- Are you sure you're going to be fine? I can still just hire someone else. - Yosano doubted in Dazai's babysitting skills. We can’t blame her. Leaving a six years old child with a suicidal maniac was not every mother's dream.
- I will be alright, Yosano. There's nothing to worry about. - He placed his hands on Kyouka's shoulders and smiled at Yosano. - Look at us. Nothing can go wrong.
- If anything happens you call Chuuya and drag him here by all force. I don't care if his defusing a bomb or taking part in a duel to the death. - Kouyou warned him. It was a shame Chuuya had a mission today. He had no problems getting along with Kyouka. They liked each other.
- I know, Kouyou. I know. Everything will be okay. I'm great with kids! - He wasn't. They asked him to watch over Kyouka a few months ago and - just to be clear - it didn't go well. Especially when Dazai decided to do a live-action episode of "1000 Ways to Die" exclusively for Kyouka. And almost burnt down their house.
Regardless of what happened then, the women did not have another choice. Kouyou and Yosano both had to go on a rare Armed Detective Agency and Port Mafia collab mission.
- Mommy, you should go! You're gonna be late! And don't worry, I will watch over uncle Dazai for you! I'm great with goofy adults! - Kyouka hugged Kouyou while mocking Dazai. Yosano laughed lightly and crouched in front of her daughter.
- Remember what I said about doing anything that Dazai does, honey?
- Don't do anything uncle Dazai says because uncle Dazai is dumb. - She reeled the rule Yosano taught her off with a big grin on her face.
- Perfect. - Yosano hugged her and kissed her forehead. - Be safe sweety we will be back by evening. - She stood up and faced Dazai. - And you, don't do anything stupid, don't buy anything without my permission, and don't you even dare teach her about the ways of suicide again or I will make sure the next time you will need my treatment it's going to be even more painful than ever before.
- Yes, doctor. Please don't cut me in half. - Dazai was scared. You never mess with Yosano. And if you do she doesn't give you the "half-dead" treatment anymore. She gives you a "99.8% dead" treatment. Painful one. An extremely painful one.
- We better get going then, Akiko. We love you Kyouka! - Kouyou got into their car followed by Yosano. Soon they drove away with a constant worry in their head. It was not a good idea.
- So what are we going to do now, kid?
- TV!
- I guess that's okay. - They walked into the house.
***
Everything was going smoothly. Kyouka played in her room, while Dazai was reading his new book about suicide. They already ate lunch that Dazai ordered. He was scared of doing anything in the kitchen. He still remembers Yosano's reaction to what he did last time.
He was in the middle of the chapter describing suicidal rituals in northern Europe when he heard quiet footsteps from the stairs. After a few seconds, the little girl stood in front of him, holding her plush bunny tightly and smiling as innocently as she could.
- Uncle Dazai. - She started drawlingly. She slightly tugged on his sleeve. Dazai closed the book and focused all his attention on Kyouka.
- Yes?
- Will you buy me a bunny? - She looked at him with the most adorable puppy eyes he has ever seen.
- But you already have a bunny, Kyouka-chan. You're holding it in your hands right now.
- I want a real one!
- I don't think your moms would be happy if we buy a real living breathing bunny. You know what Yosano said. 'Don't buy anything without my permission' And when Yosano says something we listen to her because if we don't our deaths will be painful and we do not want that. - Dazai didn't want to get in any trouble this time.
- But mommies aren't your bosses! - She wasn't going to give up. She will get that freaking bunny if it's the last thing she does.
- They are still way scarier and stronger than me. Sorry, I can't help you, kid. - He shrugged his shoulders. Surprisingly Kyouka didn't walk away sad as he expected. She still had an ace up her sleeve. And she won't hesitate.
- Okay... Thanks anyway. I thought you were cooler than uncle Chuuya. I'm going back to my room now. - She looked sad. She was a good faker. And she knew how to manipulate people. Of course, Chuuya was the one that taught her.
- Get in the car. Now. I am way cooler than Chuuya. We are getting you that fu... freaking bunny. - He stood up quickly. He and his boyfriend often argued who was more liked by Kyouka. If buying Kyouka a bunny would make him win, he was ready to do that.
Kyouka walked lively towards the car. She won. She knew her moms are going to be mad at first. But just the thought of finally having a fluffy little bunny was enough to make that sacrifice.
***
When they arrived at the pet store Kyouka didn't even wait for Dazai and ran into the building before he even locked his car.
She was standing in front of a huge crate with five little bunnies. They played with each other jumping and running around. Kyouka walked up to the stand, her eyes glowing. She was amazed by the little creatures.
Dazai caught up with her also focusing his eyes on the animals.
- So? Which one?
- All of them.
- No, no, no. We will only take one. Even my death wish isn’t that big. Pick one and then we will choose all the needed equipment.
- But Dazai-san! They are all so cute! I want to have them all! - She stamped her foot to show how important and urgent her need to bring back home five little bunnies is.
- I’m sorry Kyouka but you can take only one.
- I can’t choose! They are all so adorable! - She complained again. In the back of his head, Dazai regretted his decision.
- Maybe that one, sitting alone? He has been looking at you since you came, sweetheart. - A shop assistant gave her a clue. It was a young woman with a big warm smile on her face. Her hair in a ponytail was bouncing right and left as she was walking up to them.
- Really? I want him Dazai-san! - She screamed joyfully running as close to the white bunny as possible.
- Well, that was quick. Thank you very much. Could you please show us all the needed equipment?
- Yes, of course. This way, please. - She showed them to one of the nearby aisles.
***
They were back at Kyouka’s house. While she was playing with her new friend on the floor in the living room and Dazai was once again enjoying the new book about suicide, they both heard someone unlock the door.
Kyouka and Dazai were both mentally preparing themselves for the worst. Kyouka was scared of being yelled at and being grounded while Dazai on the other hand was counting the last minutes of not feeling any physical pain in his body. He knew that after Yosano’s treatment he will always be accompanied by pain till the rest of his life.
Kouyou walked into the living room with a big smile on her face and a loud ‘We’re back!‘. When she spotted Kyouka holding the bunny she blinked few times quickly and walked out of the room just to walk into it right again. When the bunny didn’t disappear she concentrated all of her attention on Dazai.
- Dazai, my dear, would you mind explaining why to the love of my nonexisting god there’s a bunny in my daughter’s hands? - Her voice was calm and graceful as always. Her eyes expressed mostly curiosity with a little bit of anger.
- It’s… Listen Kouyou… How to place it? Let me just… Screw this! She manipulated me!
- Hey! That’s low, you snitch! Uncle Chuuya would never!
- What did she say, Dazai? What a six-year-old child said to be able to manipulate a member of the Armed Detective Agency? Share your story with me. Or no. Let’s wait till Akiko comes. I’m sure she would love to hear this. - She sat in the armchair. If Dazai was ever scared for his safety, it was this moment.
They didn’t have to wait long. Soon Yosano walked in also spotting the bunny right away.
- Dazai, you sick suicidal moron, what did you do? - She crossed her arms and aggressively looked at Dazai.
- Now, you can tell us how Kyouka manipulated you, Dazai.
- Well, I was reading my book peacefully in the living room when she walked up to me and asked me if I would buy her a bunny. I said no. Then she said that I will be cooler then Chuuya if I buy her a bunny. So I bought her a bunny.
- Dazai, are you five? Remember what I told you before we left? - Yosano tried to hide her irritation. She knew that bursting into anger will scare Kyouka. No matter what they did, Kyouka’s feelings were their priority, and yelling would only make things worse.
- Not quite. - He knew exactly what she said. But playing the innocent was his best idea.
- Well, I said something like: “don't do anything stupid, don't buy anything without my permission“. And somehow you managed to do both of those things. At the same time. I… What do you want to do about this, Kouyou? - Yosano looked at her wife.
- Mommy, I will take care of him, I promise! I will clean after him, feed him, everything! Please don’t take him away! - Kyouka begged, hugging the bunny. She was longing for him for so long. She would do anything to stop her mothers from returning him.
- We will keep the bunny for sure. You don’t have to worry about that, Kyouka. I know how much he means to you. However what we will do about you two… - She saw the happiness in Kyouka’s eyes. She could never take away something that made the little girl smile.
- I can’t believe I’m getting scolded by my current colleague and my former colleague.
- You should be happy you’re not getting your ass kicked by your current colleague and your former colleague, okay? Now, I believe the way your treatment is going to look like and how much money you will spend for a month on food and toys for the little fella will be enough of a punishment for you. Don’t forget I’m telling Chuuya about everything. - Yosano whispered into his ear so Kyouka wouldn’t hear her threatening Osamu.
Dazai shivered while imagining his future treatment. He can’t afford any injuries from now on. Yosano was the scariest person he ever met. Mostly because she could legally hurt him.
- He will not leave me alone after hearing about this.
- I know. That’s the whole point. That’s why I’m telling Chuuya. Not the old lady from the library. By the way, I think you can go now. We still have to talk to our daughter.
- Roger that, have a nice evening. Please don’t kill me tomorrow. - He vanished from the house as quickly as he could. Now there was only one more talk they needed to have.
- Mommies, are you mad at me? - Kyouka asked quietly. She didn’t want to make her moms angry. That’s the last thing she would do.
- We are not mad at you, honey. - Yosano sat down next to her daughter. Kyouka looked at the women with her watery eyes. - Don’t cry. We just want to talk.
- You see, sweetheart, what you did… How should I put this… Made us a little bit sad and disappointed. You went behind our backs. We are a team, aren’t we? - Kouyou crouched in front of Kyouka and started playing softly with her hand.
- I’m sorry… I just really wanted that bunny! I love bunnies so much!
- We know honey. But you need to understand that taking care of a bunny is a great responsibility. We need to decide on that type of stuff together. As a team. As a family. Uncle Dazai is not a person that can decide about you having a bunny, alright? - Yosano explained. Although her coworkers saw her as hotheaded and pretty violent, she had a soft spot for two people. Two people, she would never yell at. The love of her life - Kouyou and the biggest ray of sunshine that brightened her day every morning - Kyouka.
- I’m sorry, mom. I understand I shouldn’t have done that without your consent. I promise I will never break our great team again! And about the responsibility… I’m ready! I swear! I’ll do my best! I won’t even ask you for help! - She wanted to hug Yosano but she still had the bunny laying on her legs. Instead, she rested her head against Yosano’s arm.
- We trust you sweetheart. But when you don’t know what to do just ask. - Yosano kissed her head.
- I don’t want to be the bad guy here but someone has to do it. We are proud of you for understanding what you did wrong and that you are ready to take care of this little guy. But you still need to be responsible for your actions. So a little break from the TV won’t cause you any harm. - Kouyou stood up and kissed Kyouka’s forehead, smiling.
- We’re talking, how long? - Kyouka asked. She knew she’s going to be grounded in some way.
- Three weeks.
- Three weeks!?
- Yes! At least you will have more time to take care of that little fella. Do you have a name for him? - Yosano asked without any seriousness in her voice. They got through the harder part of the conversation. Now it will be all fun and games.
- Do you know you are the best mothers on the planet? But you’re also evil.
- That’s our charm. What about the bunny?
- I do have a name, mom. This is Lev and he is very happy to meet you! - She softly put the bunny in Yosano’s hands.
- Lev? Why?
- When you left me at uncle Chuuya’s once there was also this cool girl, her name was Gin. She was watching this volleyball anime and I liked that dude. And he has white hair. - She explained.
- You’ve met Gin?
- Yes, she’s amazing. Her brother is weird. Gives me the creeps. - The women laughed at Kyouka’s honesty.
- I’m gonna go make something for dinner. And Lev… Remember, if you ever touch any of my shoes especially with your teeth, it’s on. We’re gonna fistfight behind the house. - Yosano left laughing Kyouka in the living room and headed to the kitchen.
- Hey, no violence in this house!