Choices
Part XVIII: Choices
Subconsciously, Rex woke up when he stopped feeling the warmth of Bo-Katan’s body next to him. He blinked a few times and then slowly turned on his side to look at the spot where she had been lying just a few minutes earlier. Noticing she wasn’t there anymore, he rose and leaned on his elbows to scan the rest of the barn. She was just a few meters away, picking up her clothes on a hay bale to get dressed. He only got a brief glimpse on her bare back and breasts before she put on her shirt.
Her body was very different from those of the women he had known before. Whereas their bodies had been all flesh and curves, Bo-Katan’s was lean and firm; barely feminine with its scars and muscles more visible than hips and breasts. Rex remembered the waitresses at 79’s and the girls who where hanging out there in the hope of leaving with a clone. He remembered the nervousness and excitement they had all felt when his brothers and him had set foot on Coruscant for the first time. They had never seen women who were not Kaminoans before. It had also been one of the two times Rex had slept with one of them. The second had been during their first night on leave after Umbara, but he didn’t remember much of it. He didn’t want to. The rest of the time, war had been his one and only concern; he had given body and soul to his work. Of course, he was aware that some of his brothers had made a girlfriend or a boyfriend on Coruscant, and even on other planets. With a heavy heart, he thought about the sweet Theelin girl that was probably still waiting for Jesse on Coruscant. Those kinds of relationships weren’t recommended by military authorities, but Rex had always turned a blind eye to it. These men and women had helped his brothers to cope with war trauma and he was grateful for that. As a commander, he had never gotten the time to maintain such a relationship. Especially when his general had the habit of disappearing for hours as soon as they used to land on Coruscant, leaving the entire administration of the 501st to Rex.
For a short while, he had thought all women were like those girls in clone bars. But that was before meeting women like Ahsoka, senator Amidala or even general Ti. And now Bo-Katan.
“Where are you going?” He asked in a daze.
She was now hopping on one foot to put her pants on.
“I’m heading back to the house. The sun will be up in a few hours and…”
She stopped.
“Well, I’m leaving this morning.”
He thought he heard a hint of regret in her voice but he wasn’t awake enough to be sure.
“Ah, yes… To reunite with this… Korkie. Who’s this guy, anyways?”
She turned to him with a smile.
“You’re jealous?”
“No. Curious, that’s all.”
“You are jealous!”
She laughed and came back to lie on the haystack besides him.
“Korkie’s my nephew if you must know.”
He couldn’t help but feel a little relieved. Could she be right? Was he jealous? He didn’t think so. But still, Bo-Katan had become a friend during the past weeks — the first who wasn’t a Jedi or a brother — and she had been the first woman ever to be with him, not because he was a clone, but because he was Rex. And that meant something to him.
He wondered if that was what Cut had felt with Suu. Once again, he tried to picture what his life would have looked like if he had done like his brother; if he had settled somewhere, found someone… Only this time, it was different. Rex suddenly realized that all of it could become real. They weren’t just fantasies anymore. Nothing prevented him to follow Cut’s steps and to make a life of his own. Somehow, the realization hurt him. His old life, the only one he had ever known was well and truly over. It was exciting and scary at the same time.
“Your nephew?” He said, redirecting his thoughts to the conversation. “Satine’s son?”
He vaguely remembered the Mandalorian duchess he had once met during a trip from Mandalore to Coruscant with Cody, Kenobi and Skywalker.
“I don’t know,” Bo replied.
“You don’t know? How can you not know this?”
“Well, when Korkie was born I had already cut ties with the rest of my siblings and joined Death Watch. I didn’t learn about Korkie’s existence until years later. Officially, he is the son of our brother Voz who died early during the civil war and he was raised with Satine in the palace on Sundari. At the time, I was surprised to learn that my brother had had a son. We had always been close and yet he had never told me about his child. But I had no reason to doubt this story.”
“And now you have?”
“Oh yeah. Since I met your friend Kenobi for the first time.”
Rex almost choke.
“General Kenobi?”
She laughed.
“You have another friend named Kenobi?”
He growled.
“Very funny. Go on.”
“Voz had red hair just like me and Korkie, but Kenobi…”
She paused.
“I don’t know for sure. And I guess I never will now that my sister is dead. But let’s just say the resemblance was sufficient to sow doubt in my mind.”
Rex shook his head.
“I can’t believe it. Not general Kenobi.”
She shrugged.
“Jedis are human just like the rest of us. He had an affair with my sister back in the days. Of that I am sure.”
She wasn’t wrong. He had known for his general and senator Amidala and he had been on Onderon when Ahsoka had met with Lux Bonteri again; he had seen how she had been looking at him. But still, something felt out of place. He had always placed Jedis on a pedestal; seen them as exceptional beings well above his brothers and him. That image had been shaken on Umbara of course, but this was different. Bo-Katan’s story didn’t make the Jedis monsters like Krell had turned out to be, but humans with weaknesses and flaws. He had always thought that Anakin’s lapses had been an exception rather than the rule among Jedis given the fact that he had always been so unorthodox. But if Kenobi had done the same, then it changed everything. Rex had always tried to live up to the Jedis’ expectations; to be worthy of them. But he was slowly realizing that Jedis were imperfect and that maybe he had worshiped gods that never existed. If they had seized the chance to enjoy what life had to offer, then maybe Rex could too.
“Well,” He said, falling back on the hay bed.
He stretched and felt Bo-Katan’s gaze on him.
“I would’ve left the barn with you, but I wouldn’t want to wake up the kids too early, you know. As they have school and all…”
She perfectly understood.
“Oh, I see… You’re right. Maybe I should stay here a little longer, then.”
“You’re already dressed,” he said, running the back of his hand on her waist and hip before grabbing the waistband of her pants.
That made her smile.
“It can be remedied…”
**********
“So…” Suu said as they were all sitting around the table for breakfast. “I take it you didn’t get too bored during our absence yesterday.”
Rex and Bo-Katan froze.
“I don’t think I’ve seen you two smile that much since you arrived here,” the Twi’lek explained.
“Oh, huh… Yes,” Bo-Katan replied. “That’s because we did a few matches of Mandalorian wrestling in the barn, last night. It reminded us of good memories.”
Suu raised a brow.
“Mandalorian wrestling, huh? I see…”
Rex cleared his throat.
“Right. It’s already 0825, if we don’t want to leave too late…”
He had decided to leave the Lawquane’s house at the same time as Bo. He would take a different ship than Bo-Katan but her departure had motivated him to do the same and he knew it would be easier for the children to have only one farewell to say.
“Of course,” Bo said. “I’ll pick up my things. Are you ready?”
“Yeah”
The children’s farewells took time and tears. They had gotten attached to Bo and Rex and didn’t quite understand why they had to leave. But the school shuttle had finally arrived to pick them up, putting an end to the parting that was starting to drag on. And the adults were left alone.
“Thank you for your help on the farm, Bo-Katan,” Suu said with a warm smile.
“No, I should be the one to thank you. You took a great risk by accepting to hide me.”
“I know what it’s like to be a fugitive,” Cut said. “Helping you was the only thing to do.”
There was a moment of silence before Suu seemed to realize something.
“Come on, Cut,” she said, tugging on his sleeve. “We have a lot of work to do today.”
“No, we don’t. We…”
“Come on!” She insisted.
His look went from Bo-Katan to Rex and from Rex to Bo-Katan before he finally understood.
“Oh!” He said. “Right.”
Suu smiled and rolled her eyes.
“Have a nice trip,” she said to Bo-Katan. “And if you ever pass by Saleucami, don’t hesitate to come by and say hi.”
“I will,” Bo promised.
And with a last smile, the Lawquanes disappeared inside the house.
“So…” Rex said. “This is it, then.”
“This is it.”
They remained silent for a few seconds.
“You know,” Bo-katan began, “Mandalorian isn’t a race but a creed. We have a long history of adopting strangers from all around the galaxy. I mean, you’re not exactly foreign to our culture, but…”
He wasn’t sure what she was getting at and she seemed to notice.
“What I’m trying to say is… Rex, you’re a great soldier and one of the best tacticians I’ve ever met. I would be more than happy to welcome you into our ranks.”
The proposition took him by surprise. But for a moment, he considered it. How nice would it be to go back on the land of his ancestors? He may not have grown on Mandalore but the blood running through his veins was Mandalorian. Maybe he had parents there. A father; a mother; siblings or cousins. Family with a different face than his. And which soldier on the galaxy would turn down the offer to become a fully fledge Mandalorian? He could continue to do what he was the best at, for a cause and with Bo at his side. He could have never dreamed of a better future. But he knew it wouldn’t happen.
The memories of order 66 still haunted him as well as his last goodbye to Ahsoka. And he couldn’t forget what he had learned during their trip to the Imperial base on Abridon; the terrible fate of his surviving brothers. Aliit ori'shya tal'din. Family is more than blood. The Mandalorians knew better than anyone that blood ties didn’t make family. And his family was Ahsoka and his brothers — not because they shared the same DNA, but because he had fought alongside them. He had chosen them and they had chosen him and their bond would always be stronger than the connections he could share with any stranger on Mandalore related to Jango Fett. Maybe someday he could have both, but for now, his real family was scattered across the galaxy, some maybe even in danger and he couldn’t abandon them.
“Thank you, but my place is elsewhere. I need to find out what happened to Ahsoka and to my brothers. They need me.”
Bo-Katan didn’t seem offended.
“I understand.”
She made a move, as if to lean towards him but decided against it and put her helmet on.
“Good luck in your quest, then.”
“You too. I hope you’ll be able to kick the Empire out of Mandalore.”
“You can count on me.”
And with that, she turned around and walked away.
Her ship had just taken off when Cut got out of the house again. He stood silently behind Rex as they watch the Gauntlet until it finally left their sight.
“You should’ve gone with her,” Cut said, putting a hand on Rex’s shoulder. “I know you want to help our brothers, but what happened to them is not your fault. You don’t owe them. Stop thinking about others, Rex. Start thinking about you.”
“Yeah… Maybe you’re right.”
He sighed.
“But I could never be able to look at myself in the mirror again if I didn’t try, Cut.”
“I know,” his brothers said softly. “That’s what makes you a good leader and a good brother. And I hope that someday, you’ll get praised for that.”