Normalcy

Izuku finds himself panicking in the middle of the night, which is a normal occurrence, though he genuinely feels terrified right now.

He’s had his fair share of girlfriends in the past, though one problem persists.

He feels no attraction to these girls, no matter how pretty or cool or interesting or kind they were. He simply didn’t want them in the way he was supposed to.

He finally had this revelation after breaking up with his last girlfriend a few days ago and it sent him spiraling.

How could he not love a single girl he’s dated?

He’s scared. Scared of what this could mean for him. Is he destined to die alone? Could it be there’s another reason for his lack of attraction towards girls?

This spiraling has led him here, pacing his bedroom, clutching his cross necklace as he mutters a constant prayer asking God for some sign as to what is wrong with him.

“God, I promise I want to meet a nice girl and marry her one day, but what if I never do? What if I never find a girl who attracts me? God, please, if you’re listening, send me a sign that I’m panicking for nothing,” Izuku whispers into the dark of his room.

Getting tired of walking around, he sits on his bed with his head in his hands, trying to suppress sobs. Some dark part in his mind is trying to tell him something, but he refuses to listen. There’s just no way.

But what if..?

No. Absolutely not. That’s not right.

Taking a deep breath and finishing his prayer, he decides to lay down and get some rest. Maybe it’ll help.

As he falls asleep though, his worries never leave him and they manifest in his dreams.

__________________________________________

In the morning, Izuku feels just as exhausted and worried as he did last night. He had hoped getting some rest would help ease his anxiety, but that hope died as soon as he opened his eyes.

Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, Izuku sits up and says his usual morning prayer before getting up and preparing for the day. As he finished getting dressed and his anxiety is still haunting him, he decided to call his best friend, Ochako.

“Good morning, Izuku!” Ochako’s cherry voice crackles through the speaker when she answers.

“Morning, Ochako. Do you think you could come over?” Izuku asks nervously, “I-I need advice.”

“Of course, I’ll be over in a few minutes. Is everything okay? You sound anxious.”

“I’ll explain when you get here.”

“Alright, I’ll be there soon,” Ochako says before saying goodbye and hanging up.

Taking a deep breath, Izuku tries to eat something while he waits, though his stomach is too knotted to find anything appealing.

The minutes leading up to Ochako’s arrival crawl by slowly, but Izuku finally hears a knock at his door and he hurries to open it.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Ochako asks as soon as she enters his apartment.

As she sits down on the couch, he starts pacing as he explains his worries from last night.

“And you’re all worked up over not being attracted to girls?” Ochako questions.

“Well, yes! I’m supposed to like them! I have to marry someone, right?” Izuku almost yells with how frustrated this problem is making him.

“Alright, just hear me out on this okay? What if, maybe you’re not attracted to girls because you’re-”

“No. Absolutely not,” Izuku cuts her off because he knows where she’s headed with this.

“You didn’t even let me finish?”

“I know what you’re going to suggest and just, no. It can’t be that.”

“Why not?”

“Because, okay, it just can’t!”

“Are you saying it’s wrong? You know I’m a lesbian,” Ochako states with a defensive tone.

Dragging a hand down his face, Izuku groans. “No, no it’s not wrong. I think it’s perfectly fine for you to like other girls.”

“Then why would it be wrong for you to like guys?”

Despite knowing that’s what she was suggesting, hearing it out loud makes Izuku’s stomach turn and his heart race. It just wouldn’t be right. Though he doesn’t understand why he doesn’t mind that Ochako is a lesbian, but can’t even accept that being queer would be a possibility for him.

“Izuku?” Ochako’s worried voice breaks him out of his thoughts.

“There’s just no way that could be it. It’s not- it wouldn’t be- I mean how could I-,” unable to make sense of his thoughts, Izuku fights the urge to scream from frustration.

Without realizing it, one of his hands has come up to desperately clutch at the cross hanging around his neck.

“Alright, come sit down and breathe before you start having a full panic attack,” Ochako suggests, standing up to gently lead Izuku to the couch and sit him down.

“Listen, I understand why it would be hard for you to even think of that as a possibility,” her eyes drop down to where Izuku is still holding his cross necklace, “but what I don’t get is how you so easily accept me for being a lesbian. I mean if it’s that difficult to think of yourself as queer, why would you accept me?”

“I don’t know, okay? It’s just… different,” is all Izuku can offer as an explanation.

“Different how?”

“I don’t know! It just is. When it’s not me, it’s easy to see as normal and acceptable.”

“But why? I mean, does the Bible even really say that being queer isn’t okay?”

“Well, not technically, but the church only speaks of marriage between a man and a woman. It’s what I’ve been taught to see as normal,” Izuku explains. He knows it doesn’t make sense, accepting someone for being queer but panicking when it’s suggested he is, but to him it does.

“It’s just as normal for a woman to marry a woman or a man to marry a man, you know?” Ochako states, “Just because that wasn’t what was taught to you, doesn’t make it any less normal.”

“I- I realize that, okay? It’s just, I never even considered another possibility until you came out to me, but knowing it’s normal doesn’t make it easy for me to think that.. that is a possibility for me,” Izuku explains, hating that he knows it sounds stupid.

“I know it doesn’t make sense, but it does to me,” Izuku adds when Ochako doesn’t say anything.

“I mean, no it doesn’t make sense, but I can kind of understand where you’re coming from. Is it just the religious stuff making it hard for you? You said the Bible says nothing against it.”

“It doesn’t, but something inside me still makes me feel like it’s not okay for me,” Izuku explains.

Ochako seems to be thinking about what to say in reply, but nothing is said for several minutes. Izuku is kind of hoping this conversation will end because it’s making him feel sick. He feels like a terrible person for making Ochako feel like he thinks being queer is wrong, even if he explained that he only feels it’s wrong when it comes to him, and he hates that part of him is considering it to be a possibility.

“Can we just… drop this conversation?” Izuku asks quietly, hanging his head to avoid looking at Ochako.

“Fine, but it’s clearly bothering you and you asked for advice,” Ochako replies.

“I know, I know, this is just too much, okay?”

“I understand, we can talk about something else if you like.”

“Thank you.”

They don’t talk though and silence fills Izuku’s living room. He doesn’t exactly mind though because it gives him time to think about their talk and Ochako probably realizes he needs that.

She sits down next to him on the couch and starts scrolling on her phone. After a few more minutes of silence, she finally says something.

“You remember my friend, Mina?”

“Yeah, what about her?” Izuku asks, finally lifting his head to look at her, confused.

“She just invited me to the beach later today, wanna come?” Ochako offers, and continues when she can tell Izuku is about to turn her down, “It would help to get out and do something, it could take your mind off things for a while.”

Sighing, Izuku agrees. Ochako leaves after that, promising to pick him up later and they’ll go to the beach together.

Izuku spends the rest of his free time fixated on what Ochako had suggested about his lack of attraction to girls. She couldn’t be right. There’s just no way she could be.

After a few hours that feel like years, Ochako finally texts Izuku, telling him she’s here to pick him up.

“Hey, feeling any better?” Ochako asks as Izuku gets in her car, turning down her music so she can hear what Izuku is saying. She has her bikini top on, paired with some jean shorts and sunglasses resting on her head.

“A little, this beach day better help distract me more.”

“It will, it’ll be fun!” Ochako says, turning her music up again and pulling out of Izuku’s driveway.

When they pull up to the sandy driveway at the beach, Izuku sees a group of people already out by the shore and his anxiety spikes. He didn’t know it would be a group of a bunch of people he didn’t know.

“I thought it was just going to be us and Mina,” Izuku says to Ochako, his nervousness clear in his voice.

“I’m sorry, I should’ve told you she invited me to hang out with all her friends,” she replies, nervously smiling and rubbing the back of her neck. “I’m sorry, but it’ll be fun and at least I’m here! You won’t be alone!” Ochako reassures him, but Izuku still feels nervous.

“Alright, you better not abandon me,” Izuku warns as they get out of her car and head towards the group on the shore.

“Hey, Mina!” Ochako calls when they reach her and her friends.

“Ochako, you made it,” Mina says as she hugs her friend. “Oh, who’s this with you?” she asks when she spots Izuku standing next to Ochako.

“This is my friend, Izuku. I hope it’s alright I brought him along.”

“Of course! Come on, I’ll introduce you guys to everyone!” Mina says as she leads them over to the rest of the group standing behind her.

“Oh my gosh, is she your crush you’ve been rambling about nonstop?” Izuku whispers to Ochako whose cheeks flushed as soon as Mina hugged her.

“Shut up! She’ll hear you!” Ochako hisses at him, “Yes, it is, don’t say a word!”

“My lips are sealed,” Izuku makes a zipping motion at his mouth.

They reach the rest of the group and Mina introduces Ochako and Izuku to everyone.

“Hey guys, I’m Kirishima,” a red haired man says to the pair with a wide smile.

“More importantly, I’m Kaminari,” a blonde says as he throws his arm around Kirishima’s shoulder, winking at Ochako who rolls her eyes at the small attempt of flirting. “Barely said anything and I’ve already been rejected,” Kaminari says with a dramatic sigh.

“Don’t feel too bad about it, I don’t swing that way,” Ochako explains to him with a laugh.

“Don’t mind him, he’s just an idiot,” a girl with purple hair speaks up, “I’m Jirou by the way and that’s Sero,” she says while pointing to a man with black hair standing next to her.

“Hey, you going to say hi and introduce yourself, bro?” Sero elbows a man with spiky blonde hair who just rolls his eyes at him.

“Can we just start swimming now that everyone’s here?” the blonde asks.

“Wrong, you’re supposed to say, hi! I’m Bakugo! Nice to meet you!” Sero instructs his friend.

“Whatever,” Bakugo replies.

Izuku laughs softly at Bakugo’s grumpy attitude and expression because it feels so comically out of place for being at the beach on a sunny day.

The soft laughter draws Bakugo’s attention and he turns to look at Izuku with a deep scowl. When Izuku notices Bakugo staring, the first thing he notices is the deep crimson color of his eyes, made brighter by the sun hitting his face. It’s kind of beautiful.

What the heck? Izuku mentally slaps himself for thinking that.

“What’s so funny, extra?” Bakugo asks harshly.

“N-nothing!” Izuku says nervously, raising his hands in defense.

“He’s probably just laughing at your grumpy attitude,” Kirishima comments with a smirk.

“Shut up! You wanna die?” Bakugo threatens his friend.

With Bakugo’s attention off of him, Izuku lets go of the breath he didn’t realize he was holding.

“He’s definitely a people person,” Izuku comments sarcastically.

“Oh, that’s just how he is,” Mina explains from beside him, laughing a little. “He’s a good friend, you just have to get to know him.”

Izuku doesn’t know why, and rather not try to understand why, but part of him really wants to get to know this angry blonde guy.