at the edge of seventeen
Soulmates. A gift. A present. A constant.
But above all, it’s a commitment that takes a lifetime to perfect. A lot of courage to accept and so much love to cherish.
And luckily, two are strong and courageous enough to keep it.
+
Yujin and Wonyoung both knew that ever since they held hands during Miss Kwon’s music class activity in 3rd grade at 8:08 in the morning, their lives would be tangled perfectly forever. It was not by chance rather by destiny granted upon them by whoever is above. It was the time they both realized what soulmates mean. What they do to each other and how much they are connected. Everything has been knotted by true love thereupon.
+
Yujin was eight when she realized Wonyoung would wait by the balcony for her every day. It is a routine they both unknowingly made. From then on, she would always come exactly at 7:30 in the morning with bagels on hand and a sweet morning smile for her other half. The two would wait for their bus while talking about every random thing. From Wonyoung’s dream last night to Yujin’s unfinished breakfast bowl. It's amazing how both never get tired of each other. The excitement within them is still present. And the longingness for each other's presence daily never falters.
That's when she realized, she wants her in her life for a long time.
She was ten when Wonyoung didn’t show up that morning. The ride to school was lonely, dark and cold. It was quiet and the silence was definitely deafening for a child like her. Different from the ones with Wonyoungie. The bagel turned cold and the sweet smile became bitter. Arriving at school was the same as wanting to go home immediately. How can she wait for dismissal without a certain someone’s nagging to go play tag?
She definitely needed her.
She was twelve when she saw Wonyoung with a boy. She saw love and adoration in that little boy’s eyes. As if her best friend is the most precious thing on earth. She felt jealous. But Wonyoung made everything better. She held Yujin’s hands once again and calmed the brewing storm inside the older one. Her presence brought calmness to Yujin. Her smile warmed her heart. And her eyes? Yujin can see all the stars inside them. And by now, Yujin can pinpoint every single detail Wonyoung possesses. As if all along she knew where the certain missing piece of puzzle belongs. And for her, it’s a lot easier to memorize her soulmate than the multiplication table her mom made her remember.
She wanted her for herself.
She was fourteen when she saw Wonyoung cry. A sight she never wanted to remember nor see again. A feeling she wants to forget. Seeing her cry was feeling her own heart break into million pieces. Seeing her vulnerable was hugging her until all the broken pieces mend together. Seeing her weak was whispering love and promises. But above all, seeing her was loving her stronger and keeping her closer.
She promised to never let her cry again.
She was sixteen when she saw Wonyoung kissing someone at the backdoor of the gym. It was dismissal that time and Yujin went to find her best friend for an after-school ice cream date. She was devastated. Not even the tears can give solace to the emptiness she is feeling. Not even the cup of hot Choco can suffice for the missing sweet presence. It was hurting all too much, more than the time she failed her music class.
I think I love her more than just as my best friend, mom.
+
Parties. Not that Yujin hates them but she’s tired of it. Endless sea of people crowding, mixed scents of unnecessarily expensive perfumes that hide insecurities, lies and lives. Abundance of fake smiles on faces of unfamiliar people. Bone-chilling hugs from known strangers.
It's definitely hell for her. Except for one.
Year-end parties are the most anticipated gathering by the whole school population for two reasons. One because the school’s resident rich couple organizes it and that means endless supply of expensive liquor and a wide array of food suitable for the palate of the wild and young. And second, it’s the only time they can be chaotic without actually getting punishments. An easy excuse to get lost and let loose.
Adding to the million reasons that Minju came up while planning is the fact that her favorite youngsters are going to celebrate their birthdays soon. What better way to celebrate one than a well-planned party with no budget and absolutely parents off-limits?
“Minju, babe, do you think the two would like this?” Chaewon shrugged while looking at all the decorations her girlfriend is putting up.
Much to everyone’s knowledge, the younger duo hates attention. Almost despises it. And would do everything just to stay low-key and out from the prying eyes of the public. But the presence alone of the two are attention grabbers which makes everything a little bit more complicated.
It comes from the constant public appearance for the already damaged images of their conglomerate-leading fathers. They are pawns for pity, for attention and for foolproof forgiveness. And it’s a surprise how both Yujin and Wonyoung grew up without much hatred for their parents because at one point, they were too much to say the least.
Minju just pouted because even she is clueless on how the two would take in what she prepared. But making them attend it is already a win for her, right? It took dozens of pleadings and bribing to get the two in the same boat as them, kind of, slight, 50/50, not totally.
+
The rest of being seventeen was spent admiring her best friend discreetly, memorizing all her laugh lines, the way her eyebrows would furrow and how her smile would turn big every time she tells a joke. And beyond everything, it was spent seeing her love someone else.
Nothing much changed, except for one. How Yujin sees Wonyoung.
Every time that guy would hold Wonyoung’s hand, a ting would be felt on Yujin’s heart.
Every time Wonyoung would choose the tasteless date nights with her ‘friend’ over of their Friday movie nights, Yujin feels a little lonelier.
“Wonyoungah, what do you want to do on our birthday?” Yujin asked her best friend. Fiddling with the pen she is holding. They are inside the library now, attempting to study but failing miserably.
“Hmm? Minju unnie planned a party for us right? Same night as the year end party.” Wonyoung answered mindlessly. Her mind has been all over the place lately, with the finals coming up and some personal issues she’s too afraid to resolve.
“You want to go there? Really? It's gonna be too crowded!” Yujin almost shouted which earned her a glare from the librarian. “Who would want to attend those kinds of parties anyway? All the kids do is grind with each other and share their saliva. Yuck. Ew. Gross.” Making disgusted faces that earned her a smirk from the younger one.
“Yah yah Yujinnie! Where did you learn those things? I thought I’m the only one wild here?” Wonyoung smirked.
For the past year, all Wonyoung did was explore. She met new people that introduced her to things Yujin is not accustomed to. Made her try extraordinaries and gave her a taste of real life. Away from Yujin’s care. Away from their safe bubble. And that changed Wonyoung somehow.
She became smarter. Thinking much more maturely. And became much more careful in general. And that’s because, quote unquote “The real world is a dangerous place, Yujinnie.”
“Okay, okay fine. Minju unnie’s party then. Stop annoying me now.” Yujin rolled her eyes at Wonyoung, making the younger one giggle.
“Yujinnie best unnie!” Wonyoung shouted. She took a chance. It was worth it getting kicked out of the library because Yujin smiled at her just like before.
+
Unknown to the older one, the younger one had her own fair share of misconceptions and doubts. Behind all the acts of kissings, holding hands, meeting new people and exploring are the underlying worry of loving my best friend.
She is too afraid of the what ifs. What if she doesn’t like me the way I like her? What if she stays away from me after telling her? What if we stop being friends after letting her know? All the possible what ifs killed more chances than actually taking the risk. And Wonyoung, of all people, lacks most in the confidence department.
She may appear strong and composed always. But deep down, a baby, a child and a coward lives within.
+
The day Yujin has been dreading has come. She is physically ready but obviously mentally not. Just the thought of socializing with people tires her out. But what Wonyoung wants, Yujin gives. And this time, it’s beyond her safe zone. It's not the first she’ll be attending a house party, there have been some — which she would purposely live the moment she realized how campy and suffocating it is. But this certain one is different. An instinct is telling her something good will happen tonight. Fingers crossed.
“Pick you up at seven. Don’t make me wait, please !! And bring a sweater or something, might be cold tonight. Luv u.” Yujin texted Wonyoung. Making sure the younger one is aware she’s not willing to wait for her stubborn and lazy ass.
Now all she needs to do is wait for the time to clock faster and think about her life decisions by doing so.
Maybe tonight will bring something good to her, to the both of them at least.
And maybe tonight, she’ll be able to pour her heart out without limits to the one who deserves to know it.
Maybe tonight, for once, she can be hers for a short while.
+
Arriving at the party was way way worse than leaving it. Being one of the richest students in school means gathering all the unwanted attention every time. All eyes on them the moment Yujin pulled in front of the Kim’s mansion. And it didn’t help that Wonyoung’s long-list of admirers are all present. They were all looking at them, admiring the beauty of her best friend and absorbing the aura that only the two of them possesses. One has the cool quiet kid everyone adores from afar and the other has the happy-go-lucky energy that brightens everything that she touches, somewhat a fairy in human form with bunny teeth.
“C’mon unnie, they’re waiting for us.” Wonyoung held Yujin’s hands, an act of reassurance that never fails to keep Yujin safe and sound. Because the moment Wonyoung flashed her a smile, everything seemed alright.
Going inside took so much hard work because one, there are actually so many people invited (Didn’t know the Kims are so friendly.) Second, they keep getting stopped for god-knows-what reason and maneuvering in this giant house is hella hard given the fact how intricately it was designed and how many rooms it holds. So much for being rich, Yujin guesses.
“Where the fuck are they?” Yujin said under her breath but enough for Wonyoung to hear. She's getting impatient the longer they stay in this overly-crowded part of the mansion. She needs air, food, water or whatever that can help her stay alive.
“You’re too dramatic! We know these people unnie!” Wonyoung replied, still finding their way to the lead planner of the said party.
“Not we! You only!” Yujin retorted back. Holding Wonyoung’s hand a little tighter than before. She can't risk losing her. Not again. Not this time. Not ever.
+
After so much hard work, complaints from Yujin and optimisms from Wonyoung, they finally found the Kims. Looking a little bit comfier than usual, that is.
“Yah yah yah! The baby is here! Stop being so comfy with each other!” Yujin shouted while covering Wonyoung’s eyes with her spare hand.
The Kims just laughed at them. They should really be used to these by now. All the times Yujin and Wonyoung caught them cannot be counted by hands.
“Took you long to arrive!” Minju commented. Making her way to the two but not forgetting to drag her girlfriend with her.
Without any words said, Minju and Chaewon embraced the two in a warm and tight hug.
Times like these that the two young ones feel safe and secured because the Kims never treated them differently, in their eyes, they are still the little kids they would take care of every weekend. The little kids they would sleep over with. And the little girls they would do anything to protect. The precious gems they wouldn’t trade with anything.
“Your house is so big! What do you expect, unnie?” Yujin snorted. It's an understatement to say it’s big. It’s humongous.
Chaewon ruffled Yujin’s hair and led them to the mini stage in the ballroom. The cakes are waiting for them. And obvious to how Wonyoung’s eyes lit up, she can't wait to eat them.
“Everyone! Please gather around! The birthday girls are going to blow the candles!” Minju announced through the mic, gathering everyone’s attention to them.
Wonyoung noticed how Yujin tensed up, attention was never their thing. So, she squeezed Yujin’s hands and smiled at her. Mouthing ‘Its gonna end soon to her’.
The birthday song played, everyone cheered for the two. Shouts of congratulations and adoration can be heard but, in that moment, the only thing Yujin can hear was her best friend’s laugh. And maybe, just maybe, she now loves parties, as long as Wonyoung is in it.
+
After everyone went back to whatever yolo thing they were doing, Wonyoung led Yujin to the dance floor. She knows how much Yujin loves dancing. How much she enjoys it. And how talented her best friend is.
“Go on! C'mon dance for me Yujinnie! Just pretend we are the only two here!” Wonyoung said.
Whatever Wonyoung wants, she gets it.
So, despite all the eyes watching them, she danced and danced. After all, love is learning to be brave.
The two danced, swirled and jammed to whatever song the DJ was playing.
All is well. Finally.
It didn’t take long for the sweet air to blow by them. Soon enough, hugs are felt. Hands by the waist and by the neck. Just two souls in rhythm with each other, more than they know.
Just like before when they would play pretend together.
Slow dances were never their thing. But right now, it just feels perfect and fit for whatever they are both feeling towards each other.
Slow steps apt for slow progress.
It was weird at first, how Yujin’s hands fit perfectly in the frame of Wonyoung’s waist. Or how Wonyoung’s hands draped around Yujin’s neck feels light, at ease and calm.
Now it's because every piece of the two of them are made for each other. It has always been like that.
Comfortably creeping in, the surrounding was slowly embraced by the music playing. And what are the odds that Electric Love is playing? Yujin’s favorite.
Yujin is not brave. But this time, she will be.
Pulling Wonyoung closer she made sure her warmth was felt by the other one. Both looking straight in the eyes, never in a million years Yujin thought she’ll be able to say these words.
“Wonyoungah, have I told you how much you make my heart beat so fast? How you make me feel at ease just by being here? Or how much I adore your smile? Because if not, here I am telling them to you now.”
“I like how you would smile with your eyes every time you are happy. I like how your laugh sounds so genuine and soft. And how your hugs feel like home. All along I wanted more than just friendship. I wanted to be yours. The reason you smile. The reason you are happy. I wanted to be all your reasons because believe it or not, you are mine.”
Wonyoung was never good with staring and whatnot but Yujin’s eyes hold the universe and all the stars she can't help but get lost in them. Slowly but surely, she leaned in, reaching for the older one’s enticing lips. She's been waiting for this.
The kiss was a surprise to the two of them. It was short, sweet and meaningful.
Maybe it was the heat of the moment but Wonyoung’s lips were cloudy soft and sweet as her favorite strawberry milkshake. Yujin can get used to this.
And just like in her favorite song, she can't and she wouldn’t let go of her now. Not ever.
Wonyoung is the electric love Yujin has welcomed before she even knew about it. She's been struck by it long before. It’s addicting for all the right reasons.
“Yujinnie, I have loved you even before I knew what it meant.” Wonyoung sealed it with a kiss. With an unspoken promise. With a vow of forever.
+
The two left the party after that and escaped the rackety surroundings. All they wanted was to be alone in their bubble.
Yujin drove and drove until the daybreak. Admiring the beauty of the presence beside her.
They sat on the cliff’s edge, holding hands. Admiring the beauty of the rising sun alongside the blossoming feelings of teenagers in love.
Yujin pulled Wonyoung closer to her, hugging the younger one with all the warmth and love she can give.
She whispered, “You're the best birthday gift ever, baby.”
Now she’s sure she needed her in her life. Now everything is crystal clear that they both belong to each other, through and through. Always has been each other's balance wheel. And somehow their presence calms the ever-growing pain of growing up.
+
Everything was falling apart except for one because at the edge of seventeen, she found her home. Her light. And her certain someone.
At the edge of seventeen, she loved someone more than before.
And at the edge of seventeen, she found herself mirrored in another loving and caring human being.
In a world of temporary things, Yujin found her perpetual abode, her soulmate, Jang Wonyoung.
“And maybe, just maybe, the universe really did listen to all my stories about you because right here, right now, you’re mine and you really are the only one.”