Emily!
Emily is silent as she signs the papers to release me. She’s silent as Saya forces me to keep the shock blanket on and gives me antibiotics and an ice pack to help keep my wounds free of infection. She’s silent as we finally get settled in the car.
“Finn…” she breaks the silence as we start down the main road. Her eyes are wide and she searches the cars in front of her like they’ll give her answers. “What … what the hell did you do?”
“Which part?” I ask.
Apparently that’s the wrong question because she snaps her head towards me. “What do you mean which part?”
Ah, so Hotch hasn’t told her or the others yet. That’s a relief.
I shake my head and pull the shock blanket closer around me, mostly to hide my arms. “I meant - sorry, I don’t know how to answer this.”
“Well I just busted you out of jail without telling your Dad, so you better figure out how to answer it,” Emily snaps.
I’ve only ever heard her this angry one other time before. I had just gotten Dad back from a crackhouse and fought off a bunch of drunkies. He was safely asleep in bed when i headed to the basketball courts for a midnight game. When I had arrived there there had been several well-known drug dealers who tried to sell me pot. I had actually been considering it when Emily showed up.
She had stormed up to all of us and flashed her badge which made the kids scatter. She then dragged me back to her place and made me explain why I was even considering buying from them. I had made up a lie on the spot that I didn’t want to seem hostile and trigger a fight, and she had bought it at the time.
I don’t think I’ll be able to lie myself out of this one.
“Okay, I’ll tell you, just give me a sec-”
“No,” she interrupts me, knuckles white on the steering wheel. “I’m not giving you any time to come up with some complicated lie. Truth. Now.”
I blink. “Um, right. So you know how my dad had me when he was twelve?”
She almost swerves off the road. “Jesus Christ-Finn are you pregnant?”
I nearly faint for the second time today.
“What? No!” I scream.
Emily sighs deeply and some of her anger eases as we get back onto the road. “Okay. Okay good. I would support you no matter what … you know what, continue.”
“Okay.” I shift in my seat so I’m in a ball with my knees pulled to my chest. The action makes my ankle throb but I just pull the blanket around myself to ward it off. “So it wasn’t some weird Romeo and Juliet thing. My Dad, he was … y’know … not consenting.”
A little “oh” leaves Emily but she’s silent otherwise.
“So I was curious about my mom and I broke into the Pentagon to find out where she was. Turns out I have a bunch of half siblings from a bunch of other little boys she did that shit too. When I found out you guys were coming here I had to find her, I just had to, Em. That’s why I didn’t help with the case. Once I got to her house, though, she started saying all these creepy things about my dad and she looked like such a fuckin pervert. She started telling me what she did to him and she had a knife and I panicked and I had taken one of the guns from the FBi building and I pulled it out and I shot her and she died in front of me and one of the neighbors called the cops and --”
“Finn! Breathe! Please,” Emily yells.
So that’s why my vision is so blurry. I glance down to see my chest heaving under the blanket. My whole body shakes and aches as I try to breathe.
Once I’m under control, I cringe and extend my leg to rest my foot down on the floor. Waiting for Emilly’s reaction.
She releases the steering wheel, grabs it, releases it, and grabs it again. Eventually she lets out a long breath. “I …” she shrugs. “I don’t know what to say, Finn. That’s some heavy shit. I’m proud of you for sticking up for yourself and being smart enough to bring something to defend yourself, but…”
“I shouldn’t have done it?”
“NO!” it explodes out of her so fast that I get whiplash. “No you fucking shouldn’t have! You could have died -- you almost died! Look at the fucking slash at your neck and face! And you sprained your ankle jumping off the roof to get to the bus - don’t think I didn’t notice that. I mean - Fucking Christ Finn, you killed someone! Shit like that can’t be erased.”
I shrink back in the seat and feel a million times smaller than I ever have before. The guilt from actually killing someone overrides the adrenaline high I had been onj and it all comes crashing down on me.
I roll down Emily’s window and vomit out of the side of the car.
“Finnie! Shit,” she swerves over on the side of the road.
Before the car even stops I throw off the shock blanket and hop out of the car. I hop on my good foot until I reach a trashcan on the sidewalk and hurl into it again.
Hands are on my back and head, one rubs circles between my shoulders and the other holds my hair back. It’s an all too familiar situation but I ignore it and keep puking into the trash can.
After a few minutes only bile comes up and it burns my nose and throat. My eyes water but it takes a second to realize it’s not from the pain shooting through my stomach. It’s sheer guilt that’s making me sick as the image of that bullet between my mother’s eyes keeps popping up.
“Fuck--” I cough and hack. “Fucking hell.”
There’s no one on the Los Angeles sidewalk right now at ten PM, which I’m super grateful for.
“You good, Finnie?” Emily asks as I finally straighten up. The same guilt in my chest appears in her eyes. “I-I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have yelled at you--”
“No,” I shake my head and open the door to the car as she circles around to do the same. Once we’re both buckled I continue. “I’m sorry. You-you’re right, I shouldn’t have run off like that.” To my horror tears pop up and start rolling down my cheeks. “Emily,” I say in a voice I’ve ever heard. “Am I … am I a bad person?”
“Oh, Finnie, no,” she says without any hesitation and puts her hand on my shoulder. “You did the right thing defending yourself. But if anything like this ever happens again, tell someone, okay? I know you’re mad at me--”
“I’m not mad at you anymore. I got over it a week ago.”
“O-Oh. Well still. If you’re mad at one of us you always have Derek and your dad. You have all of us and we’ll always be there for you.” She chuckles darkly. “Plus, to be honest Finnie, if you hadn’t killed that bitch I probably would have.
A wet laugh escapes me and I rub my eyes. “Really?”
“Really.” She stops the car in front of the police station but then puts it in drive and moves forwards. “Tell you what,” Emily says. “I’m shit at this parenting thing, which is why I’m an aunt but here’s the best I can do. How bout we go to the ER to get that foot wrapped up real quick, get some crutches, and give you some time to cool off?”
“That,” I sniffle and take a deep breath. “That … sounds really good.”
“Do you want me to … tell your Dad?”
“Could you tell Hotch?”
She looks more shocked than she has all night. “You want me to tell Hotch and your Dad?”
“No. Just Hotch. I … I’ll tell my dad.”
“Um, alright. Promise to explain later?”
“It may have to be a while later but, eventually, I promise.”
“Okay. Then you have a deal, kiddo.”
“Thank you, Emily. For all of this.”
“Hey, don’t sweat it kid. Everyone’s first murder is important. But, y’know, not in a serial killer way.
“There’s no way to turn that sentence into something that doesn’t sound serial-killer-ish.”
“... Oh wow the ER we’re here already, here we go!”
*****