One-shots

It happened only when she realised why it hurt.

When she called Shouto hot, she thought that was it. That was all it was.

When she got his number, she felt giddy, but whether she expected more or not, it was a fling. It was a fling.

When she texted him, it was cute that he was unsure how to respond. She carried their conversations. He was closed off.

Then she knew he liked cold soba. Because his mother made it when he was a child.

And then he called her just to ask why everyone acted weird whenever Midoriya and Uraraka interacted and she laughed for a full minute, her breath running short.

He asked her out. She was off the ground for a second, elated, flying. Then he followed up that text with 

I was dare to do that sorry. Hope you don't mind

dared*

And her world crashed. She told him it was fine because she was carefree, right? She should be teasing him. Why were her hands shaking? Everything was underwater and fuzzy and she couldn't quite focus on herself or anything. 

He asked if Uraraka and Midoriya were dating. She said no, but probably crushing on each other.

And then a few days later, he asked why it hurt and she could ask the same thing.

He was innocent, clueless. Had no idea what was going on in his own heart and own mind.

But he also knew the dark side. Why was he so strong?

Why was he so kind?

He soon realised he was jealous. Of Uraraka.

Because now he knew, he liked Midoriya.

And she knew, too. She liked Shouto, but it was a little late. She was a flirt. She seduced important guys all the time, and sometimes one would catch her actual interest, like Yoarashi, but it wasn't love.

She knew how to play men, not...

It was no wonder it took so long. She didn't like Seiji's look of pity. Why didn't he call her stupid like all the time? Why was he so quiet? She wasn't heartbroken. 

"Am I pretty, Rashi?'

Why? Why did Yoarashi spend his time telling her what she already knew? She was the hottest girl in their class. If she wasn't, she wouldn't have that many guys wrapped around her pinkie.

It was a phase, she convinced herself.

Shouto asked Midoriya out and he said yes. 

thank you, Camie. I wouldn't even know I felt this way without you. 

Are you there?

Why was life so automatic?

Get up. Check her phone. 

Talk to me, Shouto. Tell me you made a mistake. 

Why did she ask for his number that day? If they never talked, she'd be fine. Why did she ask him to meet up a few months ago? Why did that become normal?

He had an abusive father.

Was he sad? He was scared he'd become that man. She'd calmed him down.

When did "I'm so sorry" turn into "I'll murder your dad". When did sympathy turn into anger and sadness on his behalf?

When did seeing him cry split her in half?

After all these thoughts crowding her mind, she'd force herself out of bed and get ready. Too much effort.

She was pretty.

She was.

Even when she couldn't muster up the energy to try anymore. 

"Camie, you should see the counsellor. You're..."

Not okay?

"OMG, you need to take a chill pill."

She'd master faking it one day. When her voice stopped breaking, when she could say the script properly.

The script?

Then she'd go to class.

She'd half-listen and half-daydream. 

About his eyes. So pretty.

Blue. Like ice. Like water. Calm. Serious. Grey. Like him. 

Why didn't he care? Was he really so heartless?

Why did she still care?

Train. 

She liked it the most. She got to vent her anger. Run, till her breath ran out.

Punch, till her knuckles hurt. She wanted to feel it. Go back to normal, when Seiji calling her dumb stung. When she got offended. When her heart never fluttered every time Shouto called or texted her, concerned at her silence.

When he had no reason to be concerned.

Her first and second years had been wonderful, but the third was a blur.

At one point, it didn't quite hurt.

Did it?

Maybe it did. But she underwater.

It was cold and numb underwater. She'd been cold for too long.

Want to meet up? I haven't seen you for a while.

Izuku wants to meet you. He heard you assisted me in asking him out. He's grateful.

She wanted to scream. 

                                                                                                    okay, where?

.........

He wasn't obvious, but he slipped in little touches like he couldn't resist himself.

She'd probably be the same. Imagining him being that way with her set her heart on fire. 

A little too hot. Was it burning? Was it turning to ashes now?

Maybe he used his quirk. 

"Hi," he gave a small smile. "Yoarashi isn't with you?'

Camie shrugged. "He said he'll join us later."

She just had to focus. Being with Shouto felt so painfully good that she was coming back alive.

She didn't want to stay there.

"How's life been? We're almost about to graduate."

Funny, how Shouto was the one carrying their conversations, these days.

"Sorry, Sho, I was-" 

His eyes were emerald. Like envy.

How ironic, she thought.

"Oh! You're Camie! I mean, the real Camie," he rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, stammering on nervously.

"Hi. Midoriya Izuku, right?' she didn't smile. 

go up mouth. one smile, just one

She was frozen. Shouto's quirk again?

"Um.." Midoriya was at a loss. She didn't look all that welcoming.

"Is everything okay, Camie?' Shouto furrowed his eyebrows.

She swallowed. Blood was rushing to her cheeks again, her face warm. Again.

Coming back to life sucked.

"Yes-Yeah. I'm good," she threw a thumbs-up his way. How she had the energy to do so was something she herself was unsure about. Not when she could drop dead at Shouto's feet.

No, that didn't sound terrible at all. Maybe she could beg for forgiveness for hating Midoriya when the boy had done nothing wrong to her.

......

Yoarashi showed up half-an-hour later. He shook his head and sighed tiredly at the awkward silence when he showed up.

"Hey, Came. Shouto, Izuku."

Camie felt slightly betrayed Yoarashi was on a first-name basis with Midoriya.

"'sup, Rashi," she still mustered an upward twist of her lips. The fire in her chest was slowly burning out. 

Which probably described the past year perfectly. Which was a depressing thought, the exact kind Yoarashi wanted to eliminate.

They will never go away. That was a scary notion.

Shouto shot her another worried look, and when he took Yoarashi aside to speak to him in a hushed voice, she had not a doubt that it was about her behaviour.

Goddamnit, she was trying. Her own body was a traitor.

"So, um...you're, uh, not very talkative," Midoriya said, easing into another bright smile at her as if it'd suddenly turn her back to normal.

"Soz, I'm tired." She still had to stick to the script.

She wanted to cry. She wanted to get out of there.

Shouto was scowling when he came back, and the knife in her chest twisted.

Toga stabbed her once. It hurt a lot.

That seemed like a butterfly's kiss in comparison now, though. 

"Rashi, how long are you gonna stay?' She called. 

"An hour or two." He replied. "Why?'

"I've actually got an appointment so I can't stay," she lied, picking her purse. "It's been fun, y'all."

Yoarashi crossed his arms over his chest and glared at her, "appointment with who?'

Why was he being so difficult? Didn't he understand how hard it was for her to be there?

"I've got a date," she said. She hadn't gone on a date all year. But, hey, maybe by saying this he'll believe she'd okay. It was a plus in her book.

"Really?' Yoarashi asked, eyebrows sky-high.

"Yep." she added a little cheer to it.

"Aye. Don't let me stop you, then! Have fun! Be safe!' he yelled encouragements after her.

By the time, she'd reached the nearby park, she was numb again.

....

She went back to their dorms (which had been introduced first year ever since they realised Toga snuck into the license exams. Precautions--and the fact that U.A was doing it, too).

How much time passed by? She had no idea. All she knew was, she fell into a restless nap and was woken by Yaorashi's loud voice.

"You liar." He hissed, slamming her door open.

She twisted her body. 

"What was I supposed to do?' she asked. There was no better question.

What was she supposed to do? Too bad no one could answer it. 

At least not an answer that didn't hurt.

His body sagged with defeat and sadness at her question because he knew it, too.

"Seiji said you came here straight after."

"No. I went to the swing at the park nearby. I waited until I didn't feel like crying anymore." Camie answered.

Yoarashi took a deep breath, "I actually told Shouto that-"

Her phone rung. 

"It's Shouto," she murmured, swallowing hard.

"Pick it up, then." She felt her bed sink as Yoarashi joined her on it.

"I have a bad feeling about this."

"Probably because I told him everything."

Her phone stopped ringing for a second. Then it rung again.

Her heart dropped.

"He threatened to come by and see you himself if you didn't talk to him," Yoarashi said, his voice half smug half apologetic.

"Don't talk to me, you traitor." She tapped the green button with, dreading it more than anything.

"Camie?'

His voice was deep.

"Yeah. It's me." She said, quietly. Softly. Scared, she was terrified.

"I want to know why you didn't tell me,"

"Because you liked Midoriya," why was she sniffling.

Why were her cheeks wet.

Yoarashi took a shaky breath beside her. "Do you want me to leave?' he whispered to her and suddenly

yes. She wanted him to go away. 

She nodded and he complied, his exit drowned out by Shouto's voice.

"But it must've hurt to keep it in."

"It doesn't matter."

She didn't matter. Shouto mattered.

"Of course it does, Camie. I was worried."

"Why? You like Midoriya. Why don't you go worry about your boyfriend?' she snarled, bitter.

"He's not the one who needed me. You helped me even when it must've felt awful for you. I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault," she said. 

Was she sobbing?

Sound was muffled.

Why did the numbness go away whenever Shouto was there? Whenever she talked to him, it was like a spell--a blessing--had lifted.

"I should have seen the signs. I hurt you. I'm sorry."

Was he crying, too?

Why did he care so much when he didn't even love her.

"I hate you," she whispered. "I hate Midoriya."

She was crying.

Ugly, salty, wet tears.

They stained her cheeks with sadness.

"I'm sorry."

She was, too.

But she'd fallen for the right guy. There was no one better than him to be her first love, her first heartbreak.

......

They were getting married in a few days. Shouto was unsure if she'd like to come, but she wanted to. Really, she was happy for them.

When she'd told her counsellor that it hurt more than it used to, her counsellor told her it was normal.

She never understood why but now, three years later with being a hero her priority, she did.

It still ached a little, like a scar from long ago.

But smiling wasn't a chore.

The spell had never been a blessing, the numbness wasn't a shield. It was a disguised curse and she'd just been too stupid to realise.

Even when she couldn't stop crying that night when Shouto called her, or the day after. Even when she didn't go to class.

Even when it felt like there was a hole next to her, in her life, where she wanted Shouto to be. He didn't belong there.

Even when she felt like Shouto had made it worse.

She made it through those rough times, and if she'd never let it out, she would be stuck in the same place, no doubt.

Moving on was the worst phase she'd ever had to go through, but it'd slowly gotten easier to breath.

She wondered why she'd ever thought being underwater was good, when her lungs were starting to burst.

But it was all over now.

Even if her heart skipped a beat when she saw Shouto's tall figure in a formal suit, his hair brushed to the side.

And then he was kissing Izuku and promising his life to the green-haired hero and looking so happy that she wouldn't have thought it was physically possible to be that happy if she wasn't seeing it in person.

And knowing she couldn't have made him that happy, she knew she had never stood a chance, and it didn't matter so much anymore.