Glory and Gore

[PACIFIC OCEAN - KAIJU YEAR 15]

Ezra wakes up half-submerged in murky waters. He gasps and cannot feel his limbs, constricted to a coffin-sized amount of space. As he looks around, the room has no walls. It is an expanse that covers him in darkness with thin strips of light to the left and right.

He should be able to move, his mind tells him that he can, but his arms and legs do not respond. He breathes heavily. His heart races. He fixates on the black hole ceiling. He attempts to move his neck upwards, but the water tickles his jawline and coats his long hair. It is too risky.

“Ezra,” a familiar voice causes him to freeze, “when will you learn not to run and be content?”

He glances around to figure out where the voice is coming from, but he sighs at nothing.

“Breathe,” the disembodied voice says, “you aren’t going to find the walking dead inside your head.”

“But the walking dead is echoing in my head,” Ezra exhales.

“What do you mean?” The voice is amused. “I’m just your conscience.”

“No,” Ezra huffs, “but I’m not sure why you’re here, Kanan.”

“You passed out screaming in an escape pod shooting towards the surface of the ocean,” Kanan snickers, “and I have to be honest: I never expected you to reach the level of drama known as ‘calling desperately for the man who I wish was my lover.’”

“Ugh,” Ezra pulls a face, “that sounds disgusting in your voice. ‘Lover.’” He gags. “That’s very old fashioned of you. Tell me: was Hera simply your ‘lover’?”

“So much more,” Kanan replies. “Is that what you’re admitting to yourself? That...Luke,” he tests the name, “is more to you?”

“I’m not having this conversation,” Ezra scoffs, “where the fuck even am I right now?”

“I told you,” Kanan says, refusing to elaborate.

Ezra sighs; he’s such a wimp for passing out in an escape pod.

But the reason he’s in the escape pod floods back to him: Luke jettisoned Ezra’s escape pod with the nuclear reactor core timer still counting down.

Thirty seconds. It’s been more than thirty seconds.

Ezra’s heart rate spikes.

“You need to focus,” Kanan instructs, “if you want to live, you need to focus.”

“Live?!” The word leaps out of Ezra’s throat. “I’m dying?!”

“Everybody’s dying all the time,” Kanan snorts, “so don’t stress about it. Your vitals are just a little weak.”

Ezra guffaws. “I wouldn’t have minded this five years ago, but now? No.”

“No, you won’t die?” Kanan poses. “Or no, you would have been fine with me becoming your conscience and now you’re not?”

Ezra’s head spins for a beat. The water around his body grows warm yet cold at the same time.

“I hated myself for so long after what happened to you,” Ezra reveals to the infinite ceiling. “I felt like I could stop it, but I was a kid. I thought my overconfidence would make me good at everything, and yet, I froze up faster than anybody else.”

“Pun intended?” Kanan asks.

Ezra rolls his eyes. “I can’t even deliver a meaningful monologue without you interrupting, can I?”

“I understand,” Kanan hums. “You’ve grown from wanting to sabotage yourself. You want to live for yourself, me, and the man whose name you screamed hoarse in a confined claustrophobic space for five whole minutes.”

“Shut up,” Ezra breathes, “nothing is worse than you teasing me from beyond the grave.”

“Nothing?” Kanan chuckles. “Good. That’s the right attitude.” His voice takes on a softer cadence. “Oh, here he comes now. Close your eyes.”

With furrowed brows, Ezra does as he is told, for once. His mind is loaded into a slingshot. The leather band peels backwards before flying forwards. It splats on a wall.

Ezra’s heart restarts. He gasps, eyes opening wide. Sunlight creeps along the edge of his vision as it sharpens.

He is inside the coffin-sized escape pod, his body secured by straps and a hatch. Only his upper body is exposed to the bobbing ocean and sudden breeze. Wind chill stiffens his armored suit, though he is not submerged in water like in the dream.

Or whatever unconscious mental state he was in a minute ago.

He registers warmth piercing through a shadow. An excess weight sits atop his escape pod, which balloons with raft padding so he does not sink.

Ezra squints as his helmet retracts. The sunrise casts a bronze glow on the man. His silver-blue eyes dart about Ezra’s face with unbridled concern. His mouth parts as he gasps, blonde hair plastered in tantalizing waves. His armor is sans helmet, the suit glinting chrome as he takes a warrior’s stance.

He helps Ezra into a sitting position. Without hesitation, he crushes Ezra in a hug.

Ezra’s cheek muffled into his shoulder, he mumbles, “Luke? You’re squeezing me too tight.”

Luke’s chest rumbles with laughter. His voice is harmonious. “I’m glad you’re okay, Ezra.”

They pull back, Luke’s eyes lingering on Ezra’s face before being cast downwards. His hand comes up to remove an earpiece, which vibrates with loud applause from Yavin. He sets the earpiece on the bobbing escape pod, pushing wet hair away from his cheeks. His skin glistens; he must have had to swim over to awaken Ezra.

“Does anything hurt?” Luke asks. “Your head?”

Ezra smiles dazedly. “I’m alright, thanks.”

Luke crisscrosses on the escape pod concealing the lower half of Ezra’s body. The inappropriate fleeting ‘he’s on top of me’ causes a flash of heat followed by a shiver beneath Ezra’s control suit.

“The helicopter will get us soon,” Luke reports airily, his grin bright and giddy. “We did it.”

“Me?” Ezra pushes himself up and frowns. “What did I do, exactly?” He is wary as his mind blurs with the memory. “H-how did we even get here after you-”

“I took care of it,” Luke chimes. “The Breach is gone. You missed all the fun!”

Ezra makes a ‘psh’ sound. “I’m the source of fun, I’ll have you know, Luke Skywalker.”

“If you say so,” Luke teases.

“Besides,” Ezra remembers, “there was only thirty seconds left!” His eyes widen, frantic even though Luke is right there, unhurt and blissfully safe. “How did you get out in time?”

Luke sends him a cocky smirk. “It’s kind of my specialty to get out of impossible situations.”

Ezra recognizes the pain and discontent behind his mask. It is all too familiar.

“Luke,” Ezra plants a hand down, letting it slacken on the metal between them, “you don’t have to hide from me.”

Luke’s smile twitches and downturns. He looks at the hand and contemplates. He worries his lip before murmuring, “the controls switched to manual. I shouldn’t be alive right now. I wouldn’t have had a problem with it before,” he stares at the escape pod below them, “well, before you, but,” he shrugs to understate the gravity of his words, “at ten seconds, I ran to my escape pod and took my chances that the detonation would work.” Luke sighs in exhaustion. “It did, so that’s what matters. The explosion rocketed me past you, and when I saw you weren’t conscious yet, I came here to open your pod. And that’s, uh, that’s it.”

Ezra notes Luke’s understated blush and asks, “you didn’t have to resuscitate me or anything?”

Luke squints at him. His expression grows sour. “What are you implying?”

“Nothing,” Ezra blurts in embarrassment.

Luke tilts his head to the side. His mouth quirks as he is about to say something.

A helicopter roaring above them has Ezra’s head whipping upwards. His wet hair plasters to his face at the winds as a ladder drops.

Luke shifts to a crouch and grasps the ladder rung. He exclaims behind his shoulder, “come on!”

Ezra climbs out of the restrictive escape pod and grips the ladder.

~

[YAVIN - FINAL YEAR OF THE KAIJU]

Ezra spends an entire day in a revitalizing comatose state. He wakes up loopy and giggly as Katja lies on his stomach.

His happiness doubles when he looks to his right and Luke is in the medbay bed next to him. Luke’s blonde head is smashed into the pillow as he lays on his side, asleep and facing Ezra.

If Ezra’s heartbeat skips on his monitor, he would never tell.

Katja bats Ezra’s long hair to garner his attention again. Her eyes pierce into him.

Ezra sighs as he runs a hand over her fur. “I know, Katja. I’m a fool.”

Her tail swishes in a sideways motion.

“Are you,” his brows pinch together for emphasis, “disagreeing with me?”

She emits an affirmative “mrow.”

Ezra props up on his pillows. She does not move off his stomach, curling on the rippling sheets.

Ezra snorts out a nervous laugh. “Alright, Katja. Sure.” He scrambles to the nightstand and holds up her pendulum toy. He swings the string using his finger, and Katja claws at the tennis ball. Ezra chuckles. “Good job.”

“Mmm.”

Startled, Ezra glances to his side. Luke had rolled over on his back, forcing himself awake. He sighs at the ceiling as he gains his bearings.

“Hi,” Ezra murmurs.

Luke turns over on the pillow again, sending Ezra a frumpy tired expression that is extremely adorable. “Hey.”

The medbay door whooshes open. Aphra, Hera, Sabine, Zeb, Leia, Han, and Chewbacca file into the room.

Ezra’s brow quirks upwards as he puts away the Loth-cat toy. Katja plops on the end of the bed. She receives several strange looks, as Ezra kept his pet largely a secret.

Luke is smacked in the shoulder by Leia, and he curses her out against the pillow. He relents, though, by sitting up in his cot.

“Why are you staring at me while I sleep?” Luke grumbles at the group.

Sabine sends Ezra a pointed look. He rolls his eyes and dismisses her inquiry.

Aphra folds her arms and addresses them from the middle of the room. “We may have won, but there’s a lot to be done before we can leave this place.”

Ezra sobers immediately, as does Luke. They still lost the best Kaiju warriors in the world.

“The Jaeger program has been ordered to stay implemented for a year,” Aphra informs them. “After that, your service will be complete.” She quips, “I’m already reserving a room at every fancy hotel on this side of the equator. So, tell me your aspirations.”

Luke rolls his eyes. “You’re already too eager to get out of here, Aphra. I don’t think any of us have thought about it yet.”

“Actually,” Leia says, “I’m going to Corellia City with Han and Chewie.”

Luke bristles. “When were you going to tell me this?”

“The night before I left?” Leia mutters as an admission.

Luke narrows his eyes. “Fair enough.”

Leia smirks, then turns to the Prowling Ghost crew. “What about you? Where are you going after we’re done?”

“Nowhere,” Hera clips, “I’ve been offered Mon’s job.”

Ezra smiles genuinely while everyone else is silent. “That’s great, Hera. You deserve it.”

She winces in uncertainty.

“I’ll be with Kallus,” Zeb shrugs, “but what else is new?”

Sabine snorts and grasps Zeb’s hand. A ring glistens. The room gasps.

“Zeb,” Ezra grins, “why are you being a grump on the literal day you got engaged?”

“Took him long enough,” Zeb criticizes.

“Then why didn’t you do it?” Sabine teases.

“It’s the principle of the thing,” Zeb sighs, “just forget it. Be quiet.”

“I’ll be getting out of here with Ketsu too,” Sabine says, “haven’t figured out where, but maybe home.”

Mandalore had its fair share of Kaiju scrapes. Nothing too serious, but they bled as much as Lothal.

And that gave Ezra a wonderful idea. He will not voice it, though. Not until the time comes.

“So,” Aphra asks, “since Luke isn’t sure, where are you going, hippie guy?”

Ezra feigns an “I’m not sure either. Just woke up, anyways. Give me an hour to recalibrate.”

“True!” Aphra laughs. “That’s so true. Well,” she motions everyone out of the medbay, “I look forward to drinking with you, man.”

Ezra wants to tell them he doesn’t drink, but they are gone before he can reply. Katja meows and climbs back in Ezra’s lap. He runs his hand along her fur.

“You lied,” Luke recognizes.

Ezra plays coy. “Did I?”

“To Aphra,” Luke clarifies. “You know where you want to go?”

“Let’s not think about it,” Ezra placates. “There’s a whole year, you know? I’m good with doing nothing around Yavin for a while.”

“Yeah,” Luke agrees, “so you won’t leave anyway?”

Ezra scoffs, “of course not. Do I give that impression?”

“No,” Luke smiles hopefully, “no, you don’t. And I’m glad.”

The room is charged in the silence. The fireworks spark up, but do not ignite. Not yet.

Ezra removes his hand from Katja’s fur to cover up his joyful reaction. He hadn’t misread any signals; Luke feels something for him. This year, he’s going to explore that, but they’ve both been through a lot. Ezra has to be patient and careful, two traits he certainly does not possess. But he’ll do it. Anything for Luke.

“I’m glad too,” Ezra says, the phrase coming out as weighty as intended.

“You know,” Luke ponders, “people usually get sick of me by now.”

Ezra gasps. “I have that same effect on people!”

“Does that mean we cancel each other out?” Luke wonders.

“Maybe for each other,” Ezra says breezily, “but I don’t think I’d get sick of you.”

Luke snickers. “Just wait. By the end of this year, you’ll be glad to get away from me.”

Ezra arches a brow. “I’ll take that bet.”

Luke bristles. “What?”

“I’ll take that bet,” Ezra repeats. “I won’t get sick of you in a year. Bet made.”

Luke sighs, “if you say so, Ezra. Bet made.”

“Good,” Ezra shifts under the sheets and rolls over, “I’m going to sleep, alright? Just know I’m not ignoring you. I have a headache.”

Luke chimes, “I’m already giving you headaches! See?”

“It’s from Aphra,” Ezra says as he slides down and rests his head on the pillow. Katja tumbles to the side at the movement, but she does not protest as she curls up beside Ezra with a yawn. “I swear it’s from Aphra.”

“I can believe that,” Luke says amusedly.

As Ezra tosses the blanket over his head, Luke falls silent. Strangely enough, it does not dissuade Ezra from having his best sleep in a very long time.

~

[NABOO CITY - YEAR 1]

A young Ezra pants as he runs through the alleyways of Lothal City. He knows the streets better than the kitchen staff he stole rations from, so they’ll lose him as the neighborhoods curve and twist at the central junction.

Bread bounces like house keys in his jacket pockets. Despite his bright clothing, he blends in the cover of night.

He banks left; where most saw a dead end, Ezra sees his opportunity to scale the wall and hop out of the other side victorious. He does this now, the shouts of the chef not appearing until his boots hit the ground on the opposite side of the wall. He exhales in relief and shakes out his dirty hair.

As he enters the main street, his mind folds in on it itself like origami. Ezra is somewhere else, and older. A teenager. Sixteen.

Sixteen and in a Jaeger. With Kanan.

Kanan speaks into the communication system as they walk around Hoth Island. Snow and sparks curl in a dangerous concoction around them. Ezra’s shaky exhale fogs up his white helmet and causes him to pause.

Kanan notices him stop. He furrows his brows through the helmet plate. “Ezra?”

A Kaiju arm tears through the ceiling and grabs Kanan. It squeezes and tears Kanan out of the Jaeger in the span of a single second.

When the gaping hole bleeds snow, Ezra’s heart stutters. His chest aches with pain. He cannot breathe. He doesn’t remember how to-

“Hey,” a delicate voice soothes, “hey, you’re alright. You’re alright.”

The holo control board disappears entirely. His helmet plate retracts. A body takes its place, a shadow preceding warmth beneath Ezra’s hooded lashes.

Breathing heavily, Ezra looks up. A hesitant smile and careful eyes fills his vision.

Dimples hit Ezra with familiarity as Luke cups a cheek. Ezra refrains from whimpering.

“You can wake up,” Luke murmurs, “I know you can.”

Ezra closes his eyes and exhales through his nose. His mind folds once more, this time into consciousness, and his eyes quirk in recognition.

He will never get used to how vibrant Naboo City is as a vacation spot. The room’s archaic architecture is open and inviting. Outside the panoramic window is a mile of lush fields and a lake that came right out of a holo commercial. If he hadn’t just recovered from a nightmare, he would believe this room is the dream.

And all of that isn’t even accounting for the man curled up on his side, who pokes Ezra’s bare chest to get his attention.

Ezra flickers his gaze downwards, and his eyes widen. Luke flattens his palm against Ezra’s heartbeat, which now raced for a different reason.

His innocent blue eyes studying Ezra’s jaw, Luke murmurs, “breathe through it. Come on. In, out.”

Ezra’s gaze wanders down the golden silk robe that barely covers Luke and finds the task more difficult than originally planned.

Luke removes his hand from Ezra’s chest to compensate for the weight of it. His frown and furrowed brows beneath blonde bangs highlights his concern. That action is what spurs Ezra to exhale deeply.

“Good,” Luke sighs in relief, “in and out.”

Ezra inhales through his nose and exhales, repeating the cycle several times. He directs his attention to the ceiling, Luke nudging away from his side to give him space. Ezra silently pouts at the loss of close contact, but his skin warms at the sentiment behind it.

He takes a final breath. He closes and opens his eyes again.

Luke shifts beside Ezra, resting a tentative hand on Ezra’s heart. It slows, but still pumps faster than it should.

“That one got you, huh?” Luke murmurs, his thumb skating across Ezra’s bare chest and the scars littered around his torso. “It’s okay.”

Ezra examines Luke: the earnest blue-eyed support, the hopeful upturn of his lips, the freckles enhanced by a stream of sunlight, his cheek pressed against Ezra’s skin, the golden robe sliding off Luke’s exposed shoulder, the dual scars on his collarbone harsh but attractive. Ezra opens his mouth and closes it again.

Luke’s eyes dance with knowledge. “Oh!” His smirk substitutes laughter. “I see.”

He leans up and kisses Ezra’s jaw. Somehow, it’s more intimate than what happened last night.

“That’s very sweet,” Luke breathes, nose tickling Ezra’s hair.

A stab of embarrassment reaches Ezra. His cheeks heat up. “Did I ruin it with my...?”

“No,” Luke kisses Ezra’s scarred cheekbone, “you’ve done the same for me. And even then, you or I would have already ruined it at Lothal City.”

Once their year at Yavin was up, Ezra confessed to the group of Jaeger pilots that became his family that he wanted to be a part of the reconstruction efforts at Lothal City. The news brought joy to some of them at his charitable nature, but Luke was shockingly quiet in the week leading up to his departure.

They hadn’t even said goodbye on the morning the helicopter was ready to take Ezra to Lothal City. Luke calling his name is what got Ezra to set down Katja’s carrier and his duffel bag on the tarmac. He turned.

Luke leapt into his arms. Ezra caught him reflexively as Luke coaxed their lips together. Ezra spun them around as his mind burst with fireworks. He kissed back just as desperately as Luke wrapped himself around Ezra.

Luke panted above him as he pulled away. They locked eyes and laughed dazedly with the sunrise peeking behind the helicopter.

Luke hadn’t left his side since. They spent time at Lothal City and rebuilt Ezra’s old neighborhood. Luke’s engineering skills were invaluable in the creation of long-lasting structures. Luke was patient when conflicting memories cropped up on their walks together, and Ezra had never, ever, been happier.

Ezra wanted to give the love back that he received so readily and in abundance from Luke. Helping with Luke’s nightmares was one thing, but Luke deserves grand gestures. Ezra remembered Naboo City, and that was why they were spending their respective construction and engineering salaries on a weekend getaway. Luke’s heightened positivity made the expense worth it.

And that golden robe...and last night...Ezra is the luckiest guy on Earth.

Luke cuddles into Ezra’s side, his finger drawing swirls on Ezra’s chest. He murmurs, “you can join me in the shower if you want.”

Ezra’s brain short circuits. He blinks.

And Luke chuckles. “Come on. I want to visit the waterfalls this morning.”

Ezra grumbles as Luke leaves the bed. His gaze catches on the gold silk blazing like a statue around Luke’s form. He is about to embarrass himself with complimenting his fashionable boyfriend and copilot.

To deter him, Luke smiles and holds out his hand in amusement. “I know. I feel it. Now come on.”

Ezra flushes and takes the hand, eyeing Luke as he forces himself to his feet. Luke’s golden robe sashays as he guides Ezra to the bathroom. They pass by a sleeping Katja in her cushy bed.

He halts as they reach the doorway. Luke turns and furrows his brows.

Ezra tips his head down and kisses Luke deeply. Luke hums in contentment as Ezra delights in their Force bond, fizzling with never ending fireworks.