Promise of Forever

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“Promise of Forever”

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It has been almost two weeks since Meredith had officially broken off any connection she had with Derek — job-related matters excluded — upon realizing that lying and flagrant manipulation had been the basis of their relationship. There was no point in pining over someone who clearly had no idea who he wants, Meredith wasn’t a consolation prize and she refuses to be treated as such. 

Derek made Addison think she stood a chance at a do-over, all the while stringing Meredith along the process and she would never in a million years condone that. The two women didn’t deserve to be treated like an option, like a pass time, a play toy. Sure, Meredith agreed that Derek was indeed entitled to have a bit of uncertainty and doubt on ending an eleven-year marriage, but he should’ve thought about that prior to sleeping with her.

Had she known that Derek was married then she wouldn’t have opened her legs for him in the first place, because she might be a hoe, but she was no homewrecker — at least before Derek came with his smile and his hair and his dreamy eyes who had tampered her good reputation, and now she can just kiss that good reputation goodbye.

But that wasn’t even the problem anymore, something new has come to light, something far more complex and has been escalating ten-fold with each day that passes.

It would have been easier if it was about a patient, or better yet her mom who forgets that she’s her daughter and starts conversing about how their current Chief of Surgery could make her purr like a kitten or growl like a tiger, in which no one would never, ever want to hear about how their mother is such a filthy whore — what goes around, comes around — but that was relatively something Meredith could handle.

Not this, not her burgeoning feelings for her ex-boyfriend’s soon-to-be ex-wife, or so she’s heard. Rumors spread fast like wildfire, though it doesn’t always mean they came from an accurate source, so unless proven to be the truth, Meredith can’t know for sure.

And she most certainly will not ask Addison about it even if she staked her life on it because she was adamant to avoid the woman today, tomorrow and possibly for-fucking-ever (impossible).

Over time, Meredith and Addison became close, whether it was a wife-mistress thing or not, they became amicable nonetheless. And truthfully, their friendship had never really been an issue, until it did. Working with Addison came natural to Meredith, she instantly clicked with her, and on top of it all, she enjoyed it. She caught on precise insights about how Addison liked her charts stacked and arranged from urgent to least urgent, or how she liked to be five to ten minutes earlier before her allotted time for rounds. 

Or how Addison liked her interns to have legible penmanship because she gets very frustrated about sloppy handwriting. 

Meredith has basically known it all, seen it all. She knew Addison better than any other interns around and she once took pride in that fact, had it not been for her inappropriate feelings. 

Don’t get her wrong, after all the ‘McDreamy turns out to be McMarried to McHot’ fiasco, Meredith had started making boundaries and had set certain ground rules to keep herself in the safe zone with the intention of staying there. Yet, here she was, on the brink of crossing the lines again.

She doesn’t know why she keeps on messing up every good that comes to her, and yes, Addison was one of the good things she has ever received as a friend and a surgical mentor. 

Addison was perfect beyond explanation. She thought on her feet, she’s intelligent, eloquent and sensitive when it comes to her patients. She’s kind and thoughtful and she does anything for anyone without a second-thought, she will leap through mountains in order to make sure that the patients get the best medical care from her and the hospital she works at. The amount of dedication and work that she pours into everything that she does was enough justification of how much passion and empathy she held beneath the confident and stringent exterior. 

She’s steady in the OR, it amazes Meredith to the extremities to see the way Addison’s hand firmly grips the scalpel in her own unique technique as she tears apart a flesh of skin only to put them back together again to the way her head moves a little to the side when she’s focused. She’s versatile. She can adapt with ease and can cling onto things without much needed help from others. Her moves deftly and well thought of that Meredith had no other choice but to stare in awe, from the graceful roll of her wrist whilst expressing a point to the unrelentingly pointed way Addison’s eyes met others. She can converse casually to release pressure to those who were awfully intimidated by her, because let’s face it, who wouldn’t be intimidated by Addison Montgomery?

Furthermore, Addison can tell if you need to be pushed to your limits, she can tell if you’re having doubts and uncertainties about what your next move should be. She’s acutely aware of her intern’ skills, what they can and can’t do. She can guide you the best way she knows how because she pays attention. She had always paid attention, and she had always wanted to bring out the best in people by teaching them certain things.

When Addison is teaching, she’s gentle yet stern. Soft yet cold, depending on what she thinks you need. She knows when to hold your hand and when to let go.

And her being a world-class neonatal surgeon, yet still knowing how to keep her head down is what makes her a good doctor and an even better teacher. She would never make you feel smaller, nor worthless.

Addison was the perfect archetype of the surgeon Meredith wanted to be.

And it sucks to think that she might not only be losing a friend, she thinks she’ll lose her best mentor too.

Meredith was too absorbed by the dithering thoughts of you-know-who that she failed to recognize the fact that her resident, and the woman she’s been going gaga for now stood in front of her and her friends. Dr. Bailey was already going on with her typical encouraging, yet defamatory sentiments — that were known to likely strike the nerve of every person in this hospital — when she realized that one of her dutiful interns was not paying attention at all.

Miranda stopped mid-sentence and the others looked to where the resident’s gaze remained. Cristina gave Meredith a discreet nudge on the rib, but it was useless. 

“Grey, am I boring you?” Dr. Bailey inquired with raised brows. Meredith didn’t budge, not even a bit. “Meredith Grey!” she bellowed.

This seemed to have snapped Meredith back into unfortunate reality as she jumped a little. “I’m sorry, what?”

“I said–” 

“You’re on my service today, Dr. Grey,” Dr. Bailey was interrupted by a distinct, sultry voice that Meredith knew all too well. 

Meredith stared at Addison a bit slack-jawed and wide-eyed. The one person she was so hell-bent on avoiding just requested her to be on her service, and if that isn’t the worst timing ever she doesn't know what is. “Oh. Oh !” was the only word Meredith could utter as she stiffly bobbed her head at the predicament.  “O-okay…”

At this, Meredith received a tap on the forehead from her resident as she lowered her head a little, hands wringed on her back. “Whatever it is, get it together, Grey. If I hear complaints about your lack of ability to focus from Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd, you’ll never hear the end of it. Understood?”

The blonde intern shamefully nodded as her friends shot her sympathetical looks as it seems like she was the one Bailey picked to torture today.  “Yes, Dr. Bailey.”

“Montgomery,” Addison spoke out of the blue. “It’s just Montgomery now,” she further clarified, the term ‘divorce’ no longer in need to be mentioned.

Unprompted, Meredith allowed her greyish blue eyes to trail down to Addison’s left hand, expecting a diamond ring, but was met with a lighter patch of skin encircling her fourth finger instead. An indication that Addison hadn’t removed the ring until after the divorce papers were finalized. 

Looks like those rumors were reliably accurate this time. 

Somehow, in some sort of weird way, Meredith felt a great sense of relief wash over her being. Not because Derek was no longer married, but because Addison was now a free woman, and when she came to think about it, she suddenly became unsure if she should either feel relieved or panicked.

Because while Addison’s currently single, it also meant that she could go out with whomever she wanted and Meredith knew she wasn’t a part of that list and she’ll never be.

“Montgomery it is,” Bailey corrected herself in lack of enthusiasm as her gaze stayed fixed on Meredith. The kind of look that says ‘I’m watching you’ and ‘you better not screw up or else’ and frankly, Meredith doesn’t wanna discover what the ‘or else’ meant.

Without a say, Dr. Bailey walked away, her friends taking it as the cue to follow her and Meredith could almost physically feel the tension being alleviated. She barely had her breathing stabilized until the sight of Addison’s ocean blue eyes drowned her again when she stepped in Meredith’s line of sight. 

Addison placed a hand on top of Meredith’s shoulder, and as much as she tried to hold it, a haphazard and not-so restrained whimper escaped her lips at the contact. “Are you okay?” Addison asked, her voice laced with deep concern and her features clouded with worry.

Meredith opened her mouth to speak up, yet none of the thousands of words from the dictionary came out so she closed her mouth again. Oh for fuck’s sake, get a grip. “I’m good,” she replied, forcing a smile and faking her enthusiasm while languidly stepping aside to remove Addison’s hand without her actually removing it.

“Okay…?” Addison did not sound remotely convinced at all with Meredith’s blatant lie. She knew her ‘I’m good’ always translated to ‘I’m having an existential crisis at the moment’. Addison lost track of how many times Meredith answered the exact same thing to the exact same question that it never even sounded like a real word anymore. “Well, I only have two C-sections scheduled for today and I want you to scrub in on each of them, does that sound good to you?”

“Yeah, that’s perfect,” Meredith crossed her fingers, hoping that she doesn’t jinx the seemingly slow day. Addison was about to touch her again but the blonde’s knee-jerk reaction to avoid it was to snatch the charts from Addison. “So, uh, rounds?” She asked, opening the charts. “Okay, I’m confused.”

Albeit bewildered by Meredith suddenly taking her distance, Addison stood against addressing the elephant in the room and just decided to address the intern’s confusion. “I already did the rounds since I came here an hour and a half earlier.”

Meredith let her hands drop to her sides and looked up at the older woman, okay so what was her use then? Aside from scrubbing in. “ Oh , well, what are we going to do then? Your first C-section isn’t until eleven o’clock.”

“We wait,” Addison started off, adding another pile to Meredith’s queries. “I got a transfer from Mercy West and they should be here right about…” she trailed off, checking on her wrist watch. “Now.”

With that, Addison strode towards the designated room with long, self-assured footing. Meredith walked just a step behind her as she took this chance to appreciate Addison’s never-ending legs. Anyone who doesn’t know her would have easily mistaken her for a Victoria Secret Model. Addison’s fiery red hair cascaded beautifully over her shoulders as she sauntered along the hallway with her chin held high. She had the usual hubris of a respectable and successful surgeon and she carried confidence better than anyone Meredith has ever known. 

It was Addison’s pièce de résistance, and it was one of the many reasons why Meredith fell in love with her. 

At first, she was ambivalent on how she felt about Addison. She didn’t know if she hated her or admired her, she didn’t know if she wanted to be her or be with her and Meredith had always been open to more than one interpretation regarding her wayward of emotions, and after many sleepless nights with much needed deliberation; she finally conceded that she wanted the latter because she’s Meredith Grey, and Meredith Grey doesn’t go for the easy and uncomplicated way.

Anyway, Meredith continued to express her admiration for the attending by taking a mental picture of her outfit today. Addison donned her bloody red button-down shirt that complemented her pale skin together with her tight skirt and white knee-length lab coat that made people perceive her as the don’t-mess-with-me type and it was hot .

Meredith was lost in her own reverie when she collided with something tall and white… wait, scratch that, it was a someone not a something. She had literally bumped into Addison’s back that caused the chart in her hand to drop on her feet. Double kill. “Ow.” She mumbled and cursed softly, transitioning it into a lame ass apology.

Addison pivoted on her heel the same instant Meredith steeped down to pick up the medical binder. “You really have that klutzy thing down, don’t you, Grey?”

The moment Meredith went back up, Addison’s head was ducked down a bit and their faces were just inches away from each other. Surprisingly, the older woman doesn’t seem fazed by this. If not, it humored her more as Meredith could spot the telltale sign of amusement in her eyes as Addison held eye contact with her. “I, um, well, it’s-it’s one of those d-days.”

“And the stuttering, I see.” Addison loved teasing Meredith, she loved to see the touch of red spanning from across Meredith’s cheeks down to her neck. And she most definitely enjoyed hearing the woman try her hardest to stutter a not-so well thought out response as it was one of Meredith’s endearing qualities.  

Meredith took a step back and scratched her brow, a gesture that’s ingrained in her for whenever she felt nervous. She pointed at the opened room. “Is this the patient’s room?” Meredith didn’t even wait for an answer as she made her way inside, having Addison trail from behind completely missing the smug grin on her attending’s face.

She skimmed through the patient’s medical record and as accustomed to her everyday routine, she presented the case with information regarding the patient before her mind had the time to process who it was. “Molly Gr–” A lump the size of a tennis ball caught in her throat as Meredith finally looked up to see that the woman lying on the bed had an odd resemblance to her and her estranged father along with the woman who’s holding her hand. Meredith cleared her throat. “Molly Thompson, twenty-two years old, thirty-two weeks pregnant, transferred here from Mercy West when an ultrasound diagnosed the baby with congenital diaphragmatic hernia.”

Feeling proud for not making a fool out of herself in front of the family his father left her for, Meredith mentally patted herself on the back. His dad’s wife — if her assumptions were correct — seemed to know who she was since she had a look on her face, a mix of shock and something else.

“Hello Molly, I’m Dr. Addison Montgomery and this is Dr. Gr–”

“Meredith. You can call me, Meredith.” The blonde swiftly interjected like her life depended on it, which it kinda did as Addison threw her a questionable look. With squinted eyes, Meredith signaled Addison to go with it.

Molly just nodded with a sweet and innocent smile on her face, a complete and total opposite of Meredith Grey’s character. Meredith was all dark and twisted inside while her half-sister was a huge freaking ball of sunshine, it was almost infuriating, and she hardly knew her.

“You’re supposed to be the best,” Molly acknowledged, all doe-eyed and shit and Meredith saw Addison smile at that which added insult to the injury.

Molly’s mother — whoever she is — stroked her daughter’s arm and spoke with a twinkle of hope seen in her eyes. “Not to put pressure on you or anything, but this is my baby carrying my grandchild, so I really hope that you are… the best I mean.”

Molly turned to face her mother that tried to conceal her worry, yet failing miserably. “Mom, you’re kind of threatening the doctor. Don’t threaten the doctor. It doesn’t help.” Molly said softly, even her voice sounds kind.

“Sorry,” she apologized and Addison just smiled again . If frowning could literally make you age faster, Meredith would have been a hundred years old by now. “My husband tells me I have to try not to be such a mother lion because Molly’s a grown woman and has her own life and everything but…” she inhaled. “Roar.”

Fortunately, no one was paying attention to Meredith while she visibly cringed for a moment as her attending managed to croak out a small chuckle. “It’s okay. I can take it, I am the best.” Addison said confidently that reassured both women. 

Damn right you are , Meredith thought to herself.

“You can fix this though, right?” Molly questioned.

“We’ll insert a scope into your uterus, and then inflate a little balloon in the baby’s airway which should help stimulate the lungs to grow. It’s not gonna be easy on neither of you, but I do have a strong record with this surgery.”

“Thank you,” Molly’s mother said.

“You’re welcome, I’ll make sure that you and your baby stays safe,” Addison assured once again. “In the meantime, Doctor, um, Meredith here will take you up for an MRI.”

Meredith strained a smile, keeping it strictly professional. When in reality, it’s taking up every cell in her body not to break down and scream, with everything that she has, that she’s Meredith Grey . 

She was about to walk out with Addison when Molly’s mother called, stopping Meredith dead in her tracks. “Meredith?” The intern gulped and blew the strands of hair covering her face before turning around. “I’m Susan.”

Meredith was shocked, beyond shocked even that her father’s new wife had the guts to introduce herself to her when she had shown no interest in knowing her, not even in the slightest bit, and what’s worse is that Susan seemed genuine, she seemed nice, and caring and… and even better than her own mother. 

Tears prickled in Meredith’s eyes, she rushed to blink them away as she stared at Susan’s hand, waiting to be shook by her husband’s first daughter to whom he had abandoned twenty years ago as though it was meant to bury the hatchet. If it wasn’t for Addison and Molly, Meredith would have left immediately.

But she was caught off guard, and so she acquiesced and took Susan’s hand into hers with a firm handshake. “Nice to meet you…” Meredith managed to choke out, her voice quivering word by word. “I, um, I’ll be — I’ll be back for y-your daughter’s MRI.”

As soon as Meredith uttered those words, she fled out the door like an arrow from a bow as she pressed her back up against the nearest wall she could find, palms touching the surface, face flustered and hair disheveled. She didn’t give a damn if people stared at her melodramatic position. Her body had betrayed her and she felt like she had been paralyzed, like she had just lost the ability to move.

It was only a matter of seconds before Addison followed her intern outside only to find her looking nothing like the Meredith she knew. Meredith, at this very moment, was vulnerable and scared and pissed all at the same time. This was not the classy and patient Dr. Grey.  

“Meredith,” Addison tended to the blonde woman and cupped her cheeks with both of her hands. Normally, this would have sent Meredith’s mind to haywire, but it clearly was the wrong time to think about such a thing. “Hey, are you alright? What happened?” Addison was filled with concern. “Please don’t even try to say that you’re fine, honey, because you’re not.”

Meredith’s heart did several somersaults at Addison’s chosen term of endearment. She furrowed her brows, not knowing what to say. “I… I don’t know…” 

Before Addison could speak another word, someone else did. “Excuse me, are you–” The middle-aged man was clearly in for a surprise the moment he saw Meredith when the question he was supposed to ask was aimed for Addison who had abruptly taken her hands off of Meredith’s face. “Meredith…? Are you… are you Molly’s doctor?”

Then as if some kind of miracle happened, Meredith was back to her old-self and it took Thatcher Grey to snap her out of it. How convenient. Meredith fixed her posture and faced her father, eyeing him with such contempt. “Dr. Montgomery here is her doctor,” she said, motioning towards Addison.

Thatcher still had his mouth open, and was dumbfounded by meeting his estranged daughter for the second time in over twenty years that he didn’t even acknowledge Addison’s presence. “Did you introduce yourself?”

Meredith suddenly had the urge to slap him in the face, to watch him get hurt like he hurted her, to watch him suffer like she suffered at the hands of her negligent mother while he was out there, probably having a good time with his second family without ever having Meredith cross his mind. To watch him cry himself at night like she did when the picture of her own mother slitting her wrist in front of her played over and over again. 

Coming face to face with Thatcher had her feeling a whirlwind of emotions, anger dominating every other unnecessary emotion as furiousness seeped through her veins. She wanted to get her revenge because all her life, Meredith had blamed Thatcher for everything that happened to her because if he had just tried, if he had just fucking tried then maybe Meredith wouldn’t be as miserable as she was.

Maybe she wouldn’t have to resist the urge of pushing every single person in her life away in fear of being left first, maybe she wouldn’t have trouble getting close with someone, maybe she wouldn’t have had abandonment issues, maybe she would have lived a better fucking life than this. 

Meredith felt a soft hand, snaking its way to her own as Addison intertwined them together while giving Meredith a soothing squeeze to remember her that whatever this was, she was there for her. 

And that was enough.

“No, I didn’t,” she replied through gritted teeth. “She knew me as Meredith. Not Meredith Grey, just Meredith. So, you don’t have to worry about explaining the reason why she and I have the same surname.”

Meredith heard Addison let out a gasp at the sudden revelation, and she couldn’t blame her. If she was in the redhead’s position, she would have been able to come up with hundreds of explanations as to why the air felt so tense and awkward at the encounter, but the thought of her being blood-related to them would’ve never been a part of the options. 

“Meredith…” was all Thatcher could say. Meredith had rendered him speechless.

“Goodbye, Thatcher,” then she and Addison left him, Meredith’s hand still gripping the older woman’s like it was the source of her strength.

Addison pulled them inside the supply closet and locked the door, turning to Meredith who resembled a look akin to misery and restlesness, like she was on the verge of freaking the fuck out.  The older woman took small, calculated steps to get closer to Meredith, but she took a step back.

Meredith didn’t want Addison near her, she didn’t want to feel her comfort, she didn’t want her mind to think that Addison was there for her because now that she got divorced, there’s no more reason for her to stay. She could move to some place else and not look back, and Meredith cannot have that right now. 

“Meredith, let me,” Addison Montgomery pleaded, she pleaded , and for what? To have the chance to hold Meredith? Why?

Meredith drew a ragged breath, shaking her head while keeping a generous amount of distance. “Don’t…” she ran her hands through her hair. “If you touch me, I will cry and I don’t… I don’t want to…”

Impulsively, Addison no longer waited for Meredith to utter a sentence that will inevitably contradict with what her body really needs as she enveloped her in a warm embrace. The younger woman automatically broke down, tears bursting forth like water from a dam, lips trembling, hand clutching on Addison’s lab coat as her other arm looped itself around her attending’s waist as though she had no intention of letting go. It was odd and unexpected to have found necessary comfort in her former rival’s presence, but Meredith wouldn’t have chosen a better company other than Addison at this moment in time.

Meredith wouldn’t have let any other person come close to seeing the walls she made to protect herself collapse, shatter brick by brick. The same walls that served as a support for whenever she came tumbling down, the wall that she could lean on was filled-in by Addison, who was the only person that’s binding Meredith’s weak and fragile self together.

Every sob that came out of Meredith was a byproduct of surfacing long-forgotten grudges that she had buried deep beneath her psyche for twenty years and Addison could almost feel her pain. She had never seen Meredith this way. Sure, she’d seen glimpses of vulnerability from the younger woman on different occasions before, but this was unlike all those other times and it felt like a jab straight through the heart.

With distinct gentleness, Addison threaded her hand through the intern’s blonde locks in such a way that suggests that the tender, light touch was meant for Meredith, and Meredith alone. She whispered reassuring words into her ear while rocking her slowly and carefully that soothed Meredith into thinking that this would all eventually pass.

Addison could feel Meredith further melting into her arms as she calmed down by the second. Quiet sniffles came in series, prompting Addison to plant a kiss on top of Meredith’s head.

Roughly ten minutes after being together in dead silence, Meredith felt Addison pulling away and it took a lot of strength in her just to fight the urge of begging her to hold her again. Once they already had their distance, Addison took this opportunity to wipe away the stray tears from Meredith’s face. “Do you feel better?”

She exhaled. “Yeah, um, thank you…”

“Anytime.” Addison cupped her cheek, rubbing her thumb across it as she offered Meredith the warmest of smiles that immediately prompted the butterflies on her stomach to fly and her heart to melt. “I’m not letting you scrub in on Molly Thompson’s surgery.”

“I’m fine… I can take it. It’s just-”

“I know you are, Meredith. I just can’t let you be on this one. You’re still scrubbing in on my C-sections, but not this. And in the meantime, while I’m in the OR, I just want you to take care of my pre-ops and post-ops. Do you understand?”

Meredith could only nod at that, Addison knew her better. She kept telling herself that she could do it because physically she can and she’s ready. But she doesn’t know if she could handle it with rational thinking, without letting her emotions slip. “Are you going to take me off the case, too?”

Deep ocean blue eyes pierced in Meredith’s own blues, Addison’s hand on her cheek transferred to her shoulder and it was at this time that Meredith realized how close their faces really were. She could smell the older woman’s strong vanilla-scented perfume which nearly drove her to insanity as it deprived her of thinking anymore coherent thoughts.

“Do you want me to?” Addison asked,  obviously it was about Molly, yet Meredith can’t help but notice the sensual innuendo hidden beneath the words, seeking for approval as she saw Addison lick her bottom lip, glimmering in anticipation.

Meredith broke eye-contact, whatever game they were playing was getting more and more dangerous. “No…”

“Then I won’t,” was mumbled as Addison straightened her back and in doing so, stepping away from Meredith’s personal space. 

“Why do you do that?” Meredith asked equivocally before she even had the chance to think. The question she had for days, or maybe even weeks just completely slipped off her tongue. It was a word-vomit, but there’s no backing down now that the cat’s out of the bag. She watches closely as Addison’s perfectly trimmed brows drew together in silent questioning. “Why… Why do you care so much? You could’ve just easily let me drown in my sorrows, watched me suture a damn banana or knit a fucking sweater and be glib and all while later, at the end of the day, we’d go to Joe’s seperately, you’ll look for a good time and I’ll nurse my wounds, drinking several shots of tequila that would have ebbed me away from my better sense of judgement like it always did because I’m an adult and a fuck-up who’s not capable of making adult decisions. So, I just need to understand, why did you do that? Why would someone like you want to have anything to do with someone like me ?”

“Because that’s what you would have done for me if I was in your place, Meredith. You would have stayed with me and hugged me, you would have gently stroked my hair while telling me that everything’s gonna be okay and I would’ve truly believed it. I want to be that person for you, too. I want to be your person too, Meredith. So please… don’t push me away.” 

Deep sincerity was heard in Addison’s voice that left Meredith speechless. She made it sound like she was here because she wanted to, because she chose to, not just because it was convenient for her or because she was left with no choice and this awoke something in Meredith, an epiphany; she wanted to spend the rest of her life with Addison, she wanted her to stay, but she doesn’t how to.

See, this was the problem, Meredith could say whatever she wanted to say right here, right now, but a voice on the back of her mind refrains her from doing so. She knows that if she walks out of the room without saying how much Addison meant to her, it would be her loss.

She wants to have Addison, she just doesn’t know how to. So, she does the only thing she does best; push people away.

“Don’t you have surgery to get to?” Meredith altered the topic, seeing how Addison’s face fell in disappointment.

Addison sighed, shaking her head lightly. Despite her plead not to get pushed away, she gets that instead. “Yeah, I do. I guess I’ll just… see you later then, Dr. Grey.” Addison didn’t try to conceal the sadness in her voice because she refuses to be guarded around Meredith, unlike the young woman who had walls soaring higher than the tallest building in the world. Addison reached for the door knob, looking over her shoulder to steal a glance at Meredith again. “Can you give me a reason to stay?”

Meredith blinked, face akin to that of a reindeer caught in headlights. “What…?”

A lopsided smile and great despondency was prominent on Addison’s god-like features that it almost hurts to think that whatever facial expression she wears, she still looks breathtaking as fuck. “I don’t want someone who doesn’t want me, Meredith.”

The intern gulped down, feeling the heat overcome her whole body with the way Addison’s voice dropped down to an octave, raspier and huskier than usual that made Meredith wonder how she screams or whispers in bed. “I know that.”

“Good.” Her attending nodded slowly. “Then I’m guessing you’ll know what to do,” Addison was about to close the door, yet she came back to sneak her head through the small gap. “Oh, and by the way, I only have ten hours left to cancel my flight to L.A, but you know, no pressure.” She still managed to send a quick teasing grin before completely disappearing.

That being said, the redhead left a panicked and nearly borderline insane, Meredith Grey.

“And your parents… they approve?” Meredith asked her half-sister after volunteering to continue Molly’s vitals and doing her prep work.

“My parents are amazing,” the sentence alone felt like stab through the heart. Meredith never experienced having amazing parents because she never had one. “You know how dads can be.” No. No, I don’t. “Mine’s pretty over protective, but you know at my wedding, when he gave me away, my dad cried. I’ve never seen my dad cry before, but I think it was also kind of weird for him because I’m his little girl. You know I’m the youngest and my sister’s like nowhere near ready for marriage. But it was like he was proud of me, you know?” Meredith just idiotically nodded. “I’m sorry, I’m just- I’m nervous so I’m talking.”

“No, that’s okay. So, you have a sister?” Meredith inquired further. She not only had one half-sister, but two. How truly fucked up is that? In her twenty-six years of existence, she had never known they existed until now.

“Yeah, Lexie. She’s in medical school. Harvard? She’s the smart one, you should see how my dad is about her. He’s like crazy proud.”

Meredith bit her lip to stop the tears from forming again. She volunteered to take her vitals because she wanted to test if she wanted to get to know her as a sister or just as a patient, and she got her answer. Loud and clear.

She never wanna know Molly, or Lexie for that matter. She wants nothing to do with his dad’s new family.

Meredith closed the chart. “Well, I’m gonna go.”

“Meredith?” the blonde mumbled a soft humm. “Do you think my baby’s gonna be okay?”

“Oh… Well, I hope so,” she elicited a nervous chuckle.

“Me, too. Thank you, Meredith.”

“You’re welcome. ” Sighing, Meredith took one last look at Molly and she probably would regret it if she did whatever she was thinking of doing right now, but since it’ll be highly unlikely for them to meet again, she spoke. “And Molly?”

“Yeah?” the doe-eyed girl looked at her innocently.

“It’s Dr. Grey,” she paid close attention from how Molly’s eyes squinted with confusion to how it widened in a split second at the news.

Meredith didn’t wait for her to speak, she just walked out like nothing ever happened. She took a deep breath in, her half-sisters, Molly and Lexie probably had a good childhood. They probably didn’t have many people despise them so much as Molly was all cheery and bright and she guessed that Lexie was like that, too.

They lived a comfortable life in the hands of Susan and Thatcher. They may not have everything, but they had each other and Meredith wanted that, she wanted to have someone to trust, someone to lean on, and someone that will never judge her. 

Someone who would be able to understand her even at times when she couldn’t understand her own self. And she made it her quest to find Addison. 

The last she had seen of the redhead was in the OR when they performed Addison’s scheduled C-section. While in surgery, she studied Addison’s relaxed demeanor, watching every move she does as the older woman would steal glances from time to time. She had been once again amazed by how Addison skims through the flesh with such ease and grace, showing how she’s done procedures like that hundreds of times already that it looked particularly easy. Meredith knew it was muscle memory.

Addison allowed her to close while she hovered over Meredith, peeking at the intern’s shoulder as she whispered things like “you’re doing great” and “excellent, Dr. Grey” in a seductive voice. And as if Addison was not close enough, she leaned in further, Meredith sensing how her boss inhaled her scent.

It was a miracle that her hands didn’t tremble or she would have nicked the patient to instability. If it had only happened in a different place and different situation, her entire system would have shut down immediately the moment she saw Addison.

Meredith looked at the clock attached to the wall and she had plenty of hours left to chase Addison, that is if she finds her in time before their next C-section which was an hour and a half away and she couldn’t wait that long, Meredith had to get it out of her system. 

She repeatedly pressed the buttons from the elevator as she impatiently waited for it to open, she had already paged Addison 911. Meredith heard a momentary ding, she was still looking at her pager when she collided with someone once again on her way in.

“Meredith? What’s wrong? Why’d you page me 911?”

“Oh thank God!” Meredith tugged on Addison’s wrist and pulled her inside again. One staff from the hospital tried sliding in but Merdith lightly pushed him away. “Shoo! Go to the next one!”

“What the–” Addison stood shock, reflecting the man’s reaction from Meredith’s sudden burst. Her attending watched as she pulled the emergency stop button. “Meredith, what is up with you?”

The intern played with her hands and shook them to somehow relieve some of the nervousness she felt at Addison’s anticipation. She swallowed the lump in her throat and spoke up. “I snore, like really, really loud maybe you wouldn’t be able to sleep. I have this, um, trust issues, abandonment issues, and every other fucking issue in the world basically. I only clean when necessary, I don’t know how to cook, I order in, or just eat whatever food that’s left in the fridge. I have bad, bad communication skills and–”

“Meredith, what?” Addison furrowed her brows, her lips asymmetrical as she tried to follow through but without the whole context, she can’t.

“Just let me finish because if I don’t get these out of my system, I’ll go feral on you. Okay?” Addison nodded and motioned her to continue, so she did. “I’m not good in decision-making as you probably already know. I like drinking, it’s my coping mechanism. I have unsolved issues, I have problems that are sometimes so hard to understand. I have another family out there, sharing the same blood and DNA as mine and I fucking resent it. I always say I’m fine when I’m not and that could piss the hell out of you in the long run, and oh , I have half of the hospital living with me because they’re like my surrogate family to replace my true family who I want nothing to do with–”

“Wait, now I’m really lost. What are you trying to say?” 

Meredith sighed, she had allowed her imaginary walls to come down on her own accord specifically for one Addison Adrianne Forbes Montgomery. “What I’m trying to say is, I already have a person, Addison.”

“Oh…” Addison mumbled despondently, tears rapidly filling her eyes, heart breaking into pieces at the thought of Meredith rejecting her.

“But I don’t have a girlfriend yet, so I was thinking maybe you would want to–”

Meredith was interrupted by Addison’s soft lips and for a moment, she stood there, stunned and unreciprocating, but when she felt a pair of  arms wrap loosely around her slim neck to deepen the kiss, Meredith reciprocated accordingly, she tasted mint and strawberries from Addison’s mouth as their tongues danced and fought for dominance.

Addison backed Meredith up against the wall, her lips connecting with her neck that ensued a groan of lust and hunger from Meredith’s mouth as the intern tangled her hand through her boss’ silky red hair, giving it a slight tug to further induce sexual arousal from the other end. 

Their lips reconnected once again, but was cut short-lived when they gasped for a much needed air. Lust glimmering in both of their eyes, indicating months of mutual pining. 

“So…” Meredith tried to catch her breath, a playful smirk tweaking on the edge of her mouth. “I’m guessing that that’s a yes?”

Addison laughed, warm and hearty as always. Seeing Addison so care-free was like being able to witness a rare type of surgery, it was euphoric, thrilling and all the good kinds that comes along with it that you can’t help but stare, stare in complete and utter awe as the strong currents from the ocean comes to smack you with a plethora of bubbly and positive feelings.

“Yes, I would love to be your girlfriend, Meredith Grey,” Addison cupped Meredith’s cheeks, pulling her into another sweet kiss.

The kind of kiss that promised a good life, a long-lasting relationship founded in trust and openness. A life with marriage and kids.

The promise of forever.