Chapter 2
Jason herded the Avengers into the car, silencing the protests from Tony and Spiderman with a glare. Batgirl watched silently, perched on a nearby lamppost, then, as Steve squeezed into the backseat of the car beside Clint, hopped down and slipped into the passenger seat. Jason settled in the driver’s seat and looked back at all five of the Avengers jammed in the backseat with a smirk, asking, “You comfortable back there?”
Steve frowned at him and looked over the group. Spiderman had ended up in Tony’s lap and Clint was halfway in Natasha’s lap and halfway in Steve’s, shifting awkwardly. Before any of them could answer what was no doubt a rhetorical question, though, Jason slammed on the gas and the car jerked into motion. Batgirl laughed quietly as Jason drove like a maniac, the view out the window blurry and dark from the speed and the fact that it was nighttime. Then Jason slammed on the brakes, jerking the wheel so the car spun, and Batgirl threw her door open as Jason shouted, “Get in, loser! We’ve got guests!”
A blonde girl in purple hopped into the car, settling in Batgirl’s lap, and closed the door, turning to look at the Avengers squeezed in the backseat. Then she asked, “Are these those weirdos that you guys ran into in the alternate universe a few months ago? The ones that thought Little Red was like 16?”
Clint snorted a laugh at that, then answered, “The very ones. Who might you be?”
The blonde girl grinned, then answered, “Well, I might be Spoiler.”
Jason slammed on the gas again and Spoiler cursed in surprise, clinging to Batgirl and asking, “Who the fuck taught you to drive, you maniac?!?”
There was a moment of uncomfortable silence, then Jason, sounding extremely guilty, answered, “Talia?”
There was a beat of silence, then Spoiler asked, “She knows how to drive?”
Jason took a corner at roughly a hundred miles an hour, then answered, “Honestly? I don’t think so. Also. I’m usually a pretty good driver. I just like going fast. Especially when I know I won’t get pulled over.”
He took another corner and Steve had to grab the door to keep from being flung into Tony’s lap, then asked, “Where are we going?”
“The Cave.”
Steve opened his mouth, then wheezed as the car spun to a stop and he was flung against the door. The door opened a moment later, sending Steve spilling onto a cold stone floor, and the arrogant voice of Damian asked, “Which fool allowed Todd to drive?”
Spoiler got out of the car as Steve slowly stood and Jason got out, closing his door with a distinctly shit-eating grin and answering, “Your mother, actually.”
In a heartbeat, Damian had launched himself across the car and tackled Jason to the ground, hissing something in what Steve was pretty sure was Arabic and was almost certain was swearing. Natasha arched one eyebrow as she and Clint climbed out of the car and Clint reached back in to cover Spiderman’s ears, joking, “That is some very much not PG language.”
Spoiler grinned maniacally, then moved to stand behind Batgirl and asked, “He really is a motherfucker, isn’t he, Damian?”
Damian’s cursing grew in volume as he and Jason wrestled on the floor and Steve glanced around the large cavern they were in to see if anyone was going to stop them. No one appeared to be interested in stepping in, so Steve stepped forward to intervene. Before he could, though, a distinctly British voice drifted through the cavern, scolding, “Master Damian, please release Master Jason. Master Jason, Miss Stephanie, please stop antagonizing Master Damian.”
Damian growled, but released Jason, slinking back into the shadows. Jason stood, straightening his jacket and dusting himself off, and stated, “In my defense, I was telling the truth. Talia was the one who first taught me to drive, thereby being the first person to allow me to drive.”
An older man in an impeccable black suit emerged from the shadows like all the rest of the Batfamily Steve had met did, one gray eyebrow arched high. Jason wilted and muttered an apology, followed by Spoiler. Once they had apologized, the man nodded approvingly and stated, “If you are quite done here, everyone else is upstairs awaiting you and our guests.”
The man then walked off again. Batgirl pulled off her mask, revealing an Asian woman in her early twenties with chin-length black hair. Spoiler followed suit and the pair melted into the shadows as Jason ordered, “Wait here for a minute.”
Then he too disappeared and Steve turned to look at the rest of the Avengers, his confusion no doubt evident on his face. Tony and Clint’s bewildered faces, Natasha’s implacable expression, and Spiderman’s mask all stared back at him and, after a moment, Clint commented, “They really take the whole ‘Bat’ thing seriously, huh? I mean, c’mon? A cave?”
Steve couldn’t help his laugh and answered, slightly incredulously, “I have to respect them for holding to their theme, I suppose.”
Tony shifted slightly before bringing one hand up to press his chest piece, sending the nanites that made up his suit zipping back into the chest piece. At Steve’s confused look, Tony shrugged and stated, “It was starting to get a bit much.”
Natasha was looking around the cave curiously and Spiderman was fidgeting awkwardly, bringing his hands up and dropping them back down like he was debating removing his mask. The group lapsed into awkward silence for a few minutes and Steve was about to say something to break it when Jason returned, dressed in a pair of worn black sweatpants and a red hoodie. He raised an eyebrow at the group, then stated, “No uniforms upstairs. Stark, you’re fine. Rest of you, not so much.”
He gave Natasha, Clint, Spiderman, and Steve an appraising look, then stated, “Natasha, you’re pretty close to Selina’s size. Steve, you’ll probably be fine in Clark’s stuff. Clint, you’re pretty on par with Dick. Spiderkid… Hmmm. Duke’s clothes should fit you. Might be a bit big, though. Gimme a minute.”
He disappeared back into the shadows and Steve considered what he had said, then observed, “I remember Dick, but do any of you know who Selina, Clark, or Duke are?”
Tony rolled his eyes, then asked, “How would any of us know that, Capsicle? We’ve never been here either.”
A moment later, Jason returned and gestured for the Avengers to follow him. He led them through a seemingly never-ending cave before they finally reached an area with an absolutely massive computer and a bunch of stuff that threw Steve for a loop. There was an enormous penny, a giant green dinosaur, a huge playing card, and all sorts of other random items. Jason led them through a door carved into the cave wall into a smaller room that looked like a gym’s locker room, then pointed them each into a different changing stall. Steve entered the one that he had been directed into and found a blue t-shirt with a weird, decorative S in a red and yellow gem shape on it, along with a pair of grey sweatpants. He changed, a little surprised at how well the clothes fit him, and folded his suit up neatly before stepping out of the changing stall. Natasha stepped out a minute later, dressed in black yoga pants and a black shirt with a cat on it. Clint emerged a few seconds after her, in bright blue sweatpants and a white t-shirt, and finally, after nearly five minutes, Peter emerged from the stall Spiderman had been ushered into, dressed in a yellow hoodie and grey sweatpants. Steve blinked at him, mouth opening and closing, but, before he could think of anything to say to the revelation that Peter was Spiderman, Jason stated, “You can put your uniforms on the table over there.”
Steve set his folded uniform on the table Jason had indicated, still reeling from the revelation, and the whole group silently followed Jason up a set of long stone stairs. As they climbed higher, Steve’s enhanced hearing began to pick up on a low murmur of voice that grew steadily louder as they ascended.