Chapter 6
"Why not?"
"What? Why do I have to have a reason?"
"Is that a fucking joke right now?"
"I just don't want us to make a huge mistake."
"A huge mistake? Is that what you call having a family with me?"
"We are a family, Chloe!"
"Yes I know"
"Since when am I not enough for you anymore?"
"Oh come on!"
"What? That's a perfectly legitimate question. Tell me."
"You ... that's ... urghhh! That's not the point."
"Oh no ?! What's the point Chloe?"
"Why don't you want a baby with me?"
"Because I just don't want one."
"That makes no sense."
"Are you kidding me? Of course that makes sense, it's not as if I wanted a bunch of children yesterday and suddenly not anymore today. You started to pressure me and I've been dealing with this bullshit now for what, two years, no, longer, it's been almost three years."
"I'm not putting you under pressure, I was fucking the personified patience, but ..."
"But what, Chloe? What?"
"I'm 32 Rachel, can't you see, like... if we started now, it could work until my 33rd birthday. Think about it, what a nice birthday surprise that would be?"
"No"
"Don't just say no."
"No"
"Rachel, we've read all the books, taken the infant care class, kept our friends' children alive, interviewed our mothers, turned the guest room into an alternative nursery, we're ready."
"No, you did all of these things. I had very little to do with all that, except the process of finding a new house."
"That doesn't change the fact that we're ready. We have the means, we have secure jobs, I've been tracking my cycle for freaking eighteen months now and have been taking my vitamins and supplements. If we don't adopt, I am going to carry our baby, we just need to find a suitable donor. We're ready. "
"You are ready."
"Rachel."
"No."
"Don't always just say no. You can't decide that on your own."
"Oh, but you can?"
"That's not what I meant by that."
"Is that your inner clock? Your brain telling you, you're going to die soon, so let's procreate?!"
"Maybe, so what? It could be, but it doesn't matter."
"I think it does."
"Why?"
"Because I won't be happy, if you force a child on me."
"I'm forcing you ??? Tell me, are you listening to yourself?"
"Of course you do! You keep bringing other people's children home, making a fool of yourself wherever we go, looking at baby clothes, trying to get me to look at baby pictures, holding them, smelling them and constantly trying to find the cheapest ways to manipulate me into having children with you. "
"I'm not manipulating you, babe, I just don't understand what you're so afraid of."
"I'm not afraid."
"You will be a great mother, our baby will be so happy."
"No."
"Rachel, we are not like your parents."
"Chloe-"
"We're not like Mom and David, we're not like Mom and Dad, although that would be nice, we're gonna do our own thing, as we have always done and still do. You and me."
"You and me."
"What?"
"Yes, exactly. No way, just you and me. You mean you and me and our six adopted children."
"Rachel, I love you. I always have. You don't have to be afraid. Our six adopted children will enrich our lives."
"No thank you"
"You are being selfish."
"Me ??? I am selfish? Are you kidding?"
"No, this is not a joke, you only think about yourself and that you could then no longer be the center of the world and that-"
"MY UTERUS IS NOT UP FOR DISCUSSION - Neither is yours! My disinterest in having a child with you has nothing to do with fear or selfishness!"
"Great and now you're yelling at me."
"You refuse to listen to me otherwise."
"Let me ask you once and for all, you- you don't, under any circumstances, ever want to have a child with me?"
"Finally you got me."
"Chloe?"
"Okay."
"Okay?"
"Yes."
"Really? You seem very ..."
"I said it was okay."