More Than Survive
A spotlight shines on Adrien. He’s seated at a desk, and in front of him is a laptop. He's furiously waiting for something to load. The audience get the impression it might be homework or something huge...
Adrien:
C-C-C-C'MON, C-C-C-C'MON, GO GO
C-C-C-C'MON, C-C-C-C'MON, GO GO
I'M WAITING FOR MY PORNO TO LOAD
MY BRAIN IS GONNA FRIKKIN EXPLODE
AND NOW OF COURSE IT'S TIME TO HIT THE ROAD
WHICH MEANS I'LL BE UNCOMFORTABLE ALL DAY
He gets up, picks up a blue cardigan that was on the floor and puts it on, followed by a pair of blue jeans and converse
BUT THAT REALLY ISN'T SUCH A CHANGE
IF I'M NOT FEELING WEIRD OR SUPER STRANGE
MY LIFE WOULD BE IN UTTER DISARRAY
CUZ FREAKING OUT IS MY OK
GOOD MORNING, TIME TO START THE DAY
C-C-C-C'MON, C-C-C-C'MON, GO GO
C-C-C-C'MON, C-C-C-C'MON, GO GO
The scene changes to a bathroom. Adrien looks at himself in the mirror. Lifts up his shirt to check for muscles. Ivan, dressed in a white t-shirt and red boxers enters
Adrien: Dad! Haven't you heard of privacy?
Ivan: We're all men in this house. Pretend we're in the army.
Adrien: Just... When I get home... Please have pants on. Okay?
Ivan salutes him
Ivan: Ten-hut.
Ivan walks away. Students place chairs in a row and sit while Adrien continues singing
Adrien:
NOW SHOULD I TAKE THE BUS OR WALK INSTEAD?
I FEEL MY STOMACH FILLING UP WITH DREAD
WHEN I GET NERVOUS MY WHOLE FACE GOES RED
DUDE, WEIGH THE OPTIONS CALMLY AND BE STILL
Adrien walks by the students, each are doing their own thing. Listening to music, putting on makeup, etc.
A JUNIOR ON THE BUS IS KILLER WEAK
BUT IF I WALK WHEN I ARRIVE I'M GONNA STRAIGHT-UP REEK
AND MY BOXERS WILL BE BUNCHY AND MY PITS WILL LEAK OH, GAH, I WISH I HAD THE SKILL
TO JUST BE FINE AND COOL AND CHILL
I DON'T WANT TO BE A HERO
JUST WANNA STAY IN THE LINE
I'LL NEVER BE A ROB DENIRO
FOR ME, JOE PESCI IS FINE
AND SO I FOLLOW MY OWN RULES AND I USE THEM AS MY TOOLS
TO STAY ALIVE
I DON'T WANT TO BE SPECIAL, NO NO I JUST WANNA SURVIVE
Students buzz around and sing along with him
Adrien/Students:
C-C-C-C'MON, C-C-C-C'MON, GO GO
C-C-C-C'MON, C-C-C-C'MON, GO GO
Adrien goes to a row of lockers, where Aurore and Myléne gossip. Alya is trying to wedge her way into the conversation
Aurore: So Jenna Rolan said Madeline told Jake, "I'll only have sex with you if you beat me at pool." And then she lost at pool. Deliberately!
Myléne: That is so awesome
Aurore: Brooke!
Myléne: I mean slutty!
Alya: And then Madeline was all—
Aurore: I'm telling this story, Jenna!
Aurore sees Adrien and steers the girls away
Aurore: Oh my God. He is like totally getting off on that.
Adrien runs into Alix
Alix: Yo, don't touch me, tall-ass!
Adrien: Sorry, I was just... trying to get to my...
Alix turns him against a locker and writes something on his backpack with a marker
Adrien: ... Locker!
Alix: You wash that off, you're dead!
Kim walks down the hall. Alix greets him with a fist bump
Alix: Jakey D! What's the story with Madeline?
Kim: Hey, I shouldn't say. But it's a good thing I rock at pool.
The two go off together. Adrien waits until they're gone before turning around
Adrien:
I NAVIGATE THE DANGEROUS HALL
FOCUS ON A POSTER THERE ON THE WALL
AVOIDING ANY EYE CONTACT AT ALL
AND TRYING HARD TO REMAIN UNSEEN
THE POSTER'S CLOSER NOW, AND WHAT DOES IT SAY?
IT'S A SIGN-UP FOR THE AFTER SCHOOL PLAY...
IT'S A SIGN-UP SHEET FOR GETTING CALLED GAY
AND THAT'S NOT WHAT I NEED RIGHT NOW, AND SCENE I HANG A LEFT AND THERE'S
There’s Marinette drinking water from a fountain. Adrien is transfixed
Adrien:
CHRISTIIIIIINE...
CHRISTIIIIIINE...
CHRISTIIIIIINE...
CHRISTIIIIIINE...
CANIGULA.
CHRISTIIIIIINE...
Marinette: Excuse me…
Adrien snaps out of the hypnotic moment when Marinette calls for him
Adrien: Yeah?
Marinette: Uh, I think someone wrote "BOYF" on your backpack?
Adrien quickly takes off his backpack and looks at it. Indeed, Alix had wrote the letters "B-O-Y-F"
Adrien: I... Uh...
Adrien bolts, leaving Marinette confused. With a shrug, she skips away. Adrien return as the stage hands turn the hallway into a cafeteria setting before running off.
Adrien:
OH THAT WAS SMOOTH, YEAH THAT WAS SUPER PIMP
MY MACK DADDY GAME COULDN'T BE MORE LIMP
NO TIME TO WALLOW, NO, INSTEAD
JUST CLEAR YOUR BRAIN AND MOVE AHEAD
ACCEPT THAT YOU'RE ONE OF THOSE GUYS WHO'LL BE A VIRGIN 'TILL HE DIES
Adrien grabs a lunch tray off of a table. The students once again dance around him.
Adrien:
I DON'T WANT TO BE A BALLER
JUST WANT SOME SKILLS TO COUNT ON
IF MY NUTS WERE ANY SMALLER
THEY WOULD BE TOTALLY GONE
IF I CONTINUE AT THIS RATE
THE ONLY THING I'LL EVER DATE
IS MY MACBOOK PRO HARD DRIVE
I DON'T WANNA TO BE CLOONEY, NO NO
I JUST WANNA SURVIVE
The students clear the way as reggae music plays
Adrien: Michael!
Nino dance-walks over to Adrien
Nino:
JEREMY, MY BUDDY, HOW'S IT HANGING? LUNCH IS BANGING
HAD MY SUSHI, GOT MY SLUSHY AND MORE
He takes a sip of his cherry slushy
Nino:
THE ROLL WAS NEGIMAKI AND I'M FEELING PRETTY COCKY
CUZ THE GIRL AT SEV ELEV GAVE ME A GENEROUS POUR
Adrien: You're listening to Bob Marley again, aren't you?
Nino:
OH! I'M LISTENING TO MARLEY, AND THE GROOVE IS HELLA GNARLY
AND WE'RE ALMOST AT THE END OF THE SONG
YEAH, THAT WAS THE END, NOW TELL ME FRIEND,
HOW WAS CLASS, YOU LOOK LIKE ASS, WHAT'S WRONG?
Adrien shows him his backpack
Adrien: "BOYF", what does that even mean?
Nino turns his own backpack around, to reveal someone has written: "RIENDS". Together, the bags spell "BOYFRIENDS." Nino grins and takes a selfie
Nino: My mothers would be thrilled!
Adrien: I hate this school. So, I wrote Christine a letter telling her how I feel.
Nino: That's progress!
Adrien: Yeah, I tore it up and flushed it.
Nino rolls his eyes as he takes another sip of his slushy. They walk over to a lunch table and take their seats.
Adrien: That's still progress.
Nino: It's all good. I saw on Discovery, that humanity has stopped evolving.
Adrien: That's good?
Nino: Evolution's survival of the fittest, right? But now, because of technology...you don't have to be strong to survive. Which means there's never been a better time in history to be a loser! So own it! Why try to be cool when you can be—
Adrien sees Marinette slowly approaching the sign-up sheet being held up by a stage hand wearing all black.
Adrien: Signing up for the play!
Nino: I was gonna say "getting stoned in my basement", but—
Now Nino sees Marinette
Adrien: No! Look who’s signing up for the play!
CHRISTIIIIIINE...
Nino:
CHRISTIIIIIINE...
Adrien/Nino:
CHRISTIIIIIINE... CHRISTIIIIIINE...
CANIGULA!
Kim and Alix pick up Marinette and carry her over to the sign-up sheet so she can sign it.
Adrien/Nino:
CHRISTIIIIIINE...
CHRISTIIIIIINE...
CHRISTIIIIIINE...
Kim and Alix set her down in the middle of the stage, and everyone gathers around her
Everyone:
CHRISTIIIIIINE CANIGULA
CHRISTIIIIIINE... CANIGULA!
Adrien slowly walks to the sign-up sheet
Adrien:
I FEEL MY BODY GET UP FROM THE CHAIR
I SEE MY CONVERSE WALKING OVER THERE
I TAKE A SHAKY BREATH AND I PREPARE
WHO CARES IF PEOPLE THINK I'M LAME
CHRISTINE SIGNED, I'LL DO THE SAME
I GRAB THE PEN, I WRITE MY NAME
As soon as he signs, Alix shouts out:
Alix: GAAAAYYY! Hahaha!
The students laugh
Aurore: I like gay people.
Adrien:
I'M NEVER GONNA BE THE COOL GUY
I'M MORE THE ONE WHO'S LEFT OUT
OF ALL THE CHARACTERS AT SCHOOL
I AM NOT THE ONE WHO THE STORY'S ABOUT
WHY CAN'T SOMEONE JUST HELP ME OUT
AND TEACH ME HOW TO THRIVE
HELP ME TO MORE THAN SURVIVE
MORE THAN SURVIVE
MORE THAN SURVIVE
Everyone joins in, as the general hustle of school commences
Adrien: IF THIS WAS AN APOCALYPSE
I WOULD NOT NEED ANY TIPS
IN HOW TO STAY ALIVE
BUT SINCE THE ZOMBIE ARMY'S YET TO DESCEND
AND THE PERIOD IS GOING TO END
I'M JUST TRYING MY BEST TO PASS THE TEST
AND SURVIVE
EVERYONE:
C-C-C-C'MON, C-C-C-C'MON, GO GO (SURVIVE)
C-C-C-C'MON, C-C-C-C'MON, GO GO
C-C-C-C'MON, C-C-C-C'MON, GO GO
GO GO GO GO
GO GO GO GO
GO GO GO GO
The crowd cheers and applauded as the students prepare for the next scene