Hard Truths
Was she going to say this? Was it actually coming out of her mouth? Oh god.
“Leslie, you know…” Ann took a deep breath. “Sometimes your compliments make me really uncomfortable. And I know you only give me such intense ones because you’re a really caring and… excitable person, but… yeah. I… I don’t really like all the intensity. I don’t mind a compliment, here or there, but some of them are really specific and weird and it makes me uneasy.”
Leslie blinked at Ann. Only seconds ago, she was calling her an immaculate and regal, fully-grown angel child, but now she was silent. She blinked again, her mouth open slightly, and Ann bit her lip.
“Sorry. I don’t know where that speech came from, I…”
“No,” Leslie said quickly. “No, you obviously wanted to say all of that. I…” she swallowed. “Okay. I’ve heard you, loud and clear. No more compliments.”
“Not necessarily no more,” Ann specified, stressed. “I love that you love me so much, it’s really sweet, but they’re just a bit intense. And sometimes you talk about my skin and really specific parts of me, and it’s a bit… a bit much.”
Leslie nodded, feeling her chest constricting. She had never, ever wanted to make Ann uncomfortable, but she could see now where Ann was coming from. Ann wasn’t as confident as Leslie and could often get upset by too much attention.
“I’m sorry,” Leslie said honestly. “I know I’m intense. I’m really sorry.”
Leslie tried not to think about how she was a bad friend. Ann must have wanted to say this for a while. The way she was looking at her, almost like she was pitying her, made Leslie feel worse.
“Anyway,” Leslie coughed. “I need to go to a meeting. I’m sorry again.”
She stood up to leave, and Ann grasped her hand tightly before she could leave.
“Are you okay?” she asked. “I’m sorry if that was unfair on you.”
Leslie shook her head, now just desperate to leave. “It’s fine, Ann. I’m glad you said it.”
And then she left, and Ann was left sitting in her office, feeling like maybe she had done something wrong. But there shouldn’t be anything wrong with telling your friends when they made you uncomfortable, right?
It was just that Leslie was so out there with her personality, and whenever she found out she upset Ann, she took that incredibly to heart. It was like her love and trust for herself was always fragile, and Ann hated being the one to give her that look on her face.
She sighed, wondering how she could fix this.
***
“When are you finishing up today?” Ben asked her over the phone. “I can be back at ours for like… six o’clock? And then we can look through that wedding magazine all night?”
“Sounds good,” Leslie replied dully. There was a silence on the other end of the phone.
“Honey? Are you okay? Usually you’d be leaping with excitement to do wedding planning.”
“I am,” Leslie forced out, trying to manifest the excitement. “I just… well, Ann told me today that my creative compliments make her uncomfortable, and now I just feel like a terrible friend.”
Ben sighed. “Oh, babe. Ann loves you so much, I think maybe she just doesn’t like that much attention.”
“She said that she doesn’t like how I talk about her skin. Or her body.”
“I can see why that would upset her.”
“Yeah, I mean- wait, you can?” Ben didn’t answer. “Ben?”
“Maybe a little. Just a little!”
Leslie felt her stomach drop. She swallowed. “Ben. Ben, have I ever made you uncomfortable by things that I’ve said?”
There was a long pause, and that just confirmed Leslie’s answer. When Ben spoke, he sounded nervous.
“Honey, I… okay. Don’t think too much into this. But sometimes when you talk about my butt in public, it makes me uncomfortable too. But I know you don’t mean it to be strange or anything, but yeah.”
Leslie groaned, putting her head in her hand, gripping the phone tightly with the other. She took a second to reply, which was all it took for Ben to ask if she was still there and apologise multiple times.
“Don’t apologise, Ben. I’m glad you said it, because oh god, you’re right. I’m such an idiot.”
“I didn’t want to pile that onto your anxiety or anything,” Ben told her, and she could tell he sounded guilty. That made Leslie angry.
“God, have I just upset everyone? Does everyone hate how I am?!”
“Nobody said hate- god, I love you so much, but if we’re going to talk about it, I wanted to be as honest as possible. I’m sorry.”
“Honesty is always good, Ben,” Leslie replied, her anger quickly dissipating into regret, which turned into sniffling. She did really want to cry now, but it was fine. It was good that her best friend and fiancé were honest with her, or else she would never know how much she clearly hurt them. “I’ll see you at home, okay?”
“Leslie-”
Leslie hung up, and instantly regretted it. But then she was crying thick, heavy sobs, her hands moving to grip her shoulders like she was holding herself together. She needed to fix this. The last thing she wanted was to make those closest to her feel uncomfortable. Because she loved everyone so much.
***
Leslie was leaving City Hall, scrubbing her tired, wet eyes with her fists, when she was stopped in her tracks by the sight of Ben Wyatt and Ann Perkins stood in the parking lot, both of them looking at her with pained expressions.
As soon as he saw that she was crying, Ben was hurrying over and wrapping her in the tightest hug. Ben felt safe- hugging Ben felt like one million smiles. Just the feeling made her start crying all over again.
“Oh, honey,” he soothed.
“Ben,” Leslie whispered, surprised. “Why are you hugging me?”
“Because I love you?” he responded instantly.
“But-”
Ben stepped back, allowing Ann to get in there, and then Ann was hugging her too, and Leslie was caught up in the sweet smell of her perfume and her soft touch.
“Leslie," Ann started nervously, "we just feel terrible. I shouldn’t have told you like that; I think I’ve just been stressed, and it all came out wrong. I’m so sorry I upset you.”
“Why are you apologising?” Leslie asked, pulling back, a little irritated. “I’m glad you told me, I’m just sorry it ever happened!”
“I love you how much you care about me, and I love you,” Ann responded. “I love how much you love me, and I’m so lucky to have you in my life.”
"I'm lucky to have you too, you..." Leslie paused, swallowing. "...best friend."
Ann laughed. "Thanks, Leslie."
“No, thank you for telling me the things I do that upset you,” Leslie replied. “You too, Ben.”
Ben chuckled. “It’s not like we have a list or anything, I think we just wanted to let you know, because we know you would never do anything to hurt us.”
“Yeah,” Ann added. “And because we’re all so close, we wanted to make sure you knew. And it goes both ways, if I’ve ever done anything to upset you-”
“You could never, Ann!” Leslie exclaimed, hugging her tightly. Ann laughed.
“Okay, okay.”
Leslie pulled back, sighing shakily. “Sorry.”
“It’s okay,” Ben and Ann said at the same time.
“I’m going to do better. Try harder. I want you to know that I’ve heard you.”
“Thanks, Leslie,” Ann told her sincerely.
“And we love you very much,” Ben added, kissing her forehead. “Well, maybe I love you a bit more than Ann.”
“I wouldn’t count on it, Wyatt.”
“Oh- okay.”
“Well I love you both so, so much- like the amount you love me multiplied by one million.”
Ben rolled his eyes fondly. “It isn’t a competition, Les.”
“It is, and I’m winning.”
Leslie wrapped her arms around both of them as they started to walk to the car. Ben and Ann looked at each other, before shrugging. Leslie usually won these things. Leslie loved more than anyone else they knew, so they were happy to let her win.