The Smartphone Hour
The lights dim, then brighten a moment later so the audience sees three beds on the stage. Alya is sitting on the one in the middle, texting on her cell phone
Alya:
OMG CHLO, ANSWER ME.
WHOA, WAIT UNTIL I TELL YOU WHAT I HEARD!
IT'S TOO FUCKED TO TYPE
THIS SHIT IS RIPE
CALL BACK, I'LL YELL YOU EVERY WORD
Aurore, sitting on the bed to the right, hears her phone ringing. She decides whether or not she's gonna pick it up
Aurore:
JENNA ROLAN CALLING
UGH JENNA ROLAN CALLING
JENNA ROLAN CALLING
She answers
HEY
Alya:
OH MY GOD
OH MY GOD
OK SO
AT THE END OF LAST NIGHT'S PARTY
VERY END OF LAST NIGHT'S PARTY
DID YOU SEE RACHEL
Aurore:
OH, I SAW RACHEL
Alya:
SO, SHE'S BEHAVING HAZY
LIKE A TWEAKIN' JUNKY
FLAILING CRAZY
LIKE A FREAKIN' MONKEY
Aurore:
SHE'S GOTTA LEARN TO HANDLE HER HIGH
SHE SHOULDN'T DRINK SO MUCH FOR A SMALL GAL
Alya:
RIGHT, BUT SHE WASN'T DRUNK
Aurore:
THE HELL YOU SAY, JENNA?
Alya:
YO! SHE WASN'T DRUNK
Aurore:
THE HELL YOU SAY, JENNA?!
Alya:
NO!
BECAUSE I HEARD FROM DUSTIN KROPP
RACHEL HAD BARELY TOUCHED THE GIN
WHICH MEANS THAT YOU CAN'T BLAME THE THINGS SHE DID ON ALCOHOL!
IT'S JUST SO TERRIBLE, I DON'T WANT TO RELIVE IT ALL
BUT DO YOU WANT ME TO TELL YOU?
Aurore:
SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT
Alya:
YOU REALLY WANT ME TO TELL YOU?
Aurore:
SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT
Alya:
I'LL TELL YOU CUZ YOU ARE MY CLOSEST FRIEND
Aurore:
NO, I'M NOT
Alya:
YEAH, I KNOW
BUT HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED AT THE PARTY'S END…
RACHEL SET A FIRE AND SHE BURNED DOWN THE HOUSE OH
RACHEL SET A FIRE AND SHE BURNED DOWN THE HOUSE OH!
I THOUGHT I WAS DREAMING
EVERYBODY WAS SCREAMING
WHEN RACHEL SET A FIRE AND BURNED DOWN THE HOUSE
WHEN RACHEL SET A FIRE AND BURNED DOWN THE HOUSE!
Aurore hangs up with Alya, then calls someone else
Aurore:
OMG
BROOKE, ANSWER ME
LOOK, WAIT UNTIL I TELL YOU WHAT I SAW
Mylène, sitting on the bed to the left, rolls her eyes and crosses her arms
Myléne:
IGNORE
Aurore:
AND ALSO
SPACE
AND FROWNY FACE
I'M SORRY THAT JEREMY MADE OUT WITH ME AT THE PARTY BUT IT WAS TOTALLY HIS FAULT AND LETS NOT LET BOYS COME BETWEEN US EVER EVER AGAIN, MKAY? SMILEY FACE, LIPSTICK, KITTEN PAW
Aurore calls. Myléne smiles and picks up
Myléne: Hey!
Aurore: We cool?
Myléne: We are!
Aurore: Okay so—
AT THE END OF LAST NIGHT'S PARTY
VERY END OF LAST NIGHT'S PARTY
DID YOU SEE RACHEL?
Myléne:
NO I WAS CRYING
Aurore:
SHE'S BEHAVING WEIRD
AND I WAS FRIGHTENED
CUZ I FEARED
HER STATE WAS HEIGHTENED
Myléne:
SHE'S GOTTA LEARN TO NOT REALLY SMOKE A LOT
SHE SHOULDN'T GET SO HIGH FOR A TINY GAL
Aurore/Myléne:
SHE'S GOTTA LEARN TO NOT REALLY SMOKE A LOT
SHE SHOULDN'T GET SO HIGH FOR A TINY GAL
Aurore:
RIGHT, BUT SHE WASN'T HIGH
WHICH MEANS THAT YOU CAN'T BLAME THE THINGS SHE DID ON POT
IT WAS SO AWFUL SO I'LL TALK ABOUT IT A LOT!
RACHEL SET A FIRE AND SHE BURNED DOWN THE HOUSE
OH
I THOUGHT I WAS DREAMING
EVERYBODY WAS SCREAMING
WHEN RACHEL SET A FIRE AND BURNED DOWN THE HOUSE
WHEN RACHEL SET A FIRE AND BURNED DOWN THE HOUSE
Some students push the beds off the stage. The girls get up and start texting along with more students
Alya:
HEY, EVERYBODY, HAVE YOU HEARD?
RACHEL SET A FIRE NOW GO SPREAD THE WORD
Aurore:
SENDING A TEXT!
All:
TEXT!
Aurore:
SENDING A TWEET!
All:
TWEET!
Aurore:
SENDING A TEXT!
All:
TEXT!
Aurore:
TWEET!
All:
TWEET!
RELEASE THE INFORMATION
STEP AND REPEAT
Myléne:
I'LL SPREAD THE WORD
All:
WORD
Myléne:
THAT RACHEL IS FLECKED
All:
FLECKED?
Myléne:
NO I WROTE FUCKED
DOES THAT SAY FLECKED?
SORRY, GUYS, IT'S JUST MY AUTO CORRECT
All:
ALWAYS BE AWARE OF AUTO CORRECT
R-A-C-H, CAN YOU SEE?
JUST HOW MUCH I CARE ABOUT YOUR TRAGEDY?
I CHANGED MY PROFILE PIC TO YOU
NOW I FULLY UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH
R-A-C-H, WOW, IT'S A DRAG
I READ SHE READ THEY READ YOU'RE IN A BODY BAG
R-A-C-H, DAMN, CAN YOU SEE?
JUST HOW MUCH I LOVE YOUR TRAGEDY?
HI (HI)
YO (YO)
SUP (SUP)
SUP (SUP)
FIRE!
TEXT IT
TEXT IT
PASS IT
TALK IT
READY? OKAY!
HERE WE GO!
RACHEL SET A FIRE AND SHE BURNED DOWN THE HOUSE
OH!
RACHEL SET A FIRE AND SHE BURNED DOWN THE HOUSE
IT WAS SO TERRIBLY GORY
I GOT THE WHOLE BLOODY STORY
AND YEAH, I WASN'T QUITE THERE
BUT I KNOW WHAT HAPPENED, I SWEAR
WHEN RACHEL SET A FIRE AND SHE BURNED THE HOUSE DOWN
WHEN RACHEL SET A FIRE AND SHE LEVELED THE TOWN
WHEN RACHEL SET A FIRE THEN SHE FLED TO BOMBAY
WHEN RACHEL SET A FIRE CUZ SHE KNEW SHE WAS GAY
WHEN RACHEL SET A FIRE AND SHE MELTED HER HEAD
WHEN RACHEL SET A FIRE AND IS TOTALLY DEAD
WHEN RACHEL SET A FIRE AND SHE BURNED DOWN THE HOUSE
WHOA
YEAH YEAH YEAH
DID YOU HEAR? DID YOU HEAR?
WHOA WHOA WHOA
DID YOU HEAR? DID YOU HEAR?
YEAH YEAH YEAH
DID YOU HEAR? DID YOU HEAR?
WHOA WHOA WHOA
DID YOU HEAR? DID YOU HEAR?
THAT RACHEL SET A FIRE AND SHE BURNED DOWN THE
RACHEL SET A FIRE AND SHE BURNED DOWN THE
RACHEL SET A FIRE ANDS SHE BURNED DOWN THE HOUSE
Alya/Aurore/Mylène: SHE TOLD ME CUZ SHE'S MY BEST FRIEND
All: RACHEL SET A FIRE AND SHE BURNED DOWN THE HOUSE!
SEND!
END!
Alya, Aurore, and Mylène pose with their phones raised in the air The audience claps and cheers as the lights dim.