Ch 7
Crystal did not return to her parents home that faithful summer night, and instead perched Jan and her in the empty corner of the couch of an all too well known tour bus. All night, she thought about how suddenly, there were worlds of space between her and Gigi. The difference was unfathomable. One day, there are starstruck lovers pandering at each others feet, the next, they are enemies. Whilst she was sure Gigi didn't hate her, Crystal couldn't help but grasp at the affection she once had. It was gone now. Never to be returned to that little tourbus now bound for Ohio at Heidi's request. Soon, the band would be touring again, Crystal would go home. There would be no place in history for them. It was this she reflected on as she sat next to Jan, awake on the early Sunday morning. All the time she had spent in Gigi's arms, where would it go? What would happen to it now that it didn't really exist anymore? Perhaps, Gigi would place it high on a shelf for her to look out when she wanted to be kept out of trouble. Perhaps, it would be used as a catalyst for her many endeavours that would follow and whenever things would go dark, there would be Crystal, naked and pale among the sheets. Gigi wondered this too with an added sense of guilt; not being able to shake the feeling that she was the reason there was a broken heart lingering her halls like a ghost that just wouldn't leave. She lay there, having only been back on the bus for a day or so, feeling godawful and recovering slowly. Yet, the only thing on her mind was Crystal. The way she cried when she saw Gigi in bed. The way her eyes couldn't drive themselves away from the drip hanging out of her arm. It was as if she was the sick one, and Gigi was nothing but her illness driving her slowly to madness. Crystal said she has stayed because she was too weary to make the drive back. Gigi knew that the morning was slowly rising, as it had been forever, and Crystal was staying to protect her. There was a world of dangerous for Gigi to meddle with, and Crystal was slowly becoming her guardian angel. Knowing Crystal was sleeping outside was hell enough, it probably would've killed her to know the girl was sat right there, leaning against and yearning for a touch. It was Heidi who was to watch this spectacle from afar, half romanticised and half disgusted by what she had seen, and what they were becoming.
"You're awake." She chuckled, startling the girl propped against the door. "Door comfy or something?"
"I don't know how I ended up here. Must've sleep walked, or something." Crystal bluffed. Heidi knelt down beside her, moving a strand of hair from her face. The pain in her eyes was unbearable and present, as if it flooded her whole face.
"You know, perhaps talking to her wouldn't be such a bad idea." She suggested. "Perhaps you guys aren't going to get your coming of age love story, but at least you get to be friends. Not everyone gets that chance."
"It's just, all the things I said to her Heidi." She sighed. "They were so mean."
"You were just hurt, understandably. I can't say I'd have been pretty nice either."
Crystal had nothing else to say. If she opened her mouth to respond, symphonies about Gigi would've just tumbled out. Sonnets about her love for her. It would've been so terrifyingly poetic, Crystal quietened down to hide her rupture.
"Why don't you go make some breakfast, and I'll talk to her." Heidi concluded gently, with a small pat to the cheek. Crystal wanted to plead against her, but couldn't find the energy within her, therefore moved across the kitchen, and watched Heidi enter the room.
Heidi thought about what she could've saw in that room. There were a lot of possibilities, but what she didn't expect to see was Gigi, propped up against the window, and looking off into the distance of the bus, which had stopped somewhere in the middle of two sand dunes, mid state.
"Gigi-"
"Tell me she was out there." She sighed.
"Tell me how you're feeling, Gigi."
"Is she out there?" The girl turned around. Her face stood pale and empty of all presence under the sunlight of the western glow. "Tell me she's not gone home. I have to have her with me. I need to talk to her."
"She's asleep, Gigi." The girl sighed. "There's nothing you can do as of now."
Gigi looked Heidi up and down, and then back out of the landscape. The two stood in silence for minutes at a time until Heidi felt the substantial bravery to sit down on the bed.
"There's a big black car just up the road." The girl by the window opened the window. "And as for how I'm feeling, I feel like I've been hit by a truck."
"I know." Heidi leant forward into her own palms, realising how much Gigi was a burden on the success of this band. She was always the most dramatic, and had the most flare. Heidi always thought Gigi would have the first of their drug related incidents. However, when she imagined it, it was much later on down the line for them, and she was married to a rich drug lord, and it'd cause them to split up. She didn't see it happening here, now, when her career was cusping and when she had four other people to think about. "That's actually what I wanted to talk about."
"The car?"
"No, Gigi." Heidi came, walking to the window to stand by her friends. "When you were taken to hospital…the man in that car, he approached me, Gigi, he wants to make an EP."
"Well, he's missed his chance." The girl stated, suddenly reaching out to close the blind of the room.
"What do you mean he's missed his chance?"
"Well, I'm a recovering overdose patient, I have no material left, and I don't even want to be in a band anymore"
"You don't?"
"No. The only thing I want is Crystal."
"Crystal!" Heidi near shouted. "I love the girl as much as you do, but you can't put her in the way of what you, and I, and both those beautiful girls out there have been working towards."
"Heidi, look." Gigi stated, calmly removing a cigarette packet from her pocket. The pack was red, white, and cheap causing Heidi to wince in her footsteps. "I want to marry Crystal. She's the only good thing on this planet."
"You know what Crystal is, Gigi? She's right. You're selfish. So very selfish." The taller girl seethed, lashing a sweater from the bed into Gigi's grasp along with a forgotten notion about how frail her body was. She never did say sorry, but Gigi wasn't sorry, and there was no room for remorse where broken dreams live. "I hope this bring you everything you want."
Heidi yanked the door handle with such vigorous authority, it smacked against the wall of the bus and initiated the turning off all faces to meet her attention. One such giver was an pale white man, tall and built, face crowded with aged stubble and hair dripping with gel.
"Trouble in paradise?" He chuckled.
"Crystal, who is th-"
"I'm Brian Elmer, president of E.L. records." He proceeded with more caution, offering his sweaty hand out for Heidi to loosely shake. "One of my associates approached you at the show."
"Yes, I remember." She sighed. "I thought you'd be quite a while away yet, your car is still heading down by the desert path."
"Yes, my driver is circling the area. I told him I wouldn't be long."
The way he stood soundly in the middle of the place allowed the room to give itself it him. He was smiling, and shaking hands as if he was in some way subservient to , but there was always the gentle recognition that the world bowed to his handsome arrogance.
"Are you the front-man?" He came again.
"I'm the front-man." Gigi exited her room with a slow and fluid motion, shutting the door and breathing in her cigarette with her other hand. She looked horrible, dressed down in her shorts, old shirt and sunglasses on top of her head. Heidi couldn't do much but dismiss her out of bounds.
"You don't look like much of a front man." The promoter chuckled. Gigi wasn't being confident, she was being fake. Everyone in the room was driven to sickness with her mere conceit.
"You can't say that." Crystal chirped in. No one in the focus of the conversation had even noticed her inclusion. In many ways, she was only there for Gigi. She was going to do anything to get her band on the map, and this wasn't exclusionary to disregarding her healing.
Gigi, however, melted calmly into her own undeserved arrogance and held her hand up to silence Crystal, following a fall into the couch.
"What can I help you with, Mr. Elmer?" She smiled. "Since you're so knowledgeable about what a front man should and shouldn't be?"
"Gigi." Heidi barked through her teeth. She had always known the girl was cocky, perhaps even challenging; but she had never seen her this pedantic and horrid to be around.
"It's quite alright." He pushed both of this hands in his pockets. "I just have this paperwork for you to sign and then I can be on my way."
The much taller man reached into his open folder and handed a single piece of paper to Jan, who hadn't long woken up and who's presence also didn't register.
"When for?"
"Well-" The gentleman tried to exhibit, watching Jan with disdain as she gave the paper no grace.
"And where? We're on the way to Ohio, I don't have time to come running at your beck and call."
"Gigi!" Heidi shouted. "You're being an asshole!"
The room settled into a quiet anxiety, as Gigi stood slowly to her feet and wiped her shirt down. It was as if she preparing for something, and stood no less than two inches below the man.
"You're all like, aren't you?" He smirked, handsomely. "All of you leading members. You all think you're gods gift to the people of earth. You all think you're giving something to me. Let me tell you, sunshine, you aren't. I get my cut of the money whether you're there or you aren't."
"It's in California." Jan yawned. "A week from now."
"A week?" Crystal growled from the corner. "We'd have to turn the trip around! Gigi you have other shows."
"Well, cancel them." He demanded.
"We couldn't do it anyway, it's too soon, Gigis…. she's uhm…" Heidi fumbled over words until Gigi took over with strife.
"Not well." She stated. "I'm not well."
"You look well enough." He stood closer to her as to be directly in her face. "What's up with you?"
"She's not well." Crystal batted in once again, leaping off the counter to approach the situation. The enemy they all had made was much taller than she was, and seemed to tower over her even from a distance.
"Yeah, she's-" Heidi started again.
"I'm recovering from an overdose." Gigi bit. The word stung the room, and suddenly all eyes were on Crystal, who seemed to wince. Once again, she saw Gigi's hospital corpse writhing in her room. It was vile to even think of.
The much larger gentleman suddenly snatched the paper from Jan and held it tightly in his hand.
"Well, kid." He sighed, shoving his fist towards her chest for her to take the contract. The contact with which they were involved was filled with terror, and the realisation her whole career came to a pinnacle in this moment. "You wanna be famous? There's gonna be a lot more where that came from. This is gonna be second nature to you in no time, that's the reality. People are gonna be offering you all kinds of shit left, right and centre. So, I suggest you grow up if you want any part in this industry at all. Hear me?"
He took a short breath to regain clarity, and let go of the paper. Gigi didn't know it yet, but the signing of her soul came along with that moment too. If she could go back and do it all again, she wasn't so sure she would.
"Just sign that, and have it with you when you come to my office." The large man spoke, and turned around to leave. He walked with purpose towards the door, knowing all eyes were on him and no one was looking away as he graced the exit with his mere steps. Before he could leave, he looked at Crystal. Like everyone knew and everyone thought, she was extremely beautiful and had no business in the company of a couple of band girls from far out north.
"And I want that song playing." He demanded, not taking his eyes off the small girl. "The one you sang for that beautiful girl."
Crystal could only take steps towards Heidi, who placed a hand on her back and gave her hope that she was protected if she stayed.
"And Gigi, is it?" He turned.
She nodded in embarrassment.
"It might be within you best interests to sign your position over to someone more…approachable. Someone more, as they say…financially attractive."
Gigi sat calm, knowing the blood of those surrounding her was pooled with rage. She knew men like the one in the suit just before her were nothing if not reactions of the women around him, and so spoke nothing. Said nothing. Left his longing for power silent and empty as it was often when he had no women to torture.
"Goodbye Mr. Elmer." Heidi let go of Crystal to shoo him out. "I look forward to being in contact with you. Have a safe journey back to California."
He looked at Heidi, and then past her shoulder to Crystal. She was perfect, and perfect was a word that could juxtapose the whole previous ten minutes of his life.
"Call me if you have any questions."
Crystal hobbled up onto the sofa beside Gigi just to watch him leave. He was horrid, and vile in all ways it was possible for a person to be horrible and vile. Yet, something ingrained shuffled around inside of her. The whisper of attraction, and the feeling of need. She was very fond of his looks, but his true quality was that he was downright horrible, and Crystal couldn't help but feed from it.
"I hope his plane crashes." Gigi growled.
"And what?" Heidi retaliated. "We miss our shot at something big? For one second of your life, Gigi, could you quit acting like an asshole? Imagine if the other girls saw that! They would've been disgusted with you."
"He was horrible to me, Heidi, he said-"
"I know what he said, okay?" She softened her tone. "But, Gigi, listen to me. If this were any other circumstance, I'd say go for it. But, it isn't. This is our future. And, if you want to be successful, you have to just shut up, sit down, and take it, okay?"
In light of Heidi's plea for success, Gigi thought she might argue on many points. The silence of women, the lack of women in music, the suppression of the voices of the women who are bold as she was often. As usual, however, she chose none of her points. She subsided to Heidi's motherly obedience and sat next to Crystal, yet to turn around and watching the car drive up the path. She was sitting down, shutting up, and taking it.
"Thank you." She added. "Now hand me the contract. I'll check the fine print."
Gigi did as she was told, and watched her friend leave before she turned to Crystal.
"Thank you for having my back."
"I don't have your back." The blonde lied. "I wanted your band to succeed, not for you, but for the other girls who don't just claim to like me."
Gigi took it once more.
"Okay, well, it meant a lot."
"I think I should get going." Crystal suddenly stood to her feet, wiping down her pants. "Our car doesn't have much gas, we wouldn't make it a mile up the road even if we tried."
"Stay here, Crystal." She insisted. "It's an awful long drive back to Seattle."
"I can't be here with you."
"Then don't be with me." Gigi sighed. "Travel in the car. You can have my room. I'll sleep on the couch. Anything for you to stay with me."
Crystal shot her the glance she always did when something was wrong.
"Sorry. With me, with them. Crystal, there's girls here who need your support."
"I can't stay just for that." She reasoned. "I can barely be in the same room as you."
"Crystal, one of the only things you've asked me since I was up from that night is was I scared." Gigi paced herself. "And the truth is, yes I was scared. But I wasn't scared I was going to die, or my shows would have to be cancelled. I was scared I wasn't going to get to see you again."
Crystal couldn't help but be plunged into a simmering pool of cold guilt, watching Gigi's bleeding heart seep the floor.
"So, stay, okay?" She asked, finally. "Just till California. And if you still hate me by then, and if my music career goes up in flames, you can move back to Seattle. I won't bother you ever again."
The shorter girl was terrified of being without Gigi. She had become so caught up in the whirlwind that there was a constant worry she didn't know who was without it. She had already known what was going to happen the first time Gigi was asked to stay. All she could do was sit near the door, hoping any minute, she would find to the courage to get up and leave, knowing all too well she probably never would.