Fireproof
Chapter 18 – Fireproof
I think I'm gonna lose my mind
Something deep inside me, I can't give up
I think I'm gonna lose my mind
I roll and I roll 'til I'm out of luck
Yeah, I roll and I roll 'til I'm out of luck
It was hard not to be amazed by how things can change in life. It felt like not long ago, Nicole had stopped at the Principal’s office alongside Wynonna because they had been in trouble somehow, and now she was there to start a new job. She knocked on the door and waited for confirmation to go in.
“Good morning, Ms. Earp.”
“Good morning, Nicole. And Willa is fine, no need to worry about that.”
“I didn’t want to overstep,” the redhead explained.
“You didn’t. Are you ready to talk to the students?”
“I think so, yeah.”
“Let’s go then,” Willa said and they walked out of her office toward the classrooms. It had been a while since Nicole last went there, but she still remembered it quite well. They stopped in front of the first door and Willa knocked on it. “We’ll talk to the eleventh year first. Excuse me, Mrs. Walker. Can we have a word with the students, please?”
“Of course, please come in,” Mrs. Walker said.
“Good morning, class,” Willa greeted them. “We are here today to talk about something I think you will like it very much.”
“Are we going to be home one week earlier this year, and we’ll come back only in February?” One of the boys said.
“Funny, Mark, but no,” Willa replied. “This one here with me is Nicole Haught, and you might recognize her from some of the pictures hanging on the hallways. She was a hockey player for our school and she is here today for a very special occasion. I’ll let her explain,” Willa nodded to Nicole.
“Ah, yes, thank you. Hello everybody. As Mrs. Earp said, I used to be a hockey player. I used to have a lot of fun playing for Purgatory High School, but unfortunately, for the last few years, it was not possible to keep the girls’ team going on. We have been talking, and we think it would be nice to give it a chance again, so that is why I am here,” Nicole said in a rush. She looked around the room and saw a familiar face. It was the same girl she met outside PeaceMaker on the day of her first meeting. She was smiling shyly at her. “I’ll be the coach for the girls’ team if we have enough people who want to take part in it. So if there are any of you who want that, I have the list here for you to apply. I’ll leave it on the notice board until the last day of classes for this year if you decide to join it at some point. Practice will start on the first week of classes in January. Yeah, that is pretty much it.”
“Well, would anyone like to put their name in already?” Willa asked. For a few seconds, there was complete silence, until someone moved. It was Rachel.
“I want to join,” the girl said.
“That is very nice, Valdez,” Willa congratulated the girl.
“Hello, Ms. Haught,” Rachel said.
“Hi, Rachel. Thank you for joining us,” Nicole said low. “Please, put the positions you can play next to your name.”
“Alright,” she wrote ‘Rachel Valdez - Left-Wing’.
Nicole heard some noise and looked to her left. Another girl was standing up next to them.
“Hi, I’m Amanda. I play as Right Defense,” the blonde girl said. “But I can be a decent Right-Wing if you need me to.”
“Thank you, Amanda. Welcome to the team,” Nicole smiled.
They finished visiting all classrooms by the time the bell rang for the break. Nicole said goodbye to Willa and she was hanging on the wall the list with five names on it already when a girl who looked fifteen approached her.
“Ms. Haught?”
“Hello.”
“You have just been to my classroom,” the girl said.
“That’s right. Would you like to be part of the team?”
“I want to but… I don’t really know how to play,” the girl blushed. “That’s why I didn’t say anything earlier, in front of everybody.”
“What’s your name?” Nicole asked.
“Maddison. I know how to ice-skate if that helps.”
“It does. What if we write your name here, without the position, and when the practice starts we can see which one you’ll like the most? What do you think?”
“I would like that, but I don’t want to be a bother. I know the other girls probably can play well,” Madison said.
“One of the best things about being part of a team is the friends you make and the fun you have,” Nicole smiled at the memories. “We all begin in different places. I can start one hour earlier with you on the first day, so you feel more comfortable before the other girls arrive. No pressure on being perfect. You just have to be willing to try.”
“That would be nice, I think.”
“Don’t worry too much about it, alright Madison? We can make it work, I’m sure.”
“Thank you, Ms. Haught.”
“I’ll see you after the break,” Nicole nodded for the girl when she walked toward her friends.
Once she was alone in her car, Nicole sighed loudly. Her heart was heavy with a feeling she knew quite well. She was only expected to be at work in the afternoon, but she didn’t want to go back home and be alone, even if it was for just a few hours. She decided to drive to a place that a few months ago she never thought she would be comfortable at. She went to PeaceMaker.
Arriving there, she noticed only a couple of people hanging around. The redhead went straight to Wynonna’s office. The door was open, but she closed it behind her when she got in.
“Hi, Nonna.”
“Hey, Nicole. I thought you were at work.”
“I was at school, talking to the students about the girls’ hockey team,” the redhead told her friend.
“Oh yeah, I forget that was today,” Wynonna said. “How was it?”
“Good. I already have six girls who want to be part of the team.”
“That is amazing, Nicole.”
“Yeah.”
“What’s wrong? I thought you would be more excited about it.”
“I am.”
“You don’t sound like it,” Wynonna said.
“I don’t know what is going on,” Nicole confessed. “Yesterday was probably the best day of my life, and today was pretty awesome, too. A lot better than I was expecting if I‘m honest.”
“Nicole…”
“So why the hell am I feeling so shitty? Why do I feel like if I get high right now I will feel better?” Nicole asked angrily. “I don’t want to be that person anymore.”
"You are healing, Nicole. That takes time."
"What if I start feeling like this when I'm around Waverly? She'll feel bad and feel like I don't care about her."
"What you are going through is an everyday battle," Wynonna said. "I know you wished it wasn't like this. I need you to keep in mind that you are not fighting alone. You probably don't remember this, but in your first meeting, Fish talked about how you have to go day by day, and he was right. You don't have to think about how things will be in the future, it's not healthy. It's not healthy for anyone, for the matter."
"I feel like I worked so hard but I'm still at the starting line," Nicole sighed.
"Part of your healing is to try to remember that not using drugs doesn't mean forever happiness. It's harsh, I know," Wynonna sighed, too. "But I promise that it's better without them. It makes you stronger. Life is tough and we have to be tougher."
"It's not fair," Nicole whispered.
"It isn't. Would you like to arrange a meeting with Rosita?"
"Maybe it's the wisest thing to do," Nicole agreed.
"I know it probably doesn't feel like this right now, but what you just did was a win," Wynonna said, but Nicole was not having it. "It was. I know it would be a lot easier to surrender to your desires and go talk to Jonas, but you didn't. You came here to talk to me. That shows how far you have come. And I am so fucking proud of you."
Nicole couldn't say anything to that. She only nodded and bowed her head, drying the tears before they fell.
"I'll always be there for you when you need me," Wynonna hugged her friend by her shoulder. "And so will be Waverly."
"I don't want her to think that I'm failing," Nicole admitted.
"She won't think that because you are not failing."
"Thanks, Nonna."
"Let's talk to Rosita and then I'll take you out for lunch," Wynonna smiled. "My treat. I want to know everything that happened this morning. Willa has been saying she's going to be baby girl's favorite sister after you start working as a coach and I can't let that happen. Maybe you could tell Waverly how awesome I am."
“Oh, I’m not getting into this feud between you and Willa,” Nicole shook her head.
“Man, you and baby girl are no fun.”
A couple of days went by, and Nicole started to feel better again. Waverly was working home that afternoon, so the redhead decided to go see her by the end of the day.
“Earp Homestead, how can I help you?”
“Hello, Alice. How are you today?” Nicole giggled with the little girl when she opened the door.
“Hi, Nicole. Good. Sarah and I made a volcano today,” Alice almost jumped with excitement. “It even etrupted!”
“Erupted?”
“Yep.”
“That’s so cool,” Nicole said. “Are you alone?”
“No. My mom is taking a shower and Auntie Waves is in her bedroom,” Alice frowned. “What are you doing here?”
“I came to see your aunt. Do you think I could come in?”
“I suppose,” the girl said. “Do you want to watch Moana with me?”
“In a minute, is that ok? I need to talk to your aunt first,” Nicole made a funny face.
“Ok, I’ll wait for you here,” and then she had completely forgotten Nicole, totally focused on the movie again.
Nicole went to Waverly’s room and knocked on the door. She heard a muffled voice from inside and suspected that she could come inside.
“Hi, baby.”
“Oh, thank goodness you are here. I really needed you,” Waverly stood from her chair and went right into Nicole’s arms.
"What is wrong, Waves?"
"I'm tired and you are my comforting teddy bear," the brunette buried her face on her girlfriend's chest.
“I gladly accept my new job offer,” Nicole joked. “It looks like you have your hands full of work.”
"Remember that lecture I'm going to give at the beginning of January? Well, I’m writing the starting notes and it's terrible."
"Waves, I'm sure it's not terrible. It's something you love to do, I know you can make it sound great," Nicole encouraged her girlfriend.
"No, I have to make it perfect," Waverly bit the nails of her left hand. "People don't usually like history. If I don't make it fun and interesting, they might fall asleep instead of listening to it."
"What if you read it for me so you can practice and I can tell you what I think about it?" Nicole suggested.
"You don't have to do that just because we are dating," Waverly tried to smile.
"I'm not doing it because we are dating. I'm doing it because… because I love you, Waves."
Waverly froze for a moment, but then she pulled her girlfriend by the hand so they could sit side by side on the bed.
"Are you saying that just because I said it?"
"I'm saying it because I feel it," Nicole kissed their entwined fingers. "I should have told you sooner, but you know I'm slow."
"You are not. We all have our own time for everything. Do you really feel that about me?"
"I do. I love you with all my heart, Waverly Earp."
"I love you, too, Nicole Haught," Waverly moved closer and sealed their lips together in a slow kiss.
"You are going to make them love history, I'm sure," the redhead was breathless when they parted. "We'll practice as many times as you want, love."
"Thank you," Waverly stretched her legs so she could sit on Nicole’s lap. "How are you today?"
"I'm better. It's easy to get inside of my head, but not so simple to get out," Nicole admitted. "Sometimes it's like I'm still drowning. Maybe I thought the healing would be faster, I don't know."
"I understand," Waverly kissed the side of her head. "I want you to know that my hand is always here for you to take if you feel like drowning. I'll always be here for you. Always. Even if it's just to bore you with my history facts."
"You mean to amaze me with your history facts," Nicole teased.
"You are too nice to me," Waverly smiled. "So… It's Christmas next week. Dolls agreed to make half of the meal vegan. And I have been searching for some great non-alcoholic drinks for you and me."
"What?"
"I know we can always have some juice, but I think we could try something different. It would be fun," Waverly looked like a child excited for the day.
"You… you want me to spend Christmas with you?" Nicole stuttered.
"Well, yeah. I thought so. Do you… do you have other plans?"
"I was going to order pizza or something else since my usual tradition is no longer an option."
"What was it?" Waverly asked.
"Getting drunk or high. Or both," Nicole said.
"I will understand if you prefer to be by yourself," Waverly put her fingers inside of Nicole's hair. "But I would love to have you here with me."
"Shouldn’t we talk to Wynonna first?"
"She will want that, too. Besides, this is my home as well. I can choose who I want here just as much as she can."
"I don't want to intrude," Nicole said. "It's a family gathering."
"You are my family, Nicole. You are the one I love with everything I have in me," Waverly looked deep inside her girlfriend's eyes. She wanted the redhead to truly believe that.
"In that case, I would love to be with you on Christmas," Nicole said. "It's been years since I last had one."
"I will make sure you have great holidays from now on. Every year until the end of our lives."
"Are you sure you want to spend that much time with me?" Nicole only half-joked.
"I've never been so sure about something in my whole life. I love you, Nicole Haught," Waverly leaned in and kissed her girlfriend. A loud knock on the door startled them.
"Hey, you two, no hiding in there," Wynonna screamed from outside. "Come out, let's order some pizza."
"Isn't she a delight?" Nicole faked a smile.
"Get used to it. You'll be her sister-in-law for the rest of your life," Waverly teased.
Nicole liked the sound of that. She couldn't wait for it.
'Cause nobody knows you, baby, the way I do
And nobody loves you, baby, the way I do
It's been so long, it's been so long, maybe we're fireproof
'Cause nobody saves me, baby, the way you do