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Chapter 22 – Home
Make a little conversation
So long I've been waiting
To let go of myself and feel alive
I was stumbling, looking in the dark
With an empty heart
But you say you feel the same
Could we ever be enough?
Baby, we could be enough
It was a surprisingly warm day in Purgatory. People were able to leave their big coats at home and leave with only a sweater or a jacket. Waverly and Nicole were walking on the street, holding hands, and the brunette couldn’t help but notice how quiet her girlfriend had been all morning.
“Hey, it’s alright. You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to,” Waverly said.
“I think I do, Waves. They are expecting me to.”
“You did it before. Do you feel like today is different than the other days?”
“Yeah, a bit.”
“Well, you could imagine that you are talking to the girls on the team,” Waverly suggested. “They always pay attention to what you say.”
“That’s because they are scared of me,” Nicole said. “I don’t want people at PeaceMaker feeling afraid.”
“Yeah, right,” Waverly laughed, but then she noticed the redhead was serious. “Wait, do you really think the girls are afraid of you?”
“They are,” Nicole stated.
“Oh my goodness,” Waverly laughed even harder. “They are not afraid of you, baby. You are not as scary as you think.”
“I am,” Nicole tried to argue.
“Yes, you are as scary as a bunny,” Waverly teased her. “They listen to you because they respect you and they care about what you have to say. People at PeaceMaker will feel like that, too.”
“I just want them to feel comfortable and understand that they are not alone,” Nicole sighed.
“They will feel it, I’m sure,” Waverly replied.
“I hope you are right,” Nicole said as they walked around the corner and approached PeaceMaker. Much to her surprise, her entire team was standing in front of the place. “Hi, girls. What are you up to today?”
“Sup, coach. We are going to Mama Olive’s for lunch,” Amanda said. “Hello, Miss Waverly.”
“Hello, girls. Congratulations on the last game. You were great and it was a nice win,” the brunette said.
“Thanks,” Rachel said. “We wanted to talk to you before lunch, coach.”
“Is everything alright?”
“You and I met exactly a year ago,” Rachel looked to her right. “Sitting here, at this bench.”
“I remember,” Nicole smiled at the memory.
“Life was so different back then,” the teenager sighed. “You were having a bad day, but still you tried to make me feel better. You said I would find my people and that I shouldn’t change who I am. You made me feel special, like I mattered. Look where we are now.”
“You matter, Rachel. You always did,” Nicole said.
“See? You doing it again. You make me, well, us, feel important even when the day is not about us.”
“I want you girls to be successful and happy,” Nicole shrugged.
“We wanted to come here to tell you that we are proud of you,” Maddison stepped in. “We know it’s an important day for you, coach.”
“It is. Thank you for coming to see me,” Nicole said. “It means a lot to me seeing all of you here today.”
“We want you to know that we’ll never forget everything you do for us all these months, all the games and practice,” Maddison was getting emotional, so Emma hugged her waist.
“Believe me, you all do so much more for me. You have no idea,” Nicole giggled. “Now, I don’t want to keep you on a Saturday. Go have fun. I’ll see you all on Monday.”
“Bye, Coach. Bye, Miss Waverly,” they all said.
“Bye, girls. Hey, before you go… Am I scary?” Nicole asked and saw all the faces frowning.
“No,” Rachel was frowning, too, but then she smirked. “Did you want to be?”
“Nevermind,” Nicole groaned. “Go have fun.” Waverly chuckled and Nicole sighed loudly behind her as they walked inside PeaceMaker.
“There you are,” Wynonna said.
“Hey, Nonna. Am I scary?” Nicole asked in a heartbeat.
“No. Why?”
“Did you tell her to say that?” Nicole asked Waverly.
“Sweetie, people usually tell the truth because they think it’s the right thing to do,” the brunette got to the tip of her toes and pecked her lips.
“You two are weirder than normal today,” Wynonna frowned suspiciously.
“I guess I have to admit that you are right,” Nicole pretended to be defeated.
“My poor baby,” Waverly spread kisses all over Nicole’s face.
“She’s always right, Nicole. The sooner you understand that the easier your life will be,” Wynonna said.
“I know that since I’m fifteen, Earp,” the redhead only held her girlfriend tighter.
“Let’s get to business. I want to give you this,” Wynonna handed her a bronze coin with the number one in Romanus in the center. “Well done, Nicole.”
“Thank you, Wynonna,” the redhead couldn’t take her eyes from the coin. It was like she was looking at a trophy, a reward for all her hard work.
“Come over here, you jerk,” right there, in the middle of the hallway, Wynonna threw her arms around Nicole in a tight hug. “I’m so proud of you, dude.”
“I couldn’t have done it without you. Both of you.”
“You could have,” Waverly said.
“No. I tried before. You two are the most important people in my life,” Nicole told them. “You make me want to be better, stronger.”
“It’s good to know that we could be there for you, but you did all the work,” Wynonna replied. “Don’t throw your nobility on us, Haught.”
“Shut up, Nonna.”
“Hey girls, are you ready?” Rosita showed up. “The meeting is about to start.”
“I wished Fish was here,” Nicole groaned.
“He’s probably banging Levi in Hawaii right now,” Wynonna looked around and it was like everyone was judging her. “What? It’s true and you all know that.”
“Good morning, everybody. Please take a seat,” Rosita asked the people in the room. “It’s good to see familiar faces and as you all know, we have a tradition here in PeaceMaker. Every time someone reaches the one year mark they say a few words. I’m glad to be here today to witness this day for you, Nicole. Can you tell us a bit about your experience?”
“Sure, yeah,” the redhead stood up and looked at the faces around her. They have all became friends and supported each other through tough times. “So… I’m one year clean today, but honestly, it feels like a lifetime. I was the worst version of myself for a long time because I lost something important to me. I always took hockey for granted, I never thought I wouldn’t have it anymore. When it happened, I realized that I never had a plan B, so I felt lost. I stopped appreciating life and I was only waiting for it to end. I also did everything I could to make it happen faster. Now… now I feel like I belong to this world. It wasn’t easy, and I don’t think it will ever be, but damn, it's worth it. Every single one of you helped me find joy in this life. On my first day here, Fish, who is enjoying a sunny beach at this very moment, said something about not being cured, but constant healing. I agree with him. We are in constant healing, but that doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy life. There are good things everywhere we go. Some days are easy, some days are harder, but we have to keep fighting, keep looking for the bright side. I want to thank everyone in here for the support you have been giving me on this journey. I want to thank especially Chrissy and Rosita for always making me comfortable in here, my best friend Wynonna, who stayed by my side when I was at my worst, and my love, Waverly, for seeing the best in me even when I can’t. The world is a better place because of you, babe. If any of you here need some help, whatever it is the problem, I want you to know that I’m here for you, anytime. I think that was it. I can finally say that I’m making my peace, one day at a time. I feel at home in myself.”
Nicole looked around the room and most people were smiling at her. Chrissy and Waverly had tears in their eyes, and Wynonna was looking away, but Nicole knew that her friend was only doing that because she was trying not to cry. When the redhead sat on her chair, Waverly pulled her closer by her arm and placed a light kiss on her neck.
“I’m so proud of you,” the brunette whispered.
“Thanks, love.”
“Thank you, Nicole. I think I can speak for all of us in here when I say that we are all proud of you,” Rosita said. “We are so happy to be part of your journey. It’s beautiful.”
When the meeting was over, people started their normal routine of talking and laughing together. Nicole walked around the room to get closer to Wynonna.
“Hey, Haught Pepper. Did you tell her already? Did she like it? Of course, she did.”
“Not yet, I’ll tell her later today,” Nicole said. “I wanted to talk to you before we left.”
“What about?”
“I wanted to thank you.”
“You already did that,” Wynonna replied.
“Yeah, well, I think I should do it again. I would not be here without you,” the redhead put her hand up when she noticed her friend was about to interrupt her. “I know what you are going to say, that I fought for myself. I agree, I did that. I’m still doing it, but I would have literally died without you, Wynonna. You never gave up on me, even when I deserved to be left behind, you never did it. I want you to know how much I love and admire you. You are my hero, Wynonna Earp.”
Wynonna felt her throat closing and it was like she forgot how to breathe. Then the tears fell from her face and she hugged her friend to hide it.
“I’m so fucking proud and happy for you, Nicole,” she stepped away from her embrace and slapped her on the shoulder. “Damn it, you do it on purpose, right? Using your sweet words and walking bumper sticker attitude, making me look soft. You just want people to stop thinking about me as a badass.”
“Yeah, that was always my plan,” Nicole teased. “You figured it out finally.”
“What are you two are crying about?” Waverly approached them and hugged the redhead.
“Your girlfriend here is making me look bad in front of all these people.”
“Your sister is a big baby inside and I’m making people witness it.”
“You know what? I don’t want to get caught in the middle of it,” Waverly chuckled. “Plans for today?”
“You two do you,” Wynonna said.
“Really? I thought we would hang out together to celebrate,” Waverly sounded disappointed.
“I actually have plans for us, baby,” Nicole said. “If that is ok with you.”
“I’m always happy to spend time with you. What are we gonna do?”
“Well, first lunch and then… then you’ll see,” Nicole smirked.
“Alright, so let’s go. Bye, Nonna.”
“Bye, you two. Don’t get into trouble and make me proud.”
After lunch, Waverly and Nicole spent the afternoon walking in the park and making out as much as they could. They were sitting together on a bench with the brunette leaning against her girlfriend, between Nicole’s long legs.
“Today was a good day,” Waverly sighed happily.
“It was.”
“Did I tell you how proud I am of you? Because I'm very proud.”
“You did,” Nicole giggled and kissed her head. “Can we stay here to watch the sunset?”
“Of course, my love.”
“You know, on that first meeting at PeaceMaker, people were talking about how they overcome hard times and enjoyed life,” Nicole recollected. “The only thing I could think about was how much I wanted to find joy again, to feel like that one more time. Now I’m a hockey coach, I have my best friend again, and my love inside my arms. Most of it it’s thanks to you, Waverly.”
“You are giving too much credit to other people and not enough to yourself,” the brunette stated.
“That’s because you are a great part of me getting better,” Nicole confessed. “On that day, I promised myself that I would work hard enough so I could live good moments with you. I wanted to at least be able to watch the sunset with you one more time.”
“Is that why we are here?” Waverly asked and Nicole nodded. “I think it’s a perfect idea.”
“That first day I also thought that it would be pretty cool for us to travel somewhere,” Nicole whispered.
“We’ll go, baby. Sooner or later we’ll do it.”
“I was thinking about sooner,” Nicole pulled a couple of plane tickets from her pocket.
“Nicole… what is it?”
“Our first trip together, if you want to.”
“Plane tickets to Egypt?” Waverly gasped, completely shocked. “I can’t believe it. Is this why you have been taking so many extra shifts at GRU?”
“I wanted a good hotel and I know there are so many things that you’ll want to do once we get there,” Nicole smiled at her girlfriend’s reaction. “I want you to have the best time over there. But only if you want to go.”
“Of course I want to go,” the brunette rushed. “My dream trip with the love of my life? That is the best thing ever. Oh, I have so many ideas already. I love you, I love you.”
Waverly threw herself on Nicole for a long kiss. Every time they did that, it seemed to be better. Their lips found a home in each other, moving in such sync that words failed to describe.
When the sun went down, Nicole held Waverly extra tight. She knew that her fight was not over, it might never be, but with Waverly by her side, she knew she could face anything. Just like the sun, a new day would always rise. She was at home and it was all she needed.
So hot that I couldn't take it
Want to wake up and see your face
And remember how good it was being here last night
And it's alright
Calling out for somebody to hold tonight
When you're lost, you'll find a way
I'll be your light
You'll never feel like you're alone
I'll make this feel like home