Hawke hadn't stopped crying. It had been three days and she still hurt. She sipped her tears away as quickly as they fell. She had sent letters to everyone about her Mabari's death. her heart ached the same way it did when she lost her parents and brother. Bethany had quickly sent a tear stained letter saying she was close and would be back to Kirkwall in a few days. Their Snuggles was already cremated and her ashes besides mothers. Snuggles had been with her since she was a young girl and survived Ostagar with her and Carver. fifteen years had this old girl been with her. only to slip away in here sleep while Hawke was away.
Hawke jumped when someone lightly knocked on her bedroom door.
"Come in," Hawke sniffled and wiped her eyes and a large green pair peeked around the door. Hawke forced a small smile as Merrill entered the room. Merrill sat on the bed and rest her head on Hawke's shoulder.
"I'm sorry about Snuggles." Merrill said with tears in her eyes. Merrill had been gone for a few weeks and only just returned. "Avaline told me. how did it happen?" Fresh tears rolled down her face and she wiped her eyes furiously to clear her vision.
"She was old and just laid down in front of the fire place." Hawke began. "she had been sleeping a lot lately so I didn't think anything of it when I left. I told her I would be right back. I was later then I thought I would be." her tears came harder. "I didn't get to say good bye" Merrill pulled Hawke into her arms as she cried. "I still her her nails on the floor in the morning asking to be let out" Hawke cried hard as Merrill let her own tears flow.
"She was the kindest of all the Mabari in all of Thedas." Merrill ran her fingers through Hawke's hair. "Even the city guards are even mourning her." Merrill told her and Hawke cried. "and for a scary Mabari Snuggles really suited her." Hawke chuckled sadly.
"Thats how she got her name," Hawke sat up wiping her eyes. "Carver hated the name. he wanted to name her something more Mabari like." Hawke chuckled again. "year later he nearly fought the kennel master at Ostagar for mocking her name. Snuggles was even a spoiled her then. Carver since she was a puppy always picked her up and held her. like she was this tiny lap dog." Merrill smiled at that. "Did I ever tell you how she used to steal the socks right off your feet?" Hawke asked Merrill with a sad smile.
"She did?" Merrill smiled at that her green eyes already red with tears. Hawke nodded
"When she was still a puppy she enjoyed chewing socks. She especially loved stealing them off your feet and always did it when you were sleeping. Father always told mother that she would grow out of it. That didn't stop mother being furious with Snuggles though. Mother wanted to leave her or give her to someone more familiar with Mabari"
"What changed you mother's mind?"
"She started growling and barking one day we had her for a year at this point. this was the first time she was ever very aggressive. turned out a templar had been spying on Bethany and not on business. Snuggles nearly ripped a new on in him."
"She had Always been the best judge of character then," Merrill smiled.
"she is...was" fresh tears rolled down Hawke's face. "She was happy wasn't she Merrill?"
"Of course she was. Everyone loved her Ma vhenan, She was loved and happy." Merrill wiped her own eyes. "I will miss her friendly smile. I always heard dogs couldn't smile. But she could smile"
"and when she smiled while doing her little excited dance."
"and her toe nails clicked on the floor." Hawke cried harder.
"why do I feel so guilty Merrill?" Once again Merrill pulled her into her arms.
"Marian she was old how were you supposed to know her time would come?"
"if I had known I would have stayed I would have held onto her longer."
"if we all knew we would all have been here. Bethany, Varric, Fenris, Isabella, Avaline and the rest of the city guard. even Anders would have been here if he could."
"I want her back so much" Marian cried hard into her girlfriend's shoulder.
"I know" Merrill held her tight. "but she's with your parents and carver now."
"and all the kittens she fostered" Hawke smiled.
"kittens?" Merrill wasn't sure she was making things up now.
"well it was one it was this scrawny thing that Bethany had found. it's mother rejected it and Bethany brought it home and Snuggles took to it instantly and helped Bethany care for it." Merrill smiled.
"she was sweet."
"the sweetest and always wanted to be pet and cuddled" Hawke sat there in Merrill's arms. "I always thought I would be here Merrill. That one day we just wake up she'd be at the foot of the bed or in front of the fire place and she'd be gone. I just thought I would be here. I didn't want her to be alone."
"she probably thought she would see you when she woke up," Hawke shook her head. Merrill cringed realizing that may not have been the best this to say.
"when will this stop hurting Merrill?" Merrill ran her fingers through Hawkes hair.
"you know just as well as i. it takes a long time for the hurt to stop. but you'll always miss them. Snuggles had been with you since Lothering. she's been with you for fifteen years thats a long life and any Mabari would have loved to be as spoiled and to have such a peaceful death. She never went Hungry or unloved. Take solace in that Ma vhenan." Hawke sniffled and wiped her runny nose. "I know you wanted more time with her. but sometimes we don't get the closer we need. but one day you'll look on those day with fondness and yes you'll still miss her. but you'll smile and the pain won't be as bad. maybe you'll still shed tears. But not as much as now. and one day you'll be with her again." Hawke smiled through her tears.
"thank you Merrill," Merrill kissed her girlfriend's forehead.
"but for right now cry as much as you can when you feel like it. I'll be right here where I'm needed."