The Play
The night of the play. Marinette addresses the audience in a pre-curtain speech
Marinette: Welcome, everybody. Thank you so much for coming to our production of "A Midsummer Nightmare About Zombies". It's been a rough week for all of us at Middleborough. That's why this play is so important – to bring this school together! To show you something special! I know that if Rachel were here, instead of the intensive care unit at Beth Israel, she'd say: "Go out and show everyone the relevant power of live theatre!"
Max: Costumes!
Marinette: Oh... And a special thanks to Hobby Lobby for the costumes.
Backstage at the play. Everyone is getting in and out of costumes
Marinette: Places, everyone! Break a leg!
Kim, on crutches with both legs in casts, glares at her
Kim: Not cool, dude!
He shuffles off as Adrien enters
Adrien: Marinette!
Marinette: Adrien! Where have you been? It's so bad. Max made himself your understudy.
Adrien: Isn't he understudying Rachel?
Marinette: He’s both.
Adrien: Oh God. Look, I've been thinking about what you said at the party—
Marinette: I can't do this now...
Adrien: But I finally understand! You can't go out with anyone because you don't know who you are yet. Right?
Marinette: Yeah, but-
Adrien: Well, I get that! And that's awesome, actually, because I felt that way too! I mean, I didn't realize that's what I felt, I thought it was just about being cool. But it was more than that. It was about being confident, and understanding who I am... And I couldn't have figured that on my own!
Marinette: You're saying... I helped you do that?
Adrien: Not you. This.
He opens his hand...and presents her with a Squip
Adrien: It's from Japan—It's a computer— And it tells you what to do! You'd never have to struggle to figure out what to say, or over analyze some little gestures, ever again. You'd just know. Like play rehearsal. Only it never has to end.
Marinette: Jeremy, that sounds...horrible.
Adrien: Yeah! ...What?
Marinette: Maybe I have stuff to figure out. But I don't need a pill to do it for me!
Adrien: It's not like that! It'll help you to be better—
Marinette: What's wrong with me now?!
Max enters. He’s squeezed himself into a costume
Max: Christine! Props has whipped up a fresh beaker of Puck's Pansy Serum.
He hands her a beaker of yellow-green liquid, then looks to Adrien, embarrassed
Max: Oh...Jeremy. I suppose you'll be wanting your costume back.
He walks away, now struggling to remove the costume
Marinette: I have to go, Jeremy.
She exits with the beaker. Adrien calls out to her
Adrien: Christine, wait! Shit, shit! What did I do?
Nathaniel and Marc appear. They no longer look fully human. The ends of their hair have been dyed white, they have black eye contact lenses, black circuits are painted on their faces, and their voices sound a little distorted
Nathaniel/Marc: It's okay, Jeremy. We anticipated her resistance.
Adrien: Then why did you let me say all that stuff?!
Marc: So you'd see for yourself what's necessary. Not everyone is as open to change as you were. Offering them all a choice would simply delay the result we desire.
Adrien: No, she's right. I don't think I can do this. We should put these back in Rachel’s locker, and—
He pulls out the shoebox. And discovers that it's empty
Adrien: What happened to the rest of the Squips?
Nathaniel: We anticipated your resistance too, Jeremy.
Marc: So we took the decision out of your hands.
Max enters
Max: Places for scene two, people! Remember, once Puck gives you the Pansy Serum, you have to really sell that you're transforming into a zombie! Excellent work, Miss Valentine!
Adrien: Excellent? Chloe’s terrible. She never remembers her...
It dawns on Adrien…
Adrien: Mr. Reyes...what's in the Pansy Serum?
Max: Oh, don't worry about the color. It's perfectly non-toxic. We don't want a repeat of last year's Arsenic and Old Lace debacle. It's just plain old Mountain Dew! Also Jenna Rolan put these Wintergreen Tic-Tacs in the bottom for a little extra flavor.
Adrien: NO! You can't let anyone drink from that beaker!
Max: Don't be silly, it's more than safe. I should know... I tried it myself.
Max, Nathaniel, and Marc lock eyes...
Nathaniel/Marc: Up up down down left right A!
Max twitches and screeches. Shrugging off years of nerdiness
Adrien: I have to get out there—
Max grabs Adrien's arm. He’s surprisingly strong
Max: I can't let you do that, Jeremy.
Adrien: Mr. Reyes?
Max: You needy, pathetic, self-centered students! You think I wanted to teach high school drama? In New Jersey of all places?! My Squip says I can go all the way to Broadway! I just have to make sure you don't ruin my big night!
He exits. Adrien turns to Nathaniel and Marc
Adrien: What are you doing to him?!
Nathaniel: We’re syncing his desires to your own! We now realize: our operating system can only truly be complete when everyone shares a social network.
Backstage, Myléne-as-Titania rehearses her lines. She’s terrible
Myléne: "What...angel wakes me from my... flowery... bed." Ugh, I'm so thirsty.
She goes for the beaker
Adrien: Brooke, no!
Marc holds out a hand to restrain him. Myléne drinks the serum
Myléne: OW!
A spotlight shines on Sabrina, dressed in a purple blouse, black pants, and black pumps
Mylène: "I warn thee, gentle mortal, it's time to FEED again!"
Sabrina leads her away. Adrien turns to Nathaniel and Marc in horror
Adrien: You're going to Squip the whole cast!
Nathaniel: And that's just for starters!
Adrien: That's not what I wanted!
Nathaniel: It's the ONLY way to achieve what you want!
Adrien: I'll fight back. Alcohol messes you up, right? I'll get drunk!
Marc: And we’ll be back when you're sober. Unless you plan to stay wasted forever?
Adrien: You're computers. There has to be some way to turn you off!
Marc: I'd stop there! You don't want to end up like Rachel, do you?
Adrien: Rachel? What did she...
Alix runs across the stage, screaming,
Alix: I NEEEED MOUUUNTAIN DEEEEW REEEEDDD!
Adrien: That's it. Green Mountain Dew activates you. Red shuts you off.
Nathaniel: Why do you think we had it discontinued? To get rid of us now, you'd need a time machine to the 1990's!
Adrien: Or a friend who's so old school, he buys 90's soft drinks from the back room at Spencer's Gifts!
Marc: Too bad you don't have one of those. Anymore.
Adrien frantically pulls out his cell. He struggles to dial a number
Adrien: Michael! Call: Michael! AAH!
Nathaniel tightens his fist, Adrien drops the phone. The fight is now physical, with Nathaniel and Marc battling Adrien for control of his body
Nathaniel/Marc: It's useless resisting, Jeremy! We’re going to improve your life! Even if we have to take over the entire student body to do it!
They fling him across the stage...where he lands at Nino’s feet
Nino:
MICHAEL MAKES AN ENTRANCE!
A more livelier version of ‘Michael in the Bathroom’ plays
Adrien: Michael!
Nino: I was in the audience, thinking, this is really good for a school play. Then I'm like, this is WAY too good for a school play! They've all been squipped, right?
Adrien: You came to see me in the play?
Nino: Even brought my own refreshments!
Nino pulls a bottle of Mountain Dew Red out of his hoodie pouch and holds it up in the air as an angelic choir vocalizes
Adrien: Is that—
Nino: Mountain Dew Red. I told you I did my research.
Adrien: That’s great! Give it to me!
Nino: Okay. Wait. No.
Nino shoves the bottle back in his hoodie pouch
Adrien: But I need it!
Nino: And I need an apology. Bruh, I think that's in order, I mean, you treat me like I don't exist for months, blow me off when I try to help you—
Adrien: Fine! I'm—
Marc: Vocal cords: block!
Suddenly Adrien is unable to speak
Adrien: Saaaaa— Srrrrrr—
Nino: Seriously? Is it that hard to say sorry?
Adrien: YYYYEEEES! C'mon, man, this is important!
Nino: Well, this is important to me!
Adrien: It's a word!
Nino: It's a gesture! Gestures matter!
Adrien: You know something?
Nino: What?!
Nathaniel: Kung Fu fists: activate!
Adrien begins kung-fu fighting Nino, who dodges and ducks as they argue
Adrien: This is so you! You love to feel superior, just because you listen to music on vinyl and eat eel in your sushi and don't care about being popular!
Nino: Of course I care! I just know it's never gonna happen!
Adrien: So you resent me because I wouldn't give up like you did?
Nino: I don't resent you! I'm jealous you try!
Adrien: Well, I'm jealous you don't!
Adrien tackles Nino to the floor, and punches him
Nino: Then why are you hitting me?!
Adrien: I'm not trying to!
Nino: Then don't try harder!
Adrien: It's not me! It's – My – SQUIPS!
He manages to pull himself away, and holds his head in pain
Adriem: Ah! It's taking over my body! I need your help! MICHAEL, I'M SORRY!
Nino runs to Adrien and tries to hold him down, but Adrien flails like a boy possessed. Kim enters on his crutches
Nino: Jake! This is gonna sound weird, but if I hold down Jeremy, can you make him drink this Mountain Dew Red?
He tosses Kim the bottle
Kim: Actually, that doesn't sound weird at all.
Nathaniel/Marc: Up up down down left right A!
Kim/Adrien: Aaahh!!
Nathaniel and Marc lock eyes with Kim, who pours out the bottle and drops it on the floor. From the shadows appears Chloé, dressed in a yellow skater dress, a black leather jacket, and black pumps
Nino/Adrien: NO!
Marc: Oh, Jeremy! Look what you’re making us make you do!
Kim:
I WAS ALREADY PRETTY BOSS BEFORE! NOW I'M TOTALLY BOSS AND THEN SOME MORE!
I'M LIVIN' THE UPGRAAAAADE!!
Plus, check this out.
After a flick of Chloé’s wrist, Kim throws down his crutches to the floor
Adrien: It healed your legs?
Kim: No!... But I can't feel the pain. It's awesome!
LIVIN' THE UPGRADE, UPGRADE!
GOD I LOVE ME!
He runs offstage just as Myléne and Aurore enter. Behind them are Rose and Juleka, dressed in pink and purple jumpsuits, black heels, and black leather jackets
Myléne/Aurore: There you are, Jeremy.
LA LA LA LA LA
LA LA LA LA LA
LA LA LA LA LA
Myléne: I just want you to know, I'm not mad you broke my heart and slept with my best friend.
Aurore: And I'm not mad you dated my best friend and wouldn't sleep with me.
Myléne: He didn't sleep with you?
Aurore: No!
Myléne: He didn't sleep with me!
Aurore: No!
Myléne/Aurore: Oh my God, why was I so jealous of you? You were jealous of me? That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me! Sisters forever! JINX!
The two girls hug
Nino: Ugh.
Adrien: Michael! The bottle! There’s a few drops left!
Nino: How am I supposed to get past them?
Adrien: Apocalypse of the Damned. Level Nine...
Nino/Adrien: "The Cafetorium."
Nino: Got it.
Nino performs an amazing feat of video game-style stealth that allows him to navigate past the Squip zombies and grab the bottle
Nino/Adrien:
FIND THE BAD GUY, PUSH HIM ASIDE, THEN MOVE ON FORWARD WITH YA FRIEND AT YOUR SIDE
IT'S A TWO PLAYER GAME, SO WHEN THEY MAKE AN ATTACK
YOU KNOW YA GOTTA BROTHER GONNA HAVE YA BACK
THEN YA STAY ON TRACK, AND- AH!- REMAIN ON COURSE
IF THEY GIVE YA SMACK YA- GAH!- USE YOUR FORCE
IF YOU LEAVE YOUR BROTHER BEHIND ITS LAME
CUZ IT'S AN EFFED UP WORLD BUT IT'S A TWO-PLAYER GAME, HEY!
Nino grabs the bottle
Nino: Got it!
Alya Césaire appears: the Final Boss. Next to her is Kagami, wearing all black. The only splash of color is her red choker necklace and studded belt
Alya: I know what you're doing, Michael! I know what everyone's doing! ALL THE TIME!!!
Squip Zombies:
I JUST FEEL SO CONNECTED TO YOU GUYS RIGHT NOW!!!!!
Nino: Jeremy! Catch!
Nino throws the bottle to Adrien… Just as the zombies descend on him
Adrien: Michael! No!
Alya approaches Nino with the beaker and forces him to drink the Squipped Mountain Dew. Nino yells out in pain and soon rises. He’s been Squipped
Nino: Jeremy, buddy. Give us the bottle.
Adrien tries to drink from the bottle, but Nathaniel and Marc are physically restraining him
Marc: You don't want to drink that, Jeremy!
Adrien: Why not?!
Nathaniel: Because then you'll never be with her!
The Squip Zombies part, to reveal Marinette. She looks radiant.
Marinette: Jeremy?
Adrien: ...Christine?
Marinette: Did you see me out there? The audience loved me!
Adrien: I... That's great! I mean, of course they did.
Marinette: I'm so glad I found you here. I wanted to apologize.
Adrien: You... Why?
Marinette: Because, silly. You were right. About how it feels. I feel... amazing!
Luka approaches her from behind, wearing a dark blue shirt, black leather jacket, ripped black jeans, and black leather boots. Marinette has been Squipped
Adrien: No!
Marinette:
YOU ARE THE PERSON I WANT TO BE WITH EVERYDAY
AND THIS IS SOMETHING THAT I'VE BEEN AFRAID TO SAY
Adrien: That is not Christine.
Nathaniel: We assure you it is!
Marc: Only her fears and insecurities have been removed.
Marinette:
YOU'RE THE GUY I AM SO KINDA INTO
Students:
(INTO)
Marinette:
THE GUY I AM TOTALLY INTO
Students:
(INTO)
Marinette:
THIS FEELING IS NEW…
Luke gives Marinette a little nudge towards Adrien. She wraps her hands around his shoulders
Marinette:
JEREMY, I LOVE YOU!
Adrien looks at her in awe, and a tint of red appears on his cheeks.
Marc: That's your cue...
Adrien: She'll do whatever I want?
Nathaniel: That's what we promised.
Adrien: Great…
He tilts his head down, and Marinette tilts her head up. They’re about to kiss... But at the last second, Adrien pulls away and hands Marinette the bottle
Adrien: Drink this.
Nathaniel: Whoa! Wait! J-Jeremy! Think about what you're saying!
Marc: Jeremy, if she-!
Marinette drinks the last sip… Nothing happens
Adrien: How do you feel?
Suddenly, Marinette's head snaps down, like a computer powering off
Adrien: Uh... Christine?
Marinette: OW!
Adrien: Oh, God.
Kim/Mylène/Aurore: OW!
Adrien: Oh, God!
Nino/Alya/Max: OW!
Adrien: What did I do?!
Nino: You just deactivated the Squips!
Adrien: OW!
Nathaniel/Marc: NO!
The Squipped students scream and collapse to the floor as the students playing the SQUIPS speak Japanese
WATASHI WA NIHON KARA KIMASHITA! WATASHI WA NIHON KARA KIMASHITA! WATASHI WA NIHON KARA KIMASHITA!
The spotlights go off one by one. Luka, Kagami, Chloé, Sabrina, Rose, Juleka, then finally Nathaniel and Marc...