The halls of McKinley were bare, quiet, except for the tittering of sneakers on the floor, the drumming of Santana’s heart. She was alone, except she wasn’t alone because her shadow trailed behind her and she just wanted it to leave. Leave, separate from her like the way everyone will, when they hear.
She didn’t register time, because time was meaningless to her when the whole world was crumbling beneath her feet. She couldn’t breathe, she needed to breathe, but the air was stuck somewhere in her throat where her heart laid bobbing, broken and dirty and mangled.
She didn’t register time, but she did register voices, somewhere on the opposite end of the hall. She was about to scream at them to go away when she heard the quiet, low voice of her girlfriend.
“What you took from her, it’s something you can never give back.”
Santana stood motionless, listening to the conversation, her eyes wide. Brittany was talking about her, standing up for her.
“Everyone already knew! The whole school knew. It’s not like I broke major news.” Finn’s loud, angry voice echoed throughout the hallway and made Santana shrink in on herself.
“But it is major!” Brittany yelled back, which made Santana gasp because Brittany never yelled, not even when Artie called her stupid or the time her sister cut her hair while she was asleep.
“It’s major to her, and to me. She was being so brave about everything and I am so proud of her,” Brittany said, softer this time, a hint of pain apparent in the way she spoke. “And you just took all of it and messed it up so bad. You messed it up and now she has to suffer. Because of you. ”
Santana couldn’t see him, but she hoped Finn’s cheek was red from when she slapped him. She hoped he was feeling a fraction of the pain that poured over her, encompassing her. There was so much of it and she hoped it reached him, too. She hoped it reached everyone except for Brittany.
Because Brittany? She deserved the world, more than Santana could ever give her.
She heard Finn take a deep breath in before speaking. “She’s a fucking bitch , Brittany,” he said.
Santana rolled her eyes, but deep inside, she felt another piece of her chest cave in.
“Do you not see what she’s doing to you?” he continued, apparently on a rant. “Stringing you along for God knows what reason, because she’s too much of a coward to-“
“SHUT UP!” Brittany cut him off with a shrill, demanding shout. “You don’t know her! You don’t care about knowing her! All you care about is yourself, Finn. If you paid attention, you’d know that Santana is anything but a bitch. She’s kind, and she’s so smart, and she loves me. Probably not as much as I love her, but what she feels for me, what we feel for each other, is deeper than anything you could possibly imagine.”
Santana felt her legs buckle beneath her at hearing Brittany’s pure, unfiltered honesty. It was all the validation she needed- Brittany thought she was good. She thought she was worth fighting for, no matter how awful she could be sometimes.
She hated herself, but she loved Brittany more, and knowing that her girlfriend could take all the parts about her that everyone else thought her ugly and turn them into something beautiful, astounded her.
Even on the worst day of Santana’s life, Brittany managed to make tomorrow seem brighter. And that, coupled with everything else she felt for the blonde, made her feel so complete she could cry with the sheer relief of it all, with the knowledge of having someone there to pick her up when she’s down.
It seemed like Finn stormed off in another one of his testosterone tantrums, leaving Brittany standing there in his wake.
Santana wasn’t ready to see her and her smile and her soft, inquisitive look quite yet, because she knew it would break her further, deeper. She settled on sending her a text:
meet me at your car in ten?
For the first time all day, she felt the corners of her mouth tug up in some form of a smile, when she read the reply.
let’s get ice cream and cuddle. I love you, sweet girl.
She didn’t even think before typing out a reply, her thumbs automatically responding to the words that were only meant for her.
love you back. so much.
As Santana slid her back against the lockers and rested her head on her knees, she felt a little more prepared to face it all, knowing she had the girl she loved more than anything there beside her.