“The call is coming from inside the house”
The words ring in her ears as she stands in the march darkness outside the hospital, staring at the space where Kate had been standing. The CIA agent wrapped her arms around herself, wishing she had a thicker jacket, the gray blazer failing to block the wind. Her hold tightened around her phone and she knew she should go into the hospital again, what for she wasn’t sure. That was a lie, she did know, Stuart was in surgery and she cared about him. That was also a lie. She knew working for the CIA makes it very easy to lie to others, she just never realized how easy it was to lie to herself.
She finally moved from where she was rooted to the spot and walked into the hospital on autopilot. She ordered her agents to lock down the hospital without really paying attention to them asking why and instead climbed the stairs, finding Kate in a hall speaking to someone. At the sound of her footsteps, however, Kate turned to her and, as if by instinct, joined her.
Eidra didn’t stop to observe how exhausted the ambassador looked, having already taken in the oversized button up, baggy blazer, and jeans (a decidedly mismatched outfit). Instead she rested her hand on Kate’s back as they walked and asked about Hal, earning a dismissive response about them all being in surgery still (some part of her brain reminded her that she was dating one of them). They continued to walk in silence for a few strides before Eidra pointed to an empty room and said a quick in here as they entered.
The room was clearly some sort of unused hospital room currently storing two beds, monitors, and IV poles, Eidra finally retracted her hand from her boss’s back and kicked the door shut behind them. Once the door clicked shut she approached the taller woman and spoke, desperately needing more context about what evidence the ambassador had to think that the fucking prime minister would bomb his own ship. Kate didn’t give a real answer at first and simply asked if they were secure, which she confirmed, Kate started to speak but stopped after only a few words and asked again, this time Eidra said it was physically possible someone has audio surveillance but setting up a SCIF would ensure it looked like they were hiding something, before realizing they probably were and asking if they were.
Instead of answering Kate moved over to a whiteboard hanging from the wall, Eidra followed without hesitation and watched as the ambassador pulled the cap off a marker and write for a second before revealing the word LENKOV. Eidra was acutely aware of how close they were and chose to direct her attention to the diplomat in front of her instead of their proximity.
Kate began to explain that the French don’t believe they will arrest Lenkov and instead crossed out his name. The CIA agent stared before clarifying that French intelligence thinks they’re gonna, she looked pointedly at the board and Kate imitated a gunshot (completely inaccurately). Her first thought is the Russians but Kate shakes her head, instead writing THE BRITS on the board. Eidra shook her head, narrowing her eyes slightly and telling the ambassador that the brits don’t do that, that when they do want that done they ask us to do it, giving a pointed look to the woman in front of her. Kate pointed to the board, pointing to where she had written THE BRITS and saying that if they arrest him, she pointed to where she had written and then crossed out LENKOV before continuing, he will say who hired him. Eidra connected the dots quickly as Kate continued to speak, they don’t want that if they hired him. She nodded as the brunette started writing again, writing out TROWBRIDGE and explaining that the prime minister was furious when he heard the plan to arrest this one, pointing to LENKOV, and that the next day he simply changed his mind and decided he loved it because he changed the plan.
Eidra studied the board and kept her expression neutral as she asked what else, Kate repeated the question and lowered her voice as she pointed out the bomb and a member of parliament who raised money from this one, pointing to LENKOV, for this one, she pointed to TROWBRIDGE again, and is now, she mimed an explosion. Eidra gave a disbelieving look and sarcastically asked if lee harvey oswald was her anesthesiologist, Kate blew up at that and told Eidra not act like she’s a fucking lunatic and to investigate him, pointing to TROWBRIDGE.
Eidra hesitated with her mouth slightly open, staring at the ambassador before bringing up the last time they investigated a, she circles the PM at the bottom of the whiteboard, it almost ended NATO. Kate wouldn’t back down (Eidra knew that) and whispered that everything is pointing to him, as she circled TROWBRIDGE. Eidra didn’t get a chance to disagree as the door opened, she hastened to erase the whiteboard before giving up and moving in front of it, thankful Kate mimicked her action so they blocked their writing. A man looked in on them and informed Kate that Hal was out of surgery, Kate quickly glanced at Eidra, who nodded, and followed the man quickly, leaving Eidra alone again.
Eidra stood for a moment before grabbing the eraser and erasing the marking on the whiteboard, she could still faintly make out where Kate had written so she grabbed the marker again and scribbled over all of the areas they had written on before erasing again, this time satisfied with the result.
Eidra began to feel the exhaustion of the day catch up to her and, once she was satisfied that the whiteboard was clean, flipped a light switch she didn’t remember being in the room before, plunging the room into darkness. She sat down stiffly on one of the padded beds in the room, she studied her environment before tugging off her blazer, leaving her arms bare and cold, she kicked off her shoes and brought her legs onto the bed, laying down and wrapping the blazer around herself as a sort of makeshift blanket, she stared blankly in the dark, her mind working overtime to compartmentalize. She thought of Stuart and how he was to her, he didn’t mind how she was detached from her emotions and always working and spends so much time with the ambassador.
He’s in love with me.
The realization hits her in the same way her bullets hit their target, the same way a tsunami hits a coastline, the same way the blast had hit Grove.
She realized she didn’t know if she was in love with him, this second realization hit her differently, more like how rain hits your face during a spring drizzle, something that she had to accept no matter how much she wishes the clouds would vanish.
She continued to stare at the wall, lost in her thoughts, she knew that she couldn’t break up with Stuart now (he was unconscious after all), not when he got out of surgery either, she knew they fought before he left but couldn’t remember what was said. How fucked in the head was she that she didn’t realize her boyfriend was in love with her, which in hindsight was painfully obvious, until he was in an OR after being blown up, and when she did realize she also realized she didn’t love him back.
She knew she would have to stay with him until he was recovered, he was already badly injured and he was a good man, he didn’t deserve to have his heart broken by her. She continued to stare at the wall and try to figure out how to break up with him. He was a good person, she knew that, she didn’t want to hurt him by breaking up with him while he was injured, making him feel like a burden.
So she decided to wait, she decided to let him recover, she decided to let him think she was his. At least until he was okay, maybe she could convince herself to love him.
She was good at lying to herself after all.