Sensation

From the darkness that consumed me, I return to myself.

Well.

That was… Certainly a gross miscalculation.

My mage shell shattered when I dove in to save my adjutant…

I managed to recreate my shell before I struck the ground, but…

The penetration spell dragged debris from my flight equipment through me.

…

My battalion… They won’t have the opportunity to treat me.

It’s their lives on the line, after all.

I gave them that order once upon a time.

If I or my lieutenants could be downed by someone, then the rest certainly don’t stand a chance.

And yet… They fight on, far above me.

…

Well… I can probably manage, regardless.

Just a few formulae to augment the healing process…

And time. A lot of time.

I might not be entirely hale and whole, but I’ll live.

If I get lucky, I might be honorably discharged for my injuries.

…

Black spots dot the skies as mages are taken out one by one…

And I can’t even tell if those mages are mine or theirs.

I can only barely manage to keep breathing.

…

Judging by the silence, they probably aren’t mine.

But who knows.

Maybe they had sense enough to cut comms and retreat.

…

I’ve been in a similar position before.

Then again, my fall from the skies was intentional that last time.

This time was…

Well, unintentional would be an understatement.

…

The bursts of black grow sparse.

One side seems to have triumphed.

As for which, I can only imagine…

Judging by the fact that no one’s come down for me…

…

Well.

It’s hard not to assume the worst case scenario.

Especially considering how aggressive they always were.

Always so eager to throw their lives on the line…

…

It’s such a shame. Such a waste.

All that time spent improving on their talents…

I should have protested longer.

I should’ve insisted upon updating our orbs, designing dedicated cores or…

Leveraged… Something.

Anything.

…

Knowing those war maniacs, they would’ve fought to the last.

Their devotion to the fatherland had always outstripped mine.

But that was only to be expected.

Personally, I never wanted this.

The ‘fatherland’ could burn for all I cared.

I just wanted the job security.

And considering the future…

…

Thinking twice, that damn Being X really stacked the cards against me.

Not that I’ve lost.

As long as I’m still alive, I haven’t lost.

…

That said…

Even if I die refusing to praise his name, I will have won.

You hear that, Being X?

You’ve written yourself into a losing battle.

…

That said…

I’m not at all interested in dying.

With that in mind, I still would’ve liked to come out of this with more than nothing.

I don’t quite enjoy starting from zer-

One last blotch of black against the sky - and a meteor of smoke.

In my general direction - Not that it had a chance of touching me.

…

A burst of mana, just before it hits the ground.

The same tactic I used - the same one I taught to my troops.

An equivalent to an airbag - and seeming like a self-destruct mechanism.

It’s not quite the most elegant formula, granted -

But when it comes to saving a life, elegance doesn’t matter.

After all… They’re important resources.

…

I reach out through the mana for their signature.

It will take time, but, in this state, time is the only tangible resource I have.

I have every reason to believe it’s one of mine.

With the number of battles we’ve been involved in…

It’s entirely possible that someone else figured out the trick.

…

But it’s a signature I recognize.

A signature that I could recognize from dozens of kilometers away.

A signature that had flown with me from before my admission to military college.

Just a draftee - but an entirely irreplaceable asset.

At least… Irreplaceable to me.

…

I force my nearly shattered body to move.

If she had the presence of mind to weave the emergency formulae…

Then she could very well be alive.

The last…

My only remaining ally on the field.

If I could save at least her -

…

She didn’t deserve this.

She was forced into it.

…

So… Why?

Why did she appear to me when I was forming my battalion?

Surely, she must have despised the war.

She could barely manage surviving back then.

She was a draftee - she didn’t volunteer.

…

That advertisement was never intended to gain her interest.

Only the interest of every volunteer who wanted nothing but struggle.

What did the fatherland do to earn her devotion?

What could have happened along the way that she would give her life for its sake?

…

Well.

It might just be that she became a war maniac like the others.

I seem to have that effect, after all.

I always end up being surrounded by war maniacs.

For better or for worse.

…

Or perhaps she just happened to be assigned to me?

With how long it’s been since that day…

Well, inevitably my own memory will meet its limits.

Who knows… Maybe the constant explosions have affected me.

…

A crater, just like mine.

Beaten, battered, bruised - but unbroken.

She will survive…

But it wouldn’t hurt to help her along.

I will not abandon her.

…

What a treasure of a resource, she is.

Efficient. Talented. Dedicated. Intuitive.

Absolutely, utterly, unflinchingly, truly devoted.

A true treasure of a soldier…

…

Given time, she might even reach General Staff.

She’d definitely set them to straights…

I would as well, mind, but…

…

Well.

There’s a reason we’re both here.

…

V:“Colonel…”

Her voice breaks over the sound of distant war machines.

Judging by her vitals, she’s going to pull through.

I expected nothing less of her.

V:“Why… are you still here, Colonel…?”

I suppose it would be odd to see me here…

After all, I had my chance to bow out, to disappear back to base.

As far as I should’ve known, nobody would know I lived.

I would have time to rest, recover, recuperate, replenish…

… Redeploy.

T:“Well, I couldn’t just abandon everyone, even in a losing battle.”

More than that, how could I manage as much with such injuries?

Not to mention that my (forced) patience allowed me to recoup a small part of my losses.

Besides.

While she’ll be fine, there’s still more that I can do to help her recovery along.

It will take a dozen or so minutes yet - about as much time as I needed for myself.

…

We must certainly look a sight.

Two of the Empire’s best soldiers.

Fallen from the sky, our victorious streak come to an inglorious end.

And the battalion we were party to…

… What happened to it, anyway?

T:“Status of the rest of the Battalion?”

An agonized breath.

V:“A bit shaken… but not a rout.”

V: I told them to cut comms… and retreat when you fell.”

No wonder I couldn’t hear them.

T:“Good order.”

A pained laugh.

V:“You told us the same… at Osfjord.”

…

The Osfjord…

How long has it been since that time?

… A decade, if I’m not mistaken.

How proud the Empire was at that time…

And now it stands with its back to the wall, enemies on its soil.

So the same for we, who have stood with it.

All for the greed of some petty politicians.

…

Eventually, she breaks the silence that had been built.

V:“The Empire isn’t going to win this war, is it?”

With her question, however, the silence returns.

A noticeable lack of rank acknowledgement…

If it were anyone but me, her words would have affected her career.

Then again, now isn’t quite the time to be worrying overmuch about form.

…

How am I supposed to tell a war maniac like her the truth?

… In time, I manage out a response.

T:“There’s still a chance. With some smart work by the General Staff, just maybe.”

A miniscule chance, granted.

But a chance nonetheless…

…

We had such a chance before, miniscule though it was.

But the idiots, drunk on victory, allowed that impossible chance to pass.

…

Maybe if I had disobeyed orders then…

But at what cost?

Court martialed and executed for shattering the chance at “peace” - as shallow as it was?

No.

Might as well bite the bullet, hope for another chance -

And be in a position where I can properly affect the situation.

…

Ideally, I would have been General Staff by this point, but…

The employee performance paradox probably prevented that, unfortunately.

The only reason I’m even still alive is because, inevitably, I was good at the job I had.

Why move me out of a position I excelled in?

…

V:“... Are we going to make it out of this war?”

I toss her a glance.

… Maybe I had her wrong.

T:“Would you believe the answer I would give you?”

She can draw her own conclusions.

Nonetheless, I didn’t imagine that a war maniac would say something like that.

… Same performance paradox, different boss, then.

I thought I was better than that.

…

Her wounds treated, I return to mine.

As I do so, she takes over my watch.

No words spoken.

It’s unnecessary for us, after all.

How wonderful a co-worker that can understand the intents of the other…

…

V:“What comes after this?”

My adjutant’s voice breaks the silence.

I know what she means to ask, but…

T:“Tomorrow, headquarters. And, after that, the fallback point.”

It’s not something I want to think about.

…

If the Empire wins this war, it will buckle under the weight of its dead.

No amount of reparations can remedy the loss of human resources on this scale.

If it loses, the Empire will collapse under the reparations it will be made to pay.

Which, inevitably, will be seen as unjust by the citizens of said Empire.

After all - all of this was a defensive war.

…

Personally, I wouldn’t have cared either way -

But, unfortunately, that’s another problem sparked by my track record.

At this point, the only fathomable way I come out of this war alive is if the Empire wins.

Even if I manage to survive the war, my feats won’t be forgotten.

And, inevitably, I’ll be tried for war crimes that I didn’t commit.

…

On the Legalization of Urban Warfare, Military College Dissertation.

By all logic and law, it is inviolate, invincible.

But when I penned it, I never expected the scale in which it was used.

Nor did I expect that I would be the one on the field, putting those ideas to effect.

…

Even if the Empire wins the war, I’ll always be remembered for Arene.

Even if it was just under orders…

How could anyone forget the Rusted Silver that perpetrated those acts?

My own subordinates, as well, knew how revolting it was…

…

And I forced that upon them.

All because I hadn’t had the courage to defy those orders.

To start from the beginning…

All because I cared about what my superiors thought of me.

Then again…

That is what “war” is, isn’t it?

…

V:“It’s good that war is so miserable.”

I draw myself up from my knitting wounds, glancing at my adjutant.

So she remembered that…

Well.

T:“The fewer people who like it, the better.”

It’s a good thing to remember.

…

Time flows past.

Inevitably, we need mana to return to our lines.

Enough for flight, a mage shell, and active barriers.

Maybe combat.

All we have are our pistols, a few magazines, and our mage blades.

Though we can probably manage to poach a rifle if we can get the drop on someone…

…

V:“What will you do after the war?”

…

What answer can I give?

The Empire wins…

Or I’ll inevitably be tried for imaginary crimes.

It would be a show trial.

If they judged based on the law alone, I would be acquitted.

But…

Even if it were me doing the judging…

Would I be able to acquit something like that in good conscience?

…

T:“Tell me your plans first.”

…

V:“I’ll go wherever you’re going.”

I look at her.

Her eyes are unwavering.

It makes sense.

Of course she wants to follow the Empire’s symbol of victory.

T:“The war won’t last forever. You’ll be free of my command when all this is over.”

She’ll understand eventually.

She’ll be free to do anything she wants.

Granted, while I wouldn’t wish the economic aftermath on anybody…

If she survives it, the future she sees will inevitably be bright.

For her, at least.

V:“I know.”

Her gaze is unbroken.

Why?

…

Maybe she already knows.

T:“Well. I guess I’ll tell you, then…”

It’s obvious what will happen, after all.

T:“I don’t have any plans.”

The Empire will win or lose eventually.

T:“The war will inevitably come to an end, and, if we win, I’ll likely stay with the military.”

If we win, I get to keep my life.

T:“From what I can guess, it’s a good way to avoid the economic repercussions of the war.”

I’ll just be internationally despised outside of the Empire.

T:“If that happens, you might just get your wish if you stay on as well.

But…

T:“If we lose…”

…

T:“Well. I won’t have a life to speak of.”

T:“The victors will inevitably find a way to execute me, regardless of my innocence.”

T:“In which case… Your plans will fall apart.”

…

Muffled explosions in the distance…

The occasional snap of gunfire…

The drone of propeller engines…

…

Being X wanted me to believe in him, in his godhood - to awaken to faith.

And everything I’ve done since that encounter was to find my old ways once more.

But I have seen so many of his devout consumed like chaff to his biblical flames.

I have been forced to sing his praises time and time again -

In time lost to a divine holy artifact, that did nothing but perpetrate death.

…

What reason have I been given to think him anything other than Evil?

…

This pointless contest between us has gone on for too long.

Too many people have died for his whims.

People that I helped kill.

…

If I were to believe, I would believe on good faith that you are a cruel god.

If there would be anything I had faith in, it’s that you would try to make my life worse.

…

In the book of Job…

The titular character is made to suffer by the biblical god to prove a point to an angel.

And the angel is given permission to take wealth, health, and even his children.

Even in this story, Job’s suffering is not through God - but through a doubting angel.

And Job, ever the saint, believes that this must be God’s will.

And perhaps it is - and perhaps it isn’t.

And, at the end of this test, he is given more than ever he had -

But what of the life lost, taken by the Angel named “Satan” which means Accuser?

…

Fearing the Lord… Is Wisdom.

But departing from Evil is Understanding.

So what of Being X, a cruel and evil existence, that supposedly perpetuates war?

If there does exist a god - then is this perhaps his plan?

And when will the resolution happen?

When I’m hunted down for the crimes I didn’t commit in a war that Being X perpetrated?

Is this endeavor by Being X intended to make me crave death?

Is death the reward?

…

I’m tired.

But I refuse to take “death” as a reward.

…

V:“Do you have to go back?”

I can’t help but manage a bewildered look at her.

Abandon the Empire? Risk executed for desertion?

I’ve never heard something so absurd -

Is what I should think.

…

But, by all calculations…

If I don’t have much of a chance to live -

Then…

…

It would be throwing away everything I’ve worked for.

Then again, all of that effort was for a castle of sand.

And for my struggle, I’ll never stop waking up from nightmares of midnight mage raids.

The look of someone, desperate for me to save them, knowing that I can’t.

One of the most veteran of my battalion vanishing in an explosion.

Gnashing teeth. Vengeful glares. Laughing rage.

…

In this moment, I am both dead and alive.

Dead to everyone who saw me shot down - and to everyone that hears of it.

It’s a surreal feeling…

…

If it were ever discovered that I were alive, then I would be hunted down.

… But does that truly change anything?

Even if the politicos managed to force a ceasefire…

Who can say that I wouldn’t be given up as part of the compromise?

Not to mention the assassination attempts that would inevitably happen…

…

Disappear…

And become someone else.

It’d be a shame to lose the “von” - but I was never attached to titles.

…

But it isn’t only me.

…

T:“What about you?”

With a strange smile -

V:“I’ll go wherever you’re going.”

…

T:“Why?”

…

V:“It was something you said during a walk back on the Rhine…”

V:“We both know what it was - and that I never quite forgot it.”

…

V:“Thinking back… You probably just wanted to have someone to shield you.”

V:“Someone who wouldn’t get in your way.”

V:“But, at the time, I saw you as kind and peace-loving.”

V:“And, eventually, I realized… You are. Just in a different way.”

…

V:“You put everything you had into creating your ‘shields’, but…”

V:“Time and time again, you’ve stood in defense of them.”

V:“You know where they can succeed… and where they can’t.”

V:“And, even me… I’m still here.”

V:“I’m still alive thanks to you.”

V:“Your own desperation to stay alive saved us.”

…

V:“Up until now, we’ve suffered only a few critical losses.”

V:“I’ve heard the reports, just like you have.”

V:“Battalion after battalion of mages, wiped out -”

V:“And yet we soared onwards against ever increasing odds.”

V:“And, despite everything, you stood in defense of us when a challenge proved too great.”

…

V:“Just… That feeling.”

V:“That our survival was earned through your own desperation…”

V:“That sensation of being able to survive… Because of you.”

…

V:“Under your watch, we have come through time and time again.”

V:“I think you deserve to rely on them a little.”

V:“You have long earned their devotion with your own.”

V:“... Just as you earned mine.”

…

V:“They’ll mourn us properly, so…”

V:“If you had a choice… Where would you like to go?”

…

T:“I’m tired of giving orders.”

T:“I’ll put my faith in whatever decision you make.”

=========================

On 1934-11-03, Silver Wings recipient Colonel Tanya von Degurechaff was killed in action. The Salamander Kampfgruppe would go on to participate in several major battles in the war thereafter, but the effect of her absence was unmistakable in all elements except the 203rd Aerial Mage Battalion, which fought with the same efficacy as had been displayed throughout the war. Captain Weiss was promoted to Lieutenant Colonel upon taking command and survived to see the war’s end.

The remnants of her Type 95 Computation Orb were discovered on scene, destroyed by a self-destruct formula judging by the remaining mana signatures. This formula was likely activated by Colonel Degurechaff herself, preempting capture of classified military secrets. The magical discharge vaporized any remains that may have been recoverable, with exception to pieces of the Type 97 Computation Orb that Degurechaff carried as a backup, consideration paid to the unstable development of the Type 95.

Colonel Degurechaff’s adjutant, First Lieutenant Serebryakov, was reported to have been downed in approximately the same location a few minutes later. Judging by the amount of Type 97 debris present nearby the epicenter of the Type 95 detonation, retrieval teams have concluded that Colonel Degurechaff survived the initial impact, but was unable to return to base due to mana exhaustion. It is believed that Colonel Degurechaff moved to possibly recover Lieutenant Serebryakov before encountering a force strong enough to prompt her to activate a self-destruct formula.

Movement pattern analysis from retrieval teams deemed that this was the case, which they believed to have been a Federation Armored Battalion. In Colonel Degurechaff’s weakened state, she likely judged that she would not be able to defeat the opposing force, choosing protection of military assets in lieu of her life.

The war eventually concluded on 1936-03-15, with the capture of the Imperial capital of Berun. The Treaty of Berun declared that the Empire would be dissolved, and replaced by a democratic republic named the Republic of Germania. Reparations would be paid to the Unified States, The Legadonia Entente Alliance, the Francois Republic, Dacia, the Commonwealth, and the Russy Federation. Furthermore, the military maintained by the Republic of Germania was disallowed from expanding beyond a certain capacity to deter future conflict.

Captain Weiss and the rest of the 203rd Battalion were tried for war crimes, namely the Arene Massacre. However, according to testimony of all personnel, including the former General Staff, Colonel Degurechaff and the 203rd were acting under orders. Remarks made by the General Staff claimed Colonel Degurechaff vehemently protested her orders before acquiescing. In consideration to Colonel Degurechaff’s death during the course of the war, the remaining 203rd were acquitted on the basis that they had been acting under extreme duress.

Separate questioning demonstrated that all members of the 203rd personally trained by Colonel Degurechaff possessed a deep knowledge of wartime law. Statements gathered indicated that Colonel Degurechaff also possessed a similar familiarity, having been the one to instill in them an unflagging respect for wartime law in all situations, even at great risk to self. Consideration paid to the events at Arene and other events throughout the war, Colonel Degurechaff was posthumously charged with and found guilty of intentionally directing attacks against the civilian population, intentionally directing attacks against buildings dedicated to religion…

=========================

It’s somewhat surreal reading articles about Tanya…

It brings back memories that I’d rather forget.

But, every once in a while, someone from a newspaper will rediscover her, and, inevitably…

V:“Aletheia! Are you about ready to go?”

A:“Sorry, Visha. Was just distracted by the news.”

But that’s something in the past.