The Interrogation
“Come on in!” Rossi answers the door. He blinks at Ace when he sees her in real life, and I don’t blame him. She’s extremely attractive, which is obvious to everyone, but the dark purple bruise and bloody tissue under her nose is quite eye-catching.
Rossi waits until we get inside to close the door behind us. He catches Dad and I in a hug before the italian shakes Ace’s hand.
“Ciao ragazzo, che ti è successo al naso?” He asks her.
I wrinkle my nose, of course Italian is the one language I haven’t memorised.
Ace doesn’t miss a beat as she pulls her hand away from Rossi. “È bello conoscerla di persona, signore. Sono stato affrontato all'allenamento di calcio.”
He hisses in sympathy and pats her on the shoulder. “Well come on into the kitchen and I’ll get you an ice pack--”
“Are you a mobster?” Cade jumps forwards excitedly.
Derek and Emily, who were totally eavesdropping, snort from the kitchen. Dad hides a grin behind his hand while Garcia appears out of nowhere to coo over the boys.
Rossi’s gaze snaps to Cade in shock and I panic for a moment. I did tell him the kids were coming, and he said he’s okay with it, what if he changed his mind last-minute?”
Ace shakes her head. “Cade, you don’t just ask people if they’re mobsters, it’s not polite.” She says it in a calm manner, like she’s said it a hundred times. I shoot her a look but she waves me off and mouths ‘I’ll tell you later’. “What do you say?”
Cade pouts and kicks at the floor with his sneakers. “Sorry Mr. Rossi,” he mumbles eventually.
“It’s fine, kid, no worries.” Rossi shrugs. I can tell he’s shocked by Cade’s manners, it’s not every day you meet a five year old with manners.
Rossi and Garcia look behind Cade to see Ross piggy-backing on Finn with Rory attached to the sleeve of her shirt. Arthur is usually very flamboyant, but he’s almost completely hidden behind Ace.
“Omigosh you are all just darling,” Garcia squeals over the boys.
Ross peeks over Ace’s shoulder and he squirms out of her grip. She watches him with a raised eyebrow as he toddles over to Garcia and looks up at the sparkly woman.
“Awe you a faiwy?” Ross asks. “Ay-lin says faiwys awe spawkly wike you.”
Before Ace can say anything, Garcia’s face splits into a huge smile as she leans down. “I like to think I’m a fairy.”
Rory goes to join his twin. “Someone cawwed Ay-lin and Aw-tur faiwys once, but Ay-lin beat him up. He was bweeding. Then Ay-lin said his mom didn’t mind that she was a faiwy last night--”
“Okay!” Ace gently covers Rory’s mouth. Her face is bright red and Rossi and Garcia are struggling to hold back laughter as Ace leans down to the twins. “Guys, remember that conversation we had about stories we do tell and stories we don’t?” They nod. “That’s a don’t tell.”
“I dunno, that was pretty entertaining,” Derek says. Him and Emily finally coming over from the kitchen. Hotch is with them and even he seems amused.
I think. I’m a genius but he’s hard to read.
Ace shakes hands with everyone, including JJ who came out of the bathroom just in time, and everyone moves to the Living Room. Henry and Jack are already in there, and they bombard Ace’s brothers immediately.
“Hi!” Jack exclaims to Cade. “I’m Jack, do you like transformers?”
Ace facepalms. “Here we go.”
Cade looks like he just found out Christmas is every day and he’s practically jumping off the walls as he beams at Jack. “YES!”
Henry gives me a big hug before he turns to the twins. “I’m Henry! I like dinosaurs.”
The twins have the same reaction as Cade and basically tackle him in a hug. Henry pouts and for a moment everyone freezes as we wait for him to cry, but Ross starts chattering about the Stegosaurus and Henry’s fine again.
“Christ you’re all getting checked for Cool Kid Syndrome,” Ace mumbles before she turns to Rossi. “Sorry about them, I let them have Kool-aid earlier and clearly that was a mistake.”
Rossi shrugs, unbothered. “Eh, no problem. What’s Cool Kid Syndrom?”
“‘S what Ay-lin has, ADHD,” Arthur says and pokes his head out from behind his big sister. When all the attention falls on him, he ducks back behind Ace again.
Garcia tries to get him out of his shell. “Ooh, I love your skirt.”
Arthur peeks out from Ace again. “... Weawwy?”
“Yup!” The blonde beams at him. “I heard you like nail polish, too, so I brought some. Wanna paint my nails?”
Ace shifts on her feet. “Ma’am, you really don’t have too--”
Garcia waves her off. “No problemo! I love happy accidents!” She stands up fully and takes Arthurs hand. She winks at Ace. “I have nail polish remover in my car,” she whispers so only Ace can hear and the younger girl grins.
All the adults and Ace and I sit down on the couches as Garcia and Arthur settle on the floor.
“So,” Derek pipes up when we’re fully settled, “Ace, what’s your full name?”
Ho boy. I knew this was coming and I told Ace about it; the interrogation.
“Aislin Mason Pines,” Ace says. Her polite smile is still on her face even as my Dad raises an eyebrow.
“Mason?” he asks.
Ace shrugs. “It’s my Grandpa’s name. He and my Great Aunt Mabel live up in Oregon. I see them during the summer. They run a Museum called the Mystery Shack.”
I don’t know how Ace is so calm, my heart is almost out of my chest at this point. Subtly, so none of the profilers can see, I intertwined my pinkie with hers under the pooling sleeves of the sweater I threw on earlier. The rainbow-haired girl must have not been as calm as I thought because she relaxes significantly at the contact.
“RAWR!” Ross yells and all gazes snap to him. He has no shame, neither does his twin and this time they both roar at each other until they turn purple and collapse into giggles.
Ace prods one of them in the forehead. “Oi, remember the book we read last night.”
Ross and Rory are still a laughing mess but they nod. “‘Di-no-sauws awe wike w-ittle boys, but dey awways use der inside voice,” they recite in unison.
They both get a peck on the forehead from Ace and they hug her. They make their way to Henry and insist on showing him their dinosaur shoes.
Ace turns back to Derek. “What were you saying?”
Uncle Derek is clearly looking between Ace and the boys but to my relief he nods. “Right. What are your intentions with Finn?”
“Uncle Derek!” I exclaim.
Ace seems unphased. “Well hopefully to befriend her and eventually ask her out on a date.”
I think my face is melting. “WhAt?”
“And if she says no?” Hotch asks. “Are you just going to stop being friends with her?”
“Uncle Hotch!”
“Of course not.” Ace shakes her head so her rainbow hair catches the light. “If Finnie doesn’t like me like that, I don’t care. She’s awesome, of course I’ll still defeat her friend. Plus I have a weird mental thing going on so I can easily just turn any romantic feelings I have for Finn platonic in a matter of hours.”
“Those feelings don’t sound all that important, then,” Rossi pipes up.
“Of course they’re important, they’re about Finn. I was born with ADHD and something extremely rare called Delete Adfectus which means I have a supernatural control over all my feelings and emotions. It doesn’t mean I don’t care about people, it just means I’m not a blubbering idiot when someone doesn’t like me back.” She pauses and chews on her lip. “Oh, is saying idiot impolite? It probably is. My bad.”
Dad gasps and turns to Finn on the other side of me. “I’ve read about Delete Adfectus! Only 0.00002% of the population has it! Can I ask you some questions about--”
“Reid, maybe after we finish asking questions?” Hotch interrupts and my Dad blushes and looks away. He beams when Ace gives him a subtle nod.
Garcia looks up from where Arthur is doing a surprisingly good job on her nails. “I have a question Ace, are you gay?”
“Babygirl you can’t just ask someone if they’re--”
“I’m Pansexual, yes,” Ace cuts Derek off and shoots him an apologetic look. “As for religion I’m a Satanist.”
Rossi seems to be struggling not to gape. “So you … worship Satan?”
“Not at all,” Dad chimes in. “Satanists refer to themselves as Satanists not because they worship Satan - they don’t believe in him, actually - but because they hold to a set of tenets that emphasize overturning theocracies and traditional hierarchies. This includes, and specifically means, any religion that privileges Christianity. They believe in emphasizing the autonomy of the individual, not a higher being. Satan, to satanists, is a symbol of ultimate human freedom and agency.”
“Sooo you’re an anarchist?” Emily asks.
Ace thinks for a moment. “... Hmm, I suppose so. I despise - no, despise isn’t the right word, more like loathe. I loathe organised religions that disrespect other religions. Plus I don’t like churches. They're too tall and I don’t like talking to a made up man - all on my opinion, of course.”
Rossi, who I know for a fact is very catholic, seems skeptical about this. “And the boys?”
“Well I don’t bring them to church, but they’ve never asked. If they want to when they’re older I won’t stop them, I’ll bring them, but I won’t go inside.”
The Italian seems satisfied with her answer and it’s at that very moment an alarm sounds in the kitchen.
“My lasagna!” Rossi cries and sprints towards it.
****