Unboxing Memories
Penelope watched as the little girl ran across the playground chasing another child. She was so free and happy. Penelope tried to ignore the pang in her heart knowing that the girl was still expecting her to come back but she never would. She shook her head frowning as she noticed, through the corner of her eye, that someone was getting closer. She looked at the newcomer. Saltzman. She breathed in and out preparing herself for the interaction.
“Haven’t you told me that I would never see you again?” She asked casually. “I mean, I saw you less than two months ago. Your never is different from mynever.” Penelope was going to stay quiet, turn away and leave but…
“She’s getting adopted.” Penelope said after some time. She really didn’t know why. Saltzman was the last person she would want to have a heart-to-heart with. She didn’t even think they both had good functioning hearts still.
“I know.” Lizzie said softly and annoyingly civil making Penelope get angry because she would rather have Saltzman mocking her for leaving the child and then coming back to watch her from afar than Lizzie being nice. Penelope breathed in and out again; slowly.
“Have you met the people adopting her? Are they good?” Penelope asked putting away whatever harsh word she felt the need to throw at her for the sake of knowing more.
“Yes. Rachel, her case worker, was my children’s case worker too so she kept me updated with everything. She’s getting adopted by a single mom from a nice loving family, stable job and that will really love Jamie.” Saltzman said sure and in this Penelope trusted her. It didn’t matter their problems, Lizzie would always try to do good for a child. Penelope nodded. She wanted to ask about Josie too; how she was doing and if Penelope had fucked her over too badly. She didn’t want to think that joyful, sweet Josie was now suffering because of her. “My sister’s fine. She will be, anyway.” Lizzie answered Penelope’s silent questions. Penelope looked at her; really looked. She looked so changed; a lot less of that tricking glint in her eyes and much more cautious than before. Penelope had noticed that Lizzie had changed before, of course, but watching her without the rush of an open wound or saving someone’s life really made her think about it. If it were some years ago, Lizzie would mock Penelope non-stop about her unwillingness to let the little girl go. Penelope supposed that she was different too; a few years ago she would stare at Lizzie’s scars just to make her feel uncomfortable. These days, though, after watching Rose taking Jamie to the playground some times and seeing how self-conscious the girl got when people stared at her birthmark, Penelope felt angry and ashamed that she ever could do something so hurting as that. She must’ve left her eyes drift to Lizzie’s scars because her eyes got defensive. Penelope looked away. They both were different; Penelope was glad that happiness with Jamie and, in a shorter time, with Josie made her different while what made Lizzie different was something dark and ugly. “What are you going to do now? Sebastian kicked you to the moon after all the Jamie problem.” Lizzie asked and Penelope frowned surprised that Lizzie knew that Sebastian had fired Penelope and left her without identity or a new purpose in life. She shouldn’t be surprised, though, Hope and Lizzie always seemed to know everything Sebastian-related.
“Travel.” Penelope said in the lack of a better answer. She really didn’t know. She had been recruited by the CIA in the last year of Law School. She finished it but didn’t have any experience and to be honest, Law seemed a little too bland after living years of getting rid of the worst of the worst human beings. She didn’t see herself pursuing a career as a lawyer any time soon but she also didn’t see herself doing much of anything so she supposed she had to start somewhere. It’s just that Penelope Park, 32, lawyer, gardening as a hobby didn’t quite suit her. She felt like something was missing.
“Right.” Lizzie snorted and Penelope almost rolled her eyes. “Let’s see how much long never will take this time.” Lizzie said looking at her phone. “Now I have to go. I have a plane to catch with Hope and the kids in a few hours and Hope is probably cursing my soul for it.” As if Hope Mikaelson would ever do anything rather than adore every single thing Lizzie did. Although Penelope met them when they were younger, they always seemed like an old couple; arguing all the time, blaming each other when things went wrong, making jokes that made the other roll their eyes, guessing each other’s plans and finishing each other’s thoughts. Penelope had been annoyed by it; at how in sync they were. It appeared that time didn’t change this aspect of their relationship and Penelope caught herself pleased by that. “And Penelope.” Lizzie called when Penelope thought that she was already gone. She looked at her. “Second chances are really hard to get. If you ever get one, you should not throw it away.” Lizzie said leaving faster than Penelope had time to flip her off. Second chances. Penelope laughed.
“I should be jealous at the amount of time you spend chasing Penelope.” Hope said as soon as Lizzie walked into the bedroom.
“I wasn’t chasing her.” Lizzie said casually as she undressed to go to the bathroom.
“I’ll pretend we both don’t know better. Have you found her this time?” Hope asked curious and Lizzie smirked.
“Watching Jamie in the playground.” Lizzie said. “We had a very adult talk. Extraordinarily civil. No cursing.”
“Wow. That’s a first.” Hope said watching Lizzie roll her eyes. “Did you tell her that Josie-”
“Of course not.” Lizzie snorted. Hope narrowed her eyes at Lizzie but then let it go. It wasn’t her problem what Josie or Penelope did. Her only problem was to make sure that Lizzie wouldn’t get in trouble by being Lizzie but as Lizzie had pointed out once, Josie was still stepping on eggshells with her so Lizzie was safe to do anything and if Penelope really cared to stay around, bothering her was going to be part of their routine so she better get used to it. Right now, though, Lizzie wasn’t safe with Hope and she just remembered that she was mad at Lizzie.
“Go shower already before we lose the plan. You didn’t even finish packing your things.” Hope said turning around and going to Pedro’s bedroom to pack his things. The boy was on the floor next to the huge castle they bought for him on his fifth birthday. After finishing the half packing of his things that Lizzie had started last night, she dressed him and left him already good to go.
“Alyssa, stop looking at that phone and pack your things or we’ll be late and lose the plane.” Hope shouted when she passed Alyssa’s door and saw her texting. Hope rolled her eyes. Alyssa would freaking see the person she was texting to in about one hour. What was so important that she couldn’t wait?
“You seem stressed.” Lizzie said from over her own phone when Hope arrived at the bedroom and Hope gave her a look. She was already dressed.
“I’m going to kill you.” Hope said throwing a pillow on Lizzie letting out her frustration.
“What was that for?” Lizzie asked and when Hope didn’t reply, she smirked. “Was it because I convinced you to give Alyssa a phone?” Hope narrowed her eyes. “Or is that I invited Clara to come with us to the trip? Oh, I know.” Lizzie said snapping her fingers. “Is it because I went behind your back and told your lawyer that you would be there for your father’s Will opening?” Lizzie said annoying and Hope threw at her another pillow.
“I’m angry at you.” Hope said buffing like a petulant child. She didn’t even know there was a Will to begin with. They had opened his Will when he and Hope’s mom died so she didn’t expect to have another one for their fifteen-year death anniversary. Was that even a thing? Hope had been informed about the Will last year close to Christmas but when all that shit happened, Hope totally forgot it and had been ignoring all her lawyer’s letters, emails and phone calls. Hope was running out of excuses every time Lizzie asked her about why the lawyer called so often. Like it was bound to happen, Lizzie found out and called Hope’s lawyer telling him that Hope would meet him in England to finally open it.
“Oh, Hope, you know you wanna know what’s in there. I’m just pushing you a little bit in the right direction.” Lizzie said softly and Hope grunted.
“You didn’t get it, Lizzie.” Hope sighed and Lizzie tilted her head for Hope to explain. “The reason I’ve been ignoring it is because I know exactly what’s going to be there.” Hope said. “All these years, there was one thing that I never saw again after they died.” Hope looked away. “Something my dad told me it would be mine someday.”
“What is it?” Lizzie asked curious and Hope breathed out. That was definitely not the topic she wanted to bring right before the trip but it was better tell Lizzie than let her to figure things on her own.
“My mom and dad engagement rings.” Hope said noticing how Lizzie’s eyes widened.
“Oh.” Was the only thing she said before looking away and Hope grunted. Not the way she wanted to bring that topic at all. Hope sighted out loud.
“I thought that the rings had been lost and that was why they weren’t in their first Will. But when my lawyer called me saying that there was another Will, I knew that it was very much like my dad to have the lawyer to keep the rings for some time to only deliver it to me now. I don’t know how mom didn’t manage to convince him to stop being so dramatic.” Hope said rolling her eyes. It was always like that with her parents. Klaus being too much and Hayley allowing it just until she was too bored by his extravagances. They were nothing alike but they loved each other deeply and Hope remembered being a small girl and watching how they lovingly teased each other.
“It’s a good thing, still.” Lizzie said putting her phone away and walking to Hope. “If they made arrangements for the rings to be given to you just now, they probably have letters or something else that will make you learn or remember some aspect of their personality. It’s good for you that they’re present and it’s good for the children too know how they were.” Lizzie said kissing Hope.
“For someone that was rushing me just a few minutes ago, you don’t seem too worried about time.” Alyssa said from the door and Hope broke the kiss. Alyssa walked away and Hope gave Lizzie a pointed look.
“She’s too snarky lately. She gets it from you.” Hope frowned.
“You’re quite snarky yourself.” Lizzie said and Hope shook her head.
“She gets it from you.” Hope repeated. She turned away from Lizzie to go finish her things.
“She did stole your car and made me look like a fool of a psychologist when we first met her so you can’t really blame me for her pure unadulterated Alyssa personality. And anyway, we love her because she’s this way.” Lizzie said and Hope laughed remembering that Alyssa almost gave her a heart attack by stealing her car in the middle of the night.
“Do we love her?” Hope said a little too loud because she knew Alyssa was listening from the outside of the bedroom.
“Yes, you do.” Alyssa answered happily making Hope smile. Hope felt good with herself. Pedro had been an easy one to make believe in love. Alyssa was quite hard and Lizzie was even harder but they all knew Hope loved them now and that was what mattered for her. Hope thought that she understood her father and mother better now. The second Will wasn’t for Hope at all. It was for them. They needed the feeling of making sure their daughter were happy; that she remembered they loved her. Like funerals are for the living, Wills are for the dead. It’s a way for them to say that they’re still there with you even if you can’t see them.
After leaving the house and stopping by the Greasleys to pick up Clara, they went to the airport. Lizzie had convinced Hope to bring Clara saying that since the Greasleys has taken the kids to Disney for a whole weekend back in July, now it was their time to take Clara somewhere. It’s an unspoken rule for friendship between parents, Lizzie had explained. Hope hadn’t really bought that but Lizzie did have a point when she remembered Hope the benefits of being childless for a whole weekend; fourth of July with Lizzie had been spent in bed watching movies or waking around the house naked to get food just to come back to bed.
“You don’t have to be scared of flying. As if I would let anything happen to this airplane while you’re in it.” Hope heard Clara saying from behind her seats. Hope remembered how scared Alyssa had been the first time she was in an airplane. Hope, Lizzie and Pedro were sitting together while Alyssa and Clara were sitting behind them. Lizzie gave Hope an entertained look when she also heard Clara’s words.
“I’m not scared of flying.” Alyssa answered not very convincingly in Hope’s opinion.
“Wow, so my presence already took your fear away? I must be really good.” Clara answered and Hope laughed. Alyssa probably rolled her eyes so hard that they got stuck inside her skull. After a couple of hours of flight, Pedro slept and Hope looked behind to see that in a few minutes Clara and Alyssa, that had been watching a movie, would be sleeping too. Hope looked at Lizzie and, as if a spell had been broken, her eyes immediately left the book she was reading and looked at Hope.
“Relax, Hope. This is going to be good.” Lizzie assured and Hope nodded. She had been restless since she first heard about the Will, but now that Lizzie knew about it and what Hope expected to be in there, she was even more tense about it. Lizzie smiled at her bringing Hope’s head to her shoulder and Hope closed her eyes. They had been together since January. Eight amazing months of the two of them in blessed happiness with the kids. If Hope wanted to be fair, they had been together for almost a decade now. They had met a little more than nine years ago and ever since, they had been stuck into each other in a way that Hope could only dream when she was younger. They’ve had first dates and first kisses and first times waking up together. They’ve had trips and they lived together. They’ve made family plans and holidays preparations together. And that was before all the bad things happened. They were already established then. So established and perfect together that Lizzie had been the first one to have the idea. She hadn’t told Hope, of course, but she had told Josie and Josie was a terrible secret-keeper so it was easy to find out why Lizzie seemed so vibrant about reuniting their families for the Christmas.
She was going to propose.
Hope wanted her to. More than anything.
But then that happened and since then Hope hadn’t dared to dream about it. Until Lizzie picked up that damned call from the lawyer saying that Hope would go there to open the Will. Since then, though, this was the only thing Hope could think about. What if she says yes?
What if she says no?
Lizzie watched Hope for a few seconds with a frowned forehead until Pedro caught her attention with the running. Hope was distracted. Lizzie knew that the Will was something really emotional for her but she also knew that Hope was worried about something else. It wasn’t just the fact that Hope was going to open old scars by going through another Will opening; no, Hope had made peace with her parents’ death a long time ago. It was a terrible accident but she knew, without any doubt, that they loved her. Hope had told Lizzie that they had written her letters that were given to her during the Will opening. Hope didn’t open the first letter till she was eighteen because she couldn’t bear to read it and then to not have anything else from them. But when she opened it, she felt relief and their words healed her more than the therapists that the Mikaelson made her see. But it still hurt, of course, and it would always and forever hurt; losing someone is an open wound people have to learn to live with. Hope learned to live with hers.
Lizzie thought that she knew why Hope was so restless but she didn’t know if she was ready to consider this particular reason. As Hope unpacked things in the bedroom and Lizzie tried to make Pedro stop running around excited with the new house for just one second for her to change him into new clothes, she wondered about her reaction if what she suspected was true. Lizzie didn’t want to make Hope sad when Hope was her everything. When she went to sleep thinking about her and woke up still with the thought of her. So she shouldn’t even be thinking about reactions at all. If she ever was lucky enough for Hope to want her as her wife, she should be happy however it happened.
“Mom, I think you’re doing something wrong.” She heard Pedro saying and when her vision focused at where he was pointing, she grimaced. Lizzie had buttoned his shirt all wrong. He laughed. “Mommy, mom has worms for brains.” He shouted to Hope making Lizzie roll her eyes. He had learned that expression a couple of weeks ago and now everyone had worms for brains. Hope was also in her own world because she only nodded making Pedro giggle and then run away to go tell Clara or Alyssa about Lizzie’s worms.
They spent a nice rest of day in the house together and then went out for dinner. The next day, they woke up early and, after leaving the kids with a group of other tourist kids for an educative tour that would take the whole day, they went to the Lawyer’s office. It was a huge public building with rushed lawyers walking in and out talking on their phones, holding binders and drinking coffee. When they arrived at the lawyer’s office, his secretary talked to them.
“Can you just wait here, please? Mr. Bigley’s in an emergency meeting right now but he’ll be here soon.” The secretary said and Hope nodded. Lizzie had noticed how stressed she seemed to be getting by the second. Lizzie wished she could ease it a little but she knew that Hope would only relax after she got open the Will. When Hope sat next to Lizzie, she looked at her.
“I hope this doesn’t take long.” Hope said.
“The kids are booked for the day so we’ll have some quality time alone after.” Lizzie said taking her hand and making her smile.
“I can’t wait to show you the secret passages of the house. Can you believe that mom and dad never told me about it? I only got to know because I saw them slipping away from a garden party through, apparently, the wall, so I followed them. I was eleven! And my dad had the nerve to say that it took me quite some time to find it and that he had found his first secret passage when he was seven.” Hope told Lizzie smiling. Lizzie loved to hear about Hope’s parents. They seemed so amazing and Lizzie didn’t doubt a little bit that they were everything Hope said they were and then more.
When the secretary came to them half an hour later apologizing for the wait and told them that a client of Mr. Bigley’s had just found out some terrible news and the lawyer was helping him, Lizzie knew that it would take some time until they finally got to talk to the man so she suggested to Hope that they went to a coffee shop to eat something and take a walk around. Hope agreed and the secretary said that she would call them in case the lawyer was available before they were back. They were about to leave the floor when Lizzie noticed a young girl with closed eyes holding her belly as if her life depended on it. She was pregnant, probably due anytime now, but she seemed so small and the oversized clothes combined with her thin body didn’t help her at all.
“What is it?” Hope asked following Lizzie’s glance.
“I was just thinking how small that girl-” Lizzie started but then stopped when she noticed the rude way that the woman accompanying the girl grabbed her arm to make her stand up. Lizzie felt it, as if it were her own arm, when the girl flinched away from the touch. And then she lost her balance. She was about to fall so Lizzie rushed close to her and caught her. She looked even smaller while Lizzie held the girl.
Then she saw the scars. And she heard Hope’s small gasp. Hope also saw the scars. Then the girl looked at Lizzie and Lizzie saw the haunted eyes. She sighed internally but externally she smiled softly.
“Hey, are you okay?”
“Just shut up and do as I say.” The lawyer said and Lily nodded. It was pointless to do anything else when the lawyer appointed for her didn’t even care to look at her when she came to pick up Lily from the house this morning.
They waited for a long time for the meeting as it usually happened. They had priorities and a teenage murderer wasn’t one of them, the lawyers, psychologists and social workers always told her. None of them ever stopped to ask her if she was actually a murderer. As it seemed, allegedly murderer was enough for her to never be given a voice again.
It didn’t matter. She told herself once again as she felt her hand falling to her belly. She closed her eyes trying to focus on something else rather than how hungry she was. She had been bad yesterday so they hadn’t given her dinner and the lawyer went to pick her up too early this morning so she hadn’t eaten yet today. She kept her eyes closed for so long that the lawyer probably thought that she was sleeping because she grabbed her by the arm to make her stand up. She flinched. She didn’t like being touched. Every touch she had ever felt in her life brought bad things.
Maybe it was the way the lawyer grabbed her to stand too quickly or maybe it was of her empty stomach, but all of the sudden, she felt light-headed and she lost her balance. She felt herself falling. Maybe she would fall on her head and die, she thought as her fall seemed slow-motioned. Dying never felt bad to her. And to be given that relief would be more of a blessing than a curse. Then she felt arms grabbing her and her dream was pushed away from her. She looked at her savior. She was beautiful. Blond hair and blue eyes; good eyes.
“Hey, are you okay?” She asked still holding Lily and she didn’t really mind the touch because she knew this person really cared.
“Yes.” She answered still a little light-headed but this time she didn’t knew if it was because of the motion, the hunger or the sincere worry she saw in the woman’s eyes.
“Let me help you.” Another woman said bringing a chair for Lily to sit.
“She doesn’t have time for this. We were just called in. Come on, girl.” The lawyer said again grabbing her and making her flinch.
“Hey, don’t do this. She almost fainted and she’s pregnant.” The blonde said. Lily felt her hand going to her belly. It always did this when people mentioned her pregnancy. Lily read once that pregnant woman did that instinctively as a defensive mode to protect their baby. “When was the last time you ate?” She heard her asking.
“Yesterday at lunch.” She answered hearing the gasps from both women. The lawyer didn’t care. She watched delighted as the auburn-haired one went to one of the vending machines to buy her food. She could barely believe when she came back with three different snacks and a bottle of juice.
“Go tell whoever you’re meeting today to wait. She won’t leave until she finishes it.” The brunette said to the lawyer that raised both hands.
“You know what? I don’t care.” She said turning around and leaving. Lily didn’t care enough to look at her. She was eating for the first time today and it was almost too much that she had to eat a little slower or else she would throw up.
“You can’t leave her.” Lily heard one of the policeman telling the lawyer but she just flipped them off leaving the floor saying something about not really wanting to be the lawyer of a child psychopath. It wasn’t the first time, and surely not the last, she heard people calling her that but for some reason, being called her that in front of those two women that had done more to her than anyone had made her angry. She looked at them but they weren’t giving her judging glances.
“How old are you?” The blonde asked.
“Seventeen.” Lily answered noticing through the corner of her eye that one of the policeman went to one of the offices while the other stood there watching her. Sometimes, when her mood wasn’t too bad, she thought it funny how they watched her as if waiting for her to pull a knife out of her pocket and stab someone. Even now that she was eight months pregnant, they still looked at her expecting just that. Allegedlypsychopath was a label hard to run away from.
“I’m Lizzie and this is Hope.” The blonde introduced them and Lily smiled.
“I’m Lily.” She answered as she pushed the last bit of food inside her mouth and then drunk the juice. She glanced at the vending machine quickly but the brunette, Hope, noticed.
“Do you want something else?” She asked and Lily bit her lip. She was never asked this question. People always gave her what they thought she needed, or deserved, and moved on. She had to be satisfied with it. “You can ask.” She added nicely and Lily looked away.
“Chocolate.” She whispered. She waited for the slap but it never came. When she looked up again, Hope had a chocolate bar from the vending machine on her hand. She gave it to Lily. As if waiting it to be taken away, she opened it fast, putting all of it as quickly as she could in her mouth. It had been years since she had last eaten chocolate. She thought that she wouldn’t even recognize the taste when she ate it again but she had been wrong. How could she forget how delicious it is?
“Lily Barry.” She heard her name being called and she looked at the woman calling it. The social worker called from the office. Lily gulped, her hand going to her belly again. She looked at Hope and Lizzie.
“Are you okay to go?” Lizzie asked her softly and she nodded standing up slowly this time. She walked slowly too as if she could also slow time. She didn’t like the meeting she was going to and without her lawyer, they would just call in another one that wouldn’t care again just so they could be done with her. She stopped suddenly just before entering the office; the policemen following her stopping too.
“Can you go in with me?” She asked them. She had never met them. She only knew their first names and even that could be a lie; she was quite used to lies; but she felt that they were genuine. That they would ask her questions instead of giving her commands. She saw the blonde looking at the social worker waiting for her to come in.
“I’m Dr. Elizabeth Saltzman. Psychologist. This minor” Lily noticed how she said that word with weight. “was feeling ill because she hadn’t eaten since yesterday morning and her lawyer just left without even looking at her. I would like to accompany her until someone comes to take responsibility for her.” She said. Take responsibility for her. That was knew. Not even Lily’s mother had wanted to take responsibility for her.
The social worker, tired of spending all of her days dealing with people like Lily, only sighed and moved away for them to come in. She asked IDs for both Hope and Lizzie and, satisfied with what she saw, she motioned them to sit. There were another two people inside the office and when they all were seated, the social worker looked at her binder.
“I see you’ve done the last medical exams and everything is okay with the baby.” She picked up another paper. “You’re due a month away which means we can already start the arrangements.” She said. “Since your lawyer left, we called another one here to represent you as you sign the paper giving up the baby. Miss Angela here will represent the interests of the future parents and the baby’s.” She finished and on cue to her words, the baby moved inside her belly. She touched the little bump caused by the baby mesmerized by the way it stretched her belly even more. “It’s a closed adoption so they won’t know that you’re the biological mother.” She said with disgust.
“Will I be able to see her again?” Lily asked. She knew the answer but she asked anyway. The social worker frowned looking again at the paper before looking back at her.
“Your doctor didn’t say the sex of the baby in any of the papers. Did he tell you it’s a girl?” She asked.
“No but I know it.” Lily said pushing softly at the bump and feeling the baby pushing against her hand. She smiled. “Will I be able to see her again?” She repeated and the frown on the woman’s forehead deepened.
“We’ve talked about it. Of course you won’t. You won’t even get to hold it before they take it away.” The woman said and, in Lily’s opinion, her voice seemed wicked; as if she enjoyed that Lily wouldn’t get to hold her child.
“Her.” Lily said. “Not it.”
“You can’t do this. She has the right to hold her child before she’s taken away.” Lizzie said startling Lily. The social worker laughed unamused.
“It would be her right if she wasn’t a psychopath and a killer. But she is so she won’t even get to see the baby, will you?” She said looking at her and Lily looked down gulping. She didn’t like being talked to this way, especially not in front of Lizzie and Hope that seemed so good. Too good to watch this. “You don’t know, do you?” She asked looking at Lizzie and Hope. They exchanged a glance before looking back at the woman. “Well, since we have time enough till her new lawyer come in, I guess I can tell you a little bit about this one here.” She said smiling. Lily wanted to make that smile disappear. She felt the baby getting agitated as her anger started to rise. The woman was about to start when Lizzie raised her hand and looked at Lily.
“I’d like to hear it from you.” She said and Lily’s eyes snapped up.
“What?” She asked. She couldn’t be hearing it right.
“I’d like for you to tell me your story.” She said and Lily lost all words. Someone had asked her to tell her story. She opened her mouth, to say what she wasn’t sure, but it didn’t matter because the social worker wasn’t done.
“Why believe either my words or hers when you can instead watch it?” She said as she looked at the other person in the room; one of the police detective that had arrested Lily. “Show them. They’re both FBI agents.” She said and the man nodded; as if he needed more encouragement than that. He picked up his phone and a minute later, the video that had written down in stone Lily’s fate started to play. She watched them, as she always did when someone was watching it for the first time, waiting for the moment when their faces would start to get disgusted and then they would spit on her.
She waited, as she always did. Nothing mattered because the video was enough to get her convicted; it was enough for her mother to give her up completely and it was enough for her to be a murderer. She just wished it were enough to convince her to stop hoping that one day it would be different. She closed her eyes because she didn’t want to see the disgust taking over their faces.
“Hey, look at me.” She heard Lizzie calling. She didn’t want to open her eyes but she did because or else someone would make her. “Did you kill him?” She asked.
“Pfff, haven’t you seen the same video as me? Of course she did.” The nasty woman said but Lily was too shocked to even pay attention to her. She looked between Hope and Lizzie. They weren’t looking at her disgusted; not even scared as sometimes people looked. They had still the worried look and it hurt Lily more than she could ever imagine it would to say the next words.
“I did.”
“Thank you for staying with me till the lawyer came.” Lily said still looking down the way she had been looking down since she said those cursed words.
“You’re welcome.” Hope said noticing that Lizzie was watching the girl closely. Or maybe watching Hope closely. “I’m sorry about the baby.” Hope said and Lily only shrugged as if she had made peace with her fate.
“It’s okay. She’ll be better off with someone else. I just wanted a picture of her to keep it.” Lily said and Hope’s heart hurt for this girl at the same time that her mind told her that this girl was an assassin. A dangerous one. For some reason; that Hope suspected it had everything to do with how frail that girl looked, the scars covering her arms and face and how she remembered Hope of Lizzie; Hope couldn’t believe she was really what she said, what Hope saw. Because there was a video. “I have to go now.” The girl left with her new lawyer; another disinterested woman that barely acknowledged the girl after she had already signed the papers, and the police officers that were escorting her.
“I remember this case.” Lizzie said quietly when the girl was gone and Hope looked at her.
“What?”
“It was five years ago. I had just left the institution. I didn’t pay too much attention because my mind was everywhere back then but I remember this case. A twelve-year-old child killing, in cold blood, an eighteen-year-old boy isn’t something you see every day. Apparently, dozens of doctors talked to the girl and they all agreed that she was a psychopath.”
“This sounds terrible.”
“What bugged them the most, though, was how there was no tell. Everyone that knew her said she was an amazing child. They dug into some of her family members but ultimately, they convicted her because of the video. I don’t know more than this.” Lizzie said frowning.
“Does she look like a psychopath to you?” Hope asked and Lizzie’s frown deepened.
“Well, the reason that it’s so difficult to catch psychopaths is because they’re good at pretending; at blending in. They don’t need to look like one.” Lizzie answered.
“But what do you think?” Hope pressed.
“I don’t know, Hope. I met her one hour ago. I just know what I saw: a video of that girl beating a boy to death.” Lizzie answered shaking her head and then taking Hope’s hand. When she looked Hope in the eyes, she sighed. “Don’t, Hope.”
“Don’t what?” Hope asked but she knew what she meant.
“Don’t make it personal. I don’t think we should get into this one.” Lizzie said biting her lip and Hope’s eyes widened.
“There’s definitely more to that, Lizzie. You know it.”
“There’s always more to everything, Hope. Most times we don’t know the whole story. But I don’t know if we want to know this one.” Lizzie said lowly and Hope looked away. When she didn’t say anything, though, Lizzie sighed. “I guess we could give it a look. It’s in my field of expertise so I think I can get her psychological reports.” She said as she picked up her phone to call someone. Hope didn’t like to press her to do something, especially if she said that she didn’t feel comfortable about it because that almost always ended up with Lizzie being right, but the girl had stirred something inside Hope. She looked so much like Lizzie that it broke Hope’s heart.
After talking on the phone for about three minutes, Lizzie came back. “I got it. Her psychological evaluation and her police files. Let’s get it printed and sit by the coffee shop to read.” She said and Hope nodded.
The case was worst than Hope had expected. The police officers responsible for it had been very negligent and lazy, which surprised Hope since this was a case that stirred so much attention. Maybe lazy wasn’t the word; rushed it is. The case had shocked so many people and justice was required fast. With a video showing the girl doing it, they didn’t even thought about doing anything else besides just closing the case as fast as they could to calm the masses going for the girl’s throat. The girl was guilty; that was undeniable. And there’s no excuse for doing something so terrible like the girl had done but they didn’t even looked for a why. Hope always looked for the whys. Of course, some people are just plain bad; Hope had experience with that; but even them have a why for doing things. Pleasure, revenge, projection, anger, jealousy. The reasons were many, but there was always one. With this girl, although she had eleven psychologists evaluating her, they basically just deemed her a psychopath and that was it.
Hope looked at Lizzie. She was frowning displeased and Hope, that had seen some of Lizzie’s psychological evaluations of criminals, knew that she was infuriated by the slackness of it all. Lizzie looked at Hope after some time. “Yes, there’s definitely more to it. I thought that maybe it was something that they omitted about the girl or about the victim but apparently it wasn’t omission. It was a fucking lazy job. Look at Evaluation here.” Lizzie said picking up one of the pages and showing to Hope. “This doctor didn’t even use the right diagnose. I bet some that one of the detectives on the case just did this and asked the doctor to sign. Look at this one.” Lizzie picked another paper. “In two meetings, in which the girl spoke less than twenty words if this transcriptions of the meetings are correct, this Dr. already gave her a final assessment.” Lizzie snorted. “And half of these doctor are not even specialized in children.” Lizzie frowned disgusted. Then she sighed and looked at Hope in the eyes. “What do you want to do?”
“What do you mean?” Hope asked.
“I mean, we she know that she is the killer. That’s final and it probably won’t change this outcome that she got.” Lizzie said honestly.
“Probably, huh?” Hope said and Lizzie nodded.
“There’s always the chance that we find something extraordinary that explains it all.” Lizzie shrugged.
“But we probably won’t.” Hope said what Lizzie was thinking. Lizzie nodded.
“But you want to know the why anyway.” Lizzie said with a small smile. “To be honest, I want it too. I say we start from the beginning.” Lizzie said showing Hope a paper with a picture. A photo of the dead boy’s family. Hope sighed. She hated that part.
Lizzie watched as a dog jumped on the girl’s lap but she didn’t move. She just kept staring ahead like a zombie. Lizzie looked at the girl’s hands but they didn’t move as well, even though the dog had jumped on them.
“She’s been like this ever since that terrible night.” The girl’s father said with a tired tone. Lizzie looked at him. In the picture she had seen of the family, he looked so young and happy but now he was just a shell of the man he had been. He had lost weight, his beard was uneven and his eyes had signs that he spent the nights awake. “After it happened she still talked, even if it was mostly screaming and crying but after my wife killed herself, she just closed totally. She haven’t spoken a word in five years.” The man said, too tired to look up in Lizzie’s eyes.
“Can I go talk to her?” Lizzie said and he shrugged. Lizzie looked around at the disarray of the house. Food packages were on the floor and half of the lights were turned off casting a ghostly veil over the room even though it was still morning. “Hello, Bea. I’m Lizzie.” She said sitting next to the girl on the floor. The only movement from her was those of respirations and the blink of her eyes, not as recognition of some sort, but simply as the body’s natural need. “I know something really bad happened to you a few years ago.” Lizzie started. The girl was twelve years old now which made her seven when it all happened. According to the files, the girl had watched it all but no one; nor her parents, psychologists or police; had been able to make her talk about it. “I’m so sorry you had to go through something as bad as that. You know, I have a daughter your age and when she was small she went through something bad too. She didn’t say a word to anyone because she was protecting her little brother.” Lizzie said as she noticed that the girl’s breath quickened just enough for Lizzie to know that she was understanding every word Lizzie was saying. “Me too. Just like you, I spent five years hiding something.” Lizzie said thinking about how relieved she felt when she finally let Hope in completely. “That’s okay.” Lizzie touched the girl’s shoulder. “You just have to say it when you feel ready.” Lizzie whispered standing up and going back to the dad. Hope was talking to him but just like the daughter, the dad was too gone.
“Have you taken your daughter to the doctor?” Lizzie asked already knowing the answer. The guy looked at her frowning.
“I took her to psychologists and psychiatrists.” He answered. “You mean, a real doctor? Why? Is she sick? Real sick and not just traumatized like they all said?” He asked and Lizzie grimaced at his words. A lot of people didn’t consider the mind could be as sick as the body; even more so.
“Yes, I mean a pediatrician or a general doctor.” Lizzie said glancing at the girl.
“I don’t know. There has been a lot of doctors. And then her mother killed herself and then I lost my job and with it the health insurance. I- I don’t really know.” He said ashamed and Lizzie felt angry but not really at him. People were made differently and reacted accordingly to things and this man was just as sick as his daughter was. There was no point in blaming him for the negligence when he was barely keeping himself together. “My son died that day, but when that girl gave him the first punch, it wasn’t just him that she was killing.” He said after some time that Hope watched the girl and Lizzie glanced around the house once again. She looked at him. “She killed all of us. She killed him and then my wife and then my daughter and I’m just a ghost trapped here until I’m gone too.” He said not careful that his daughter was listening; Lizzie didn’t think that he thought that she was. Lizzie sighed looking at how anguished Hope looked.
“Thank you for talking to us, Mr. Cavendish.” Lizzie said standing up and starting to go to the door. Before leaving the house, she looked again to the girl and then, when they were at the door, to the dad. “One last thing. Is she your biological daughter?” Lizzie asked and the man frowned, for the first time surprised since they had knocked on his door.
“We adopted her when she was one. Why?” He asked and Lizzie shook her head softly.
“Nothing. Thank you for having us.” She said taking Hope’s hands and going to the car. She looked at Hope with wide eyes. “Well, you were definitely right to be curious about this case.”
“Why?” Hope asked.
“There’s too many missing pieces.” Lizzie sighed.
“I want to talk to the lead detective now.” Hope said driving the car away to the police department. Lizzie watched the determined face and hope that even thought the girl was really a killer, they could find out some evidence that explained why she did it. She knew Hope had internalized it. That was the worst part about being a psychologist, Lizzie sometimes wondered. Cases get too person and some times you get attached to a patient. Aimee, Lizzie’s first patient, was one Lizzie would do anything to and she had accompanied every single achievement of the girl ever since she met her. There were also some patients that Lizzie couldn’t help that made Lizzie feel so bad that she sometimes thought about giving up. That’s why you don’t get attached. Just like what Hope did with this girl that she met for only an hour. Lizzie knew why.
“I’m not her, you know.” Lizzie said casually as Hope parked the car in front of the police department responsible for the arrest five years ago.
“I know that, Lizzie. For starters, you’re not a killer.” Hope said rolling her eyes. Deflecting. Lizzie let it pass. Hope would talk eventually.
They went to the department and a few minutes later, the lead detective came to talk to them curious about why an FBI agent wanted to talk to him about this case in particular. “How can I help you?” He asked when he led them inside his office.
“I’m here in the country to meet my lawyer and, accidentally, my path crossed with Lily Barry’s. We met her earlier today and I got really curious about the case. My partner and I worked with a fair share of psychopaths in our department in the FBI and we were really hoping that you could tell us a little bit about what happened five years ago.” Hope said nicely. Lizzie noticed, amused, that Hope was trying to sound admiring of his work. It would be easier to get more information if the guy thought that they just two young curious minds worshiping his wonderful work. That usually worked quite well with men, Lizzie rolled her eyes internally.
“Of course. When they gave me your names saying that you two were waiting to talk to me, I made a quick search and saw that you two have quite the resume. You’re a psychologist, right?” He said looking at Lizzie. “So you probably noticed how sick the girl was.” He said disgusted. Lizzie bit her tongue to avoid pointing out that she met the girl less than three hours ago and that hadn’t been enough to see how sick she was. “We found her sitting making a sandwich with the boy’s body on the floor staring at her. Thank god she hadn’t seen his sister inside the cabinet or who knows if she wouldn’t have killed her too. The poor girl was only seven and watched it all. We think that her brother probably saw that Lily was going to do something and told her to hide. It was the boy’s phone that recorded it all. The little girl recorded what happened.” He said making Lizzie frown. Weird thing for a scared little girl to do. “Yes, I found it weird too but her mom said that she liked to record everything with her tablet and phones and cameras. Anyway, there’s not much to tell. We tried to make Lily Barry talk but she refused to say a word and every psychologist that talked to her said that she didn’t show any remorse. Not that it was a surprise since she was making a sandwich in the dead boy’s kitchen when we found her.” He sighed. “Some are just born evil.”
“That’s just terrible.” Hope said glancing at Lizzie. “And the whole thing that happened to the family after…” Hope drifted off and he understood it as a cue to continue. Lizzie saw Hope annoyedly nodding her head trying to look eager.
“Yes. I misfortune indeed. They met Lily Barry because her mother cleaned the Cavendish house. They were great to the girl, I was told. They all loved her. She was clever, too clever for her own good, some said. She was sweet and always played with little Beatrice Cavendish. Beatrice idolized her, the parents said. They didn’t even believe that Lily Barry was really the murderer until they saw the video that we found on the boy’s phone.” He said shaking his head. “They were wrecked. Their son dead. Their daughter so traumatized that she didn’t let anyone touch her and she didn’t even talk. One month after it, the wife couldn’t handle anymore and took her own life. A terrible thing. She drunk poison and went to talk to Lily Barry in prison. She died in front of the girl. She didn’t even blink.” He kept talking and Lizzie fought the instinct to gape. The story got more complicated by the second.
“And about Lily Barry’s family?” Lizzie asked curious.
“Her mother was one of those that motherhood couldn’t change. Had a three of children after Lily but gave them all to adoption. I don’t know why she didn’t do the same with her. Lily Barry was the responsible one. She took care of the mother, found her jobs, payed the bills. She was only twelve but everyone said that she was mature. She had to deal with the recklessness of her mother. The mother was employed in the Cavendish house but who ended up doing the work, as in the other houses, was Lily.”
“She didn’t attend school?” Hope cut him to ask.
“She was homeschooled although I doubt that the mother could have thought her simple division. The girl was a genius. A common trait in psychopaths, they told me.” The detective looked at Lizzie for confirmation and she nodded. “And that’s it. I hope she rots in prison, that one.” He said. After thanking him and leaving the office, Hope looked at her.
“There was even more than I expected.” She said looking at her phone that was ringing. The lawyer.
“Won’t you pick up?” Lizzie asked and Hope shook her head.
“I can talk to him later. We have to get to the bottom of this. I’m suspecting of something.” Hope said quietly and Lizzie watched her.
“What?” Lizzie asked careful.
“I know that she killed him.” Hope started and Lizzie sighed. “Wait. Let me talk.” Hope asked and Lizzie nodded. That’s what she feared: that Hope made it so personal that she started to look for a way to give the girl an excuse. Lizzie knew that sometimes misunderstandings happened and innocent people got the bad end of a deal, but that was not the rule. That was the exception. Lizzie didn’t want Hope to get the punch in the stomach when she realized that although they found the why, it still didn’t exonerate the girl. “I think that Bea is hiding something. That’s why she won’t talk.” Hope said and Lizzie tilted her head.
“I also suspect that. I don’t know what, though. Adults keep secrets for multiple reasons but children keep it for very specific ones. To protect themselves of someone they love.” Lizzie said and Hope nodded.
“So is either one of them.” Hope said. “Well, since Bea is not talking, we need to talk to the only other person that was there the whole time. We need to talk to Lily.” Hope said and Lizzie looked away entering the car. She prayed that Hope wouldn’t be too disappointed.
“Hello again, Lily.” Hope said sitting on the chair next to the girl’s bed. Since her sixth month of pregnancy she had been living in a house with other teen delinquents. They had moved her out of prison because the other prisoners had been beating the shit out of her and she almost lost the baby. They decided to keep her out until the baby was born and then bring her back there. Hope looked at the girl. She looked almost too small to even be able to beat someone to death; let out be beaten to almost death like the prison reports had said that she had been. Prison was a terrible place for those that committed ugly crimes.
“What are you doing here?” She asked and, as always, Hope initiated the talk.
“We’d like to know more about what happened, Lily. We think that there’s still loose ends.” Hope said and Lily snorted.
“Loose ends enough to make that video less real?” She asked with something more than sarcasm to her voice. Hope didn’t know what, but she noticed that Lizzie tilted her head curious.
“No, Lily.” Hope said although, for some reason, she wished it were. “But loose enough to make us not understand why that happened.” Hope said deciding on a direct approach. They all said that the girl was clever, so Hope would treat her as such.
“There’s nothing to understand. It’s done.” She said, indeed as remorseless as they said, but also with something else. Hope felt like an essential part of the puzzle was missing; one that would make it all make sense.
“How did you get pregnant, Lily?” Lizzie asked out of nowhere. Hope frowned surprised. She hadn’t thought about that. Lily was surprised too because she also frowned. “It’s not like a convicted murderer has a free pass out of jail to have sex.” Lizzie said rudely and even if Hope knew that this was one of Lizzie’s tactics to reach someone, she grimaced at the words and the possible meaning behind them. She looked at Lily. “Was it against your will, Lily?” Lizzie asked and again, Hope fought the urge to scream and contort her body.
“No.” The girl said outraged and true enough for Hope to believe. She looked at Lizzie to see if she had believed too. Funnily enough, it was like Lizzie had never actually suspected that so Hope was puzzled to why she had asked it.
“So how did you get pregnant?” Lizzie asked. “And if you don’t tell me the truth, I’ll assume that you’re either hiding the truth or being threatened.” Lizzie said and Lily looked at her angry.
“When I turned fourteen, a pro-bono lawyer came to me saying that she wanted to help me to get out of jail. She said that she would plead for me to live in one of the detentions houses. She said that my behavior in prison was good enough for it. I let her and she actually got it. They sent me to a place. A few time after that, I got sick and went to the hospital with an infection. There I met this boy.” She looked Lizzie squarely in the eye. “I would never let someone touch me if I didn’t want to. I would scream and kick and hurt. I would rather die.” Or kill. Hope heard the unspoken words. She said intensely and then Hope’s brain snapped.
“Was that the reason you killed him?” Hope asked.
“No.” Lizzie said with wide eyes when Lily didn’t answer. “It wasn’t her he was trying to do something with.” She said and Hope looked at Lily.
“You were protecting Bea.” Hope guessed noticing how Lily’s breath quickened and she started to look around as if she could escape; as if her house of cards were falling over her. “From him.”
“Stop it. You don’t know anything. I want you to leave.” The girl said desperate. She looked almost pleading.
“I can’t, Lily. If that’s true and he did something to her and-” Lizzie started and the girl shot up faster than Hope could imagine.
“He didn’t. It wasn’t like this.” She said anguished and Hope looked at her softly.
“So tell us how it was.” Hope tried and Lily, after looking at both of them in defeat, sat back on her bed and nodded.
“He was mean to her. He used to pull her hair and scratch her and push her when the parents weren’t looking. Bea didn’t tell them because he told her that if she ever did, he would make them turn her back because he knew that she was adopted.” Lily said, a single tear streaming down her face. “My mother was working in the house for a little less than a year when I found out.”
“Found out what?” Hope asked but Lizzie was the one that answered.
“That Bea was her sister.” Lizzie told Hope and then looked at Lily for confirmation. The girl nodded.
“When I was cleaning a box of old pictures, I found a picture of baby Bea with a onesie that I remembered well. I remember mother getting pregnant when I was four. I know that she got pregnant other times but this one I remember because she kept the baby for a few months. I don’t know why she did since she never did the others but when the baby was a few months old, she got sick and since mother didn’t have the money to get her treatment, she sent the baby to adoption trusting that a family would treat the girl. I never saw the baby again but the last time I saw her, she was wearing the same onesie of that picture. It was an ugly one, I remember, and I had stained it with orange juice. When I found out that she was my sister, I wanted to tell the family. They loved me and I thought that maybe they would like Bea to know that she had a sister. I was about to tell. That was why I was at the house that night. The parents ha left and I was waiting for them to return to tell them. I had already told Bea but she was small so I don’t think that she took it seriously.” Lily said stopping her narrative there.
“What happened next, Lily?” Lizzie asked.
“I had to protect her. He was really bad.” Lily said. “I had to kill him.” She said. Hope tilted her head. It was like something was still missing.
“What are you not telling, Lily?” Hope asked as the girl stubbornly looked away. “You didn’t kill him, did you?” Hope asked, her heart hammering. The question more person then anyone could ever know. Lizzie looked at her.
“Hope…”
“I did. I did. No go away.” Lily said and Lizzie, that had been looking at Hope worried, looked at Lily.
“Bea killed him, didn’t she?” Lizzie asked and Hope’s eyes widened.
“It wasn’t on purpose. I swear.” Lily said, the dam finally breaking. “He was being his usual bad and she was just tired. He came to pull her hair but she kicked him in the knee like I had told her to. He stumbled and fell with his head on the table. There was so much blood. She started to cry so much. He had scared her saying that if he asked the parents, they would give her away that she started to scream that they would give her away to another family. I was worried about more things, though. What would the police do with a child that kills someone? Do they get a free pass for being a child?” Lily said fast and Hope could practically see a small twelve years old girl desperate as those thoughts crossed her mind. “I couldn’t let that happen. So I too her and told her to get inside the cabinet. I took his phone and gave it to her. I told her to record what I was going to do but to never leave the cabinet. I told her that if she ever said a word, bad people would come for her and she would be alone forever.” Lily started to cry. “Then I did what you saw on the camera. He was already dead when I was beating him up. The doctors that autopsied him knew that he died from the fall but they assumed that I had pushed him and kept beating him up. I guess that beating him to death was a more interest thing for everyone to remember.” She said crying and Hope looked at Lizzie going to Lily to comfort her. “I just wanted to protect her.” She repeated and Hope hugged her.
After leaving Lily, Hope and Lizzie went back to the detective. They explained it all to him. He didn’t believe it. He wouldn’t, of course. Then they all went to the Cavendish house. The father opened the door with a frown. He didn’t expect Hope and Lizzie to come back. They didn’t want to talk to him, though. They went direct to the little girl. When the detective, without any care, asked her if she had killed her brother, she started to cry.
“No no no no no. Please don’t take me away.” She started to scream and her father stared at her in shock. They explained it all to him. He was angry, he was sad but mostly he was sorry. He should have seen what his son was doing. All the time they explained to him what was happening, Bea held his arm as if she would be pulled away by force and begged him not to send her away.
He didn’t send her away.
He actually hugged her and told her he would protect her forever.
After everything was said and done, the detective said that Lily would be judged again for making false statement. But she would probably be released in a couple of weeks. She would turn eighteen in a month and if the judges found her innocent, she would get to keep the baby. As for Bea, she would have to get specialized psychological evaluation and talk to a therapist for a long time.
They went back to Hope’s lawyer when it was end of afternoon. They would have to be fast because they would have to pick up the kids from the tour in less than two hours. Hope waited anxiously as he opened the box that apparently had been kept closed for the past sixteen years. When he did, he gave it to Hope. Hope took a deep breath finding strength in Lizzie’s hand intertwined in hers.
“I’m going to give you a moment.” The lawyer said leaving the office. Hope looked inside the bod and the first thing that caught her eyes was a letter.
“Dear Hope.” It was her mother’s handwriting.
“I’m sorry for doing this. You know how annoyingly stubborn your dad is and you know what they say: if you cannot go against them, join them. Si that’s what I did. Don’t be sad. This is not the point of what we’re doing. The point of this is to remember you that you are our most precious thing and that we hope that you find your most precious thing too. You’re the very best of me and the only best genetics could find in your dad. He’s giving me a look right now but we all know you take after me.” Hope laughed. “We love you so much and we wish you all the great and loving and wonderful things in the world. And if they don’t come easy, we hope that we’ve made you strong enough to go after them yourself.
With more love than you could ever know,
Mom and dad.”
Hope was crying when she read the last line. How she missed them. How she wanted them to get to see what she had become. She knew, without a doubt, that they would be proud. They were always so proud about every little things she did. She looked at the other things inside the box and decided to take a look at it better when she got home. She knew what to expect but now she also knew what she would do.
“… we hope that we’ve made you strong enough to go after them yourself.”
Yes, they did.
After picking up the children and going back home, Lizzie took a long shower. She gave Hope some alone time to look at the box. She deserved it. She had been amazing today and her hunch had saved the lies of two young girls and a father that had lost hope. She hoped that whatever her parents wanted her to see, it made her happy.
“Why is mommy locked in her bedroom?” Pedro asked while Lizzie was making them sandwiches. Clara and Alyssa were gossiping in the table while Pedro was sitting on the counter watching Lizzie.
“She’s thinking a little bit about some things. She’ll tell you when she feels ready.” Lizzie said and Pedro nodded leaving to the TV room to watch a movie. When Alyssa came to pick up her sandwich, she watched Lizzie closely as she always did. Lizzie loved how perceptive the girl was.
“Is she sad about her parent’s Will?” Alyssa asked and Lizzie shook her head.
“A little. But she’s also surprised and thankful and really glad to have a chance to get close to them again.” Lizzie explained and Alyssa, in one of her rare affection demonstrations, kissed Lizzie’s cheek before picking up her sandwich and Clara’s and going to the TV room. After the kids started to movie, Lizzie went upstairs and found Hope smiling softly at a notebook filled with drawings.
“What is this?” Lizzie asked and Hope’s smile widened.
“My dad’s sketch book. He made drawing of me growing up. Look at this one.” Hope showed her a drawing of a small girl in front of a table filled with candies and pastries. “He was so damn exaggerated. I puked my guts out after he let me eat all those things.” Hope laughed and Lizzie joined her. “Mom was so pissed that she grounded him and told him he wasn’t allowed to play with me for a whole week. He was more displeased at it than I.” She said, the laugh turning into a soft smile. Then she looked at Lizzie and patted the bed next to her for Lizzie to sit. Lizzie did. “I’m glad you made me come.” Hope said and Lizzie smiled.
“I’m glad you’re happy.” Lizzie said and Hope nodded taking a deep breath.
“You know that I love you.” She started and Lizzie grinned.
“You say that quite a lot. It’s hard to forget.” She said and Hope laughed.
“Good. I make a point of saying it a lot. You know that I love you as I know that you love me. It’s so funny, you know, to love someone so much that you also feel how much they love you back. That’s rare.” Hope said and Lizzie’s breath caught. It was rare and she would be forever grateful that she was the lucky one that got to have this kind of feeling.
“It is.”
“Ours wasn’t an easy journey. Even now, I know there’s still a lot to come.” Hope said exhaling as Lizzie realized what this was about. She felt her body going weak and she was glad to be sitting or else she would fall. “I know that we’ll fight sometimes and that we’ll go through some difficult moments but I also know, because it’s us, that we are going to get through them. We always do and we always will.” Lizzie felt all the electricity in the world starting to accumulate inside that room. She didn’t dare move or even breathe afraid that one small perturbation in the atmosphere would make it all turn into chaos. How stupid she was to ever think that she would be anything but amazed when Hope proposed to her. How stupid she was to think that just because she thought about it first all those years ago, she had the right to call dibs on proposing. Lizzie smiled as she felt her eyes start to blink too fast; love was a two way street and so was proposing. There was no way someone couldn’t be happy when they both were going towards love. “So Lizzie, as I read some letters my mom and dad left to me inside that box and as I’ve discovered small gifts like that sketch book or like this…” Hope said showing Lizzie a small box. A jewelry box. Lizzie gulped. “As I went through all that with the best memories of my mom and dad in my mind, other memories were mixing in. Memories of you and me fighting over the remote.” She laughed. “Memories of us driving to the Aspen house, the kids sleeping in the back and you holding my hand over my tight. Memories or the four of us laughing and teasing each other. That’s what I want forever with you. That’s what all of this…” Hope pointed at the box her parents left. “…is about. It’s about love. And they’ve taught me how to pursue it with all my energy. That’s what I’m doing.” Hope stood up and then kneeled in front of Hope. Lizzie felt herself exhaling the breath she had been holding all this time. Maybe for years. “Lizzie, Saltzman, would you marry me and continue to make me the happiest woman on earth?” Hope said, eyes hopeful and handing clasping Lizzie’s as if their lives depended on it.
“I-” Lizzie started having difficulty with wording exactly what she was feeling. She was feeling so much.
“You have to say yes.” Came whispered from the door and Lizzie looked at it to find three sets of eyes spying on them. “Say yes, mom.” Pedro repeated and Lizzie laughed.
“Pedro, she doesn’t need to-” Hope started blushed that they had been spied on but Lizzie cut her off.
“He’s right. I have to say yes.” Lizzie started and when Hope made to cut her to assure her that she would wait for as long as Lizzie needed, Lizzie smiled. “I want to. More than anything in the world. I love you and I’ve been loving you for years. Every day I wake up thinking how lucky I am to have you because you’re literally perfectly made for me. If anyone told me that the Universe makes people on design, I would have laughed at them but knowing you, I can believe in anything. You’re my love and I want to spend the rest of my life with you and the kids.” Lizzie said with tears in her eyes.
“I love you.” Hope said grabbing her and kissing her. It was, easily, the best kiss ever. It was so happy and hopeful and amazed by what they had just committed to. It was one more perfect kiss in the queue of kisses that made their lives.
“At last.” Lizzie heard a voice saying that made her stop the kissing and frown.
“Josie?” She asked and then Alyssa showed Josie on her phone.
“I was talking to Alyssa when Clara came to tell her that she and Pedro heard you talking about marriage. I tried to dissuade them from spying on you but it didn’t work out so I joined them.” Josie said making all of them laugh.
“Busybodies.” Hope said fondly as Pedro came running and hugged them both.
“You two are going to marry. Can I be the flower boy?” He asked pleadingly and Lizzie laughed.
“Yes, you can.”
“I love weddings.” Clara swooned looking at Alyssa that frowned at her and quickly slipped away before Clara started on one of her ramblings about love and kisses. She came to them.
“I’m so happy.” She said quietly and Hope, teared eyes still, hugged her.
“Me too, honey.” Hope said and then Alyssa took Lizzie’s hand.
“I love you.” She said and Lizzie almost broke down crying right then. She sniffed.
“I love you too, sweetie and I promise to be the best I can be to you.” Lizzie said hugging Alyssa and sandwich-ing her between her and Hope.
“I always wanted to have a mom. Now I have two and you’re the very best in the world.” Alyssa whispered and Lizzie and Hope looked at each other from over Alyssa’s head. Hope’s eyes held the whole universe in it; and her whole universe was them. The people they loved.
When they broke the hug and the kids left the room, Lizzie watched them going downstairs.
“I love love stories so much.” Clara said holding Alyssa’s hand. Alyssa, to Lizzie’s surprise smiled at her. “One day, we are going to marry and it’s going to be just like this.” Clara continued making Alyssa blush with a delighted face that she didn’t show to people outside her family frequently. Lizzie looked at Hope amusedly before looking back at them. “I can’t wait to meet the loves of our lives.” Clara said making Alyssa’s blush turn into a confused frown. Lizzie giggled and Hope slapped her lightly.
“Stop spying on them.” Hope said pulling her inside the room and to the bed where Pedro was waiting for them.
“Who is mom spying on?” Pedro asked amused and Hope smiled.
“Your sister and Clara talking.” Hope answered and he nodded as if it were normal.
“Mom and I sometimes spy on them when they’re in Alyssa’s room.” Pedro admitted and Lizzie gasped at the betrayal.
“Pedro! I told you not to tell anyone.” Lizzie said tickling him. “Now you better go after Alyssa and Clara before they start the movie without you.” Lizzie said. She didn’t want to get rid of him. She really didn’t. But she had just been proposed and she intended on showing Hope just what she would get for a wife. Pedro, her innocent and bright son, smirked coyly at them before jumping out of bed and running out of the bedroom shouting to anyone that wanted to hear:
“Mom just told me to go watch a movie because she wants to make out with mommy.” He giggled making Alyssa shout ew and Hope gasp.
“Oh God, Lizzie, you should’ve been more subtle.” Hope said gasping again when Lizzie kissed her as soon as the door was closed. Locked this time.
“Screw subtleness. I’m going to show my future wife just how much I love her tonight.” Lizzie said.
And she did.
NEXT CHAPTER
“Hello, Dr. Tig.” Hope greeted Lizzie’s doctor when she entered the hospital. “I brought some of Lizzie’s favorite books today. Maybe today she lets me in.” Hope said hopeful. She knew Lizzie was hurt and it wasn’t her fault that she was pushing Hope away. Hope hated it more than anything but she loved Lizzie enough to just be there for her until she was ready to talk to her. Ever since Lizzie came to the Institution two months ago, Hope had come to visit her every day. She didn’t care that she had leave work early or that she had to drive two hours. It didn’t matter because she loved Lizzie and she knew that Lizzie had to feel like Hope wouldn’t give up on her. Too few people knew the whole story about her kidnapping and, of those Lizzie loved and trusted, only Hope knew.
It hurt Hope more than she could put to words the fact that Lizzie accepted visit from her sister or mom, that only visited her once a week, but she never even talked to Hope, that was always there. Hope sighed. Bitterness wouldn’t do; neither Lizzie’s sister or mom knew the whole story and Hope loved Lizzie enough give love without expecting something in return. Part of Hope feared that the reason Lizzie didn’t want to see her was because she blamed Hope for what happened to her but Hope ignored that part because she wouldn’t be able to keep going if that was the true.
Josie said that Lizzie asked about her and Caroline always called after talking to Lizzie to update Hope but each day that passed made Hope less and less satisfied with it. Emma, or Dr. Tig, used to keep Hope updated with what Lizzie had been doing, but after a few time, in which Lizzie probably found out about it and asked her to stop, Emma told Hope that they weren’t married so Hope had no legal bond to Lizzie and Lizzie only, or her family, could talk to Hope.
So it was a surprise when Dr. Tig stopped Hope from going to Lizzie’s door and sit outside to talk to her through the closed door likes he used to do. “Wait a minute, Hope. I’d like to talk to you for a minute.” She said pulling Hope to a corner and giving her an envelope. Hope frowned but opened it. When she started to read it, her heart dropped. That couldn’t be happening.
“This can’t be real.” Hope said when she finished it. “She wouldn’t do this.” Hope felt her voice wavering at the uncertainty of her words. Lizzie wouldn’t, right?
“I’m sorry, Hope, but you can’t come to visit her anymore.” Emma said and Hope looked around desperate. This couldn’t be happening. “If you do so, I’ll be obligated to call the police.”
“I’m the fucking police.” Hope said agitated but Emma kept her calm face.
“I’m sorry.” She said turning away.
“If I can just talk to her for a few minutes, I’m sure we can work this out.” Hope said making to go to Lizzie’s room but a security, appeared out of nowhere, put a hand on her shoulder to stop her.
“The doctor told you to leave or she’ll call the police.” He said and Hope laughed unamused. This was a joke.
“Lizzie, I know you here. Como out and talk to me.” Hope shouted because she knew; she could feel it in her bones; that Lizzie was watching this from somewhere. Hope looked around waiting for her to come out and say that she had regretted it; that she wanted Hope with her, but she didn’t. After some time of Hope staring unbelieving at nowhere in special, she dropped Lizzie’s book on the floor and picked up the Restraining Order against her. She started to walk out of the hospital, stopping just at the door to look back trying to find Lizzie watching from one of the windows or doors. She didn’t find Lizzie. Hope gulped; maybe she was wrong about the feeling and maybe she was wrong about Lizzie needing her. She looked again at the Restraining Order. Hope looked around again.
“I don’t want to give up on you.” But I will. The unsaid word hang in the air with aggressive promise. Hope waited for Lizzie to do her part; to grab Hope’s hand. There could only be so much Hope could do; Lizzie had to do her part.
But she didn’t.
So Hope left.
*-*
But I will.
From one of the rooms, Lizzie, that had just watched all of it, cried at the truth of those words.
She had lost Hope.