wouldn’t leave the bed and refused to look at me or our daughter. I stayed even when you threw every insult you could think of at me for almost a year. I stayed through every accident and every word and every tantrum our daughter had because she couldn’t understand why mommy wouldn’t look at her. I stayed even though you cheated on me in our hospital when I was worried out of my mind because we were in the middle of a storm. I stayed even though you cheated on me a second time with someone I had to work with every day. I STAYED.
Arizona stood in shock at Callie’s words. Her mouth slightly open and mind going into overdrive to comprehend what has been said. Callie paced back and forth while the blonde looked on. The dark haired-women stopped and glared at the women in front of her, her hands make gestures with her next words.
You don’t get to tell me I didn’t stay.
Her voice then got softer. The brunettes emotional state making her voice crack after every few words.
I stayed and I fulfilled my promise because I didn’t only just say that I would stay. I promised that I would stay but if the time came that I wasn’t good for you anymore then I would leave. I get it, I did shit that hurt you but that is the reason I left. I wasn’t good for you or Sofia.
Callie chuckled deprecatingly and ran her hand through her hair.
I don’t even recognise myself in the mirror. So, I left. I got up and left the therapists office because I wasn’t good for you anymore. I wasn’t a good wife, but I could still be a good mom. So, I stayed for Sofia. But then I wasn’t a good mom anymore. In that courtroom I realised I put someone else before my daughter. So, I gave her to you, because you are an amazing mom. I spent my last day with our daughter, then I left. I kept my promise, Arizona. I’m so sorry I didn’t before but I kept this one. I just couldn’t stay anymore.
As Callie’s words faded silence reigned again. The room that was once crackling with the intense energy of both women dwindled, both taking in the words that had been said. For moments this is all there was. Then Arizona spurred into action and almost ran to her ex-wife. Though this time she didn’t stop before Callie, she stopped and went into a position that was still familiar after all these years apart.
Foreheads together and breath intermingled. The blonde’s arms around her ex-wife’s neck and Callie’s around the other women’s waist. Their eyes fluttered shut as the basked in each other. Finally, Callie whispered.
I’m a mess.
Arizona just listened to the mother of her child talk. Staying in their position but pulling the other impossibly closer.
I’ve been working on it. I haven’t dealt with a lot and I need to do that in a way where you and Sofia and everyone else isn't hurt. So that our village can’t be hurt anymore than it already has been. I wasn’t good for anyone, then and now. I’m a mess but I’m getting there.
The blonde pulled back her head to look in the other women’s eyes and to convey her acceptance even though she doesn’t like it.
Ok.
Her acceptance coming harder than her anger. But she knows sometimes you have to pull back and re open the wounds to clean them out so you can heal. She's a surgeon afterall. She also knows that it can be hard to do that with everyone looking at you, with the person you love right next to you. Arizona gets it because she didn’t want Callie around when she was had to do the same.
They stood there in each other’s arms for a while longer, the room soundless and the air more settled. Each woman didn’t know how they were going to let go of the other but eventually they pulled back and stepped away.
I need to go.
Taking a deep breath Callie repeated her words.
I need to go. So, you’re going to close your eyes and count to ten and when you open them, I’m not going to be here.
But you’ll be back right?
Insecurity and slight panic can be heard in Arizona’s words.
In three months, I’ll be back in three months.
Callie smiled, small and soft.
After all, we have a court date.
Arizona half smiled as a tear fell down her cheeks. The dark-haired women stepped forward, reached out and pushed a stray hair behind the blonde’s ear.
Close your eyes.
The light-haired women complied to the soft command. She felt the other women hand fall from her face and heard the light footsteps that singled her departure.
1
2
The door opened quickly yet delicately. Callie turned around to say one last thing.
3
4
I love you. Walk tall Mariposa. (Butterfly).
The door closed quietly and Arizona was left the only person in the room with silent tears falling from her eyes.
5
6
Callie walked down the hall, and tried not to focus on the eyes she could feel on her. Once she got in the elevator she looked back and saw April staring at her.
7
8
The brunette held the redhead’s eyes until the elevator doors closed with a soft thump. Her head fell back and thought about what just happened.
9
10
The elevator doors opened and Callie walked through Grey Sloan front area. People everywhere and white coats mixing with different colour scrubs and street clothes. Concern family members going in and out of the doors.
Words hurt. They can damage something or someone beyond repair. But though putting a nail in tears the wood it can also help repair the problem. Putting pieces together to make something new and beautiful.
The future, Callie knows, is something that is full of surprises both good and bad. Hopefully all of her family, both related and chosen, will have a good one in three months. She'll come back not as broken but a new masterpiece in the works.
Callie’s last thought before steeping through the hospital doors was a bit sarcastic despite the intense emotional ride she just went through with her ex-wife and mother of her child.
Well that was a short visit wasn’t it?