If she had to rate the level of pain currently raging through her body on a scale from one to ten, she would probably classify it as a solid thirteen. She was sure she had never experienced anything as bad as this and that included the day Lex poisoned her – by accident – with the mushroom soup he cooked when he was sixteen. She probably should have been brought to the emergency room then, but Lillian was against it. Luthors do not go to hospitals.
She cooked up something in her lab instead, had Lena drink it, and then waited while her seven year old daughter threw up her insides for hours on end. She had been in excruciating pain then, but it didn’t compare to this.
It was her own fault she was in this mess. She had been careless and trusted her security system. It had not come to her mind that anyone was smart enough to outwit it and yet, someone had. She had opened the door to her apartment, using her key code and pressing her hand on the biometric scanner. Once inside she had closed the door and put her bag on the table next to it – the bag with the taser she had for emergencies.
They were on her before she even had time to switch on the light. Three men, no-nonsense and with lots of training. She felt the prick of a needle piercing the skin on her neck and then – nothing.
From the second she’d woken up she’d wished for more of the stuff they gave her, anything to knock her out again and not having to endure what she was currently going through. Beginning from the wires that bound her wrists and ankles to the wall-mounted steel frame and cut through her skin like a knife through butter and ending with the electric shocks jolting through her body each time one of them pushed a button. She almost wasn’t counting the occasional beatings in between.
Who is Supergirl?
That’s what they kept on asking while Lena stayed quiet, except for the cries of pain she could not contain and reprimanded herself for. After all, Luthors did not cry.
The thing was – she knew. She knew exactly who Supergirl was, had known for quite a while. And it had caused her pain of another kind. Because why would Kara not tell her? Why wouldn’t she trust her? Was it, because her last name was Luthor? Did she think Lena would use her secret to her advantage? Was it because of the baggage between her brother and Superman? Had Lena not proven herself to be loyal and good over and over again?
She was sure that everyone else knew. Alex did, of course, there was no question there. And Winn and J’onn J’onzz. They worked for the DEO – which in Lena’s opinion was a very pathetic example of a “secret” agency.
James probably knew as well. He was Superman’s friend. And the new girl, Nia? There was something in the way she looked at Kara when Kara had to “run to get ice cream” on game nights that said she knew as well.
It seemed like Lena was the only one kept in the dark. What exactly was she supposed to make of that other than that she was not to be trusted?
She had spent months agonizing about this. Long nights without sleep and the occasional outbreak of tears, because she felt betrayed and sad and alone and – unloved. She had opened up to Kara about everything. She was an open book when it came to her and yet, Kara had not reciprocated in kind. She had kept this huge thing from her and not made any move to tell her, to come clean. For a while Lena had hated her for it.
But she couldn’t hate Kara for long. No matter how hard she tried. She liked her too much – loved her too much – and so the sadness took over. The feeling of loss and the realization that she would never have the life she longed for. One with a version of Kara who trusted her enough to let her in completely.
It had taken an abduction and electricity running through her body like living flames to realize something. This was why Kara had not told her. This was what she had wanted to protect her from. Someone hurting her to get to Supergirl. Someone hurting her, the human, civilian, definitely non-hero Lena Luthor. (She would have to find out about Nia if she survived this.)
She was special, alright. Special enough for Kara not to put this weight on her shoulders.
But no matter Kara’s honorable intentions, here she was, tied to a metal frame with wires, tortured with electricity and being asked the same question over and over again.
Who is Supergirl?
She looked at the man in front of her with her good eye, the one not currently swollen shut due to the calculated blow of a fist. She wouldn’t tell. Even if they killed her. Actually, given the fact that she had a head wound, at least three broken ribs, problems with her breathing and an abnormally fast heart rate which pointed to a punctured lung – that was her clinical analysis – they might be well on the way to killing her. At least it would be over soon and she would not have jeopardized Kara’s life. As least she would die knowing that she kept her safe. She smiled and the man upped the voltage.
She was about to pass out when the wall to her left collapsed in a rain of plaster and bricks, revealing a Kara shaped hole. Not a Supergirl shaped hole, mind you, but a Kara shaped one, because despite having superspeed, Kara had not taken the millisecond she probably needed to change into her usual Supergirl outfit. Instead here she was in her blue cardigan – the one Lena liked, because it complemented Kara’s eyes –, but without her glasses, and with a fire in her eyes that Lena could only describe as fury.
She threw the man at the controls across the room with enough force that Lena could hear the breaking of multiple bones. The other two tried to flee, but they had nothing on Kara’s speed. She knocked them out before Alex and her DEO team even had the chance to get through the door. There was nothing gentle about this version of Kara or even as steadfast and heroic as Supergirl. This woman was all anger and rage and ready to kill and Lena could not take her eyes from her, because she knew that it was her who brought it out of Kara.
A gush of wind later she felt delicate fingers getting rid of the wires holding her. She heard a voice she had heard a thousand times before begging for her to hold on a little longer, to be strong, to stay with her, and Lena smiled.
“Kara”, she whispered, then she blacked out.
—
She didn’t know what woke her, exactly. Maybe it was the monotonous beeping of the machines or the dull pain she felt when her breath widened her ribcage or the nasal cannula that slightly itched her nose.
She opened her eyes – or the one eye that was working, really – blinking, even though the lights in the room were dimmed. It took her a couple of seconds to realize where she was and why she was here. As soon as she remembered the pain in her ribcage made much more sense, as did the soreness of her muscles.
She lay there for a while, taking stock of her body. She could feel her legs and arms, which was good. The fact that her chest still hurt pointed to broken ribs and the bandage on her left side, slightly above her breast, was an indicator that she had been right about the punctured lung. This would be where the chest tube had been injected to relieve the pressure. It was gone now and that probably meant that she had been unconscious for a few days.
Luthors do not go to hospitals.
She sighed.
“Lena?”
There was hope in the uttering of her name and Lena needed a moment to find out where it came from. Kara had been hidden underneath a heap of blankets and pillows on a very uncomfortable looking couch to her left – the side of her bad eye. Lena did not know what to make of it. She was used to waking up alone, to suffer through illnesses and injuries on her own. Yet, Kara was here, untangling herself from the blankets and rushing over to her.
“Lena.”
There it was again. Her name. This time spoken with relief and – if she didn’t know any better – love.
Kara took her hand, entwining their fingers.
“I was so scared I’d lost you”, she whispered, her eyes tearful, and the memory of Kara in her blue cardigan and with fury in her eyes came crashing back to Lena. There was none of that fury left in Kara now, there was only relief and exhaustion.
“They saw you”, was all Lena could think of and she realized that her voice sounded nothing like herself. It was rough and croaky. “Kara, you shouldn’t have done that. You shouldn’t have let them know that you are Supergirl!”
“Don’t worry, J’onn took care of them. He modified their minds. And that of everyone who saw me flying you to the hospital … and that of the hospital staff. … I have to admit he wasn’t too happy with me”, Kara rambled. Then she stopped and stared at Lena. “Wait. You knew?”
Lena used her one good eye to look at her.
“Yes.”
“And you didn’t say anything?”
“Neither did you.”
“Fair point.”
Kara sighed.
“I’m sorry, Lena. I wanted to tell you so many times, but I didn’t, because …”
“You wanted to keep me safe?” Lena chuckled and groaned at the pain immediately shooting through her body.
“Yes.” Kara winced. “I thought I would keep you safe. I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. You of all people …”
“I was angry for a long time, Kara”, Lena admitted. “I thought it was because of my name or because you thought I could not be trusted …”
Kara sat down on the side of her bed. “No! No, Lena. It was never that. I trust you with my life. It was always to protect you. I couldn’t bear to see you get hurt.” She frowned. “And now you were.”
“It wasn’t your fault, Kara.”
“They hurt you, because they wanted to get to me”, Kara said and her face radiated so much guilt, Lena reached up with her free hand, IV line and all, and cupped her face.
“They took me, because I keep gravitating towards you. Towards Kara Danvers, towards Supergirl. I’m in your orbit, Kara, no matter what you tell me or keep from me.”
“But you have been hurt because of me”, Kara insisted. “And you knew and you still didn’t tell them who I was.”
“I would never”, Lena exclaimed and quietly added “I could never let anyone hurt you, Kara. I’d die before that.”
Kara’s tears were finally falling as she lifted their joined hands and kissed Lena’s palm, careful not to touch the cut on her wrist.
“Please, don’t. I could not live without you anyway.”
“Don’t say that, Kara.”
“But it’s true”, Kara said and looked at her. “I love you. Don’t you know that? I’ve loved you since the moment I first saw you, Lena. I couldn’t bear to be without you.”
Lena held her breath while the realization set in. Kara loved her.
She swallowed and let the air flow back into her lungs.
“Kara …”
“I know you probably don’t feel the same and maybe it’s a little too much to spring this on you after you almost died, but I don’t want there to be any more secrets between us, Lena. I …
“Kara”, Lena interrupted her.
“Yes?”
“I love you, too.”
“What?”
Kara looked like a fish on dry land. Her mouth opened and closed a few times, before a smile formed on her face. “Do you mean that?”
“Yes, Kara, I mean that”, Lena answered and smiled.
She was sure that with one of her eyes swollen shut, the bandages and the cuts, she probably looked like Frankenstein’s monster right now, but she felt a happiness radiating through her that she wasn’t used to. She had never had the luxury of someone loving her, just her, not her last name, not a general concept of her, someone she could be should she fulfill the demands given, but only herself, only Lena.
Until Kara came along. Kara had always seen her as she was, flaws and all. Yes, she had also seen the best in her and tried to make her see it too – and act on it –, but when it came down to it she had been there for Lena, not matter what. No matter how stupid Lena might have acted, because she was hurt or when the vengeful Luthor trait shone through. At the end of the day, Kara had always been there, pulling her into a hug and telling her that it was okay, that she was okay, that she wasn’t alone. That she was loved.
“But you hate Supergirl …”
Kara’s voice sounded questioning, if not downright troubled, and Lena let her fingertips caress the soft skin of Kara’s cheek.
“I do not hate Supergirl, Kara. How could I? She’s you. You’re her. I just wished you would have come to talk to me … about Kryptonite, about what it does to you … instead of ordering me not to use it on Reign. You know me. I react badly to people ordering me around and Supergirl … she can be a little self-righteous at times.”
“I know. I’m sorry.” Kara didn’t look offended in the slightest. “I know I can be … intense when I’m wearing the cape.”
Lena smiled. “I understand. You’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders when you are.”
“I should have just told you.”
“Yes, you should have.”
“But you still love me?” Kara seemed puzzled at the idea. How could Lena still love her after she withheld a vital piece of information from her – and we’re not talking about the fact that Kara hates kale – and after she was almost killed because of her?
But Lena just smiled. Her right eye focused on her.
“Yes, I do.”
“Prove it”, Kara said, only half playfully, and Lena gently put her fingers around Kara’s neck and pulled her down, because sitting up would be a bad idea.
“You first”, she whispered and when their lips connected she sighed into it, almost moaned into it, and pulled Kara even closer. Maybe, just maybe, this version of Kara did trust her enough to let her in completely. And maybe – definitely – this version of Lena trusted Kara. With her life and – more importantly – with her feelings. With the love that seeped through her body like syrup – sweet, delicious and sticky.
“No more secrets”, she whispered and Kara nodded, kissing her temple. “No more secrets … except, maybe, when it comes to Christmas and birthday presents.”
“I guess, that’s acceptable”, Lena said and smiled. “Now kiss me again.”