Mary was pretty sure God hated her at this point.
Everyone she loved had a tendency to either abandon her or die. First it was her mother ending up in jail because she had accidentally killed the man who had abused her for half of her life. Then it was Shannon, dying at the hands of the very own thing she had sworn to protect, the Church.
And now she had just watched her best friend disappear into a portal to Hell.
Of all the ways she had expected Lilith to die, sacrificing herself to protect the girl who had accidentally stolen the Halo from her was not one of them. Lilith had been trying to kill Ava only a few minutes ago. None of this made sense.
Only it did, because Mary knew the woman hiding behind that cold exterior - she knew Lilith had a much bigger heart than she let anyone believe.
She had been the first one to welcome Mary into the Order after all. No matter how many times Mary had tried to push her away, whether it was with words of with her fists, Lilith always came back. She always made sure there was a free spot next to her at the table, she made sure Mary always had the best equipment to train and she even helped her in her studies. In return, Mary taught her how to shoot and held her at night when Lilith had nightmares or wasn’t able to handle the pressure of all the thoughts running through her mind and the weight of the expectations placed on her shoulders.
They became sparring partners and grew to know each others' fighting style as if it were their own. Together, the duo were unbeatable. No matter what Mary did, Lilith was always by her side.
At least, that's how it was until Shannon arrived.
Mary was fascinated with the girl ever since she first laid eyes on her. The new Halo Bearer, a closed off mystery. Mary felt drawn to her like a moth to a flame and it definitely had nothing to do with the way her heart skipped a beat everytime saw her enter a room. It took awhile for Shannon to warm up to the sisters but once she did, they all grew to care for her deeply. She as charismatic and generous and kind as well as charming. The more time Mary spent with her, the more she craved for her attention and praise. The longing looks and secret smiles were not lost on either of them.
Mary was so focused on Shannon she failed to notice the empty seat next to Lilith.
While Mary, thanks to the Halo Bearer had grown closer to the other sisters, her best friend had started been distant and cold. Instead of hanging out with the others, Lilith chose to train alone more often than not - she was the only sister who refused to even speak to Shannon. The other nuns presumed it was out of jealousy, as Shannon had received the Halo instead of her. Mary too thought that to be the case - she tried multiple times to talk about it with Lilith but she was always met with short and hostile sentences. The other girl no longer let down her walls around her.
The tension exploded one day during training, when a sparring match between the two turned into a vicious fight. From then on, Lilith and Mary treated each other with malice and spite. They didn’t talk to each other anymore and if they did it was to argue about something or discuss a mission. The chasm between them had grown immense. It seemed impossible to fix.
They still weren't on speaking terms when Shannon died. Losing her sent Mary over the edge as the pain turned into thirst for revenge. The sight of Lilith became more unbearable than ever for her - it seemed all the other woman cared about was the Halo, not the dead sister it had once belonged to.
Finding Lilith outside of that orphanage, trying to kill Ava was the snapping point for Mary. While she had first tried to save the reckless girl because she hadn't been able to save Shannon, now it had become even more personal - she was going to make sure Lilith never got her hands on the Halo.
She wasn't worthy of it, Mary finally told her on that ferry, ignoring the guilt churning in her gut at the way Lilith seemed to faintly recoil as if struck. She wasn't a leader: leaders had a heart. Mary had looked straight into Lilith's eyes as she had said those words, because she believed in them. She really believed her sister to be heartless.
She wasn't. Of course she wasn't.
And when Mary realized it, it was too late.
Too late to apologize, to thank her for everything she had done for her, for being her friend - too late to admit to herself that she had been in love with her best friend all along.
Mary wonders if she will ever be able to forget the pure heartbreak she had seen in Lilith's gaze as it met her own moments before she vanished.
She won’t forget. It’ll haunt her dreams every night.
Mary’s world shifted on its axis in no time. Her, Beatrice and Father Vincent get thrown out of the OCS. Duretti planned Shannon's murder, the Church is hiding the bones of Adriel to attract the demons into this world and Father Vincent has a lot more secrets than she would've liked. Ava returns and is able to annoy the shit out of her - she doesn’t regret kicking her off of a cliff, not one bit - but she has heart and she’s their only hope.
In all of this carousel of madness, Mary had only one constant - her nightmares.
They invaded her sleep every time she closed her eyes. Lilith was always there, usually either to die or leave her behind - just like everyone else. Mary missed her more than she wanted to admit and she had yet to allow herself to mourn for her once best friend.
She wasn’t ready to let go of her, not yet.
That turned out to be a good thing, because as she returned to ArqTech after retrieving the map, Camila ran towards her to tell her that Lilith was alive. She was alive. And she was here.
She came back.
Mary had no idea how to react. This never happened before. No one ever came back, not for her. Her heart jumped with relief but her body stayed frozen like a statue. Camila's face twisted in concern.
"Mary, are you okay?" She received no answer as Mary passed her and walked into the building, her eyes unfocused, as if in a trance.
Entering the hallways, Mary was met with Ava and Beatrice. They were laughing about something and smiling at each other in a way the woman was unsettlingly familiar with. The moment they saw her they both sobered.
"Mary." Beatrice called. "There is something you need to-"
"I know," she stopped her, "Camila already told me."
Although Mary wanted to, she did not dare to ask where she was. Lucky for her, she didn't need to. Sensing her distress, Beatrice took matter into her own hands.
"Come, I'll take you to her."
The hallway felt neverending as Mary lets herself be guided through it. When they reach a sector with door on both sides, Beatrice stops to the third door on the left. Mary glances into the room and almost cries out. Lilith was asleep on one of the cots, her skin pale and her eyebrows slightly furrowed, as if she was unable to find peace even in her sleep.
She was as beautiful as Mary remembered her to be.
They hadn't had the chance to talk after all, too much in a hurry to reach the Vatican and destroy the bones. Mary had to reluctantly leave Lilith behind, although the other woman somehow managed to appear in Vatican City out of the blue and acting like a completely different person. Mary was able to calm her down, everything after that was mostly a blur of anxiety and action and fights.
Turns out Adriel was alive, a demon - and powerful enough to summon an army of Wraiths.
Together the group had fought their way out of the crowd of possessed and had hotwired a van to get out of there as fast legally possible. Since they were all pretty exhausted, the nuns (and Ava) chose to retreat into a near safe house two hours away. Once they reached it, they wasted no time and went to collapse on the beds, drained from the day’s events.
Yet, as tired as Mary was, sleep did not come easy, and judging by the situation she was in, she wasn’t the only one having troubles. After what felt like hours the door to her room creaked open and a slim, tall figure slipped in. Even if she didn’t have bright silver hair, Mary would’ve recognized Lilith’s form right away.
The nun crept closer slowly, seating herself on the edge of the bed and never once catching Mary’s gaze.
Mary wordlessly made space on the bed and opened her arms. Lilith crawled in immediately, but chose to hold Mary into her arms instead of the opposite.
The two stayed like that for a long time.
The night was quiet, the only sound heard was their breathing and occasionally some rustling from the trees outside. If anyone had told them they would end up like this, they wouldn't have believed it. Yet, here they were, their bodies molded together as if two halves of the same hole trying to stitch themselves back together. The light of the moon flowing through the window illuminated their outlines like faint strings of life. Tomorrow they would just get up and pretend they were okay, but tonight - tonight it would be just them and no one else. No demons, no nuns and no chaos.
“You died.” It wasn’t a question, it was a fact.
“Yes, I did,” She answered in return.
“I watched you die.” She whispered brokenly, as if Mary was allowing herself to realize it just now.
“I know. I am sorry.” Lilith replied, tugging the other woman closer and resting her chin on the top of her head.
Warm tears caressed her neck, but she stayed silent, not willing to break the moment. One of her hands reached the back of Mary’s head, caressing her braids and tracing them until the very end. They were messy which was understandable after the fight they had just gone through.
Lilith promised herself she would learn to braid Mary’s hair just for the chance of letting her fingers run through them again. There was something so soothing about the gesture and it did not, at all, have to do with the fact that they belonged to a particular woman.
“I couldn’t save Shannon,” Mary hiccuped, “and then I couldn’t save you.” Mary’s hands found Lilith’s shirt and grasped it tightly. The half demon pulled back from the embrace immediately and lifted Mary’s face with her thumb and index finger.
“But you did. You saved me.” Mary’s tearfilled eyes widened in confusion.
“What?” Lilith lowered her gaze, a vulnerable look slipping past her mask.
“You brought me back, remember?” She told her. “At the vault.”
“Oh.”
“I wasn’t myself there and I felt lost.” Lilith swallowed a sudden lump in her throat, then she continued. “If you hadn’t reminded me of who I was, I don’t know what would have happened.” The vulnerability disappeared from her eyes, replaced by burning determination. Her eyes found Mary’s again, “So don’t you dare think for even an instant that it was your fault in any way, or that you are not good enough, because you are.”
Mary’s heart filled with unexpected warmth at the other woman words. Lilith’s eyes shone in the moonlight, sparkling with something the two women had yet to explore or accept.
“You’re perfect.”
In a spur of the moment, Mary felt the urge to kiss the other woman, but opted instead to hug her tightly, molding their bodies back together. Her and Lilith still had to mend their friendship before it could grow into something more. That didn’t mean that Mary hadn’t considered the option - all in due time.
Right now, the two needed to just… be. Yet, Mary couldn’t stop herself from letting her hand reach Lilith’s lower abdomen, right above her scar. Lilith stilled, fingers wrapping fast as lightning around Mary’s wrist, halting her movements.
Slowly, Lilith’s fingers loosened their hold and Mary lets her thumb brush over the silvery tissue. A shaky sigh left the other woman’s lips but she didn’t recoil. Mary leaned closer to Lilith’s ear and whispered softly.
“You’re perfect too.” Lilith scoffed in disagreement, finding herself unable to use her voice.
“It’s true.” Mary insisted. “It doesn’t matter what you may have become, because to me, you’ll always be perfect.”
Even if Lilith had been able to talk, she wouldn’t have. She had always strived for perfection, but she was never perfect, if anything she was far from it. But she understood what Mary meant, and chose to listen to the love and affection in those words and ignore their meaning.
Of that and all that came with it, they could discuss tomorrow.