Want You Back
When Gigi locked herself in the bathroom, her whole body was trembling and she was having trouble believing what she'd just seen. She turned on the tap in the sink completely, holding her hands under the cold water, in case it would stop them from shaking. She looked up and looked at herself in the mirror opposite.
Even she could see the disappointment in her eyes. She thought that her heart could not be more broken, but she had just experienced that this could happen. She was too angry to cry. She was madly angry with her ex-girlfriend Crystal, who was having fun with a girl on her arm in the living room of the house, where the party was going on. Gigi didn’t even know who that girl was.
She felt sick. It had only been a few weeks since she left Crystal, how had she been able to start seeing someone else so quickly? She didn't want her to cry for Gigi forever, of course, but even though it was Gigi who left, even she hadn't been through the separation pain yet. She still remembered how Crystal looked at her, when she said, she wanted to leave.
***
She had gone to Crystal's house, their plan for the night was one of their usual movie nights. At least that was Crystal's plan, Gigi's head was full of other ideas. Her lover greeted her with a warm hug and a sweet kiss. Gigi also put a kiss on the curls of the black-haired girl. Crystal's hair was priceless for the other girl.
They ate the dinner, which Crystal made, and Gigi couldn't finish her plate because she preferred to watch the girl across from her. Her lover laughed, "Why are you looking at me like that, eat your food?", she said. Gigi smiled when she said, "I want to watch you right now."
Crystal's bronze skin turned red, her hot chocolate-like eyes were in Gigi's blue eyes, "You're doing it to embarrass me."
Gigi continued to watch the girl with a smile. They finished their meals and washed the dishes together. Crystal liked the fact that Gigi was more in touch than ever before. The tall girl was definitely touching her as she passed by Crystal, occasionally pressing her lips to her cheek and head. Crystal was delighted.
They took their drinks and took the seat in front of the TV. Crystal sat down with her feet under her feet, Gigi crossed her legs, their knees were touching each other. The starting music of the movie they rented for tonight was heard on the screen. Crystal was ready to lose herself in the movie as Gigi spoke. "I want to leave."
Gigi wanted to disappear from the universe at that moment. Be lost. Not coming back again. She had written many scripts in her head for days, but none of them was telling Crystal that she wanted to leave suddenly while she was sitting there in all her beauty.
She hated herself.
She hated this idea.
For a while, this idea had remained in the corner of her brain, and it had tampered every brain cell she had. Because she realized that something was happening, which was incredibly disturbing to her, that she could never allow. She had fallen in love with Crystal.
Gigi Goode couldn't be in love.
Gigi had sworn she would never fall in love with anybody, after what her father did to her mother and her. She was 13 years old when her father left. Her mother was so in love with her father that she was depressed for a year. She could neither look at herself nor at Gigi. At the age of 14, Gigi had started working with a tailor. The fact that Gigi spent all her time from school working was what awakened her mother.
Gigi never stopped working after that day, even though her mother recovered and managed to build a decent life for the two of them. Every day, when she woke up, every evening before she went to sleep, she reminded herself that she wouldn't love anyone more than herself. And that thing called love is just a disease.
That's why she had to leave Crystal. She shouldn't have seen Crystal again. She should have removed Crystal from her life and never had such a long-term relationship ever again.
The whole list she had written down in her mind was erased when Crystal looked into her with tearful eyes. She even forgot why she wanted to leave.
"Gigi?"
Gigi looked away, took a deep breath, and dropped the glass in her hand on the coffee table in front of her. She thought she would speak more comfortably if she didn't look at Crystal. "I'm really sorry, Crystal, but I want this relationship to end."
Hearing her sigh, her eyes found brown eyes again, and tears ran down Crystal’s cheeks. She cursed. "At least our romantic relationship." she said quickly. She had already taken a step back, what did she think she was doing?
"What other relationship do we have?" Crystal asked in surprise. She thought her tongue was stuck, but she was able to speak. She had difficulty understanding whatever the blonde woman in front of her was talking about.
"You're my best friend, Crystal." Gigi said, her lips curled up in a half smile. "I would never want to lose our friendship."
Crystal shook her head, her curls falling in front of her shoulders. "I don't understand Gigi, you want to leave me and you don't want to lose my friendship too. What's going on?"
Gigi looked away, "I don't love you the way I used to do."
"Oh," Crystal felt her chest tightening, put her feet down from the sofa, clenched her hands and concealed their trembling, "okay then." She turned and looked into the sky blue eyes. "Then it's over." She stood up, grabbed the two glasses from the coffee table, and rushed to the kitchen.
Gigi wanted to get up for a moment and go after her, grab her arms and hug her. She hated herself for not being able to.
She got up from the sofa, took her purse, stood at the kitchen door and looked at the dark-haired girl washing the empty glasses. "Goodbye, Crystal."
Crystal ordered her entire body to stand upright, waiting for Gigi to leave the house, kept a stiff upper lip. She did not answer. She had no answer. She heard Gigi's heel shouts reach the door, open the door and close it behind her.
At that moment she realized she was holding her breath, her legs relaxed, the glasses slipped from her hands, they smashed into the sink, Crystal staggered and grabbed the sink to stand. A few cuts of glass that splashed out of the sink had sunk into her hands. It hurt, but she knew it was not from cuts in her hands, but from a broken heart.
***
Gigi got out of the bathroom where she locked herself. Although she knew she was not calm, she made sure she looked calm from the outside. She wanted to find her friend Jan, who was organizing the party, and wish her good night and leave this environment as soon as possible. She didn't think she could watch Crystal flirt with anyone else.
She mingled with the crowd, Jan's large living room was full of people dancing, drinking and chatting, singing in a corner, passing out on the seats. She found her way to reach the group of her own friends. She was sure that Crystal and the new girl on her arm were also there, because the biggest reason they could never get out of each other's lives was they had the same group of friends.
Thanks to her being tall, she could see the familiar faces of her friends, and when she approached them she noticed Crystal. She wore her cheetah mini dress, high-heeled black boots on her feet, her chest full of necklaces, her hair must have left with the way it is, her curls dancing on her shoulders. She remembered this girl very well. The girl in a mini cheetah print dress standing next to her friends, giggling and chatting.
***
Gigi was walking between people trying to find her way, today was the discount day of the club she joined, so there were more people inside than ever before. Fortunately, she had been coming here for a long time and knew what table her friends were always at.
She reached the table, which was both near the dance floor and in the corner, and realized she was not mistaken. Jan, Jackie, Nicky and Jaida came before her, bought a jug of margarita, were busy drinking their drinks and looking great. She was not surprised by the sight, but what surprised her was the unknown girl standing next to her friends at the table.
The girl, who was not as tall as her, had dark hair that matched her tanned skin, looking at Gigi with a big smile on her face.
Gigi couldn't help but laugh when she saw what was on the girl. The brunette girl managed to look great with a mini cheetah patterned dress, a lot of necklaces, bracelets and hairpins she attached to her hair. Gigi wanted to get to know the girl.
She greeted her friends, "Meet Crystal, Gigi," Jaida said, pointing to the dark-haired girl, "she's my colleague, I've been inviting her to join us for a long time, she's finally able to come."
Crystal held out his hand, "Pleased, Gigi." She smiled, showing her shiny teeth.
The girl's smile was perfect.
"Welcome to the club." Gigi shook the brunette's hand, "I'm glad too, very." she smiled.
She could not leave Crystal's side all night. Crystal knew almost every song that played and was not afraid to accompany it. Gigi could not say that the girl had a good voice, but she said it so joyfully that she never bothered but fascinated herself.
They chatted about even the most ridiculous thing, giggling together so much, so that the moment their eyes found each other, they started laughing. Gigi was delighted that this beautiful woman responded to her flirtation.
Nicky realized the situation as usual, and smiled, slipped between the two to annoy Gigi. "Crystal, you didn't come here all night to chuckle with Gigi, darling?" she smiled, and grabbed the brunette girl's hand and pulled it toward the dance floor, "Let's dance a little."
Gigi caught Nicky's shining blue eyes, "Shut up." she moved her lips.
Nicky just grinned before swinging her blonde hair and turning around. When Gigi rolled her eyes and turned to her friends, she noticed that they were all grinning at her. "What?"
Jackie shrugged and grabbed her girlfriend Jan's hand and ran to the dance floor. Meanwhile, Jaida just took a deep breath and said, "Oh, Child…".
Gigi decided not to deal with her friends' quirks and turned to Crystal dancing. One of Britney Spears' classics was playing "Womanizer", and Crystal got her whole body into the song. At one point, her eyes found Gigi's eyes under the flashing lights and continued to perform dance moves while singing.
Gigi bit her lower lip, she noticed that Crystal is a womanizer and from that moment on she was completely hers.
***
She approached her friends from the farthest possible side of Crystal, facing Crystal and her guest because of this preference. She wrapped her hand around Jaida's waist and whispered that she would leave to her friend's ear. Jaida grabbed the blonde's hand on her waist and did not let go. When she turned to Gigi she was smiling, "Don't go now, we'll go out together in a little while." she said through her teeth.
Gigi wanted to go now. She couldn't even lift her eyes off the ground and look at the people in front of her. She took the glass that Nicky was holding and put it against her lips. Nicky did not object, heading into the kitchen to get a new one. Now only Jaida, Crystal, and her lady friend remained. Jackie must have been taking care of the guests with Jan.
She could hear Crystal's chirping voice, and as she dipped the liquid in her stomach, she looked unobtrusively at the woman next to her. She had nothing to do with Gigi at all. The woman was african-american at first, looking shorter than Crystal but older. Gigi couldn't deny that the woman looked beautiful. She didn't mind the fire burning in the middle of her ribcage. What they call jealousy wouldn't work on Gigi. Never.
Crystal was really sincere to the woman. Wasn't she too sincere for something that had just begun? Crystal was like that though, friendly, warm, sincere, optimistic, beautiful, sexy, breathtaking, completely different. Gigi shook her head and tried to take control of her thoughts. How long did she have to wait for Jadia?
"Hey Gigi."
Gigi started, her eyes turned to the beautiful brunette who owns the voice. "Hey." she said, hoping her smile would look real.
Crystal was smiling too. "How are you? You look very pretty as always."
The blonde’s heart faltered, "Thank you, I'm actually pretty good, you know, the usual stuff." thanked that her voice did not tremble. "How are you?"
Crystal kept her smile, "I'm fine," she looked at the woman next to her, "I don't think I introduced you, Gigi" turned to the blonde girl, "Meet Widow, please."
Gigi looked at Widow, not remembering that she had ever made so much effort in her life to smile, "Pleased Widow."
She also noticed that Crystal had only given their names when introducing them, and no other explanation. Because she wanted to know what to introduce Widow as.
"Likewise, Gigi." Widow's smile didn't look fake. Gigi believed she didn't know who she was, or who she used to be.
Crystal whispered something in Widow's ear, then softly approached Gigi, "Do you have some time to talk?" she asked to blonde.
Gigi didn't want that at all, but when could she say no to Crystal?
"Sure."
They moved away from their friends and retreated to a more quiet corner. Crystal wetted her lips, she had purple lipstick on them, "I've packed your remaining stuff, I was thinking of asking Jaida to pass it to you, but you can come and pick it up if you want, or I can bring it anywhere you want." she shrugged, "It doesn't matter to me, it's your stuff after all."
Gigi nodded in agreement, "If you don't mind I can drop by and pick up sometime, I'll also bring your stuff."
Crystal nodded, "Yeah, yeah, yeah."
Gigi scowled, Crystal would do this when she couldn't find anything to sayout of nervousness . The girl didn't look nervous at all. She wanted to put her hand on her shoulder to comfort her, instead tying her hands on her chest.
"Widow," she said, unable to help herself, "a beautiful woman."
Crystal giggled, "Oh, yes indeed. I am so glad you received it so well, I don't want tension between us."
"Never ever." Gigi said, "As long as you're happy, I'm happy too." It wasn't a lie, she wanted
Crystal to be happy more than anything else. I wish I could give you the happiness you deserve, she thought.
"Same way." Crystal said, "Mmm," she glanced away for a moment and looked at Gigi again, "you said you wanted to keep this friendship. After all, almost all of our friends are mutual, and we'll have to see each other often. So I'd like to leave that thing behind and continue as friends. "
Gigi wasn't sure how much her heart could break anymore, she felt it was falling apart. "Of course, absolutely."
Crystal sighed and smiled, "Great."
"Super." Gigi didn't know what to say.
"I'd better go back to Widow, I don't want her to be an outsider."
Gigi stepped back, "Of course, this is not something we would ever want."
Crystal glanced over her shoulder and smiled as she walked over to the other woman. She had no idea how she left this woman. She hated herself again.
***
"I fucked up." Gigi said. She had her head between her hands and collapsed on the seat.
Jaida first took off her high-heeled shoes, then stepped in front of Gigi and stared at her friend, resting her hands on her waist. "Good morning, Ms. Goode."
Gigi shook her head, "You saw everything I saw, right Jaida?" She didn't know if she was angry or sad, "She flirted and danced with someone else in front of my eyes all night, and she thanked me for being understanding about it."
Jaida rolled her eyes, "Child, wasn't you who left her and told her you didn't love her anymore?", sat down next to the blonde, "What has changed now?"
"I screwed it up, Jaida, okay?" When she noticed his voice rising, she restrained himself. She didn't want to shout at Jadia. "I screwed up, I'm in a mess, but I had to smile at her and tell her everything was fine."
Jadia put her arm around her friend's shoulder and drew herself, "Why don't you tell me everything?"
Gigi took a deep breath and started talking. She explained everything she went through as a child. The fact that her mother fell asleep crying every night, how much medicine she took, how she recovered afterwards, the true feelings she felt for Crystal. "I fell in love with her, still in love,I can feel it in my bones. "
At that moment she started crying, "I thought about her every day for weeks, but apparently she got over quickly enough to find someone else."
Jaida patted the girl's back, "Gigi, when people fall in love, yes they are vulnerable, because the moment you see the other person most vulnerable, you fall in love with them, and you realize that you can do anything for that person, which means letting go of your own defense." She continued, looking into the eyes of the blonde, "Love is not always reciprocated, sometimes it's one-sided, as you experience it by watching your mom and dad." She wiped the tear that was running down Gigi's cheek. "But that doesn't mean your love will never be reciprocated, I understand your fear, I can't say you should never be afraid, but love loves the brave ones."
Gigi continued to sit silently leaning against Jaida. She listened to what her friend said over and over again in her head. She straightened up and looked at Jaida, "I want Crystal back."
Jaida was already on her feet, "Finally!"
***
When Crystal opened the door, the last person she expected to see was Gigi Goode. Couldn't hide her astonishment, "Oh, Gigi?"
The blonde woman was holding a large box in her hand. "Hi, I said I'd come by sometime, but aren't you available?"
Crystal took off her apron, "No, it is okay, come in please." Without waiting for Gigi to come in, she quickly stepped into her room and turned the painting she was painting over and put it in the corner. She couldn't risk Gigi learning that she was painting her portrait. She left her apron on her bed and returned to the living room.
Gigi stood like a stranger in this house where she was no stranger. "Would you like to take it?" She handed the box in her hand to the brunette.
"Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah." came out of Crystal's lips. Gigi hated that Crystal was nervous about her.
The black-haired girl reached out and took the box from Gigi, noting its distance. "Thanks for bringing this."
When she realized that Gigi was still standing in the middle of the room, she laughed, "Sit down, please, what would you like to drink?"
Gigi shrugged, "No, I won't stay long, I don't want you to be disturbed."
Crystal was heartbroken, again, "I'll go get your stuff."
She went into her room, left the box Gigi had brought on her bed, went to the corner where her empty canvases were and took the box on the floor. The toothbrush Gigi used when she came over there, a few pieces of clothes, two books, the extra charger she bought for home, her make-up materials suitable for her skin and her perfumes were in that box. Crystal wondered if she should also return the gifts she had received from her, but she knew that Gigi wasn't the type who wants the gifts back. Though she never thought Gigi would stop loving her, it did happen. While holding the box in her hand, she noticed that her eyes were tearful and cursed.
She gathered herself with a few deep breaths, noticing the painting she had painted last week among her canvases before returning to the living room. She painted an image of autumn, the frame of the canvas was filled with burgundy, yellow and brown leaves, forming the floor on which the female figure in the middle lay. Gigi with her honey blonde hair, white dress and red lips lay among the leaves. His blue eyes were closed because Crystal didn't think she could paint Gigi’s eyes that day without crying.
Without changing her mind, she took the small canvas, put it in the box, and returned to the living room. She didn't write the date on the canvas so if Gigi asked, she would tell her that she had painted it before she left, that she wanted to give it to her.
Gigi was resting her hips on the arm of the chair. Crystal could see that tension was covering her whole body. She wanted to hug the woman and relieve all the tension, she couldn't.
She handed the box to Gigi, being careful not to touch her hands. "Thank you." Gigi said. She looked beautiful. Usual.
"Let me go now," she squeezed the box under her arm and headed for the door, "by the way, I like what you did with the house." said.
Crystal knew what she was talking about, redecorating the living room. Because after the last conversation they had on that sofa, she could not sit there again. She had to live the same moment again and again. That's why she had rearranged the items by changing their places. "Thank you, I'm glad you like it."
Gigi looked at Crystal one last time as she left the door and smiled, "I like everything you do."
Before Crystal could answer, Gigi waved her hand and left.
***
A few hours had passed since Gigi left when Crystal was able to sit on her bed and pick up the box. It took her a few hours to gather her courage to open a stupid box.
She opened the box and looked at the contents for a moment. She took a bottle of white wine out of the box, there were two large packs of dark chocolate, a new oil painting set, and a thriller book. Crystal took everything out of the box.
These were not Crystal's items.
She saw a white envelope at the bottom of the box. With trembling hands she took the envelope and opened it, opened the paper that came out and began to read tearily.
"Crystal Elizabeth Methyd,
I hope you are not crying right now, because no matter how cute you look when you cry, you know I don't want you to cry. There are a few things I want to tell you.
First of all, I'm a fool. I'm very, very stupid. I lost you because I was a fool who overthinks too much.
Crystal, I left you because I was so scared. I left you because I’m in love with you. I was so scared because I'm in love with you. I swore that I would never be in love with somebody, never love someone, I'd never feel like my heart is totally in the hands of someone, I swore that I would not risk everything to protect that person when I look in their eyes.
Surprise! I did it all. And that scared me like crazy. I was afraid to become that woman, who was always in pain while i was growing up.
Then you came out with another woman on your arm. You laughed at her like you used to laugh at me. You danced with her the way you used to dance with me. You also introduced her to me. I swear to you I was about to lose my mind.
But that brought me back. Of course, I must not forget Jaida, she was very helpful. I realized that I am not afraid of love enough to afford to lose you, and I love you enough to afford to turn into that woman in pain.
I never lied to you. I wanted to leave you because I'm an idiot.
I don't love you like I used to do, I'm madly in love with you.
And I want you back.
-Gigi. "
***
Gigi had been sitting quietly for several hours in the car with Crystal's drawing in her hand, when her phone rang. Her legs were numb, she could no longer feel her back, but she would not leave the car she parked in front of Crystal’s house until any news came from her.
She took her phone excitedly, and when she saw the name on her phone, she hurried out of the car. She walked back to the house where she had come out a few hours ago. She picked up the phone, "Crys?"
"You—" Crystal's voice stopped, realizing she was crying, "Are you serious?"
"Yes." Gigi said wholeheartedly.
"Oh." She heard Crystal sigh. She could not wait any longer and knocked on the door. She heard Crystal complain over the phone, and the door opened. The brunette girl was staring at her with her phone and letter in her hand, her eyes flushed with crying.
They didn't need to talk any more, because Gigi found Crystal in her arms. Gigi buried her face in the hair she missed so much and started giving kisses.
"You are very stupid." Crystal said, before pulling back, connecting her lips to her lover's.
Gigi felt like she was at home again, her heart was completed again, everything felt right. She pulled her lips and looked at Crystal, "Widow?"
Crystal bit her lower lip and laughed, "Widow is just my friend from high school, she came for visit, there is nothing between us."
Gigi's eyes widened, "So what? Am I jealous of you all night in vain?"
Crystal rose on the tip of her feets and kissed her, "Look now you're here, so it's not in vain."
Gigi could not protest, pushed the girl into her apartment and closed the door. She saw Crystal giggle and go to the bedroom, then quickly followed her girl friend.