janet is me!
peter froze, his spoon of oatmeal halfway to his mouth as his AI spoke.
"there's some crazy shit happenin downtown, boss" she said brightly, and peter sighed.
he'd just gotten back home, and thought he'd have time for a quick snack before heading out. apparently not.
peter pushed back his sopping hair as he set down his half-eaten bowl and grabbed a couple of vials of webfluid.
he hadn't yet refilled his webs, so he tried to do that as quickly as possible as his AI explained what was happening.
"there's like this wierdo with an ability to control people, so there's like a bunch of people stealing stuff and wrecking things. fights are breaking out and that."
"thank you!" peter grunted as he flipped the hatch shut on his second webshooter, and then stepping into his suit hurriedly
"ain't no trouble, chief" she quipped, and he smirked.
"right. lights off to save power, please." peter said as he pulled on his mask, and he heard her voice say "as you wish"
the dangling bulbs shut off behind him as peter leapt up out of the trapdoor, blinking in the rain.
it was still spitting, it had calmed down as he'd walked that poor woman home.
she'd invited him inside for a cuppa many times, but peter insisted he really should get home.
she'd given him one last hug, before going inside to join her worried family.
bless her, he thought, as he swung through the dark streets, following the instructions impatiently stated in his ears.
"you know, I really should give you a name" peter said as he released his web strand and ran across the vertical glass panes of a tall building.
"i mean, I'd like to have one" she replied, and he smiled. "of course. lemme think"
they swapped ideas for names back and forth, before one suddenly came to him.
"you know the show The Good Place?"
"of course" she said, with the voice equivalent of an eye roll.
"well there's like a personal assistant robot woman-"
"janet?" his AI asked, and peter nodded.
"that's the one. me and-well. me and aunt may would watch it together sometimes. she was her favourite character" peter said, his voice getting slightly choked up.
"she thought she was really funny" peter said, swallowing the lump in his throat.
"aunt may sounds like she was a real g" the AI said, and peter gave a choked laugh.
"she really was. she once forgot I was allergic to red peppers, and added them to this awful soup thing she'd made-"
peter didn't realise how good it felt to share his memories, to talk about how fun his aunt was. sure, it was heart-wrenching to even think about his dead family, but he found it felt nice to talk about them, even if it was with a robot.
"she felt so bad" peter said, chuckling. "she did all my chores for a week after that"
"i wish I could have met her" the voice whispered in his ear, and he nodded.
that was such a human thing to say, this showed how much his AI's code was progressing, developing the equivalent of a personality.
"so, would you like to call me janet?" she asked, and peter hummed, flipping and jumping off a lamppost.
"only if you'd like to be called that" peter insisted.
"fun fact: janet is me!" she stated, a hint of pride in her voice, and peter laughed at the reference.
"okay then, janet" he said "how far away am I?"
"nearly there, sire"
"nat! behind you!" sam called, and nat turned and ducked as a large woman in her 40s swung her handbag at her furiously.
"thanks birdface" she replied calmly, grabbing the woman's arms and restraining her from hurting herself or anyone around her.
it was difficult to 'fight crime' when the criminals were innocent and unable to control themselves.
tony and steve were working on locating the mutant that was causing all the trouble, but in the meantime the others were focusing on trying to prevent all these people from blowing up cars or wrestling mindlessly in the streets.
wanda panted with effort as she held back a wave of elderly people from bludgeoning another group of basically zombies.
"any progress, cap?" she asked, sweat beading on her forehead as pulses of crimson magic restrained more and more people.
"sorry, no. they were spotted leaving through this alley, but they must know the area because we're having trouble finding them" steve's tinny voice came from her earpiece.
"well if you could please hurry up, calippo, cuz I'm nearly out of narrows" said clint from his usual high-up spot.
"the fuck is a narrow?" asked sam, ignoring cap's bark of 'language! we are avengers!'
"he thinks he's being clever." nat stated dryly, casually judo-flipping the shit out of someone who'd managed to get a hold of a pistol. "he's mixed net and arrow. narrow"
"dude, that's not even... remotely... why do I even expect anything from you.." sam said, and laughed when he saw a tiny clint down below flip him off.
"hey guys, can we keep focused, please?" cap asked, his voice serious, indicating his current captain mode. "we can't-"
he was cut off by clint excitedly yelling, his voice screeching in the comms.
"SPIDEEYYYYYYY!" he shrieked, and nat glanced up to see him furiously waving at a well-known figure swinging towards them.
"barton, my fucking ears-" bucky started to say angrily, but was drowned out by clint's excited words
"NICE OF YOU TO JOIN US, MY PROTÉGÉ!" he yelled, and the masked individual swung over to him, flipping and landing beside him.
clint grinned widely and held up his hand for a high five.
the younger man obliged, but said with some exasperation "you don't have to shout, you know. superhearing n all that jazz"
"oh yeah!" clint said sheepishly "I forgot"
clint looked away, distracted for a moment, as tony yelled in his ear.
"IF ANYTHING HE'S MY PROTÉGÉ, THIRD BEST ASSASSIN!"
spiderman started laughing, apparently he could hear him.
clint glanced at him, and then down at the chaos on the streets.
"hey cap! I vote we let spidey connect to the comms!" he said thoughtfully, and smiled as he heard the noises of agreement from the other teammates
"I'm not sure, clint.." steve said uneasily.
"oh cmon, spangles! i made the damn system, can I override?" tony's voice crackles through, and clint watched as spiderman's mask shifted slightly ; the man/boy was evidently smiling.
"what do you think, buck?" steve asked, grunting with effort as he sprinted through the alleys in search of the mutant.
"i say go for it" the other supersoldier replied. "he's essentially part of the team, and it'd be useful to coordinate his way of fighting with ours"
"hang on, hang on" nat's voice interrupted. "does spiderman get a say in this? what's his opinion?"
clint glanced up at the red and blue man questioningly.
the hero took a deep breath, then nodded.
"I'd be hon-that'd be cool, yeah" he said, his usually confident voice wavering slightly.
clint offered him a calming smile. "he's up for it!" he said, and heard cheers from wanda and rhodey and the others.
"okay, cool. do you wanna go find stark and he can sort it all out?" the archer asked, pressing several black buttons on his shiny silver quiver to select >TASER ARROW
spiderman shook his head. "no no it's simple, mr stark can just tell me the access code and I can connect my A- my system"
clint wondered what he was going to say instead of system, but tony yelled into the comms.
"HE CALLS ME MR STARK! I LIKE THIS KID"