Chapter 1
"Caddy, are you okay?"
Cady blinked, frowning at Janis's concerned expression. She, Janis, and Damian were sitting in Janis's basement, watching a movie, but Cady was having trouble staying present. "I'm fine," she assured Janis, who didn't look entirely convinced but nodded anyway.
She was, of course, the exact opposite of fine. That morning, her parents had informed her that they'd gotten their old jobs in Kenya back and that they would be moving there in two days. Cady was supposed to start packing as soon as she got home from Janis's.
Cady snuck a glance over at her friend, who was laughing with Damian about something, both oblivious to Cady's inner turmoil. How was she supposed to inform them that this was likely the last time she would ever see them again?
Fighting back the tears that had sprung to her eyes, Cady turned her attention back to the movie, wishing she could enjoy it the way her friends were. Despite her best efforts, a tear escaped from her eye and trailed down her face. Why did her parents have to do this to her? She was finally happy here. It had taken over a year and the near death of another girl, but Cady was comfortable here now.
The crying began in earnest now. She swiped frantically at her eyes so that her friends wouldn't see, but all that did was bring more attention to her. Janis, seeing her face, made a small noise in the back of her throat and paused the movie.
"Alright, Caddy, spill," she said, abandoning her perch on the arm of Damian's chair in favor of joining Cady on the couch. Wrapping an arm around her, Janis gently wiped away a tear. This, of course, just made Cady cry harder. How was she supposed to leave such incredible friends behind?
"M-my parents," she managed through her tears. "They got their old jobs in Kenya back. W-we're leaving on Thursday."
In her peripheral vision, she saw Janis and Damian exchange wide-eyed looks.
"But, Caddy," Damian said softly, "Today's Tuesday. That's two days from now."
Cady sniffled, nodding miserably. Janis squeezed her tighter. Cady leaned into her, earning them both a knowing look from Damian.
"Listen, Caddy," Janis murmured in her ear. "It's gonna be okay. We'll FaceTime and stuff. You won't lose us. It'll be fine."
Cady looked up at her. "You really think so?"
Janis nodded decisively. "I do."
Janis knew it wasn't gonna be fine. But she had to put on a brave face for Cady. Seeing her friend so upset made her heart ache - she would do anything to make Cady feel better. Even if that meant fudging the truth a little.
They unpaused the movie, Damian joining them on the couch. Cady grabbed onto Janis's hand and held onto it through the rest of the movie, oblivious of the butterflies that erupted in Janis's stomach from the contact. It didn't help that Damian kept smirking at their entwined fingers when Cady wasn't looking. Janis glared at him.
Too soon, the movie ended, and it was time for Cady and Damian to leave. Damian hugged Cady for a long time before leaving, claiming he needed to get home right away or his mom would start to worry. But just before the door closed behind him, he shot Janis a wink over his shoulder. Janis gave him the finger.
"Jan?" Cady tapped Janis on the shoulder. "I should probably get going too."
She looked so sad at the prospect that Janis couldn't resist giving her arm a squeeze. "Okay, Caddy. I..." I love you, she tried to say, but the words got stuck in her throat. "You're a great friend, you know," she said instead. Cady smiled sadly. They hugged, and Cady started toward the door.
As she watched Cady go, Janis was filled with a desperation so intense she swayed a little on her feet. At that moment, she knew without a doubt what she had to do.
"Caddy! Wait!" Janis rushed through the door after Cady, who was opening her car door. She turned to Janis, looking surprised. Janis skidded to a stop just a few inches away from the other girl.
"Jan? Everything okay?"
Before she could second guess herself, Janis placed a hand on Cady's cheek and kissed her.
Cady stiffened, surprised, then leaned into the kiss, and for just a second, Janis forgot how to breathe. Then Cady was pulling away and taking a step back, shaking her head.
"I'm sorry, Janis," she said softly. "I-I can't."
Janis's brain was still reeling. "What?"
Cady gestured between them. "This. I can't do it. It... it hurts too much." She was crying again, and with a start Janis realized she was too. "I'm so sorry," Cady whispered. And then she was getting into her car and driving away, leaving Janis standing in the December snow, wishing she didn't understand why Cady couldn't be with her. Because as much as the rejection stung, she knew exactly what Cady was feeling. And it was the worst feeling in the world.