Blood in the Water
Kyle watched the bright eyed, wide smile, newly minted law students walk in. The young man couldn’t help but feel the hope and optimism that radiated off the new students, the first day were always fun for him. Sure, most of them were pompous asswipes born with a silver spoon in their mouth, but that’s besides the point. The point is that Kyle loved being on the student orientation committee.
Speaking of the student orientation, he began his introductions. “Welcome to the Hallowed Halls of Harvard Law, I’m Kyle Broflovski, and I know how hard it was to get in here, so let’s go around and share a bit about ourselves, okay?”
A tall guy, who’s red curly hair framed the little bit of baby fat on his face, got up and started talking, “Douglas O’Connell, though peers often refer to me as Dougie. I have both a Carl B. Allendoerfer Award and a Chauvenet Prize, I enjoy math but I fear that that it’s become a challenge I’ve outgrown. Obviously, Harvard is the perfect place for me.”
“Well Dougie that’s very good to know. Welcome to Harvard,” Kyle smiled at the lower classmen.
Next, a shorter man with loose blonde hair, got up after him, “Hello! My name is Gary Harrison! I’m a Mormon and I’m from Utah! I’m learning so much here! And I’m making new friends too!”
“Hello Gary! I hope you enjoy it here at Harvard!” Kyle liked this guy more than he liked Dougie to be honest, the Morman seemed to be like a nice guy who radiated positivity and optimism.
The last in their small group stood up next, a blonde woman with curls hair that seemed to reach her lower back, “I’m Bebe Stevens, I did Peace Corps overseas, marched to spread awareness about how unethical most big named fashion brands treat their employees, and I’ve started a charity called Shop for a Cause.” She numbered off her accomplishments with her hands.
Kyle was impressed with her rap sheet to say the least, “Woah Bebe that’s-”
She cut him off and kept going, “I’m on the legal track now because what’s better than destroying this phallocentric war hungry country than from the inside?” Sitting down, she finished her introduction.
“Wow! I really love your outfit! The dark blues and oranges remind me of the Broncos, are you a fan of them?” A life-sized Ken doll walked in, if Ken dolls were noirette instead of blonde, and complimented Bebe who stood there in confusion of his arrival. “How siked are you guys to be here?! First day at Harvard Law!” He snapped his fingers at them, “I’m Stan Marsh!”
While this was unexpected, Kyle wasn’t going to let Stan throw him off his rhythm, “We were going around the circle, tell us about yourself.” He flashed a smile at the newcomer.
Stan frowned for a second, thinking, before launching into an explanation, “Well I’m pretty damn good at Guitar Hero, I’m an advocate for all animals, I was also the leader for Scientology for a day,” he sat down next to Kyle, “During the Broncos last game, I had to stop Vic Fangio from putting Graham Glasgow, like seriously, if you’re gonna put in an OL, put someone actually good, yeah?”
The curly red headed man smiled through the jargon Stan was putting him through, “I-uh, did not know that.”
“Does know where I can find Criminal Law 101 with Professor Cartman and a possible Wendy Testaburger?” Stan asked, putting emphasis on the last two words.
“Yeah actually we’re all headed there! I’m sure someone would happily take you there,..” Kyle trailed off, noticing that the rest of his group had already left, “Huh, well it’s in Houser, second building on the left.”
The black haired jock followed his instructions and began to leave, “Thanks man!”
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Kyle walked by the New Student Orientation table, when he noticed one that was most likely forgotten about by its owner. He grabbed it, and continued walking to Professor Cartman’s class. He went over to Stan and tapped his shoulder, “This must be your’s. Marsh comma Stan,” the red head held it out for him to grab.
“Is this our social agenda?” Stan tilted his head at the packet.
The redhead began to laugh, but it was obvious he wasn’t kidding , “Er no, it’s your academic roaster for the semester.”
Stan frowned and took it, “Oh right, well let’s catch up after class, okay Wendy?”
Kyle watched him take his seat before turning to the one person who actually seemed to know the muscular man, “Who is he?”
A woman with long black hair rolled her eyes, watching Stan practically flaunt himself at her, “My ex boyfriend.”
His own widened, but looking at the time, Kyle went to take his own seat.
“Hey Ken Doll,” Jason White, if he could remember the attendance file correctly, started, “Is that button up really necessary?” Mr. White had a good point, actually, seeing how Stan’s shirt was a print of the Broncos’ logo repeated over and over again, it was kind of noisy in Kyle’s opinion.
Stan smiled at the other guy, “I love the Broncos.”
“I can see that.”
“Okay everyone, please take your seats now,” Kyle got up in front of the class, while it was still a few minutes before class officially started, due to the professor’s reputation, the TA wanted to reassure them. He watched in bewilderment as Stan brought out a simple dark blue notebook and a dark blue pencil with a puff of yellow at the tip, both Broncos themed obviously, as everyone else brought out their laptops. “I know some of you have probably heard the rumors that Cartman’s ruthless, he turned a kid’s parents into chili, blah blah blah, only partially true. What you really need to know is-”
“You have the right to remain silent.” the large professor walked in, easily commanding the room with his freshly pressed, obviously expensive business suit. It was probably worth more than what Kyle can make in a year, and he always felt underdressed compared to Cartmen, with his secondhand, ratty corduroy suit jacket. “Anything can and will be used against you.”
Kyle rolled his eyes and only slightly tuned out while Cartman did his whole Blood in the Water speech, he’s heard it once his first year and twice each time he’d TA for the older man, he didn’t need to hear it again. It was too dramatic for his tastes, but it did get the students motivated and the professor wasn’t exactly kidding. Cartman’s not one hell of a successful lawyer for nothing after all. It was clear enough that everyone else was hanging onto every word, especially seeing how he told the students the potential hiring of four new interns from this very class.
He watched with curiosity when Cartman called on his first student, Dougie o’Conner, for the same hypothetical question he always used. Kyle wouldn’t say there was a wrong and right answer, but Dougie did answer in the way Cartman didn’t want him to. The redhead figured that Dougie still “had” hope when he seemed to smile deviously as the professor explained what the right answer was, before continuing with his speech.
He frowned in sympathy for Bebe Stevens, who the professor called next, already having a feeling for how’d she answer his next question. He groaned softly when she made the comment he’d fear she’d make, and how he laughed along with her, shaking his head slightly as Cartman left her red in the face, offending her, and dismissed the blonde woman.
Kyle noticed Stan raise his hand out from the corner of his eye. He was afraid for what was to come for the noirette.
“Yes, Mr…”
“Stan Marsh!” He smiled widely at the professor.
Who rolled his eyes as a reply, “Care to summarize the case of Indiana v Hearn from your reading?”
“Er- well I wanted to answer that last question.”
Kyle sat in shock at Stan’s audacity, who clearly had no idea what he just did.
“I’m asking you about the assigned reading?”
“Come on! Who assigns reading for the first day of class?” Stan laughed and tried to see if anyone agreed with his sentiment.
Cartman sneared, “I do. Now get out.”
Stan furrowed his brows, looking around for support, but no one would reach his eye, not even Kyle. He grimaced as the black haired man took his stuff and quickly left the class. It was painful to watch, but everyone needed to learn this lesson, even if it was over an honest mistake.
The rest of class continued without further incident, seeing how everyone was afraid to become another example like Stan had. Cartman continued like nothing had happened, and Kyle slipped away once he got to the assigned reading portion of class.
“Hey, Marsh comma Stan listen,” Kyle noticed the jock pace back and forth in the hall, “I got kicked out too on my first day of class. Yeah it sucks ass, but trust me, your law career is NOT over, okay?”
Stan made a face, "Law career? That is so not the problem here. Listen, I just need to get back in class with Warner, can you help me?” He gave the redhead the biggest puppy eyes he could muster.
Kyle chuckled, “Yeah, come back tomorrow okay? Just make sure you’ve done your reading.”
“Yeah, sure,” he replied, laughing a little at his request.
Class was over and students began milling out, Wendy being one of them.
He ran up to her, “Wendy! Thank God you’re here!”
“Oh uh, hey Stan,” she stood there awkwardly, looking at Kyle for help.
Bebe came out of the classroom next, “Wendy? Is there something you wanna share with Stan?”
The man in question tilted his head in confusion, “Huh? Wendy, who’s this?”
The blonde woman came closer and put an arm around her, “Stan, this is my girlfriend, Bebe. We went to boarding school together.”
Kyle stood in disbelief for a second before his mind caught up with him, “I’ll uh… I’ll give you three a moment then.” He quickly opened the door back to the classroom and went in.
Cartman raised an eyebrow at his intern’s sudden appearance before sighing, “That bleeding heart of yours is gonna be the death of you, Kahl…”
“I doubt that,” he rolled his eyes, ”I don’t know about you, but something tells me that Stan’s gonna surprise us all.”