Daeyang
The rustles from the curtains disturb Tzuyu’s concentration. It was already past two in the morning and she’s still wide awake, writing reports for her work. It was one thing that she was using someone else’s laptop, the other thing was that she’s not inside her room.
Her thoughts drift back to the girl making her confused all over again. The only girl who made her wait, wanting more than an undefined bond. She wouldn’t call it a relationship because it never was. It was something floating. Delicate yet delightful to see. Once again, gone were her work thoughts and they were replaced by the thoughts of Nayeon. Im Nayeon. The mere name makes her head hurt.
Tzuyu had to mess her hair and heave out a sigh. Her scattered papers on the center table. The silk shorts she brought slipping up while her loose muscle shirt covered most of her thighs. Her hair was tied up in a messy bun.
“Hey, you’re still not done?” she turned her head and saw Elkie with almost the same outfit as her and hair disheveled from sleep.
“You’re supposed to be asleep,” Tzuyu said to Elkie. The girl chuckled and sat beside her on the floor, “You have work later.”
“So do you. Why haven’t you slept?” Elkie leaned her head on Tzuyu’s shoulder, something she’s used to doing. The taller girl sighed and patted Elkie’s head.
“I need to finish this first. Later’s the deadline,” she explained. Elkie hummed and closed her eyes, snuggling closer to Tzuyu.
Elkie, is somewhat a friend. Tzuyu met her way back before she even entered college. Ever since high school, she had been playing volleyball and that where she met Elkie. The girl’s one of the most promising players of her generation. She played for a prestigious school in the capital. Tzuyu was supposed to be her teammate if only her father allowed her. But no, she had to enter one of the most exclusive schools. But with that being done, Elkie graduated two years ahead of Tzuyu. She’s older anyway.
“Thinking of someone again?” a smile formed on her lips. “Nayeon again, Tzuyu?”
“I’m sorry,” she chuckled. “It’s over, okay? Nayeon’s not gonna make me confused again.”
“I sure hope so,” Elkie snuggled closer and hid her face on the crook of Tzuyu’s neck. “I don’t like Nayeon.”
“Wish I could say the same,” she answered. Tzuyu’s gaze went to their hands. Her fingers fit perfectly with Elkie’s. Something that never happened between her and Nayeon.
“I told you, you’ll forget her. Just don’t flirt back, hmm?” she didn’t answer. How could she even resist Nayeon in the first place?
Okay, maybe Elkie wasn’t just a friend. Just like with Nayeon before, they were playing between blurred lines and unsaid labels. This one’s different though. Tzuyu’s sure that Elkie likes her. She’s just not sure if she feels the same. For seven years, they had always been a push and pull kind of relationship. Elkie gets a guy or girl (mostly guys), Tzuyu does too. But when they’re both single, they act like they’re together.
“I try not to,” Tzuyu whispered.
“Are you going to play?” Elkie looked up, meeting her eyes. There was something in the way Elkie looked at her. There was fear? Uncertainty? A need for reassurance? She’s not sure but Tzuyu opted not to answer. Labels make everything complicated.
Instead, she kissed Elkie’s cheek and turned to the laptop, “I’ll be with Chaeng and Dahyun too.” Elkie sighed and kissed her cheek too.
“I’ll be inside my room, okay? Sleep before three,” the older girl stood up and went inside her room. They were inside Elkie’s condo unit. Tzuyu needed to finish reports and she can’t do it at home so she stayed at Elkie’s. Which was okay because the girl lives alone.
Tzuyu stared at the screen and sighed. It was going to be a long dawn for her.
~
“Tzuyu-ah, you free tonight? We’re gonna have dinner,” an officemate asked. Tzuyu was about to say yes when her phone rang.
“Excuse me,” she smiled and answered her phone, “Elkie? Why?”
“Can you stay with me tonight? Please, baby,” the girl’s voice was quivering. She did not know why but one thing was sure, she couldn’t possibly leave Elkie alone.
Tzuyu sighed, “Of course. I’ll see you tonight.” When the call ended, she apologetically looked at her officemate, “Sorry. I can’t.”
After finishing her work, Tzuyu hailed a cab and called her mom, telling her that she won’t be coming home. Her mom knows Elkie and she’s okay with Tzuyu spending the night there. It was closer to work anyway.
She entered the condominium lobby and greeted the guards. Tzuyu’s already known by the staff and personnel there so she didn’t have to show her ID. She entered the elevator and pressed Elkie’s floor. The feeling of dread spread over her, Elkie rarely cries but when she does, it only means one thing.
Tzuyu pressed the doorbell continuously, not minding that her finger hurts from the constant pressing. When the door opened, she saw a wrecked look on her friend(if Elkie’s even just a friend). Tzuyu stepped inside and locked the door, pulling Elkie into a hug, “What’s wrong?”
“D-daddy called,” she sighed. She knew about Elkie’s daddy issues. Her dad often tells her to not work because she has no future.
“It’s okay. He’s wrong. Let’s get to bed,” Tzuyu guided Elkie and laid down the bed. Elkie cuddling up and crying on her neck. She didn’t mind. Elkie was her source of sanity for the past years. She wasn’t about to leave her the moment Elkie needs her most. She wouldn’t do that.
Even though Elkie was older by two years, Tzuyu still cares for the girl so much that sometimes, she forgets that she’s younger. Especially when Elkie is vulnerable like what happened now. When Tzuyu was sure that the older girl was asleep, she stood up and went to find clothes in Elkie’s closet. She’s sure that she has some clothes. When she found her varsity shorts and a shirt, she grabbed her own bathrobe and went inside the bathroom.
The warm water washed through Tzuyu’s body. It was relaxing. After a long day of work, it felt good to get cleaned. When she finished, she went back in the room and saw Elkie sitting on the bed, looking like she was waiting for the Chinese girl.
“Thought you were asleep,” Tzuyu said, drying her hair with a towel. Elkie stood up and hugged her, even towering over. “What?” she asked, statued on her post and surprised by what the older girl did.
“Sorry for making you sleep here,” the girl whispered. Tzuyu nodded and patted Elkie’s shoulder.
“I always sleep here, what do you mean?” she joked, trying to lift up the mood. “Since you’re awake, I’ll cook something. You still have the stock I bought last time, right?”
Tzuyu made her way to the kitchen, Elkie following her. She prepared the things needed to cook a simple meal for the both of them.
“I’m the older one here. Why are you the one taking care of me?” Elkie said while playing with her glass.
“Because you can cook but I can cook better,” Tzuyu replied. She turned around and leaned on the counter, staring at Elkie.
Tzuyu wonders, why can’t she just like Elkie? Why can’t she love Elkie? The girl’s beautiful. Both men and women swoon over the girl but here she is, not wanting to push their level further. She asks herself why. Why can’t she just go for it? Surely, Elkie will be a good match for her. They’ve proved it over the years. Although they weren’t really together, they know they’ll work. And that’s what frustrates Tzuyu. It will work! But she can’t bring herself to start it all because she’s still waiting for something (someone) that will not happen.
Im Nayeon.
The name makes her feel mad and sad at the same time. Maybe Nayeon will always be Tzuyu’s biggest ‘What If’. But that doesn’t mean she’s okay with it. Honestly, she wants to try. The age gap doesn’t matter but she can’t possibly make a move because she doesn’t even know what Nayeon feels in the first place. It’s better to play everything safe than risk looking a dumbstruck child in front of the older girl.
“What are you thinking?” Elkie brings her back to reality. Tzuyu blinks and turns around, fixing what she was cooking, “You’re with me and you’re thinking about someone else.”
“I was thinking about work,” she replied. Tzuyu placed the fried rice in a plate and put it on the table, “Go eat.” She sat down in front of Elkie and started eating too. The silence between the two was comfortable. Something they were used to after the years of being friends.
“Nayeon,” Tzuyu stopped eating and looked at Elkie. “You still like her?”
The food stayed on Tzuyu’s throat. She couldn’t speak but she forced herself to swallow and closed her eyes, “I don’t think so.”
“You’re not a good liar, Tzuyu,” her gripped tightened on the spoon.
“We don’t talk about Nayeon, Elkie. You know that,” Tzuyu said but the older girl just continued eating.
“What if she pushes it? What if Nayeon tells you she wants to be with you? Are you going to take it?”
“I don’t know. I never thought about it,” Tzuyu sighs and drinks water.
“You’ll say yes. I know you will,” there was a hint of bitterness in Elkie’s voice.
Tzuyu snapped, “Why the hell are we even talking about this? Nayeon is off limits. Even to me. She won’t make a move. I know it already, okay? I’ll just be another one of her toys she played with and eventually got tired of. I get it, okay? Stop rubbing it in.” She stood up and went inside the room, slumping her body on the bed.
What was Elkie’s problem anyway? They rarely talk about Nayeon. In fact, they never talk about Nayeon. The girl knows that Nayeon’s a sensitive topic for Tzuyu but why does she keep pushing?
“Annoying,” Tzuyu uttered and then buried her face on the pillow. The object smells like Elkie, the sweet strawberry scent attacking her nose, making her feel relaxed.
She was about to drift to sleep when Elkie entered the room, slipping on the bed, hugging her, “Sorry,” she whispered. Tzuyu did not respond. She simply stayed still, “Tzuyu, I’m sorry.”
“Let’s sleep,” the younger girl finally said. Even when she’s annoyed, she can’t really stay mad at Elkie. She cares for the girl too much to even be mad. So when she felt Elkie’s arms around her waist, spooning her, she relaxed and turned around, burying her face on the older girl’s shoulder.
“Sorry, baby,” were the words Elkie whispered. Of course. How can she forget? Elkie calls her that when all forms of playfulness are gone.
“It’s okay,” she said. Tzuyu closed her eyes, finally drifting to sleep. The warmth coming from Elkie’s body making her feel safe. Safe from everything that could possibly hurt her. Even from Nayeon.
“Love you,” maybe she was dreaming when she heard those words. Because Elkie wouldn’t say those. Tzuyu trusted and hoped that she won’t.
~
[From: Dahyun 05:38PM]
Wru?
[To: Dahyun 05:38PM]
Otw! Why?
[From: Dahyun 05:39PM]
We’re starting.
[From: Dahyun 05:39PM]
She’s not here.
[To: Dahyun 05:41PM]
Who?
[From: Dahyun 05:42PM]
Coach Nayeon
[To: Dahyun 05:43PM]
Good. I don’t want Elkie upset.
[From: Dahyun 05:44PM]
Are you two dating again?
[To: Dahyun 05:45PM]
We never dated. And no, we’re not dating.
Tzuyu locks her phone and rides the bus going to her former school. The heavy gym bag on her right shoulder bumping to people but she didn’t mind. She missed playing and she was excited. She honestly hoped that Nayeon wouldn’t be present. She didn’t want to see those eyes and be confused again. She made up her mind, no more Nayeon. If she wants to be with Tzuyu, then she needs to make a move. Tzuyu wouldn’t wait forever.
The tall girl reaches the gym and meets Chaeyoung, “Hey.”
“‘Sup!” Chaeyoung hugs her.
“I’m tired,” she joked. They went up the fifth floor and stretched.
Dahyun looked at her with judging eyes, “What?”
“Elkie,” Chaeyoung looked at her too.
“You two again?” Tzuyu let out at frustrated sigh.
“We, Elkie and me, are not together. We’re just friends!” she insists. Dahyun nods nonchalantly and continues to stretch. Tzuyu opted to keep quiet than to snap at her two best friends.
After playing, which she enjoyed a lot, Tzuyu took a warm shower but she crouched inside the cubicle, clutching her shoulder. The injury that was supposed to be healed was hurting. It may be due to the sudden exercise. She bit her lip and gripped her shoulder. No one knows about her shoulder aside from Coach Jihyo. She stood up and finished her shower, wearing her extra clothes and then walking to the bus station with Chaeyoung.
“So,” the small girl started. Tzuyu looked at her and arched a brow, “You and Elkie are really still just friends?”
“Yeah,” she answered. Speaking of Elkie, it’s been three days since they last spoke. Not that Tzuyu minded, it was a normal thing between them.
“Did you ever think that maybe Elkie’s the one you should give thought about? You two are almost it,” her friend asked.
“I think about it. I think about that a lot,” Tzuyu carried her bag on her left shoulder. “But I can’t do that to her, you know? Elkie’s such a good friend. I can’t hurt her like that.”
“Hurt her? You’ve barely touched her in a way,” Chaeyoung countered.
“Exactly. I don’t want to start. Besides, I’m too much of a mess to even look at someone else,” she thought about Nayeon. The only girl who happens to be inside her mind for the past year. Every single day, not a miss, Nayeon’s there. Always lingering inside her mind.
“Yeah, says your five crushes,” Chaeyoung scoffed. Tzuyu laughed and shook her head.
“My crushes? They’re just there to entertain me but Elkie? I can’t lose. I’ll probably go insane if I lose her,” she utters. Elkie’s a pillar in Tzuyu’s life. Seven? Eight years? She can’t imagine not having the girl.
“Still Coach Nayeon?” she was caught off-guard. “What? We know. Coach Nayeon asks for you during training before. We like to think that it was just because the middle is so open but of course, we knew better. She came back, Tzuyu. Why can’t you?”
“She came back for the team. Not for me. Stop messing it up,” she dismissed.
“But she said it herself. If I remember correctly, she said ‘Where’s Tzuyu?’ when she entered the court the first time again after being gone,” the taller girl sighed and rolled her eyes.
“She could have messaged me,” she replied.
“And you’ll put her in ‘seen’ again?”
“I never do that. She ‘seen’s me every time,” Tzuyu insisted.
Chaeyoung was about to say something but the bus arrived and the smaller girl must get in, “See you!”
“See you,” Tzuyu nodded. She turned around and waited for another bus, the one she’ll ride.
She was quiet, drowning with her own thoughts, when her phone rang. Her sister was calling. Tzuyu wouldn’t go home that night. She’ll be staying at her sister’s place because it was closer to the office and at her former school.
She shook her head and rode the bus. She’ll be waiting for her sister in a convenience store. When she got there, she bought some instant noodles and two bottles of beer. Don’t get Tzuyu wrong, she’s not an alcoholic. But sometimes, a little alcohol makes her feel better.
But there was one thing really taking over her mind.
Nayeon came back... for me?
~
The next day, Tzuyu woke up feeling sick. She got up because her sister told her so. She went down and called Elkie.
“It’s six in the morning, Tzuyu. I swear I’ll kill you,” Elkie said as soon as she answered.
“I’ll go there,” she said and then ended the call. She took a shower and then hailed a cab, going to Elkie’s condo. Her shoulder aching in pain, the after effect of playing again.
When the door of Elkie’s condo opened, she went inside and dropped her stuff and then dumped herself on the sofa. Elkie groaned and pulled her to the bedroom, “You should have just slept here last night!”
“Unnie will get mad if I ditch her,” she managed to say.
“You’re burning up,” she felt the older’s hand on her forehead.
“You can say that I’m hot,” Tzuyu even joked. Elkie choked her and sighed.
“I’ll get some clothes. Change, okay?” she nodded, drifting to sleep.
Tzuyu woke up feeling a little better. Although her head was still heavy as hell. She sat up and found Elkie on the floor with her laptop on the bed.
“Yo,” her voice came out hoarse. Elkie looked at her and rolled her eyes.
“I told you to change but you fell asleep. I changed your clothes,” Tzuyu nodded and laid down again. “Are you hungry?”
“Why are you here? You have work,” she said.
“Sick leave.”
“You’re not sick,” Tzuyu raised an eyebrow and looked at her friend.
“You are,” Elkie stood up and stretched her arms upward. “I have tons of leaves so don’t even bother saying anything,” the girl sat beside her and felt her forehead.
“I’m okay,” she said.
“Yeah. I’ll drop you home later,” if there is one thing Tzuyu hates, it’s when she’s a burden to other people.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered and buried her face on the pillow.
“I know you are,” Elkie went out, probably to get some food. Tzuyu sat up, leaning on the headboard and staring at Elkie’s beige wall. She just skipped work. How terrible of her.
When Elkie went back, the girl sat on the edge and gave her some fried chicken. “Seriously?”
“What? It’s the easiest thing to buy,” the older girl shrugged and sat beside her. Tzuyu chuckled and started eating, enjoying the chicken from a certain bee.
She looked at the girl beside her and offered the chicken but Elkie shook her head, “Full?”
“One bucket is not even enough for you,” Elkie joked. Tzuyu rolled her eyes and continued eating. She was surprised when she felt Elkie’s lips on her shoulder. She was wearing a loose tank top and some shorts. Tzuyu looked at the girl with wide eyes, “It hurts, doesn’t it?”
Oh. Right. Elkie knows about her injury. Tzuyu nodded, “Tolerable.”
“Stop playing. Your shoulder can’t anymore,” she simply shrugged.
“I’ll leave at four,” Tzuyu said.
Elkie sighed and opened the television. “Tzuyu, remember when we kissed?”
Tzuyu choked on her chicken and stared at Elkie, “That was one time.”
“Thirteen times, Tzuyu. One was an accident. Two was an experiment. Three came after two and then four...” Elkie continued until she reached twelve. “Twelve was when I was crying so hard because of dad. Thirteen was when you got drunk and I picked you up.”
“Elkie..” she didn’t like the topic. Sure, they kissed before but those didn’t mean anything. Right?
“I was just curious. How long has it been since you had sex?” she rolled her eyes. “Yulli was the last right?”
Tzuyu snapped, “What? You wanna have sex with me now?”
Elkie laughed, “No. I don’t.”
Even with a fever, Elkie didn’t mind teasing her. “I hate you,” she said.
“What if Nayeon kisses you?” Tzuyu stops chewing and stares at Elkie. “Will you kiss her back?”
“What kind of fucked up question is that?” she hissed.
“If I kiss you, are you gonna kiss me back?”
“Look, I never not kiss you back, right?” Tzuyu stood up and went to the bathroom. She stayed there for a while, staring at herself. Her sick self. She looked ugly.
When she went out, Elkie was already wearing a hoodie and some denim shorts. “Let’s go. I’ll drop you home,” Tzuyu nodded and wore her business clothes. She’ll tell her mom that she went to the office.
~
The supposed to be work day on a Saturday was cancelled because of a storm. Tzuyu slept the whole day, resting. She had gone online every once in a while but after a few minutes, she’ll fall asleep. Maybe the side effect of the medicine she’s been drinking. She woke up around six in the evening, seeing that it was already dark, she went out of her room and looked for something to eat. Her head was spinning and she still felt like crap.
With a bowl of cereals, she sat down at the dining area and started eating her first meal of the day. It tasted blant, honestly. She had no sense of taste because of her fever. Tzuyu had to imagine how sweet the fruit loops were. After eating, she drank her medicine again and went back inside her room. If people haven’t noticed, Tzuyu’s a homebody. She prefers to stay at home and sleep.
A week passed and Tzuyu wasn’t sick anymore. Although she still coughs like she’ll die. She got scolded by a lot of people. Especially her big sisters. She made a mental note not to tell them she’s sick or else she’ll get scolded.
Throughout the week, Tzuyu didn’t have any news about Nayeon. Her guess is that Nayeon is busy preparing for the upcoming league. A small worry started to build up in her chest when she remembered that Nayeon sprained her ankle before. Even though there’s nothing between them, as an athlete, she knows how painful it is to have an injury. Especially an ankle one. Once an ankle gets injured, it won’t go back to normal. It will always be just seventy percent okay. And there will be times when the ankle will just hurt for no reason.
Sunday and Tzuyu decided to watch another game. She prepped herself up and told her mom. Tzuyu was already on the bus when her phone rang, Elkie was calling.
“What?” she asked.
“Where are you?” Elkie asked back. She looked out the window and told Elkie where she was, “Where are you going?”
“Watch the game. I feel like seeing the kids,” Tzuyu explained. Honestly, Tzuyu was just looking for an excuse to leave the house and watching the game was a good one.
“I’ll watch too!” Elkie told her.
“Why? You never watched my game before,” she retorted.
“I’m bored and hungry,” the older girl admitted. Tzuyu chuckled and leaned her head on the window.
“If you’re so bored and hungry, go grab something to eat. Don’t go to a match,” she explain.
Elkie made incoherent noises and then said, “I’ll watch okay? I’ll see you at the venue. Then let’s just eat something.”
The call ended and Tzuyu was left staring at the screen of her phone. She laughed to herself and shook her head. Elkie has always been like that.
When she reached the venue, she was surprised to see Dahyun watching too. She sat beside her best friend and watched the game. She noticed that Dahyun looked tense, like she was waiting for something to happen.
“What?” Tzuyu asked. Her best friend looked at her and smiled, “I’m asking you.”
“Nothing. Your birthday’s coming soon,” the older girl said. Tzuyu nodded and watched the game again when her phone vibrated against her thigh. Tzuyu fished out her phone, “Ah she’s here.”
“Who?” the taller girl asked, looking at her phone.
[From: Elkie 2:37PM]
I’m here.
[To: Elkie 2:38PM]
Just behind the benches. :)
She looked at Dahyun, “Who’s here?” she asked again.
“Coach!” her best friend ignored her and stood up, greeting the bunny toothed girl standing beside her. Tzuyu felt her heart racing at the same time, she felt scared.
She slowly looked at their former coach and bowed in respect, “Coach Nayeon.”
Nayeon looked at her the same way she looked at her before. Like there was something more than just a look. Like a secret was between them but even Tzuyu does not know. So when Nayeon smiled, Tzuyu felt her heart ache.
“Hi, Tzuyu, Dahyun,” the older girl acknowledges them.
“Here, Coach, have a seat,” Dahyun offered her chair but Tzuyu stood up.
“Sit here instead, Coach. I’ll transfer,” she was about to move when Nayeon held her arm.
“Where are you going?” Nayeon asked.
“I’m gonna move seats,” Tzuyu looked at Nayeon’s hand on her arm. Their skins touching felt like burning. It was almost painful.
“Tzuyu!” she looked to the right and saw Elkie, looking at them with a smile.
Tzuyu gently nudged her arm and went to greet her friend, “Hey.”
Elkie pulled her into a hug, snaking both her arms around Tzuyu’s waist, “Hey.”
Tzuyu broke from the hug and pulled Elkie towards Dahyun and Nayeon, “Coach, this is Elkie. Elkie, meet Coach Nayeon.”
Elkie shook Nayeon’s hand, “Nice to meet you, Coach Nayeon. I’m a huge fan of how you play.”
Nayeon smiled, “Thanks. Same.”
They took a seat. Dahyun and Nayeon beside each other with Tzuyu and Elkie in front of them. Tzuyu felt like a hole was being punching through her from the back. Elkie had her hand on Tzuyu’s thigh, something the younger girl’s used to.
“Oh, Tzuyu, you left this on my bedside the other day,” Elkie pulled out a watch from her pocket.
“I thought I lost this,” Tzuyu smiled and took the watch. “I think I left some of my clothes too. The ones I wore the other day?”
“Yes. They’re inside my closet now. You can wear them when you go to my place again,” Elkie answered her.
The team won and Dahyun wanted to have late lunch slash early dinner somewhere. The worst part is Nayeon’s coming with them.
“Tzuyu,” she looked at Elkie who was handing her a jacket. “Where this, will you? People are looking,” she nodded and wore the jacket over her tank top.
“Are you riding with us? I brought my car,” Nayeon asked.
Tzuyu shook her head, “I’ll be riding with Elkie. She brought her car too. Dahyun-unnie, you coming?”
Dahyun declined, “I’ll go with Coach. See you there!”
With a shrug, Tzuyu turned to Elkie and walked towards the car. The SUV parked inside the exclusive parking lot of venue.
“Nayeon stares like she’ll kill me,” Elkie chuckled.
“She wouldn’t hurt a fly,” she responded and rested her head. “My head hurts.”
“You’re still not okay, dumbass. You’re sick,” the older girl started driving. The music blasting inside the black interior designed car.
“I know but I wanted to leave the house,” Elkie uttered profanities in different languages and continued to drive. When they got to the restaurant, she gave Tzuyu a piece of medicine to drink after the meal.
“No beer!” the older girl hissed. Tzuyu laughed and clung to Elkie’s arm, making the girl frown more.
They sat on a couch. Surprisingly, Jeongyeon and Momo were there. Nayeon was sitting in the middle while Dahyun was beside her. Elkie settled in front of Dahyun and Tzuyu had no choice but to sit in front of the bucked tooth woman.
“Are we gonna drink?” Jeongyeon asked. Tzuyu was about to answer when Elkie did.
“Tzuyu and I won’t,” the older girl said with a kind smile. Tzuyu rolled her eyes and drank water instead.
“Why? You always drink,” Dahyun responded with a raised brow.
“I’m kinda still sick,” she chuckled. She turned to Elkie and frowned, “And she’s nosy.”
The girl chuckled and placed her hand on Tzuyu’s thigh. “Tzuyu, what do you want to eat? And why are you sick?”
Tzuyu looked at Nayeon who was wearing rather obvious frown. “I’ll have chicken wings,” she answered. The oldest girl nodded and still stared at her, “What?” Tzuyu asked.
“Why are you sick?” she felt Elkie’s hand tighten on her thigh.
“Sudden volleyball,” Tzuyu shrugged and then looked at the girl beside her, “Why?”
“Watermelon shake?” Elkie asked.
“Oh! Yes,” she answered with a nod and smile.
Jeongyeon and Nayeon decided to drink, much to Tzuyu’s jealousy. She wants to have a sip too but Elkie made sure that the alcohol wouldn’t get in the medicine’s way.
When Elkie excused herself because her phone rang, Dahyun suddenly spoke, “Coach, got no one to introduce to us?”
Nayeon chuckled, “None.”
“Why? Don’t you have someone you like?” the tofu skinned lady said. Tzuyu, a panicked human, grabbed a chicken wing and started eating it.
Her eyes met Nayeon but she reverted her gaze on the chicken, “I think I like someone.”
“Think?” Dahyun probed.
Nayeon cleared her throat and drank her beer, “Yeah. I think I like someone but...”
“But?”
Tzuyu felt her blood run cold. How she wished she could not hear the conversation. How she wanted to shut off her hearing senses. She was scared to hear Nayeon’s answer. Not when she’s finally, after much hardships, doing fine.
“She was young when I met her,” Nayeon finally answered. Tzuyu bit the chicken and gripped it tighter.
Her own heart raced by the words that came out from Nayeon’s mouth. She didn’t want to assume. Of course, there’s no assurance that it was her. It could have been anyone younger than Nayeon. She just happened to fit it in the said criteria. No, it wasn’t Tzuyu.
“So what if she was young?” her best friend continued to ask. She wanted to rip Dahyun’s mouth off her face, silencing her. But of course, she couldn’t. So she kept quiet and continued to eat. She couldn’t talk to neither Jeongyeon nor Momo. The couple was lost in their own world.
“If I did, she wouldn’t grow to be the woman that she is right now,” Nayeon’s voice was soft, almost explaining her side. “I wanted to wait until she was a little older,” she continued.
Tzuyu grabbed another chicken. Honestly, she wanted Elkie to return. It was always safe around Elkie. The comfort she deserves. The safety she was comfortable with.
“Why didn’t you?”
“I don’t think she knows I like her. Or if she does, she doesn’t care,” Tzuyu was startled when Nayeon pushed another plate of chicken wings. “Have some more,” Nayeon told her, holding her gaze, telling her something.
Tzuyu refused to believe Nayeon’s words. She smiled, forcefully, and then said, “Thanks, Coach.”
Elkie returned and sat beside Tzuyu again, “What did I miss?”
“Me, finishing a plate of chicken wings,” Tzuyu replied. Elkie laughed and nodded, making Tzuyu smile too.
When dinner was finished, Elkie went to the comfort room while Nayeon was talking to someone on the phone outside the venue. Dahyun and Tzuyu were left because Jeongyeon and Momo left earlier. Something about mommy or what.
“Heard her earlier?” Dahyun asked.
“Hmm,” Tzuyu was sipping her watermelon shake.
“Nayeon, as a person, likes you,” her friend said.
“You don’t know that,” Tzuyu looked at her best friend. “No name was dropped.”
“She practically confessed to you earlier,” Dahyun insisted.
“But she didn’t. It could be someone else so drop it. I won’t believe any word she says until she tells me herself,” she dismissed.
“Nayeon or Ice?” her best friend suddenly asked. Tzuyu raised a brow, “Answer me.”
“Nayeon.”
“Yulli or Nayeon?”
“Nayeon,” Tzuyu rolled her eyes.
“Selena or Nayeon?”
“What the hell is this? Fast talk?” Tzuyu snapped but Dahyun simply stared at her. She sighed and answered, “Nayeon.”
“Elkie or Nayeon?” she stopped sipping her drink and stared at Dahyun. “What?”
“No. You can’t make me choose over them. Elkie will never be someone I will choose from. She’s constant, permanent, and always,” Tzuyu hissed.
“Give me an answer!” Dahyun ordered her. “I’m ordering you as an unnie.”
Tzuyu thought about it. She can’t possibly choose. She can’t lose Elkie. The girl’s been her friend for the longest time. She wouldn’t call Elkie her best friend but she does know that the girl’s someone dear to her. Someone close to her heart. And she wouldn’t exchange the warmth and safety she feels with Elkie with anyone else.
She bit her lip. Tzuyu was about to answer when Elkie sat beside her, “Heart to heart talk?”
Tzuyu looked at the brunette and then back at Dahyun, “Elkie.”
“What? Why?” the older girl asked. Dahyun nodded and sighed.
“So much for my main ship,” her best friend said.
“I’m lost,” Elkie uttered. Tzuyu laughed and squeezed her hand.
“Let’s go?” the brunette nodded and stood up.
On the way out, Nayeon looked at her, “Going home? Already?”
Tzuyu nodded, finally realizing that Nayeon, although she may like the older girl so much, will always be a big what if. And in this world, one should never settle for a what if. One needs something concrete. A solid foundation. Something that will make you feel secure. Because those butterflies someone feels inside their stomach? Sometimes, those aren’t butterflies. Those are bees, and they will sting you. They will hurt.
“Bye, Coach Nayeon,” Tzuyu said and then turned to ride the car. Elkie looking at her with a confused expression.
The drive was quiet. It was somehow uncomfortable. Elkie decided to play some music but when it started, Tzuyu’s tears fell. The music pained her so much. The feelings she has for Nayeon? The excitement? Everything. It hurts to let all those go.
She did not notice that they were in a gasoline station by the highway. Elkie holding her hand, pulling her in a hug, “I’m sorry.”
“I really... really like her,” Tzuyu cried.
Elkie patted her back, “It’s okay, baby. It’ll be okay.” The girl let her cry on her shoulder, whispering words that didn’t tell her it wouldn’t hurt. But encouraging her to feel how hurt she was and learn from it.
When she stopped crying, Elkie just held her hand and drove again.
“Elkie?” the older girl hummed. “We’re not dating, right?”
Elkie laughed and tightened their entwined fingers, “Nah, Tzuyu. You don’t need a girlfriend. You need a friend. And I’ll be that.”
The words comforted her. She looked at their hands. It looked good together. At least, Elkie will always be there for her.
Tzuyu got home and laid down her bed.
Maybe. Just maybe. She has always been in love with Elkie. That’s why she kept coming back to the girl. For seven years, Tzuyu never questioned their relationship. They were okay being friends and just being the way they are right now. Love isn’t always the excitement and heart racing feelings. Love is the security and contentment. The safety feeling of being with someone.
Her phone vibrated.
[From: Elkie 8:29PM]
My jacket is with you, dumbass.
Tzuyu laughed and looked at the sleeve of Elkie’s jacket.
So maybe she did like, maybe even love, Nayeon. But as what she had said, Nayeon will always be the biggest what if of her life. Maybe she’s Nayeon’s ‘the one that got away’ because whether she admit it or not, she belonged to Nayeon. Even for a short while. But Nayeon will never be Tzuyu’s ‘the one that got away’. After all...
Tzuyu never had Nayeon anyway.