Normalcy

Izuku follows Bakugo to his car, walking quietly next to him in the cold night air. Their hands brush as they walk a few times, sending a burning sensation through Izuku’s body and he can feel Bakugo tense up whenever it happens.

Finally, they reach Bakugo’s car, and as soon as he starts the engine, Bakugo turns the heater up. Izuku slowly climbs into the car, feeling nervous now that it’s just him and Bakugo. There’s no loud music or crowd of people, just them in a silent car.

“What music do you want to listen to?” Bakugo asks once Izuku’s settled in the passenger seat.

“Oh, uh. Y-you probably won’t like what I choose,” Izuku laughs nervously, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Shut up and just choose something,” Bakugo tosses his phone to Izuku and he scrambles to catch it.

“Alright, but you can change it if you-”

“Just put something on.”

Bakugo starts driving while Izuku searches for a song on Spotify. He’s worried if Bakugo will like it, but he taps on the song Champagne Coast when it pops up.

“Not what I expected from you,” Bakugo comments when the song starts, fumbling with the radio to turn the volume up.

“Just because I’m a Christian doesn’t mean all I listen to is worship music,” Izuku huffs defensively and Bakugo just laughs.

Rolling his eyes, Izuku sets Bakugo’s phone on the center console and turns to look out the window, watching the city blur as they drive. The car fills with the song and Izuku sings along softly to the words.

On my last strength against you
Baby, tell me what you need

At that line, Izuku’s eyes focus on the faint reflection of Bakugo in the window. He notices a slight tension in Bakugo’s body as he glances at Izuku. The lyrics to the song gain a new weight to them.

I really am on my last strength against him.

Izuku can’t lie to himself anymore. He feels an unwanted something for the man driving next to him and it’s taking all his willpower to push those feelings away.

He hates that part of him doesn’t want those feelings to leave.

Izuku repositions himself in his seat, turning away from the window and putting an elbow on the center console, leaning his head on his hand. Bakugo’s arm that was already resting on the center console brushes against Izuku’s arm, sending another burning sensation through his body.

I told you I’ll be waiting
Hiding from the rainfall

As the ending verse plays, Izuku can’t stop himself from glancing at Bakugo. His hand is gripping the steering wheel so tight and Izuku can feel the tension in his body from where their arms touch on the center console.

So, tell me, what’s the joy of giving if you’re never pleased?
On my last strength against you
Baby, tell me what you need

The song finishes and Izuku lets out a shaky breath. Listening to it next to Bakugo felt so different from the many times Izuku has listened to it alone or with Ochako.

The car fills with silence now that the song is over and neither of them say anything, just driving along in the night. Izuku expects Bakugo to grab his phone and play another song, but he doesn’t.

The silence is only broken once Bakugo speaks up to ask, “Are you hungry? We could stop for food before I take you home.”

“Y-yeah, I don’t care where we go,” Izuku replies and silence fills the car again, but only for a beat.

“You can play another song if you want,” Bakugo tells him, handing his phone over.

“Are you sure you don’t want to listen to something you actually like?” Izuku asks even as he slowly grabs the phone.

“Nah, just play something.”

Izuku searches for a random song, nothing that’ll add to the heavy weight on his chest and plays it. They drive for a few more minutes before Bakugo turns into the parking lot of a small diner. He parks the car, shuts off the engine and wordlessly gets out, Izuku following a beat later.

Inside the diner, the pair order and wait for their food.

“I can pay,” Izuku offers while they wait for their food to come out.

“Like hell you are,” Bakugo scoffs in response.

“C’mon, you’re driving me around, I can at least pay for your food,” Izuku tries to reason, but Bakugo just shakes his head.

“Don’t be so stubborn-“

“Oh, this isn’t even the worst of it.”

“Just let me pay!”

“Not a chance, freckles,” Bakugo laughs, amused at Izuku’s frustration. Izuku just crosses his arm and rolls his eyes, fighting a smile at the nickname and accepting that he won’t be paying.

“Are you seriously pouting over getting free food?” Bakugo asks, a small smile on his lips.

“I am not pouting.”

“Sure looks like you are.”

“Well, I’m not!”

“Right, because you look so happy that you’re getting free food,” Bakugo says sarcastically, looking down at where Izuku’s arms are crossed over his chest.

“Oh, shut up,” Izuku says, uncrossing his arms and placing his elbows on the table, resting his head in his hands. Bakugo just laughs softly.

A waitress brings their food out then and they stop fighting over who’s paying as they start to eat.

“Does your friend, round cheeks, have a thing for Mina?” Bakugo asks suddenly.

“Round cheeks?” Izuku asks through a laugh. “Her name’s Ochako, if you forgot.”

“Yeah, whatever, her,” Bakugo says, waving a hand in the air, “Does she have a thing for Mina or not?”

Izuku hesitates before replying. “You can’t say a word , but yes,” he tells him, “She’s quite literally in love with her.”

“I knew it,” Bakugo says, satisfied with himself. “It was so obvious. She likes her too, you know.”

“Really? Ochako’s convinced she has no chance.”

“Oh, she definitely has a chance.”

Izuku smiles to himself, happy for his friend. He had a feeling Ochako’s feelings were reciprocated, but wasn’t sure until now.

“What do you think happened with Sero and Shoto?” Izuku asks Bakugo before taking another bite of his food.

“By now, Sero’s probably gotten Shoto to kiss him, if not more,” Bakugo suggests and Izuku makes a gagging sound that Bakugo laughs at.

They continue talking about their friends and whatever else as they continue eating and Bakugo pays when they’re done, though Izuku still fights him on it.

“Can’t do anything about it now, freckles,” Bakugo says to him when the waitress takes his money.

After paying, they get back in Bakugo’s car and Izuku directs him to his apartment.

“Thanks for the ride,” Izuku says once Bakugo pulls into his driveway. Right before he opens the passenger door to leave, Izuku pulls out his phone.

“C-can I get your number? It’s nice hanging out with you,” Izuku asks nervously, not looking at Bakugo even as he holds his phone out. Bakugo takes the phone without a word, puts his number in, and hands the phone back.

“T-thanks, and thanks again for the ride and the food,” Izuku stumbles over his words as he climbs out of the car, “I’ll text you so you have my number in your phone.”

“Yeah, you’re welcome,” is all Bakugo says, his voice scratchy.

Izuku closes the passenger door and watches as Bakugo drives off before walking inside. Once he’s got his shoes off, Izuku pulls his phone out to send a text to Bakugo.

drive safely :)

it’s izuku just btw

After hitting send, Izuku goes to take a shower and gets ready for bed and finally lays down in his warm bed. He checks his phone before going to sleep and sees a text from Bakugo.

i figured

and i will freckles

Izuku hates how he has to suppress a smile at the text. It’s not even anything sweet, it’s just a simple text. That’s it.

And yet, it’s making Izuku’s stomach squirm.

Shutting his phone off, Izuku decides he needs to talk to his pastor about how he’s feeling tomorrow after church. He can’t handle the shame and guilt these feelings cause.

Clutching his cross necklace like a lifeline, Izuku whispers his usual night prayer before falling asleep.

__________________________________________

In the morning, Izuku refuses to think about anything and focuses on getting ready. He does his hair to the best of his abilities, though it still looks messy, puts on his suit, and calls his mom.

“Good morning, mom,” Izuku greets happily when she answers.

“Good morning, honey!” Inko replies, just as happy. “When are you coming to get me?”

“I’ll be there soon, I’m just making breakfast real quick.”

“Okay, honey. I love you, see you soon,” Inko’s warm voice fills Izuku’s apartment, bringing a smile to his face.

“I love you too, mom!”

He hangs up the phone and finishes his breakfast before making a cup of coffee for his mom. Izuku grabs his keys and he’s out the door, headed for his mom’s house.

“Dear, your hair is always so messy,” Inko comments when she gets in the car, ruffling Izuku’s curls. Izuku pushes her hand away with a laugh before pulling out of the driveway.

Before even stepping into the church, Izuku feels the weight of his guilt press down on his shoulders and nerves settle deep into his gut. He takes a couple deep breaths to try and calm himself, straightening his back and following his mom into the chapel.

The choir singing sounds like a faint buzz in his ears and the light filtering through the stain glass windows hurts his eyes. The air feels thick in the chapel and Izuku’s mind is fixated on his talk with the pastor.

The church service seems to drag on longer than usual and Izuku is restless in his seat.

“Are you okay, honey?” Inko whispers in his ear for the third time.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m good, mom,” Izuku whispers back, giving her a smile that feels shaky on his face.

Finally, the pastor says the closing prayer and everyone stands to leave.

“I’m going to talk to the pastor, wait for me for a bit,” Izuku tells Inko quickly before finding the pastor in the crowd of people.

“Excuse me, pastor,” Izuku taps the pastor on his shoulder once he finds him.

“Oh, hello, Izuku. Is everything okay?” the old pastor asks kindly.

“Uh, w-well, I was w-wondering if we could talk?” Izuku asks.

“Of course, my boy. Follow me to my office and we’ll chat there,” the pastor tells him, leading him to his office.

His office is stuffy with only one window barely cracked. The pastor takes a seat behind the desk and gestures to the chair in front of him for Izuku to sit.

“What’s the matter?” he asks kindly.

Izuku’s heart beat picks up and suddenly, he feels very hot and his clothes feel too tight. Pulling slightly at the collar of his shirt, Izuku forces himself to speak.

“W-well, I have a slight… issue.”

“Go on.”

Taking a deep breath, Izuku steels himself for what he’s about to confess to his pastor.

“I’ve dated plenty of girls, and they were all nice people, but I never felt any real attraction towards any of them. I asked God to help me find the right person, but no one has interested me romantically before. Until I met- I met- I’m sorry, this is hard,” Izuku cuts himself off, breathing quickly, his throat feeling too small for even air to pass through it. His vision is blurring at the edges and he can barely feel the cool press of metal against his hand as he clutches at the cross around his neck.

“Are you okay, Izuku? Please breathe,” the pastor’s voice is laced with concern and Izuku can hear him standing and a second later, he feels a hand rubbing circles on his back.

Slowly, his vision clears and his breaths slow down.

“Can you continue?” the pastor asks cautiously.

Izuku swallows and nods.

“I haven’t felt genuine attraction to anyone until I met a- a man,” Izuku admits in a hoarse whisper, squeezing his eyes shut so he can’t see how the pastor reacts.

“I-I don’t want to feel like this! I’ve tried to push the feelings away! B-but I just can’t, I don’t know how to,” Izuku rushes to explain when the pastor stays silent. Finally, the pastor speaks and his words hit Izuku like a physical blow.

“The church views that kind of thing as a mortal sin.”

The words hold no emotion. The pastor removed his hand from Izuku’s back a while ago and his whole body feels cold. As scared as he is, Izuku forces his eyes open to look at the pastor. He regrets it immediately.

The pastor's face, usually adorned with a smile and kind eyes, is blank and hard. Despite being taller than the pastor, in his presence, Izuku feels like a small, helpless child. He can feel tears sliding down his face as he mumbles, “I’m aware, pastor.”

“Pray hard and ask God for help. That is all I can suggest for you,” the pastor’s voice is cold and dismissive. Izuku nods and stands, his legs feeling shaky and numb, but he forces them to move.

He walks out to the lobby of the church where his mom is waiting and loses the weak hold he had on his emotions when he sees her.

“Oh, oh, baby, what’s wrong? What happened?” Inko rushes over to Izuku, enveloping him in her arms and holding him tightly. Izuku sags against her, pressing his face into her shoulder as he cries in the church lobby.

“C-can you drive me home?” Izuku says through tears and he knows his mom understands he means his childhood home where Inko still lives and not his apartment.

“Of course, baby, let’s go,” Inko says quietly and guides him to the parking lot.

She doesn’t force him to speak on the car ride to the house and Izuku is thankful.

“Okay, we’re here,” Inko announces as she parks and shuts off the engine. She looks over at Izuku with a sympathetic look and urges him out of the car.

Inside the house, Inko forces him to sit on the couch and she makes him tea, the kind she used to make when he had panic attacks. She brings the steaming cup over to him and sits next to Izuku on the couch.

“Can we talk about what happened?” Inko asks quietly.

Izuku takes a careful sip of the tea before nodding. He’s going to have to tell her at some point, might as well get it done now.

“I asked the pastor to talk because I-” Izuku’s voice shakes and he takes a breath before continuing, “Because I started having feelings for a-a man.”

Izuku watches his mom react to what he’s said, terrified she’ll look at him the way the pastor did. Like he was ruined and disgusting. Like there was something fundamentally wrong with him.

But she just looks surprised.

“That’s what all this is about?” Inko asks, as if there’s nothing bad about it. Izuku blinks at her, shocked.

“Y-you’re not… mad?” he asks, still shocked she isn’t looking at him with disgust.

“Honey, why would I be?”

“Because-because the church views it as a mortal sin!”

“Is that what the pastor said?” Inko asks and her tone sounds almost angry. “Is that why you’re breaking down like this?”

“Y-yes. He told me to ask God for help,” Izuku’s voice shakes as he explains and he can feel tears prick his eyes. He quickly rubs them before tears can fall.

“Honey, the church is not God. Why would God view love as a sin?”

At that, Izuku breaks down all over again. Inko pulls the cup of tea from his hands and sets it on the table by the couch before pulling him into another hug. She runs her hands through his messy curls as he cries and though Izuku can’t make sense of anything, he feels safe in his mother’s arms as he sobs.

With every tear that falls from his eyes, it feels like some of the weight he’s been carrying has finally been lifted. He’s been holding in so much with Ochako being his only outlet, and even then, he wasn’t letting out all of what he feels.

When his tears subside and his breathing evens out, Inko pulls away slightly to ask, “Can we talk more about this?”

Izuku nods and begins stumbling through an explanation. He tells her of his lack of attraction to girls, meeting Bakugo at the beach, the feelings he’s having towards him, and how it’s all making him feel.

“Izuku, you should never feel ashamed for who you love. God wouldn’t punish you for that. The church is not God. They don’t decide what God views as a sin because they are not God,” Inko tells him in a serious voice. “I understand why you’re feeling guilty, but you shouldn’t be. Love is beautiful, whether it’s between a man and a woman, a woman and a woman, or a man and a man.”

Izuku doesn’t say anything. He’s not sure he can. He never gave the possibility that God would accept him any thought because it seemed unrealistic. Izuku simply nods, dropping his eyes to his hands where they lay in his lap, and his mom realizes he needs to think about this.

“Finish your tea and take a nap here. You can go back to your apartment later, I want you to feel better before you leave,” Inko tells him, planting a kiss on his head and standing from the couch to go do things around the house.

Izuku grabs the tea from the table and slowly sips on it, thinking about his mom’s words.

Maybe it would be okay.

But what if it won’t be.

The thought sends a cold dread through his body and Izuku chooses to not think about everything right now. Slowly, he finishes the tea and lays down on the couch, exhausted from all the crying.

His eyes sink shut, one of his hands coming up to grab his necklace before he stops himself. His hand falls back to the couch, empty.

Izuku falls asleep to the sounds of his mom working around the house.

He wakes to his mom gently shaking his arm with a small smile. Sitting up and stretching, Izuku realizes the sun has already started to set outside, casting a hazy glow on the tree tops.

“What time is it?” Izuku asks through a yawn.

“Almost eight. I figured I should wake you up so you could eat and go back to your apartment,” Inko tells him, ruffling his hair affectionately.

“Are you feeling any better, honey?” she asks with a worried expression.

“I think so,” Izuku reassures his mom, even if it’s just to see her smile.

“Good. Are you hungry? I can make you whatever you want.”

“Yeah. I don’t care what you make, I just want to eat.”

“Okay, honey. I’ll bring over a plate when dinner’s ready,” Inko ruffles his hair again before walking to the kitchen, pulling stuff out of cupboards to make dinner for the two of them.

While she prepares dinner, Izuku scrolls on his phone and sees a few missed texts from Ochako.

zukuuu

zu

izuku midoriya

izukuuuuu

dude what are u doing? didn’t church end at 12?

Feeling bad about not seeing the messages, Izuku rushes to reply.

sorry chako

i went to my moms house after church and ended up falling asleep on the couch

did u need something?

Izuku doesn’t even get to close their messages before Ochako starts typing.

Ochako: HE LIVES

i have something to tell youuuu

Izuku: can it wait a bit longer?

i’m about to have dinner w my mom

Ochako: ofcofc

just call when ur free!

Izuku hearts the message before walking to the kitchen to sit at the table, watching his mom cook. She hums quietly to herself as she works, a small, content smile on her face.

After about twenty minutes, Inko serves dinner and Izuku eats with his mother. He feels more peaceful than he has in the past two weeks as he eats and jokes with his mom. Once they’re done eating, Izuku washes dishes before finally saying goodbye and leaving.

“Goodnight, my boy,” Inko says affectionately, pulling him into a hug at the door, “Drive safe, I love you.”

“I will, I love you too, mom,” Izuku hugs Inko tighter before letting go and climbing into his car.

Once he’s home, he finally sheds the stiff suit and showers. The warm water feels like it washes off the heavy feelings from today and leaves Izuku feeling relieved. Before going to bed, he remembers to call Ochako.

“About time,” Ochako answers after a few rings.

“Sorry, almost forgot to call once I got home,” Izuku explains, “Anyway, what did you have to tell me?”

“I’ve got myself a girlfriend!” Ochako squeals loudly into the speaker and Izuku has to pull the phone away from his ear.

“Finally made a move on Mina?” he asks with a proud smile.

“Actually, she made a move on me.”

“Really? I thought it would’ve been the other way around.”

“Nah, I was too nervous to do anything, but she kissed me while we were dancing at Kaminari’s party,” Ochako sounds exhilarated as she explains this new development and Izuku feels so happy for her.

They stay on the phone and chat about Ochako’s new relationship until Izuku tells her that he has to go to bed. After hanging up the phone, Izuku sits on the edge of his bed for a long moment.

He’s so happy for Ochako, even though she’s dating another woman. Even though he’s aware the church views it as a sin. He’s happy for Shoto and what could’ve possibly happened with Sero. Even though he’s aware the church views it as a sin.

Slowly, his hands reach for the cross at his neck, but instead of holding the metal cross, his hands reach back to the clasp of the necklace. His hands shake, but he carefully undoes the clasp and pulls the metal chain off his neck, holding back tears.

He hasn’t taken this necklace off since the day he got it, the only exception being showers. Holding it out in front of his face, Izuku almost considers placing it back around his neck as he stares at it. Instead, he forces himself to lay the necklace on his night stand before laying down and saying a simple prayer.

“God, I’m sorry.”

And with that, Izuku drifts off.