Pink and Blue
It was late evening, well after supper. The sun had finally fallen and the moon was beginning its ascent in the sky.
Most of the queens were curled up in the living room. Kat and Cathy were in the latter’s bedroom.
The two queens had gone out again that morning, picking up some breakfast and new books at the quaint little bookshop and café nearby.
Now, they sat on Cathy’s bed, facing each other. Their books were perched on their laps as they talked excitedly about them.
Both women had begun ranting, something the other found adorable. Cathy had started a new fiction series and Kat had started a historical fiction.
As they continued sharing details, the two couldn’t keep their eyes off the other.
In Cathy’s eyes, Kat was one of the most beautiful women she had ever seen.
And not just by looks. Kat was a kind and caring person. She was stronger than others gave her credit for, all of the queens knew this. And when they first came back, everyone could remember times when they were caught off guard by Kat’s sarcastic and joking side, the one that had been hidden away at the start by tragedy and trauma. Kat was strong, funny, protective, and so many more traits that Cathy could describe if she had the time.
She had thought the other queen was beautiful before, but after the new additions of her choker and pink hair, there was a new energy in Kat. It was as if life had been sparked back into her once again. And Cathy wasn’t capable of looking away, something she knew Anna and Anne were very aware of that morning. That specific event had been followed up by days worth of teasing, joking, and sly looks. Just like then, she couldn’t take her eyes off her crush.
Kat was having the same train of thoughts. She remembered how quiet Cathy had been when they were first reincarnated. After the arguments died down and Cathy made more and more appearances, Kat had felt herself being drawn to the other woman.
Cathy was beautiful with her curly hair and blue eyes, but she was just as beautiful inside as on the outside. She also loved the many little quirks and tells Cathy had. She would flap her hands when excited and extremely happy, it was rare for the queens to see (apparently having to do with everyone stopping her from stimming like that in her past life, something that angered every single queen) but now that she was more comfortable, she would do it when really happy around the others, and Kat always took notice of the other tells Cathy had for her emotions. There were Cathy’s rants, how she would begin humming when she had a new idea for a story, and much more that Kat had noticed through their time together. Kat loved every part of Cathy, and it was impossible for her to ever deny it, even if she wanted to.
They had seen each other at their worst, and they were falling in love just the same.
While they observed each other, a playful argument had been taking place. One that was coming to an end.
“It’s a good book.” Cathy said with a huff of laughter, ending the argument as she placed her book down on her bed.
“I’m glad you really like it.” Kat said with a soft smile. She also sat her book off to the side.
“Yeah, the same to you.” Cathy replied as she focused fully on Kat again.
There was a sudden appearance of a familiar pull between them. One they had felt before. Their gazes lingered on each other’s lips. And finally, they gave into that pull.
Almost simultaneously, both of them closed their eyes and leaned in closer, meeting each other’s lips.
Cathy knew what to expect kissing someone. She had shared kisses with the man she thought she loved in her past life. But this kiss with Kat led to sparks and Cathy felt more than she ever had with Thomas.
Kat had been kissed before, but this was nothing like the men. It wasn’t harsh and forced, it was simple and sweet. She also felt the sparks.
The two parted slowly, staring at each other with wide eyes. It took another moment for what just happened to fully sink in.
It took another minute for something else to hit them.
They had betrayed each other’s trust. They had just done what the men in their past life did to them.
Now, both queens recognized they had a crush on the other. It was something they struggled with at first. But they didn’t know about their feelings being mutual. So in their eyes, that kiss wasn’t equally wanted. The thought that they had broken the other’s trust, done the exact thing their tormentors did to them, was quickly taking over their minds.
This led to two panicking queens.
Cathy’s breathing became staggered and fast as her fingers quickly flew to her head, nails digging into her scalp. Her mind began racing with what had just happened. She drew her legs up to her chest and began rocking.
Kat’s own panic became even worse upon seeing Cathy panic. Kat’s brain quickly made the false link of Cathy’s panic to the panic of being betrayed (just as Kat herself had panicked so long ago—). Kat quickly began sobbing between gasps as she bolted from the room.
Everything became a blur for both queens.
Their minds looped on one, trauma fueled, idea. They had just betrayed the person they cared about most.
And they had loved it at the time.
~~||~~||~~
The other queens had all been in the living room. Jane and Anna were sharing a recliner, pressed against each other. Catherine was seated on one side of the couch, her fingers playing with Anne’s hair. Anne had her head on her girlfriend’s lap, the rest of her body stretched across the couch as she twisted the tangle and paid half attention to the conversation around her. Anne and Jane both looked half asleep as they all talked quietly with the tv playing softly in the background.
That tranquility was shattered when there was a loud thud. Kat came racing from the hallway. She didn’t stop to look at them, vanishing up the stairs in only a flash of pink and tears.
Immediately, all four snapped into action, the sleep vanishing from their eyes. Anne was off the couch in seconds and darting up the stairs in pursuit of her cousin. Anna was right behind her. Catherine and Jane made their way in the direction they knew Kat had come from, Cathy’s bedroom.
Catherine was the first in the room. She froze upon seeing Cathy.
The final queen was hunched over on her bed, fingernails digging into her head. She had tears streaming from her eyes as she gasped for breath.
Catherine quickly snapped into action as Jane entered the room behind her.
“I’ve got her.” Catherine stated. Jane nodded and quickly left the room again, closing the door behind her. Both of the queens knew that the last thing Cathy needed was multiple people overwhelming her.
Catherine made her way carefully over to the bed. “Mija?” She repeated the name several times.
Cathy uncurled slightly after the fourth time, but she was clearly still in the middle of her panic attack. Her hands came loose from her scalp and Catherine thought she had managed to make some progress in starting to calm the other woman.
But before Catherine could make any sort of move or even speak again, Cathy pulled her arm back and threw her fist at the bed with a loud cry.
Cathy couldn’t get herself to calm down. She could hardly register anything around her. The only thing she knew at the moment was that she hurt Kat. Kat was suffering because of her. The flashback that had crept up on Cathy after they broke the kiss only added to the mental pain.
So in a desperate attempt to calm herself down and clear her thoughts of everything that had happened, Cathy began punching her bed. When that didn’t work, she turned on her leg, punching at her own skin.
But suddenly, something gently took hold of Cathy’s arm, making Cathy flinch and her movements stop.
“I think this would be a better way to calm yourself, hmm, Mija?” A voice reached Cathy’s ears suddenly. She whipped her head to the side and saw Catherine standing there, calmly holding out Cathy’s fidget cube with her other hand. She had let go of Cathy’s arm.
Cathy’s breathing was gasped and quick as she still struggled to calm herself. Tears were still falling down her cheeks, but to Catherine’s noticeable relief, Cathy took the cube and began pressing at the buttons instead. She clicked at it with one hand, the other taking a painful grasp on her arm that held the cube, nails digging into her skin. Catherine didn’t try to stop it.
“Can I hug you, Mija?” Catherine asked gently. She wanted nothing more than to hug her goddaughter close to her and ask what was wrong, but she knew better than to simply do it.
Cathy gave a quick glance away from the cube before she nodded.
Catherine sat on the bed with Cathy, and calmly shifted the younger woman onto her lap. She wrapped her arms around Cathy’s middle and held her close. Cathy kept her eyes resolutely on the cube and her hand grasped onto her arm, but she melted into the embrace, letting Catherine hug her close.
Cathy leaned back into Catherine’s embrace, the older queen’s chin resting against Cathy’s head. The two didn’t know how long they remained there for, unaware of the actual time.
Soon, Cathy’s breathing slowed to a normal speed and her tears calmed as well. She shifted in Catherine’s lap so her side was pressed up against the queen instead of her back, her face buried in the crook of the golden queen’s neck. Catherine easily adjusted, one hand trailing up to gently run her fingers through Cathy’s hair and the other remaining around Cathy’s waist. Cathy’s hands remained latched to her arm and the fidget cube, grip on her arm loosening slightly.
“Now, what happened, Mija?” Catherine asked cautiously. “I saw Kat running up the stairs as well.”
Cathy paused and seemed to shrink slightly. Then she put the cube down and unlatched her hand from her arm, leaving blood behind. She slowly raised both of her hands to sign one word. ‘Kissed.’
That one word was all Catherine needed to connect the dots.
“Oh, Mija.” Ordinarily, Catherine would be thrilled for the two. But this was a very different circumstance. “Did you have a flashback?” Catherine asked gently.
Cathy paused before slowly nodding. During her panic over the kiss, she had definitely recalled some less than kind memories. Her breathing picked up again slightly as she quickly signed, ‘hurt her.’
“Hurt her? Dear god, Mija. You did absolutely nothing to hurt Kat. I promise you. She simply has her own trauma, just like you.” Catherine soothed, pulling Cathy closer to her chest.
Cathy took a deep, shuddered breath and raised her hands again. ‘I hurt her. I know it. Why else did she run?’
“No, Mija.” Catherine insisted. “Kat loves you, I know it. But just like you, she has been through a very horrible past life, and she’s still recovering. You need to give both her and yourself some time.”
When Cathy rose her hands to begin signing again, Catherine gently placed a hand on them, lowering them.
“I know you probably don’t believe me.” Catherine said, watching Cathy. “But I think Kat had the same thought as you.” Catherine couldn’t forget the panicked, pink blur that had sprinted up the stairs. “Neither of you hurt each other. Both of you had a horrible time with love. You did not hurt her. And right now, I want you to focus on yourself, alright? You already told me that you also had a flashback. So what do you need me to do?”
Truthfully, Cathy wanted nothing more than to wallow in her sadness for several more hours. But everything that happened left her physically and mentally exhausted. It all happened so fast, and yet, it drained her just the same.
‘I’m tired. Can we sleep?’ Cathy finally signed. She was too tired and stressed to think properly. Her head was pounding and her arm ached.
“Of course, Mija.” Catherine agreed, but then she frowned, glancing at Cathy’s injured arm. “Let’s clean up your arm first, alright?”
Cathy nodded easily and left Catherine’s lap, waiting anxiously as the older queen left the room. It didn’t take but a moment for Catherine to return. Everything was a blur of different thoughts for Cathy as her arm was bandaged, and the first aid kit was laid on her desk.
Catherine joined her on the bed again after that and they moved their position so they were under the covers. Once they were settled, Catherine spoke again. “It will be alright, Mija. For now, sleep.”
Cathy burrowed herself into the safety of her godmother’s side, her hand gripping tightly to the older queen’s shirt. Catherine began to pull her fingers through Cathy’s hair, working through the mass of curls. The soothing movement worked to guide Cathy’s eyes shut.
Then, she fell into a restless slumber.
~~||~~||~~
While Catherine had helped Cathy, the same had been going on upstairs with Kat.
Anne and Anna had both dashed up the stairs after Kat. Worry and fear had taken over their bodies, pushing them faster after Kat.
Both women stopped in the doorway of the distressed pink queen.
Kat hadn’t bothered closing the door behind her, instead she sat hunched over on the edge of her bed, staring vacantly at the floor as she hugged herself. She was crying, sobs and tears escaping her.
“Let me handle this, Anna.” Anne said quickly, glancing at the taller woman.
Anna glances at both Anne and Kat for a moment before nodding. “I’ll go check on the others.”
Anne nodded gratefully as Anna stepped out, closing the door behind her.
Anne slowly made her way over and sat on the bed next to Kat. “Hey, Chaton… you alright?”
Kat tensed slightly, glancing at Anne out of the corner of her eye. She slowly shook her head, another cracked sob escaping her lips.
Without thinking or hesitation, Anne leaned forward and tried to wrap Kat in a hug.
Upon feeling the contact, Kat was quickly pushing herself away. She scrambled backwards until her back hit the headboard.
Anne froze before she began to mentally berate herself. She quickly shook herself out of it. She needs to comfort Kat right now, she could kick herself later. “Merde. Je suis navrée, Chaton. I didn’t think. You’re okay, I promise. I won’t touch you.”
Kat seemed to snap. “No, it’s not okay! It’s not fucking okay! I just fucked up, Anne!”
Anne’s face twisted into confusion. “What the bloody hell are you talking about, Chaton?”
Kat only shook her head, drawing her knees up to her chest and hiding her face behind them.
“Hey, come on Chaton. Talk to me, please?” Anne watched Kat for another second before slowly adding. “I’m really worried about you.”
There was a stretch of silence, then, Kat shakily spoke up.
“Annie.” Kat sobbed, shaking her head. “I’m just like them.”
Anne could only gape for a time. Confusion and shock quickly joined her concern. She knew exactly who Kat was talking about. “What?! There’s no fucking way you are anything like those— those bastards!”
“Then why did I hurt Cathy?!” Kat snapped back, pulling her head from her knees to glare at Anne. It wasn’t very effective.
“Chaton. I don’t know what happened. But I know for a fact that there’s no way in hell you would ever hurt any of us on purpose, Cathy especially.” Anne murmured, meeting Kat’s eyes.
“But I did…” Kat sobbed again, shrinking in on herself slightly.
“Then talk to me.” Anne said carefully. “Tell me what happened, Chaton. I just wanna help.”
Kat took a shaky breath, staring back at Anne for a moment. Then, she spoke three words. “I kissed Cathy.”
“I see.” Anne said after a moment. She tilted her head. “I thought that would be a good thing.”
“She didn’t want it.” Kat said, trying and failing to stifle another cry. “I kissed her and she didn’t want it. I’m just like them.”
Anne gave Kat a sad grin. “Are you sure that’s what happened?” At Kat’s look of obvious confusion, Anne elaborated. “I mean, Cathy definitely likes you back. So here’s what I think happened. I think the two of you kissed, you had a flashback, somehow came to the conclusion that the kiss wasn’t returned, and ran before you could figure out otherwise.”
Through her tears, Kat blinked almost owlishly at Anne. “I dunno, Annie…”
By this point, Kat was mostly calmed down and Anne could tell the younger woman was tired. It was as if the tears and panic had drained most of Kat’s energy, despite the short time it had been. Anne decided to stop the conversation there.
“Wanna sleep on it?” Anne asked gently, reaching out to place a hand on Kat’s knee, making sure her cousin could both see her and welcomed the touch.
“Please.” Kat said with a nod. Then she slowly added. “Stay with me?”
“Anytime, Chaton! You know I’ll always be here if you need me.” Anne said with pure confidence that made Kat giggle. Anne beamed upon hearing the noise.
The two settled into comfortable positions under the covers, curled into each other. A deep breath from Kat drew Anne’s attention.
“I don’t know what I’m gonna do.” Kat whispered, pressing her face against the crook of Anne’s neck.
“We’ll figure it all out in the morning, Chaton. I promise. For now, sleep.”
Kat slowly relaxed into Anne’s arms, keeping her arms wrapped tight around the older’s waist.
Anne’s voice began whispering soothing words and humming softly, sending Kat into the world of dreams.
Kat and Cathy would both have a nightmare that night.
Kat would start moving and whispering in her sleep, urging Anne to ease her back to a more peaceful sleep before those movements and whispers became scratching and screaming.
Cathy would wake up scowling, but sobbing, tears leaving trails down her cheeks. Catherine would soothe her goddaughter back to sleep, the blue queen having a sharp recollection of this the next morning.
~~||~~||~~
When Kat woke up the next morning, there was an arm around her, holding her close to a warm body. Kat tensed but didn't open her eyes. The arm became a little tighter and a familiar voice whispered soothing phrases to Kat, letting Kat know that it was her cousin. Satisfied that there was no danger, Kat relaxed again. Anne also seemed satisfied that Kat was calm again and began a conversation with the second familiar voice of Anna.
Kat let herself drift slightly, still only half awake. The voices of her fellow queens faded in and out, Kat only catching bits of the conversation as she began to wonder why both of them were with her and what happened. She had forgotten most of what happened last night.
And just as she began to remember, one of the other two queens asked a question.
“Do you think Cathy’s alright?”
Everything came flooding back at once. The kiss. The panic attack. Anne calming her down.
Kat instinctively curled in on herself. She could hear the concerned voices above her as she began to sob again, her breath becoming panicked.
Anne began soothing her again and Anna quickly joined in. It took a long minute to calm the younger queen down. But even as she sat up she was still crying. “Did last night actually happen?”
“Yeah, Chaton.” Anne said gently, rubbing a soothing circle into her cousin’s shoulder. “It happened. But everything will be okay.”
“No it won’t.” Kat said, slowly shaking her head.
“Chaton, it will be—.”
“I just wish I didn’t fuck everything up.” Kat said, cutting Anne off with a deep breath. Anne could only stare sadly at Kat.
“Alright, we’re going to do something.” Anna spoke up, uncrossing her arms and walking to the door.
“What are you talking about?” Kat asked, watching Anna’s movement cautiously.
“Give me just a second.” Anna said before swiftly exiting the room.
As Anna left the room, Anne and Kat fell into silence, Anne fidgeting with the blankets and Kat staring down at the mentioned blankets. But it didn’t take long at all for Anna to return.
“Shower and get dressed.”
Kat squawked as a towel and change of clothes was thrown at her. Even Anne looked a little confused as she looked to the culprit, Anna, who had reappeared in the doorway.
“You need some fresh air. So get ready, we’re going on a walk. Anne, if the others ask where we went, you can tell them.” Anna said simply.
“Uh, okay.” It was Anne who answered. Her dumbstruck attitude had faded and she gave Kat an encouraging grin before hopping off the bed and heading out of the room.
It didn’t take long for Kat to shower and dress, and soon she was out the front door, Anna at her side with Jane telling them goodbye and sending Anna off with a kiss to the cheek.
Throughout the entire walk, Kat seemed more anxious than usual. She was constantly zoning out and when she wasn’t, she was watching the strangers they walked past like a hawk.
After the latest episode of Kat zoning out, Anna took a deep breath and gently led Kat over to the outside table of a restaurant.
“Talk to me, Kätzchen.” Anna said.
Kat glanced away from Anna. “I talked to Anne a bit.”
Anna chuckled, crossing her arms and legs as she leaned back in her seat. “And Anne told me the basics of what happened. But I wasn’t there, and I want to help you. Maybe it would be nice to talk about it again now that you’ve cleared your head a little more?”
Kat looked down to her lap, avoiding Anna’s eyes. The two remained in silence for several long minutes. Kat began messing with the cuffs of her sleeves and Anna simply watched Kat.
Just as Anna was about to tell Kat that dropping the topic was alright, Kat spoke.
“I betrayed her.”
Kat seemed to stumble on her words slightly, she suddenly met Anna’s eyes. “Cathy put her trust in me and I betrayed her. And I even liked it! Just like— just like—!”
“Kätzchen! Breathe.” Anna had gotten out of her seat and knelt in front of Kat now. The two hardly even noticed whether or not people were looking at them. “Breathe with me. Can I hold your hands?”
Kat nodded shakily, trying to copy Anna’s breathing. Anna gently took the pink queen’s hands and looked her in the eyes. The soothing words continued until Kat was calmer than before.
“I betrayed Cathy, Anna. And—!” Before Kat could continue with her train of thought, Anna interrupted.
“Did Cathy kiss you back?” Anna asked, an almost knowing look in her eyes.
Kat paused, thinking back to the moment. Anne had mentioned something similar last night… Suddenly, she realized their words may have been true. “Maybe…” Kat said slowly, still a little unsure.
“Then did you really betray her?” Anna asked, raising an eyebrow. “Because I don’t think you did.”
“Then why was she so scared?” Kat asked, her voice almost snapping.
Anna thought about it for a moment. “I think it’s the exact same reason you panicked. One, the last person she kissed was an absolute coward, yeah? But more importantly, I think that just like you, she was scared that she had betrayed your trust.”
“How can you be so sure of that?” Kat asked in a whispered.
“Well, you said she probably kissed back. But really, I think you and Cathy need to talk about this. Jane and I talked about our fears, you and Cathy should do that too.”
Kat stared at her before giving a shaky smile and the tiniest of nods. “I can try.” Kat said quickly, slowly getting to her feet as well. Anna grinned in return and got fully back to her feet.
“Komm schon Kätzchen, why don’t we head home?”
Kat agreed easily, a small smile on her face. She was still worried and anxious, but she would readily admit that Anne and Anna had both helped her. Now, she had the hardest task.
Kat needed to talk to Cathy.
~~||~~||~~
It was a few minutes after Anna and Kat left on their walk that Cathy awoke. Unlike Kat, Cathy remembered everything. It had been on repeat in her mind, even in her dreams. The pain in her arm and heart served as reminders.
So now she laid awake, Catherine holding her close as Cathy struggled to get her thoughts away from the events of last night and all those years ago.
Cathy needed to get up, do something to get away from it all. And coffee was the first step. It took several long and almost painful minutes for Cathy to escape Catherine’s embrace without waking her. But she soon accomplished it.
She quickly reached the kitchen after that, going straight for the coffee pot. She didn’t notice the other woman already in the room.
“I don’t think you should have coffee right now, love.”
Cathy jolted slightly before turning to the speaker, Jane, who was at the counter. “I really just need some coffee right now, Jane.”
“Why don’t we have a talk? I’ll let you have some coffee later.”
“Bribery, of course.” Cathy frowned, but she made her way over to the counter and leant against it.
Jane chuckled, now standing next to Cathy. “I know, but I really think it would help to talk.”
“And if I don’t want to?” Cathy asked, shrinking in on herself slightly as she began to rub at the fabric of her shirt.
“Well, I’m not going to stop you from leaving.” Jane said simply.
Cathy furrowed her brows, fixing her gaze on Jane’s shoulder.
It was another moment later that Cathy spoke up. “I hurt her.” She said simply.
“Cathy—“
“No!” Cathy growled, her hand had stopped rubbing at her shirt and was now clenched hard onto her bandaged arm again, irritating her already aching arm. She had begun swaying slightly, stare now fixed on the table. “I hurt her!”
Everything seemed to fade and blur for Cathy as she began to get overwhelmed. She thought that after last night, she couldn’t have a meltdown that bad a second time. That was very clearly incorrect. Her grip tightened as she focused on the pain, trying to escape the damned thoughts of just what she had done to Kat. Catherine was wrong, she knew it. Kat was hurting because of her dumbass decision. But a voice soon reached her ears and a soothing weight was draped over her shoulders.
“Cathy, I need you to breathe. I’m worried you’ll hurt yourself.”
At some point, Jane had vanished in silence and had returned with Cathy’s weighted blanket and fidget cube. She now held the latter out to Cathy. Cathy had ended up on the floor, pressed against the counter. Jane knelt in front of her, respectfully avoiding eye contact. Cathy let go of her arm to snatch the cube out of Jane’s hand. Her movements almost seemed more frantic than last night.
Cathy’s grip on the cube was so tight that her knuckles turned white and she began pressing the buttons harshly. She hunched further into the blanket, the weight working further to ground her.
Jane simply watched as Cathy slowly calmed herself down. It was several minutes before Cathy’s grip loosened and Jane spoke.
“Are you alright now, love?” Jane asked gently, still respecting the other woman’s space.
Cathy seemed to ponder the question before slowly nodding.
“That’s good.” Jane said with a breath of relief. The two trailed into silence again before Cathy slowly put the cube down on her lap.
‘What do I do?’ Cathy signed, staring at her shaking hands instead of the other queen.
Jane regarded Cathy for a moment. It didn’t take but a few seconds to figure out what Cathy was questioning. “I think… the best thing you can do right now is talk to Kat.”
Cathy glanced to Jane.
“I know. It’s the last thing you want to do.” Jane said with a small, nervous laugh. “But… trust me, it helps.”
Cathy took a deep shuddering breath and shakily began signing. ‘Do you really think she would listen? I hurt her.’
Jane shook her head. “Cathy. You did not hurt her. I talked to Catalina and Anne. She was scared for a completely different reason. Please, just trust me.”
Cathy stared at the ground for a long moment before finally nodding. She took a deep breath and signed, ‘okay. I’ll talk to her.’ Jane smiled and Cathy picked up her cube and held out her free hand. Jane took it in her own and began rubbing the back of Cathy’s hand with her thumb.
After several minutes of this, Cathy glanced up at Jane again. “Can I have some coffee?” Her voice was barely above a whisper.
“How about I let you have some later today?” Jane asked with a laugh. “Right now, I think you should head back to bed before Catalina gets worried.”
Cathy frowned with displeasure at the refusal of her favorite beverage but relented with a small huff. She let Jane help her to her feet, keeping the blanket draped over her shoulders, before heading back to her bedroom, where Catalina remained.
She had a lot to think about. And a certain queen to talk to.
~~||~~||~~
The rest of the day, both queens stubbornly stuck to their rooms, kicking the others out. They were trying to sort through their thoughts before they talked to each other.
That night, Kat woke up from a nightmare. It wasn’t one of her worst nightmares, but she still felt like she wouldn’t go back to sleep.
So she slipped out from under her covers and made her way down the stairs into the kitchen.
Kat stopped in her tracks, standing in the doorway. Cathy stood in front of the coffee pot. She had heard someone walking and turned around. Both of them had frozen and were simply staring at each other.
“Coffee this late?” Kat finally spoke up, her usually teasing tone filled with anxious energy.
Both of them were trying so nervously to act normal. Trying to avoid the tension in the room.
Cathy hummed. “I just wanted something to drink… and what are you doing up?”
“Nightmare.” Kat said with a shrug, pulling a snack from the cupboard.
“Sorry I asked.” Cathy apologized with a frown.
“It’s fine.” Kat replied simply. Her eyes trailed to the bandage still on Cathy’s arm, where she had gripped at her arm. “Can I ask about the bandages?”
Cathy winced. “I hurt myself after… everything.” Cathy didn’t need to elaborate more on that. The pain they had felt was mutual, only healed slightly by the other’s talks.
“Shit, I’m sorry Cathy—.”
Cathy took a deep breath before turning her body to fully face Kat. “We need to stop avoiding it.”
Kat grimaced at the sudden interjection. She seemed to shrink slightly, but gave Cathy an agreeing look. “Yeah… you’re right.”
The two found themselves seated at the table, across from each other. They were silent for a moment before both spoke at the same time.
“Listen, I’m sorry—!”
“Cathy, I’m so sorry—!”
Both of them stopped, mouths open and confused.
“What are you sorry for?” They both said at the same time, causing them to pause again.
“I’m sorry I hurt you.” Kat said first.
“You didn’t hurt me… I thought I hurt you…” Cathy said slowly.
That was the exact second they realized the others had been exactly right. They had assumed the worst.
Kat felt shock. Anne and Anna had already told her that this could be the truth. But she still had her doubts. And now, it was confirmed by Cathy herself.
Cathy’s breathing became quick and gasped. But she wasn’t scared, she was angry. She was angry at herself for the sheer panic she had felt. She had panicked over Kat and then she panicked more over the past, and everything felt like it had fallen apart, leading to her hurting herself and Catherine and Jane both having to talk her down. Why had she been so idiotic?
Cathy found herself shakily standing from her chair at some point as she began pacing, nails digging into her scalp yet again. She didn’t know what to do with herself, where to direct her rage.
But before she could do anything other than pace, hands gently caught her arms.
Kat stood in front of her, watching her carefully and maintaining the gentle pressure on Cathy’s arms. “Hey, hey. It’s okay, Cathy. We both made the same mistake. You did nothing wrong.”
Cathy could only shake her head as Kat gently lowered both of them to the ground. She sat across from Cathy, gently rubbing the back of the other woman’s hands.
‘I’m an idiot.’ Cathy pulled her hands way from Kat’s grasp to begin signing.
“What?!” Kat seemed a little in shock. “No you’re not!”
‘Why was I so scared?’ Cathy managed to sign. Her hands were trembling.
“Cathy, I had a similar reaction for the exact same reason.” Kat said slowly, respecting Cathy’s hate of eye contact. “And I’m beating myself up just as much as you are. That doesn’t make us idiots.”
Cathy winced as she slowly began to calm at Kat’s words, realizing the truth in Kat’s few words. ‘You’re right. Sorry.’ She signed, her gaze trailing up towards Kat’s face slightly.
‘Don’t be sorry. It was the men who caused our fears. They’re the reason we panicked so much.’ Kat also began signing, giving Cathy a gentle smile. ‘Blame them.’
Cathy slowly nodded, almost completely calm now. ‘Hope they’re in hell as we speak.’
Kat snorted as she signed her reply. ‘Definitely agree with you.’
They moved until they sat next to each other against the cabinets. Just like Jane and Cathy had done as well. Silence overcame the room now as both of them sorted through thoughts.
‘Sorry.’ Cathy soon signed with a frown. ‘For having another breakdown.”
Kat gave her a smile in return. ‘You’re completely fine.’ She signed back.
The two lapsed into another silence. The silence wasn't awkward, it was a comfortable one. At some point, the two had begun holding hands.
Several minutes went by until Cathy spoke up, her voice scarcely above a whisper. “Sometimes… I still hear them yelling at me and I remember how much it just… hurt.” She frowned at the floor. “It hurts.”
Kat took a shuddering breath, nodding her understanding. “I still feel them sometimes. I thought I loved them… at first. I was young and thought they loved me. That was just a dream... Well, I guess it’s a nightmare now.”
Cathy bit her lip. “I thought I loved Thomas… I think I only loved him at first, when he was calm and caring… but later, I don’t think I ever loved him then…”
Kat tugged Cathy into a hug, which was quickly returned. The two women held each other close.
“I’m sorry I panicked. I thought I hurt you… had a flashback too.” Cathy explained, leaning her head against Kat’s shoulder.
“I’m sorry too.” Kat said, shaking her head. “The same thing happened to me.”
“I meant the kiss…” Cathy announced, staring at the doorway with a frown. “Every second of it.”
“Glad I’m not the only one.” Kat joked with a giggle, earning a happy chuckle from Cathy. Then, Kat’s face twisted into determination. “We’re stronger than them. I don’t want to let them hold me back.” She glared at the air, almost as if she was looking straight at the men.
They slowly pulled out of the hug as Cathy hummed her agreement. Then, she quietly asked a question. “I agree fully…. Can we try again? With a date this time?”
Kat beamed and let out a breath of relief. She hadn’t been too worried though. Cathy said she meant the kiss, and that meant the feelings were mutual all along. “That sounds wonderful.” Then she paused slightly before sheepishly asking, “Can I stay with you tonight? Or do you want to be alone? I know everything has been really hard—!”
Cathy smiled and huffed out a laugh against Kat’s shoulder, cutting off the pink queen’s ramble. “Of course you can. And we can plan the date tomorrow. We’ll also have to find a way to thank the others…”
“Maybe we could get something while we’re out? Or make breakfast? We definitely owe them something.” Kat agreed. They knew that they definitely owed the others something big for helping their mental states the day before. If they didn’t help, they probably would have avoided each other for much longer, and just how wrong they had been in their thinking would have been a harder pill to swallow.
“Hmm, we’ll think of something.” Cathy agreed with a chuckle.
Just like that, their relationship had a fresh start.
That new start involved a date. A date where they where they stopped by their usual place of the café and bookshop. They would save the new experiences for next time.
And in their eyes, that date was perfect.