92 days.
Kyujin and Jiwoo have been best friends since childhood, so it made sense that they would’ve told each other what their plans were after they graduated.
That is, when Jiwoo and Kyujin were walking home together.
“So, have you decided what you want to do after we graduate?” Jiwoo asked
Kyujin thought for a moment, yeah she did know, but she didn't want to tell Jiwoo, at least not yet until it was the right moment.
“Not yet”
Jiwoo didn’t press further. If Kyujin didn’t want to say, then that was that. That’s always how it was, if Jiwoo or Kyujin didn’t want to say anything else then that would be the sign to just let it go. But still, something about the way she hesitated, even just for a second, didn’t sit right with Jiwoo.
"You always know what you want, though" Jiwoo said after a while
“Maybe this time, I don’t” Kyujin said
They reached the usual spot where they always parted ways—Kyujin's street went one way, Jiwoo's another. Normally, they'd stand around for a bit, talking about the most random things, neither wanting to be the first to say goodbye. But this time, Kyujin just smiled at Jiwoo and gave a small wave.
"I'll see you tomorrow," she said.
"Yeah. Tomorrow."
Jiwoo watched as Kyujin walked away, something gnawing at the back of her mind.
She was lying.
And Jiwoo had no idea why.
Jiwoo’s mind raced as she walked home. Kyujin’s hesitation, the sudden change in her demeanor—it all felt off. She didn’t know why Kyujin would hide something from her, not after all these years of being best friends. There was a sinking feeling in her chest, a mix of confusion and worry.
78 days.
Kyujin had been distant, more than usual. Jiwoo noticed quickly, her laughter didn't ring as much as it used to, often zoning out mid-conversation. Sure, Kyujin zoned out a lot, but Jiwoo noticed it was a lot more common than different times.
Kyujin started to become more and more distant, at first she told Jiwoo it was exams, she was just focusing on passing the exams, but Jiwoo knew it was the full truth and she was on a mission to figure out what exactly is happening.
One afternoon, Jiwoo waited by the gate of the school after classes, hoping to catch Kyujin before she slipped away again. She had to know what was going on, and maybe, just maybe, today would be the day Kyujin would finally open up.
As she stood there, her thoughts wandered, but she quickly snapped back when she saw Kyujin coming from a distance.
"Kyujin!" Jiwoo called out, waving her hand. Kyujin looked up, startled for a moment, before flashing a quick, weak smile.
"Hey," Kyujin said, but her voice was soft, quieter than usual.
"Hey, you okay?" Jiwoo asked, the concern evident in her tone.
Kyujin hesitated for a moment. "Yeah, I’m fine."
Jiwoo raised an eyebrow. "You don’t look fine."
Kyujin laughed, but it sounded hollow, forced. "It’s nothing. Just tired, that’s all."
Jiwoo wasn’t buying it. "I’ve known you long enough to know when something’s wrong, Kyujin. You’ve been off for weeks now. Just tell me what’s going on."
Kyujin’s expression faltered for a brief moment, and Jiwoo could see the struggle in her eyes. She wanted to say something, but the words were stuck.
Before any of them could say anything more, a car, probably her mom, drove to pick up Kyujin.
“See you tomorrow” Kyujin said before going to the car
“Yeah… tomorrow.” Jiwoo said, looking at Kyujin running towards the car, stepping in and driving off.
64 days.
Jiwoo knew something was up, so did everyone around Kyujin, and yet, no one asked Kyujin what exactly was up.
One day during lunch, Jiwoo entered the cafeteria, her eyes scanning the area and she quickly noticed that Kyujin was nowhere to be seen, without thinking she rushed out.
Jiwoo’s heart pounded as she hurried through the halls, her mind racing. She had seen Kyujin go missing during lunch before, but today felt different. Today, something felt urgent, like Kyujin was slipping further away, and Jiwoo wasn’t sure how to stop it.
She passed by groups of students chatting and laughing, but her focus was entirely on finding Kyujin. The cafeteria was crowded, but there was no sign of her anywhere. Normally, Kyujin would be sitting at their usual spot, a little corner by the window, or maybe with a few others. But today, it was empty.
As she turned the corner, she noticed Sullyoon, without thinking she approached her.
“Oh hey, Jiwoo-”
“Where’s Kyujin?” Jiwoo asked
“Uh, she went home” Sullyoon said
“What? Why?” Jiwoo said
“She said she wasn't feeling well” Sullyoon said
Right.
Jiwoo knew it wasn’t because she was sick or wasn’t feeling well. Maybe it was the reason, but something isn't sitting with her. Kyujin rarely got sick and if she did, Jiwoo would always be the first to know, even before her own mom.
50 days.
She was getting more and more nervous and curious about what’s going to Kyujin. She knew that if she kept asking she would either just keep saying “Exams are coming up, I’m just focused on that” or she will just start to distance herself even more.
Instead she started to act like she always did, talking about anything and nothing, asking her the dumbest and silliest questions. Just like they always did. And that somehow brought Kyujin back… kinda.
Jiwoo started to notice how her laughs became more and more genuine. Everything they did together made her heart race a little, every touch, every laugh made Jiwoo question everything twice.
One afternoon as they were walking home, Kyujin suddenly asked a question.
“Do you ever think about us?” Kyujin asked
Jiwoo froze. What was she supposed to say? Yes I have? That’s the truth isn’t it? She has thought about her and Kyujin, what it would be like to have her and only her, what it would be like to be-
“Us?” Jiwoo asked “I mean… I would like to have a future with you. Go to college with you. You know?”
“Yeah me too”
36 days.
Kyujin was being distant once again.
But so was Jiwoo.
Before they knew it, they started to act like strangers. Jiwoo didn't know what happened, she was nervous and for good reasons. What if this is because of her? What if she pushed Kyujin too far? What if the worst has happened already and Jiwoo just doesn't know it.
A month.
And god, Jiwoo was stressed, everything started to become worse and worse. Kyujin barely talked to Jiwoo.
Jiwoo herself was becoming more stressed about everything. Maybe just maybe, she should stop worrying.
Kyujin wouldn't magically come to her. If she stopped pushing her for answers, demanding that she should tell Jiwoo why she’s distant.
She loved Kyujin. Well. Everyone around her told her that she did love Kyujin. Jiwoo herself told her that it was just friendship.
Friendship that was filled with jealousy, manipulation and whenever one of them was distant the other acted like the world was ending.
Friendship, she told herself. It’s just friendship… right?
Her being jealous if she speaks to someone else is normal, her manipulating Jiwoo to stay, even though she was distancing herself from everyone including Jiwoo.
22 days.
Jiwoo couldn't sleep.
The weight of everything sat on her chest, making it hard to breathe. It had been weeks since things felt normal, and she was exhausted. Exhausted from the distance, from the questions that had no answers, from the way Kyujin was slipping further and further away, and Jiwoo didn’t know how to hold on.
But most of all, she was exhausted from lying to herself.
Friendship. That’s what she kept calling it. That’s what she told herself every time her heart clenched when Kyujin ignored her. That’s what she forced herself to believe when she caught herself staring too long, when her world started and ended with Kyujin’s presence.
But was it really friendship if it made her feel like this? If it made her stomach twist when Kyujin spoke to someone else? If it made her want to scream and cry and demand that Kyujin look at her the way she used to?
Was it really friendship if Jiwoo felt like she was losing a part of herself every time Kyujin pulled away?
Jiwoo wasn’t sure anymore.
8 days.
Jiwoo avoided Kyujin. It was easier that way.
At first, she thought Kyujin wouldn’t even notice. But then the stolen glances started. The way Kyujin would linger just a little too long in the places Jiwoo used to wait for her. The way her expression would tighten when Jiwoo laughed with someone else.
It was almost pathetic.
Kyujin was the one who left first.
Kyujin was the one who pushed her away.
So why did she look like she regretted it?
Why was everything starting to hurt more and more?
Why was every touch, every glance, every conversation making Jiwoo’s heart skip a beat?
1 day.
Graduation day.
Jiwoo stared at her reflection in the mirror, adjusting the collar of her uniform for what felt like the hundredth time. Her hands were shaking. She told herself it was just nerves, but deep down, she knew better.
This was it. The moment everything officially changed.
She wasn’t ready.
She hadn’t seen Kyujin in what felt like weeks. They had talked, yes, about everything and nothing at all, but the weight of what was left unsaid still hung between them. Jiwoo wanted to believe that they were okay, that things would go back to how they used to be, but the truth was…
Maybe nothing would ever be the same again.
Her phone buzzed.
Kyujin: Meet me after the ceremony. Same spot.
Jiwoo exhaled, her heart pounding.
She didn’t reply. She didn’t need to.
The ceremony passed in a blur. Speeches, applause, the sound of cameras clicking. Jiwoo smiled when she was supposed to, cheered for her classmates, took photos she knew would sit in her camera roll for years. But through it all, her mind was elsewhere.
Waiting.
And then, finally, it was over.
Jiwoo slipped away from the crowd, her steps quick, her breath unsteady.
When she reached their spot, the small park near the school, where they used to meet after classes, where they spent countless afternoons just existing together, Kyujin was already there.
She was standing under the tree, still in her uniform. She looked up at Jiwoo, her expression unreadable.
For a moment, neither of them spoke.
Then Kyujin sighed, a soft, almost bitter smile at her lips. “We really made it, huh?”
Jiwoo swallowed. “Yeah. We did.”
Kyujin nodded, looking away. “It doesn’t feel real.”
Jiwoo stepped closer. “What happens now?”
“I’m leaving.” Kyujin said
“What?” Jiwoo asked
“I am going to a college out of the country.” Kyujin said
“So what? You will just leave me?” Jiwoo asked “After everything?”
“No!” Kyujin said
“Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you just…” Jiwoo said
“I was worried. I was worried that you would freak out too much. That you wouldn't take it lightly or worse…you would convince me to maybe, just maybe, not go.” Kyujin said
“So instead, you decided to hurt me like this? By shutting me out?” Jiwoo said, her voice breaking
“I thought it would make things easier.” Kyujin said
“Easier for who?” Jiwoo snapped. “Because it sure as hell wasn’t easier for me.”
“I know and I’m sorry.” Kyujin said
“How long?” Jiwoo asked
“What?”
“How long have you known that you will be doing this?” Jiwoo asked
“A few months”
Jiwoo let out a sharp breath, shaking her head. “God, Kyujin.”
Silence stretched between them, heavy and suffocating.
Then, softer this time “Come with me.”
Jiwoo’s head snapped up. “What?”
Kyujin took a step closer, her eyes pleading. “Come with me. We can figure it out together.”
Jiwoo stared at her, the weight of the moment pressing down on her chest.
And suddenly, she knew.
She loved Kyujin.
Not in the way she had tried to convince herself. Not in the way people casually say I love you to their friends.
She loved Kyujin in a way that was terrifying and all-consuming and so, so real.
But love wasn’t always enough.
She took a step back. “I can’t.”
Kyujin’s face fell. “Jiwoo-”
“I can’t,” Jiwoo repeated, her voice breaking. “I have my own path, Kyujin. And you have yours.”
Kyujin’s eyes shone with something dangerously close to tears. “So this is it?”
Jiwoo inhaled sharply, forcing herself to smile. “No. This isn’t the end. Just… a different beginning.”
Kyujin let out a shaky laugh. “You’re really cheesy, you know that?”
Jiwoo laughed too, though it sounded more like a sob. “Yeah. I do.”
For the first time in months, Kyujin pulled her into a hug. Jiwoo closed her eyes, memorizing the way Kyujin felt, the way she smelled, the way her heartbeat thrummed against Jiwoo’s own.
She didn’t know what the future held.
But she knew that no matter where they went, no matter how far apart they were.
Kyujin would always be her person.
No matter what happened.
Kyujin would be hers. Maybe not in a way she wanted it to be, but in her heart? She’s hers.
Kyujin always was hers.
0 days.
This was it.
Jiwoo couldn't sleep at all that night, she would be losing her best friend, her lover. Not in a way that others thought, but in her own way.
The airport was quieter than Iseul expected. Maybe it was because it was early morning, or maybe it was because everything around her felt muted, like the world had decided to slow down just for a little while.
Kyujin stood by the departure gate, hands in her coat pockets, eyes trained on the floor. Jiwoo wasn’t sure if that made leaving easier or harder. She shifted the strap of her carry-on, glancing at the boarding screen. Twenty minutes until she had to go through security. Twenty minutes until this was over.
Twenty minutes until she would never see Kyujin ever again.
“Im sorry” Kyujin said finally
“What?”
“I'm sorry for not telling you sooner” Kyujin said, her voice cracking a little. “I am an asshole for that. I know. But-”
“Kyujin.”
“But I didn't know how you would react. I-”
“Kyujin.”
“I never thought how much I cared for you and how much you cared for me.” Kyujin said
Without another word, Jiwoo stepped forward and hugged Kyujin.
Kyujin stiffened for half a second before her arms wrapped around Iseul just as tightly, like she was holding onto something slipping through her fingers. Neither of them spoke. Because what was there left to say?
“I love you” Jiwoo said “Always did.”
“Jiwoo…”
“No, it's too late. But I just…thought if this is the last time I’m seeing you” Jiwoo said “Then I will tell the truth too.”
Kyujin let out a shaky breath, her grip on Jiwoo tightening. For a moment, Jiwoo thought she would say it back. That she would whisper I love you too into her shoulder, and maybe, just maybe, this wouldn’t be goodbye.
But Kyujin didn’t.
Instead, she pulled away first, her hands lingering on Jiwoo’s arms before she finally let go. “You’ll be okay,” she said, but it sounded more like she was trying to convince herself.
Jiwoo let out a quiet, bitter laugh. “I don’t want to be okay without you.”
Kyujin looked down, her jaw tightening. “You have to be.”
She was right. And Jiwoo hated that.
The airport speakers crackled to life, announcing final boarding for Kyujin’s flight. Jiwoo felt like the world was caving in on itself. This was really happening. Kyujin was really leaving.
Kyujin gave her one last look, the kind that Jiwoo knew she’d replay in her head for the rest of her life. It was full of something unspoken, something unfinished, something that might have been love if they had more time.
Jiwoo took a deep breath. If this was truly goodbye, then she wouldn’t let it be full of regret.
So she smiled, even though it hurt. “Go, Kyujin.”
Kyujin hesitated, but in the end, she nodded. “Goodbye, Jiwoo.”
Then she turned, walking towards security, and Jiwoo swore she could hear her own heart shattering with every step Kyujin took away from her.
She didn’t chase after her.
She didn’t call her back.
She just stood there, watching until Kyujin disappeared beyond the gates.
And then she was gone.
Jiwoo didn’t know how long she stood there, staring at the empty space where Kyujin had been.
Because Kyujin was gone.
And Jiwoo was alone.