Say Love
Marianne wakes up slowly. She becomes aware of things in stages. She is laying on a pillow that is not hers. It is the firm-soft of foam rather than the soft-crunchy of the feathers that fill all pillows on her own bed and it smells like...something? Something good that she doesn’t have a name for. She kicks her feet around experimentally with her eyes still closed. She appears to be alone in bed. Her body also feels like a sandbag, a bruised sandbag, why does her left knee hurt? And why...why is she wearing a backpack? She cracks one eye open. This is definitely not her room. It is a soft periwinkle blue and the wall opposite her is mostly taken up by a closet that is missing its doors. She tucks her chin in a little to take in the wall at her feet. There is a large tapestry of a mandala in cool colors tacked up and a student’s desk complete with a hutch overflowing with textbooks. There are no immediate clues as to who the room belongs to and the door is shut. She is alone.
She groans and tries to roll on to her back. She is stopped by the backpack. ‘Why am I wearing a backpack!?’ She thinks again more insistently. She drags her right arm up, slides it out of the loop then uses it to press herself slightly off the bed to free her other arm. She drops back down and drags the backpack onto her stomach. Upon inspection, it is a plain tan canvas, covered with patches and pins, and two towels stick out of the top. She had been turtled. She’d heard of students doing this to one another when they thought someone might be drunk enough to vomit in their sleep. Death by vomit. At least she’d been spared from that, but maybe she had been sick? It would explain why she wasn’t wearing a shirt.
She dropped the backpack to the floor and closed her eyes again trying to piece the night together. Melanie had introduced her to the classmate that had invited her to the party...Sophie. Sophie had brought her to play Beerio Karts, the girl from the bar was there. She had not made out with the girl from the bar, there had been another girl…Dominique. She had stood around a fire with a new friend...Kat. She had played slap cup- horrid game. Had she sung? She tapped the thumb of her right hand against each of her fingers feeling the callouses from her guitar strings. If she had played it wasn’t for long, there was no residual pain like she was accustomed to after long shows like the karaoke nights. Must have been a dream.
She opened her eyes again slowly. She stared at the ceiling for a few beats then rolled back onto her side, looking for a nightstand. There was a long, low bookshelf instead, but her phone was there plugged into a charger as was a tumbler of water and a bottle of Tylenol. ‘God bless you whoever you are,’ Marianne thought as she reached for the bottle. She scanned the label for the dosage, counted out three pills, then pushed herself upward and grabbed the cup of water. She took the pills, finished the water, and placed the empty cup back on the bookshelf.
Next to her phone Marianne now noticed a small polaroid from one of the new instant cameras. Holding her breath she picked it up to inspect it. She was sitting on the edge of a white folding chair facing the girl from the bar, string lights were twinkling around the deck railing behind them giving them a soft glow. They were both smiling and playing guitar. ‘Man she’s gorgeous,’ Marianne thought, ‘I guess it wasn’t a dream then.’ Below the picture in blue cursive letters was one word: Heloise.
She checked her phone. There were several text message bubbles on the lock screen. She groaned and typed in her code. The first message was from Melanie, “Took Dom home, try not to sleep with anyone before I get back.” ‘Yikes,’ Marianne thought. The second message was from an unsaved number and read “Hello self this is Kat’s number,” followed by, “you coming up or what?” ‘Mega yikes,’ Marianne thought.
She ignored the other app notifications and pushed herself gingerly to her feet. She tested her balance, ‘okay, not still drunk, just hella hungover.’ She put her phone and the polaroid into her pocket- NOT HER POCKET! She looked down at the oversized basketball shorts she was wearing in alarm. They were black with white piping and hung down to her knees. “Oh god, what did I do?” she asked the shorts. No response. While looking down she noticed a nicely folded shirt with a note scrolled in the same blue cursive on a sheet of torn-out notebook paper: ‘don’t be a dick and go through my drawers, wear this.’ She shook out the shirt, it was plain white except for the black graphic of a skeleton holding up the hand sign for rock n roll. She pulled it on then walked slowly over to the mirror hanging on the back of the bedroom door. No hickies, that’s a win. She ran her fingers through her hair a few times in an attempt to tame her bed head into a slightly more presentable arrangement then she opened the door.
---
Heloise was sitting at the kitchen table sipping her coffee when she heard footsteps coming down the stairs. She didn’t expect anyone of her half-dead housemates to raise for at least another hour, but maybe the smell of fresh coffee had jump-started the process. She raised her eyes from her book ready to tease whichever of the unfortunates it was.
It was Marianne. Of course it was Marianne. Her hair was stiff but combed back over her head in a style that vaguely reminded Heloise of the T-birds and she looked like hell. Heloise allowed a lopsided grin to cross her face and said, “You’re a bit of a lightweight you know. I thought being a grad student and all you would have developed a better tolerance.”
Marianne froze midstride, “Heloise.” She breathed, “I- eh...I have developed a tolerance to some things, but that green murder in a glass you served last night is not one of them.”
Heloise laughed out loud at the unexpected morning wit and almost spilled her coffee in the process. Marianne collected herself, a proud smile spreading across her face as she took the final step off the staircase into the kitchen/dining room. She hesitated for a moment then moved away from Heloise toward the coffee pot instead, “cup?”
“The cabinet just above.” Heloise watched quietly as Marianne made herself coffee. She rubbed her left fist into her eye and poured herself a cup, glancing at Heloise with her unobstructed eye. Heloise allowed herself to be examined in return, keeping her face neutral as she picked up her book again. Marianne put the pot back on the hot plate and turned away to fish creamer out of the fridge. Heloise couldn’t help but look at Marianne’s ass as she conducted her search and decided to tease the other woman a little more, “you look good in my clothes by the way.”
Marianne jolts just a little, enough to bang her arm on the fridge shelf and illicit a string of French curses. Heloise chuckles, ‘I really should be nicer to her.’ She thinks as she watches Marianne extract herself from the fridge. She held the Irish cream flavored coffee-mate in one hand and was rubbing her right elbow. “I should thank you I guess,” she said, “but I woke up without a shirt so I must first question your chivalry.”
Heloise grinned, thinking back to last night. She closed her book and pointed it at Marianne for emphasis, “that my dear is because you were- and here she added air quotes- too damn hot -end air quote- for any of the shirts we tried to put on you, even though we made an excellent case for Kat’s Abby Wambach jersey and you ALMOST agreed.”
Marianne laughed to herself, presumably at the memory, as she poured the creamer into her cup. ‘I could spend forever making her laugh,’ Heloise thought; followed quickly by, ‘Jesus pump the breaks, she had her tongue down another girl’s throat last night.’
Marianne took a sip of her coffee trying to gauge the flavor and gave a short nod, “and am I remembering correctly,” she began as she abandoned the creamer on the counter and walked around the peninsula to join Heloise at the table, “that I was in need of something to wear because a frat-star pegged me with a football and drenched my favorite t-shirt in the liquid death or was that- and I’m really hoping it was- a horrible dream.”
“No you’ve got that right,” Heloise said, turning to face Marianne and letting their knees brush under the table, “tell me you also remember practically launching yourself off the deck to attempt murder in response.”
“Oh god,” Marianne croaked as she flattened herself into a puddle in the tabletop, holding her coffee cup aloft like a white flag. Heloise filed away a mental picture to cherish forever.
“Don’t be too upset,” She said, trying to soothe the other woman, “Champ was not actually invited to the party and Dom would have been happy to watch you pummel him.” She made an unsavory face at the memory of how Champ had treated his ex-girlfriend after finding out she was bisexual and thought for a moment that Kat probably should have let Marianne land one hit before intervening, “but through a combination of a banged knee on liftoff and surprising agility on his part, no damage was done. Plus, I worked a miracle on your shirt While you crashed in my room. We just need to grab it from the dryer when you’re ready.”
Marianne turned her head sideways, pressing her cheek into the cold wood and looking up pitifully at Heloise. “I don’t think I’ll ever recover,” she groaned.
Heloise reached out, realized she was about to stroke Marianne’s face and redirected to pat her shoulder instead. “You’re young you’ll bounce back.”
—-
Marianne watched her phone screen go black again and let out a frustrated exclamation. It had been two days since the party, one day since the gloriously awful morning after when she had gotten Heloise’s phone number and approximately 28 minutes of sitting and staring at the blank text message bubble trying to decide what to say. She knew the ball was in her court. Heloise looked out for her at the party, Heloise had given her her number when Marianne finally left the next day, and Heloise was probably sitting in her own room wondering why she hadn’t texted yet.
It wasn’t that she didn’t want to, just that so much tone and nuance was lost through a text message that she wasn’t exactly sure how to flirt this way. Her friends would probably tell her to string together a half dozen emojis and leave it at that, but doesn’t that create TOO much nuance?!
She unlocked the screen AGAIN, to stare at the blank message bubble AGAIN when a text mercifully came through from Kat. ‘Saved by the bell,’ Marianne thought as she quickly tapped the message. It read, “I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said around the fire, about me and Dom and how I need to make her realize that I’m serious about her and show her that I do want something meaningful. Will you help me?”
Marianne blinked. Read the message again, and heaved a deep sigh. She was pretty sure she had been staring into Heloise’s eyes across the flames and ranting about the karaoke ultimatum rather than offering advice on Kat’s not-so-unrequited-love for Dominique, but if the shoe fits…Marianne types up a quick response: “anything for love, what do have in mind?”
The response was lightning fast like it had already been typed just waiting to send, “I want to sing for her.”
Two days later Marianne was back at the bar, the aphrodisiac oyster shack, reviewing her setlist. She was trying to avoid staring at Kat, Dom, Melanie, Sophie, and Heloise all eating dinner together. They had come in exactly at 6 when the doors opened and taken the table right in front of the stage. They’d eaten at a lazy pace working their way through fried oysters, burgers, and an alarming number of fries. They were all drinking beers end to end, except Kat, who had agreed at Marianne’s urging to remain sober until after performing. The bar had slowly filled up around them and now at a quarter to 8 Kat was beginning to fidget. It is almost showtime. Kat wiped her mouth with a napkin and came over to the stage to chat with Marianne.
“We’ll begin soon right?’
“Yeah” Marianne confirmed, “Just 15 minutes to go now, how do you feel?”
“Like I need a shot.”
Marianne chuckled, “It will be over before you know it. Just remember to breathe and keep your eyes on her and you’ll be fine.”
“Right, right.” Kat, swallowed hard, “I’m still not sure about this mash-up though, it might have been better to go with one song.”
“Pitch perfect is or is not her favorite movie?” Marianna asked pointedly.
“It is but-”
“She’s going to love it, Kat, it’s perfect. She’ll see the work you put in and she’ll love it” Marianne coaxed, reaching out to squeeze her shoulder. Marianne was about to add additional reassurances when there was a loud scraping sound from just over Kat’s shoulder. She looked up to find Heloise had gotten abruptly to her feet. They made brief eye contact before the other woman moved like a hurricane over to the bar.
Surely Heloise didn’t think she’d asked her to come tonight just to watch her put the moves on another woman? Surely by now, Heloise realized that Marianne had fallen like a rock; hard and fast into the well that is her ocean eyes.
Marianne pushed Heloise and what she may or may not be feeling at that moment out of her mind. She had a show to do, a show that was very important to her new friend, and right now that deserved all of her attention. She refocused on Kat and said, “go to the bathroom, put some cold water on your neck- neck only don't mess up your makeup- then do one run through and come back to me. We can start a little early your girl is already here,” she said with a wink.
“My girl,” Kat said as she shook her head absentmindedly, “Man I hope she will be.”
Marianne watched her walk away and started running through her tune-up, occasionally letting her eyes drift to Heloise’s back. She didn’t turn around once. When she finished, Marianne set her guitar aside in its stand and grabbed a stool from the back corner of the stage. She brought it back over by her chair, placing it between the audience and herself. She sat back down then adjusted the microphone from its usually lower position near her guitar to something more convenient for singing. Finally, Kat reappeared.
“You ready?”
“Yeah,”
Kat picked an electric guitar from the front of the line by the stage and Marianne started the show. “Good evening you inglorious bastards!” The crowd instantly unleashed thunderous applause, stamping their feet and banging on tables. From the kitchen, there was a chorus of cowbells. Marianne smiled and thought, ‘God I love this bar.’ Then she continued, “Before we begin our traditional karaoke night there’s something very special I want to share with you.” There were wolf whistles and more applause, “This is Kat, she has something she’s been trying to say to someone in her life and you know what live by around here: if you can’t say it-”
“SING IT!!” the crowd hollered
“That’s right, sing it.” Marianne waited while the room laughed and cheered themselves a bit, plucking a few notes. When they quieted down she nodded to Kat who said, “Dominique, would you please join us on stage?”
More whistles and cheers, more cowbells from the kitchen. Dominique looked a little shocked, but she stood with a smile. She pointed to her sister a few times as she walked toward the stairs. Melanie was holding both of her hands in the air, probably insisting that she had nothing to do with this, while Sophie began recording. When Dom reached the top of the stairs Marianne patted the stool next to her.
“This was all her,” Marianne said, turning away from the mic to keep her comments private, “try to listen with your heart.”
Marianne nodded to Kat again and the other woman started to play. Their plan involved three songs. It had taken some skill to mix them together, but the effect would hopefully be worth it. After a few bars Kat started with the lyrics of Ellie Goulding’s Still Falling:
And just like that
All I breathe
All I feel
You are all for me
I'm in
And just like that
All I breathe
All I feel
You are all for me
No one can lift me, catch me the way that you do
I'm still falling for you
Marianne jumped in, cutting across the simple love song with a different almost discordant chorus of James TW’s Say Love:
Just don't say love, say love, say love, say love, no
I've heard that word misused a thousand times before
I know that we don't have to dive in
'Cause we got all of the time in the world
To say love, say love, say love, say love
Kat cut back in as they had planned and the songs started weaving together:
It took us a while
'Cause we were young and unsure
With love on the line
Just don't say love, say love, say love, say love, no
I've heard that word misused a thousand times before
What if we both would need more
But all your flaws and scars are mine
Still falling for you
Just don't say love, say love, say love, say love, no
I've heard that word misused a thousand times before
Still falling for you
Still falling for you
They stilled their strings, the whole bar seemed to be holding its breath. Then they launched into the final song Accidentally In Love by the Counting Crows:
How much longer will it take to cure this
Just to cure it cause I can't ignore it if it's love (love)
Makes me want to turn around and face me but I don't know nothin 'bout love
Come on, come on
Turn a little faster
Come on, come on
The world will follow after
Come on, come on
'Cause everybody's after love...
The bar started singing along and smiling, even Dom was echoing little ‘I’m in love’s but Marianne had eyes for only one person. Heloise had turned around at the bar. Her eyes were shining with something unnamable, untouchable, maybe it was love. Marianne kept their eye contact strong as she sang, trying to put as much feeling as possible into each ‘I’m in love.’ She hoped it was enough.