CHAPTER 4
“Absolutely not.”
“But mom-”
“No,” Kara insisted, her voice firm when scolding her daughter. “I am not sending my kid into some wormhole and hope that will fix everything.”
“But mom, I-”
“No, Alexandra, it’s too dangerous.” Lexa stopped in her tracks, her mother’s voice knocking her off her train of thought. She sounded exactly as she should have- the stern, “I’m-not-budging-on-this” tone and the way she looked at her as if Kara knew her daughter wouldn’t give up. How she would use Lexa’s full name in only the most serious of circumstances. Lena used to laugh when she would catch them in an argument.
Two from the house of Zor-El, equal in stubbornness and strength, butting heads.
“What else will I do? Stay here until I disappear?” Lexa knew that was the conclusion they’d come to. That as Lexa’s memories rapidly faded in this timeline, so would she. Once the idea of going back had come to her, she knew this was what she had to do. It was the only way.
“We don’t know that will happen,” Kara argued. It was a frail argument- there were millions of examples happening right in front of them that said it would happen. “Lexa, what if you go back and the timeline is too frail to support you?”
“It’s a risk I have to take mom,” Lexa saw an in- her mother not as versed on the laws of time travel as much as she and Lena were. “Besides, I will last longer in that timeline than in this one!”
“She’s right on that,” Alex finally chimed in from her place at her microscope. Lexa had managed to drag her mom and aunt to the DEO, in hopes that her aunt could find some way to take her back a couple years. Kara had been adamant that she was against the idea, but let her daughter drag her to the labs in hopes that Alex would find no way to send the girl back.
Kara groaned, “who’s side are you on?”
Alex shrugged, and turned to the two beside her. Kara, hands on her hips and looking at her daughter as if there was no way she was going to let her win this one. And Lexa, hands on her hips and mirroring her mother’s look back at her. “In this timeline, the possibility of Lexa being born is 0%. There is no way at all that she could ever exist in this timeline- which means the timeline is fighting against her here the most. The farther we send her back- the less the timeline fights against her because it’s more possible that she exists. If we send her back, the possibility of her being born is up at least 50%.”
Kara’s look changed, and Lexa recognized her thinking face. “Because Lena’s there,” she added, seeming to understand what her sister was trying to tell her.
Alex nodded, and Lexa was quick to pipe in and help convince her mom. “If you send me back, I can make sure that you and mom end up together- it will fix the timeline and I should be able to come right back to the correct timeline.”
Alex squinted her eyes, shaking her head. “It’s very unlikely that you’ll be able to recreate your exact timeline- by sending you back, we’re already changing everything. Will you probably still be born? Yes. But, you could be drastically different.”
Lexa sighed, she knew that her aunt would be harder to convince than her mother. Her mom was protective- but Alex was all about facts. If the facts didn’t line up right, there was no way she would be on board. “Auntie, what’s the worst that could happen? I have blonde hair instead of black- I go to a different primary school?”
“That could change much more than you can calculate, ukiem,” Kara’s tone was softer, taking careful note of the desperation creeping into Lexa’s voice. She put a hand on her shoulder, the familiar kryptonese comforting the younger girl.
“But it’s better than not existing at all,” she countered.
Her mother was quiet after that, her expression contemplative and silent. She sighed, rubbing the bridge of her nose in frustration.
“Mom does that.” Kara looked up to see her daughter staring back at her, eyebrows perched in confusion. Lexa pointed at her face, bringing her fingers to pinch the bridge of her own nose lightly in demonstration. “Mom does that all the time, when she’s in the lab. Sometimes when I get in trouble.”
Kara smiled, “she did do that a lot, didn’t she?” She could remember Lena’s face, contorted from a long day of stressful board meetings and company business. She would lean over her desk and pinch her nose, though her smile would always reappear as soon as she saw Kara. She looked at her daughter, and knew that same smile had been awarded to her. Kara let herself imagine it- her daughter wandering into the old L Corp labs to pester Lena until they could go home. “She still runs that company where you’re from, huh?”
Lexa rolled her eyes, “she spends hours there, I don’t know why. L Corp is one of the biggest empires in the world- but she acts like leaving before 5 will kill her.” Lexa had spent hours out of the day in the L Corp. If her mother was in a meeting, she’d be at Jess’ desk doing her homework and helping the assistant update her Instagram. If her mother was in her office finishing paperwork, she’d be sprawled out on the white couch with a book. If her mother was in the labs, she was at her designated desk in the corner (she kept trying to help with her mother’s experiments, but after a couple of accidental explosions she was banned to her own desk).
“That sounds like Lena,” Kara chuckled.
Lena’s death had, of course, been hard on her. She had spent the first couple of days tearing the building apart, praying to Rao that somewhere under the rubble the woman was there- waiting to be rescued. The next years going by had been harder- watching L Corp crumble and Lena’s name plastered in the papers as the public “mourned” her.
Kara had loved Lena, but had never told her to her face. Had always been too mixed up in what was going on around her to tell her best friend the truth. At first, she couldn’t imagine this insanely different timeline - one where her long gone friend was her wife. One where they lived together and had this family together- one where she was happy. But now it was all she could think about.
Her thoughts were interrupted by the very girl who had brought these thoughts- her daughter had abruptly crashed into her, arms wrapping around Kara and her head pressed against the house crest of her suit. Kara’s instincts immediately kicked in, wrapping her arms around Lexa and moving to comfort her.
“We can get her back…. Right, mom?” Lexa’s voice was small, and Kara knew all too well what the fear of losing someone you loved sounded like.
Kara held her daughter tightly, “of course, kiddo,” she knew this was something she couldn’t promise. They weren’t sure that they could send her back in time, much less guarantee that she’d be able to fix things. Kara remembered who she was 30 years ago- and she knew it would be much harder to convince 2019 Kara than it’d been to convince 2047 Kara. But, she wasn’t going to tell Lexa that. Her daughter was clinging to her here and now- a young girl that just wanted to go home, that just wanted to see her mom again. Kara knew all too well what that was like. “Everything’s going to be okay.”
“I’ve got something,” Alex snapped them out of their reverie, both Zor-El’s rushing to try and look over Alex’s shoulders. The oldest Danvers in the room rolling her eyes at the younger two. “The technology you’re trying to use is old, but with the right tools we might actually be able to do it.” She watched the young girl’s face light up and shook her head, “Don’t start celebrating just yet- I wouldn’t even know where to begin looking for this stuff.”
Lexa was quick to begin shuffling Alex’s papers around, holding them up to her face and squinting at them. “Time travel wasn’t invented until even after I was born- and then right after it was, the Legion, ”she said it with a clear distaste, as if the Legion had personally wronged her. Kara guessed that in a way, they had. “They took it from her- mom, I mean. It was L Corp’s tech that had made it all possible.” She put one of the papers down in front of Alex and pointed at a lopsided and smudged blueprint of what looked like a metal device. “This is what we need” she stated proudly, and when her daughter smiled triumphantly at her- all she could see was Lena.
It was the same bright and brilliant smile that Lena had when she’d solved a particularly difficult problem. Her daughter looked so much like Lena, it was startling- and she was surprised she had taken her so long to put it together. The way she looked- the way she spoke, always so confident in what she was saying.
Alex scoffed, “good luck getting it-” she stopped, her tone changing from teasing to gentle. “Any blueprints for tech this important was tucked away in the L Corp labs- it couldn’t have survived.”
Lena had always kept her most dangerous and most valuable projects in her personal lab. Anything that could hurt someone was kept as close and classified as Lena could get it. But, being the Luthor’s daughter had its perks. Lexa spent her entire life in that lab, and Lena had never shied away from any questions. Her mother had indulged her in hours of conversation, merely excited that her daughter would be interested in complex scientific theories (but should she have expected any less from a Luthor?) Anything that Lena could fix, Lexa could fix. “L Corp’s time traveling technology was based off the DEO’s portal tech- if I can get my hands on the prints for this device and a portal device- I should be able to do it.”
“I’m not sure we have it,” Alex admitted.
“Did the DEO ever recover any resources from the explosion at L Corp?” Lexa asked, clearly uncomfortable at the mention of the explosion.
“Some machinery, a couple of hard drives- nothing whole though, everything had been broken,” Kara answered immediately. She had torn through the wreckage herself, peeling back pillars and charred concrete until her hands bled. She hadn’t slept that entire week- dedicating any and all of her free time to the search and rescue. Anything they had found, Kara remembered.
“We should still have them,” Alex supplied, pulling her chair over to the lab’s computer and beginning to type into the database. “Even if we do- you really think you can make something out of it?” She seemed to find something and began to scribble notes onto a nearby pad of paper. “Winn and I combed over those files ourselves- anything that was worth a damn was password protected.”
Lexa scoffed, “please- my mom has the same password for everything.”
Alex held up the paper and stood, “wait here,” she instructed as she headed towards the lab’s double doors. At the doors, she paused, looking back at the two women with a skeptical gaze as if she knew they were up to no good. “Don’t touch anything,” she ordered, and Lexa smiled. She didn’t blame her aunt- leaving her alone with her mother was sometimes (most of the time) a dangerous game to play.
Kara turned to her, finally alone with her daughter for the first time.
“Can I ask you something?” Lexa was taken aback by the softness in her mother’s voice- as if she were nervous. Kara looked at her with curious eyes- as if she had been embarrassed to say something in front of Alex.
Lexa smiled and nodded, “yeah mom- what’s up?”
“Your…. Mom and I- our family… are we happy?”
Lexa paused. Of course, she should have anticipated this- obviously her mother would want to know about her relationship with Lena. She had figured her mom would have a hard time wrapping her head around a relationship that she’d never had in this timeline. But- she had never thought about this question.
“I-” she began, but closed her mouth almost as soon as she’d opened it. “It won’t make you sad?” She worried about her mom then- what if they couldn’t get the timeline back? She would spend the rest of her own timeline wondering about what could have been. Was it safe to tell her these things?
Kara smiled sadly, “you don’t have to answer that-” she was quick to shut the question down, as if she had been expecting the answer to be bad from the beginning. Lexa rushed to stop her- she knew that it was risky telling her mom about the life Lexa knew her to have. Not that it could mess up the timeline or cause some big cosmic rift- but because she could break her own mother's heart. But, she wouldn’t let her mom sit there and think that they had been anything other than happy.
“Of course we’re happy,” she let herself laugh a little. She had seen her parents fight, of course she had, but she had never seen them unhappy. Lexa had been surrounded by loving people her entire life- her aunts, her uncles, her cousin, her friends. Out of everyone, she had never seen any two people that loved each other more than her moms. She remembered something that Kara herself had told her once. “Mom- are you kidding? You guys have the greatest love story of all time! A super and a Luthor, destined to be enemies.” Lexa snorted, “you and mom were basically obsessed with each other as soon as you met- everybody says so.”
The superhero watched her daughter finally begin to relax- leaving behind the worries of getting back and the sadness of losing her timeline in favor of bragging about her parents. Kara watched as Lexa talked, her eyes wide and smile full as she poked fun at her mother. She saw even more of it then- the undeniable fact that this girl was her daughter. The way she talked about her home was how Kara talked about Krypton- the way she excitedly gestured with her hands the way Lena would when she was excited about a new project. Kara could feel her own heart warm at the sight of her child, happy and carefree.
Kara rolled her eyes at her exaggerating daughter, “I don’t know what happened in your timeline-but in this one, your mother and I were not obsessed with each other.” She smiled, thinking about how this girl really was proof of what Kara and Lena had fought for since the beginning. Luthors and Supers could put the rift of their families aside and be friends- more than friends apparently.
“Did she still do that thing where she sent like a billion flowers to your office?”
“Well yes, but-” Kara remembered it, the postal worker bringing up several elevators full of beautiful flowers.
“Did she still buy an entire newspaper company that she didn’t need just so you could keep your job after Grandma Grant quit? You know that normal friends don’t buy entire companies for each other right?” Lexa argued. And Rao, if she didn’t inherit Lena’s ability to win any argument she got herself into.
“She did not buy it just for me- wait,” Kara paused and snorted, a sound identical to the one her daughter had made only minutes before. “Grandma Grant?” The idea of Cat Grant being anything close to a grandmother figure to her daughter was laughable, to say the least.
Lexa shrugged, as if what she said hadn’t been the most absurd thing Kara had ever heard. “What else would I call her? She sends me cards on my birthday and comes every Christmas- though she does call me Tiny Kiera. When I ask you why you just laugh.”
Kara smiled, remembering her old nickname. In her own timeline, she hadn’t heard from Cat in years. “You’ve got quite the family, huh kid?” Every time she learned something new about her daughter’s timeline, the more she was convinced it was some kind of dream. If she was telling the truth- anything that could have gone right in Kara’s life had happened in Lexa’s timeline.
In this time, Kara had not been nearly as lucky.
Lexa nodded, sighing and letting her head come to rest in her hands as if she were exasperated. “You know, you’re kind of a hot mess without mom here.” The words themselves made Kara chuckle, but the way Lexa had said it broke her heart. At that moment, Kara would have done anything to get her daughter’s mother back.
She smiled sadly, “I guess I kind of am- I’m sorry, kiddo.” She wondered if Lexa would have been better off with Lena helping her instead of Kara. How the timeline would have been if she were still alive. Lexa had said herself that the first place she’d tried to run to was L Corp- whether that was because of its proximity or her preference in parents- Kara would never know.
Lexa shrugged, “it’s okay.” Then, as if her daughter had been reading her mind, she spoke again. “Can you imagine if it was her here?” she giggled, “I’d be screwed.”
Kara gave her a look, “language,” she scolded playfully, mirroring her daughter and beginning to spiral around the lab in her own chair. “And I’m sure your mother would have handled this better than I have.” She thought of Lena then, calm and collected- even under the most intense pressure.
Lexa raised her brows, “I love mom, but seriously- she would have kicked me to the curb in seconds. Especially if she hadn’t had you to turn her into Lena Luthor, biggest softie ever.” She mimicked talking to Lena, her voice higher than usual. “Hey mom, its me- your daughter who you don’t remember- oh, can I just slip into your lab and borrow some of your top secret technology for a second?” She rolled her eyes, “yeah right.”
“I’m sure you could have convinced her,” Kara insisted, though she couldn’t help but feel proud to be the parent that Lexa could come to. Kara had always worried about having kids- wondering how she could ever be a good mother when she had only had her own for such a short amount of time. But, from what she could tell from the smiling girl in front of her- she wasn’t half bad at the whole “motherhood” thing. Of course, in Lexa’s world she’d had Lena by her side to help. “It helps that you’re practically her twin.”
Lexa rolled her eyes, but smiled all the same, “you know that mom says I look just like you, right?” It was true- both of her mothers always told her how much she looked like the other.
“It’s the eyes.”
The two younger Danvers looked up to see the oldest re-entering the room, a dark suitcase under her arms. Alex stopped to take the scene in- Lexa and Kara sitting backwards on their chairs and using their legs to push off the lab tables and roll themselves across the white tiles.
Lexa really was her sister’s daughter.
“If either of you break my tables, it won’t be the timeline you’ll have to worry about,” she threw an accusatory look at the two. Alex hoisted the suitcase up onto the counter and clicked the latches, opening it and beginning to take out the contents.
Lexa felt her heart drop into her stomach as Alex laid out the items on the table in front of them. There were some hard drives and three or four pieces of miscellaneous hardware. Lexa let herself sort through it haphazardly- all that was left of her mother in this timeline, and it all fit into a single suitcase. Lexa could vaguely recognize some of the metal pieces- they were mostly lead, the metal her mother would use to handle kryptonite. The drives were badly damaged, the inserts chipped and the drives themselves crushed in certain areas. She felt her mother’s hand fall on her shoulder comfortingly.
“This was everything we could salvage from the L Corp incident- Winn and I tried to tackle the drives, but as I said before, they were all password protected.” She seemed annoyed at the memory- and Lexa didn’t blame her. Her mother was annoyingly secretive about her company’s details- because everyone and their mother was trying to get their hands on L Corp tech, the security was something the Pentagon would be jealous of.
“You didn’t let Brainy have a go at it?” she asked, pushing off the table with her legs so that she could roll herself to the computer on the other side of her aunt. She picked up one of the drives, turning it over in her hands carefully. She knew Brainy could have at least peeked at some of her mother’s files- and out of the League members she was acquainted with, he was the only one she didn’t hate.
Alex shook her head, a sadness taking over her expression. “When Le-” she sighed, running her hands through her hair. “When your mom was still alive, the DEO had banned all personnel from hacking L Corp- my sort of… sign of respect after she helped us out with the world enders. She and Brainy kind of had this running joke- that someday she would need something and return she’d let him try and hack her for fun.” She smiled, “We asked him for his help, but after your mom died- he refused. Said that he couldn’t do it without Lena’s permission.”
“It was his way of honoring her,” Kara explained, a voice of comfort after the heart aching story. Lexa briefly wondered if her mother knew in this timeline how much her friends had cared about her.
She made a mental note to remember this, to tell her own mother when she got back to her. (Right after suffocating her in the biggest hug Lexa could manage.) Lexa turned the hard drive over in her hand once more before plugging it into the computer. She needed to get home- even if she didn’t get back to her own timeline, she would figure out a way to rewrite this one. It was awful, a world without her mother.
The files were, as her aunt had said, password protected. She had managed to open the drive’s contents- able to see how many files there were, the dates on them and what they were labeled. But, clicking on the files themselves was where her family had run into trouble. As soon as Lexa had tried to open them, a small green box popped up on the screen- asking for the password to open them.
“If you end up remembering any of this- please do not tell mom that her password is not as secret as she thinks it is,” Lexa smirked, glancing back at her mother before typing in the two words she had memorized since her teens. At first, the computer did nothing- a gray loading sign spinning on the screen agonizingly. Then, a small pinging sound, and the file was opened- pages of paperwork on some secret lab project her mother didn’t trust the company with.
Lexa turned in her chair, grinning triumphantly at her mother and aunt. “Piece of cake.”
Kara laughed, reaching forward to ruffle her daughter’s hair- to which Lexa scowled. “ Genius billionaire Lena Luthor just got hacked, on the first try, by a literal child. I have to text like five different people.” She shook her head and chuckled as if she couldn’t believe it.
Lexa rolled her eyes, “seriously mom? At least it’s not Streaky.” Lexa remembered figuring out her mother’s password almost immediately after hearing about the old cat, and being shocked to find that it was universal- there wasn’t anything Lexa couldn’t get into using the name.
Alex burst into laughter, Lexa following not long after with her own giggling. From her aunt’s laughter and her mother’s wide eyes, she could see that even in this timeline her mother was the worst at computer security. The red-haired agent swiped at tears in her eyes, unable to stop laughing at her poor sister. “I like this kid,” she wheezed, clapping her niece on the back.
“It’s a good password!” Kara argued, offended at her daughter revealing her secrets. She looked at the aforementioned daughter pointedly, “I would ask why you even have those passwords in the first place- but I have a feeling I don’t want to know.”
Lexa beamed at her mom, turning back towards the computer to begin sifting through the files. There were hundreds of them, and there were three hard drives full of her mother’s blueprints and lab reports. She knew what she needed was there- somewhere, in one of those files- and she was going to find it. Her aunt sat next to her, combing through the DEO reports that they had on L Corp. Her mother stood leaning over her shoulder, her eyes scanning over the files as Lexa went through them herself.
She was going to beat this. She could find her mother’s notes on time travel, she could recreate the tech- and she could bring her mom back.